Should Christian Women Marry Non Christian Men? (discussed at another blog)
All right, here’s a topic that is recurring on my blog here. It’s being discussed at SSB, Spiritual Sounding Board here:
(Link): Learn to Discern: Who would you choose to marry, an abusive Christian or a kind and gentle unbeliever?
Yes, Christian men can be abusive, or negligent, or raging porn addicts – even ones who work as preachers.
I routinely blog such examples, many of which can be found in these two posts (both threads contain examples of Christians who abuse, murder, molest, etc):
(Link): Marriage Does Not Make People More Loving Mature Godly Ethical Caring or Responsible (One Stop Thread)
-contains examples of news stories of Christian men who murder their wives, molest kids, rob stores, etc.
(Link): Parenthood Does Not Make People More Loving Mature Godly Ethical Caring or Responsible (One Stop Thread)
-contains examples of news stories of Christian men arrested for rape, molesting, etc
I have been to blogs for Christian women who divorced their abusive husbands.
I seriously doubt that any of these Christian women intentionally wanted to marry a fraud, a man who claimed to be Christian but really was not.
I doubt these women sought to marry a self-professing Christian who would abuse them, or turn out to be a pedophile or whatever.
I’m sure these women probably prayed before they married, “Lord, show me your will, is this man the one? Should I marry this one or not?” – etc.
They probably prayed about it, felt okay about marrying the guy, the guy appeared to be Mr. Nice Christian, he attended church weekly, carried a Bible under one arm, and gave sandwiches to homeless people and rescued kittens from trees… yet, after marriage, these women saw that the guy was not the same behind closed doors as he was in public.
He was abusive, or hooked on porn, or was a serial adulterer.
No Christian woman knowingly wants to marry a guy who has those issues.
Christian women who believe strongly in “be equally yoked” don’t want to marry a pervert or an abusive man, but devout Christian women end up marrying these jerks all the time. I have seen it time and time again on forums and blogs the last several years.
I’m sure these Christian women have nothing wrong with their discernment skills. I don’t know why, if there is a God, he permits these trusting, faithful women to end up with perverts or abusers for spouses.
I started out a wide-eyed, sincere, devout Christian and remained fully on board with all things conservative Christian until about a year or two ago, where I’ve been working through the faith, thinking do I want to stay in it or not.
Now, growing up, I heard from preachers, or read in Christian books, that Christians should only marry other Christians, and the “be not unequally yoked” verse and the like was repeatedly tossed at me. So I sat around, praying and asking God to send Mr. Christian Right into my life.
I was engaged at one stage to a Christian guy but broke things off with him. I dated a guy who may have been marginally Christian – but that he wasn’t a committed Christian enough (if at all; I was unsure -I had met him years prior to meeting my ex-fiance and was much younger at the time) I did not pursue things with him.
So, I find myself still unmarried and in my early 40s. I had wanted to marry by 35 years of age at the latest.
One factor of several that kept me single this long is precisely this dippy “be not unequally yoked teaching.”
For one thing, it is notoriously difficult for a single Christian woman to find single Christian men in churches, and the ones who claim the faith on dating sites tend to be perverts. The ones who do show up at churches tend to be obese or weird.
As so many Christian men are pornography addicts, turn out to be wife abusers, pedophiles, or to seek out prostitutes or have affairs, I see absolutely no sense in Christian single women maintaining the “be equally yoked” teaching.
If you visit the link to the SSB above, you can see a couple of Christian women say they started out married to Christian men, but their Christian spouses turned out to be abusive or jerks, and they married later to Non-Christian guys who treat them a million times better. Proof is in the pudding: you can be just as happy – if not more so – married to a Non-Christian guy as to a Christian one.