Brief Critique of the J. Daly editorial: Does Casual Sex Empower Women?

Brief Critique of the J. Daly ed: Does Casual Sex Empower Women?

In the midst of looking up Jim Daly’s contact information (so I could tweet him a link of my previous page), I found this linked to on his Twitter page (he wrote it):

(Link) Does Casual Sex Empower Women? by Daly

Here is the part that caught my attention:

    The cultural impact of casual sex

    Sadly, the cheapening of sex is having a long-term impact on marriage… which, in turn, negatively impacts parenting. It’s a tragic chain-reaction of events that work together to undermine the institution of family.

I know that Focus on the Family has a new family-centric film to promote ((Link): unfortunately), and I see the heading there says “cultural impact,” but Mr. Daly, the fact is, some women never marry and never have children, including Christian women.

The Bible does not say God promises all women a marriage partner not even the ones who pray for one and who want one.

If you see my previous post (link), you can see the stats on the number of singles in America.

Many women today are staying single these days, some against their wishes.

(That’s right, the typical conservative Christian canard that women are choosing to stay single because they hate marriage, hate men, or put career above marriage, or had tons of marriage proposals but turned them all down because they were too picky, are false).

There are plenty of Christian women such as myself (though I am half-agnostic now), who were raised in church and by Christian parents to expect, plan for, and count on marriage.

I had hoped for marriage. I still find myself single. I did not plan on being never-married into my 40s. I may never marry.

I am still a virgin. I have never had children.

The church does not support adult virginity – they ignore or shame adult celibate singles (a few links with examples of that can be found at the end of this post, and all over this blog if you search).

It makes no sense, and I see no biblical support, to suggest the only or main reason to argue against casual sex is on the basis of how it may “impact marriage and family.”

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TBN Devotes Entire Nov 19, 2013 Praise the Lord Show To Marriage – They Never Devote Entire PTL to Singles – Common for Married Christians and Parents To Be Self Absorbed

TBN Devotes Entire Nov 19, 2013 Praise the Lord Show To Marriage – They Never Devote Entire PTL to Singles

Today’s PTL (Praise the Lord) on the TBN Christian network is hosted by Kathy and Mike Hayes, with a panel of other preaching couples.

One of my un-favorite married people was on this show, too, with his wife – the guy who thinks that unmarried people are not quite as valuable as married people (see links at the bottom of this post for more about that). His name is Jimmy Evans.

Christian marital advisor Mark Gungor was also on this episode.

The entire 2 or 3 hour program has been about marriage and marital issues.

In the 8, 9, some odd years I have watched Christian networks (and I watch them a lot, so I’m quite familiar with their shows), this is probably the fourth or fifth all-marriage related Praise the Lord episode I’ve seen.

Other PTL episodes have had guests who discuss marriage, though those particular episode (unlike tonight’s) were not 100% devoted to the topic.

TBN has even had Christian guru Mark Gungor on a couple of other PTL episodes discussing nothing but marriage.

I have yet to see an episode devoted to the UN-married, to the singles or the childless and childfree.

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Christian TV Personality ( Jimmy Evans ) Says You Cannot Meet God’s Destiny For Your Life Without A Spouse = Anti Singleness Singlehood Singles Bias Prejudice Making Idol out of Marriage

Christian TV Personality ( Jimmy Evans ) Says You Cannot Meet God’s Destiny For Your Life Without A Spouse

Wow, the anti-singleness was astounding.

Previously, Jimmy Evans taught that Un-married people only have “half a brain” and need a spouse to have a complete brain (see links at bottom of this post for more on that).

Jimmy Evans, host of “Marriage Today” (or whatever the Christian show is called, their site is here, (Link): Marriage Today.com), was saying in a broadcast today that you cannot meet God’s destiny for your life without a spouse.

He did pause to say one time during this show – one time: “Unless God has called you to singleness, God can do…” then he trailed off.

But he immediately repeated two or three more times, “You cannot meet your destiny without your [or without "A"] spouse…” and, “God said it is not good for a person to be without a spouse…”

Tossing out the very brief, one line disclaimer about “God calling some people to singleness…” does not diminish the emphasis this speaker, Evans, kept putting on the idea that people need mates, romantic partners, to “meet their destiny” in life, as he repeated this line several times, as well as the bit from Genesis about “it is not good for a man to be alone.”

And when he quoted that bit from Genesis, he was framing it to mean marriage specifically, not just relationships in general, such as friendship.

It is like the marriage- obsessed preachers who assuage any guilt they have before giving a ten week marriage sermon series by saying at the start to their audience, “Hey, if you are single now, this marriage series can still benefit you.” See this post: (Link): The Obligatory, “Oh, but if you’re single you can still benefit from my marriage sermon” line

God does not call people to singleness. God lets each person decide if he or she wants to marry or remain single. The fact that I am 40ish and still single, despite wanting marriage, does not mean by fiat I am “gifted by God to be single.” That is a load of crap.

(Link): There is no such thing as a “Gift of Singleness” or “Gift of Celibacy”

God did not “call me to singleness,” so I find it deeply insulting for a Christian guy on a TV show to say that I cannot meet my destiny in life if I do not have a husband.

Most recent census data revealed that 44% of the AMerican populatin past age 18 is SINGLE, and this would include Baptist and evangelical Christians who are over age 30 who have NEVER MARRIED or had sex. Yet, these preachers keep lecturing everyone about marriage.

It’s about time preachers shut up about marriage and address the particular concerns singles face as singles, and that does NOT mean sermons about pre-marital sex being a ‘no no,’ or sermons about “how to attract a mate when you get one.”
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Related material on other sites:

(Link): Driscoll: Single men “cannot fully reflect God”
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Related posts on this blog:

(Link): According to Pastor ( Jimmy Evans ) It Takes One Man and Woman Married To Equal A Whole – so where does that leave Christian singles ? / Too Much Sex Talk

(Link): ‘God’s Purpose for Women,’ by Matthew Hagee – Hagee Teaches that Single Unmarried Women Do Not Have a Purpose in Life God has no purpose for singles

(Link): Book: ‘Feminine By Design’ – Married People (supposedly) Fully Reflect God – Singles Do Not

(Link): Why Un-married / Single Christians Should Be Concerned about the Gender Role Controversy (i.e., Male Headship, Female Submission, Should Women Be Allowed to Lead/Teach Men, etc)

(Link): There is No Such Thing as a Gift of Singleness or Gift of Celibacy or A Calling To Either One

(Link): The Gift of Singleness – A Mistranslation and a Poorly Used Cliche’

(Lies): Lies The Church Tells Single Women (by Sue Bohlin)

According to Pastor – Jimmy Evans – It Takes One Man and Woman Married To Equal A Whole – so where does that leave Christian singles ? / Too Much Sex Talk | Making Marriage into an Idol Marriage Idolatry Anti Singles Singlehood Singleness Unmarried Bias Prejudice

According to Pastor It Takes One Man and Woman Married To Equal A Whole – so where does that leave Christian singles ? / Too Much Sex Talk

I’m typing this as I’m watching a Christian show by a guy. I will be referring to him as a preacher, but I think he may just be a talk show host and author; I’m not sure. His site is “marriage today.com.” His name is Jimmy Evans. His wife’s first name is Karen.

I have a couple of points of disagreement with this guy, and one area of agreement.

Evans is repeating the old cliches that men are visually responsive, men turn on instantly, while women are emotionally responsive. (Which is not true – a lot of women are in fact “visual” – (Link): please see this link for more, as well as additional links at the bottom of this post.)

I concede that men and women are not identical in some areas, and that there is a certain amount of truths in those cliches, but this trope about men being “more sexual” and “more visual” while women have no interest in sex and are not visually stimulated needs to die – because it’s not entirely true, not true for all women, or is exaggerated.

Most men may want to have sex more often than most women, but it does not follow from this that all women always want is a cuddle or to read romance novels – and this is the assumption made by male pastors giving marital sex sermons.

Now the preacher, Evans, is explaining that “men are half, women are half, it takes a (married) man and woman together to equal a whole.”

Evans also said it takes half his brain and half his wife’s to equal a whole brain.

I, your blog author, Christian Pundit, have never married, I am alone, so is Evans saying I have only “one-half a brain” and I am not whole as I am? That is not only insulting, but the Bible says singles are whole on their own.

The Bible does not teach that an unmarried person is incomplete, lacking, or less human than people in a married partnership. Yet, Evans seems to be teaching these concepts, and it was one of the more troubling aspects of his sermon.

For people who complain that preachers don’t talk about sex enough – spare me. The opposite is true. This guy I’m watching now, Evans, even went so far as to use the phrases “oral sex,” “sex toys” and “the missionary position.”

He just over shared that his wife Karen has always “met his sexual needs.” I don’t need to know that specifically about him.

The only kudo I can give this preacher guy: he is now lecturing married couples to be sexually pure. He told them to stay away from dirty sites, don’t fantasize about other people, control your thought life.

That is rare. Often, when sexual purity is discussed, it is only assumed by preachers that unmarried people commit sexual sin. It’s assumed that because married people are getting their sexual needs met, they have no cause to commit fornication – this is false.

I disagree with this pastor about his point of “don’t develop emotional relationships” with people outside of marriage.

Sorry, as a single woman, I get isolated and lonely in part because married people will not befriend me because it’s assumed either I am a temptress, or that married men are horny bastards who will make the move on every unmarried woman they meet.

Evans says according to some survey he read, that 90% of married Christian women admit to being attracted to someone other than their husband. Interesting point for several reasons.

I agree with Evans that a husband needs to meet the woman’s emotional needs and pursue her and romance her outside the bedroom. That is very important.

Now TMI (too much information): he mentioned “quickies” – yes, he used that very word – in the context of, “you know guys, sometimes sex in the morning is the best time to have sex.” Really dude, I don’t need to know that you personally enjoy sex in the mornings. Eww.

Evans briefly, very briefly, spent some time telling married men to stop comparing women to women in dirty magazines, one reason being that pr0n (pr0n = dirty magazines, films, sites) spreads the lie that all women are 100% sexual and do not have emotional needs.

There is a lot of truth in that, I suppose, and while I did not whip out a stop watch to time how long he spent on this topic, it seemed to me he spent longer chastising married women over romance novels, much more than he did over men who look at pr0n.
Please click the “read more” link below to read the rest of the post…

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Topics Preachers Should or Shouldn’t Mention When Discussing Singlehood

Here are a few suggestions as to what I think Christian pastors and Christian talk show hosts should (or should not) preach or discuss when addressing Christian singlehood.*

Sex, Sex, Sex and More Sex

I think sex is one topic that Christian pastors need to stay away from when talking to or about singlehood, or they need to stop lecturing about it as often as they do.

Anytime pastors or Christian personalities (such as people who host Christian television shows) do bother to address singles (usually they’re fixated on married life, unfortunately), it’s usually nothing more than to issue dire warnings about not giving in to sexual sin.

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