Relationship Virgins by B. DePaulo

Relationship Virgins by B. DePaulo

I have a few internet friends who made it to their early 30s and never had a boyfriend, never been on a date. A few of them found this embarrassing.

We do live in a culture that seems to assume everyone has lots of dates as teenagers, but a lot don’t.

Hollywood and TV shows certainly perpetuates this. Almost every show I ever watched had teens on it who were dating. I didn’t start dating until I got out of college, so I never related to the teenybopper crud I saw on TV.

(Link): Relationship Virgins

    Perceptions of romantic relationship virgins are not all bad.

Published on April 5, 2014 by Bella DePaulo, Ph.D. in Living Single

I just learned that there is a name for people who make it to their 20s or beyond without ever having had a romantic relationship. They are called “relationship virgins.” Relationship is a big, inclusive word. It encompasses friendships, family ties, bonds with neighbors and mentors and more, in addition to romantic links. So by my definition, there are no “relationship virgins.” But okay, let’s talk about “romantic relationship virgins.”

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Should Christian Women Marry Non Christian Men? (discussed at another blog) Be Not Unequally Yoked Dangerous Teaching to Single Christian Women

Should Christian Women Marry Non Christian Men? (discussed at another blog)

All right, here’s a topic that is recurring on my blog here. It’s being discussed at SSB, Spiritual Sounding Board here:

(Link): Learn to Discern: Who would you choose to marry, an abusive Christian or a kind and gentle unbeliever?

Yes, Christian men can be abusive, or negligent, or raging porn addicts – even ones who work as preachers.

I routinely blog such examples, many of which can be found in these two posts (both threads contain examples of Christians who abuse, murder, molest, etc):

(Link): Marriage Does Not Make People More Loving Mature Godly Ethical Caring or Responsible (One Stop Thread)

-contains examples of news stories of Christian men who murder their wives, molest kids, rob stores, etc.

(Link): Parenthood Does Not Make People More Loving Mature Godly Ethical Caring or Responsible (One Stop Thread)

-contains examples of news stories of Christian men arrested for rape, molesting, etc

I have been to blogs for Christian women who divorced their abusive husbands.

I seriously doubt that any of these Christian women intentionally wanted to marry a fraud, a man who claimed to be Christian but really was not.

I doubt these women sought to marry a self-professing Christian who would abuse them, or turn out to be a pedophile or whatever.

I’m sure these women probably prayed before they married, “Lord, show me your will, is this man the one? Should I marry this one or not?” – etc.

They probably prayed about it, felt okay about marrying the guy, the guy appeared to be Mr. Nice Christian, he attended church weekly, carried a Bible under one arm, and gave sandwiches to homeless people and rescued kittens from trees… yet, after marriage, these women saw that the guy was not the same behind closed doors as he was in public.

He was abusive, or hooked on porn, or was a serial adulterer.

No Christian woman knowingly wants to marry a guy who has those issues.

Christian women who believe strongly in “be equally yoked” don’t want to marry a pervert or an abusive man, but devout Christian women end up marrying these jerks all the time. I have seen it time and time again on forums and blogs the last several years.

I’m sure these Christian women have nothing wrong with their discernment skills. I don’t know why, if there is a God, he permits these trusting, faithful women to end up with perverts or abusers for spouses.

I started out a wide-eyed, sincere, devout Christian and remained fully on board with all things conservative Christian until about a year or two ago, where I’ve been working through the faith, thinking do I want to stay in it or not.

Now, growing up, I heard from preachers, or read in Christian books, that Christians should only marry other Christians, and the “be not unequally yoked” verse and the like was repeatedly tossed at me. So I sat around, praying and asking God to send Mr. Christian Right into my life.

I was engaged at one stage to a Christian guy but broke things off with him. I dated a guy who may have been marginally Christian – but that he wasn’t a committed Christian enough (if at all; I was unsure -I had met him years prior to meeting my ex-fiance and was much younger at the time) I did not pursue things with him.

So, I find myself still unmarried and in my early 40s. I had wanted to marry by 35 years of age at the latest.

One factor of several that kept me single this long is precisely this dippy “be not unequally yoked teaching.”

For one thing, it is notoriously difficult for a single Christian woman to find single Christian men in churches, and the ones who claim the faith on dating sites tend to be perverts. The ones who do show up at churches tend to be obese or weird.

As so many Christian men are pornography addicts, turn out to be wife abusers, pedophiles, or to seek out prostitutes or have affairs, I see absolutely no sense in Christian single women maintaining the “be equally yoked” teaching.

If you visit the link to the SSB above, you can see a couple of Christian women say they started out married to Christian men, but their Christian spouses turned out to be abusive or jerks, and they married later to Non-Christian guys who treat them a million times better. Proof is in the pudding: you can be just as happy – if not more so – married to a Non-Christian guy as to a Christian one.

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The Hope Of The Pharisees by Ty Grigg (Re: Platonic Male Female Relationships)

The Hope Of The Pharisees by Ty Grigg (Re: Platonic Male Female Relationships)

If you are an un-married woman, you will be isolated in churches, due to evangelical and conservative Christian paranoia that single women are sexual temptresses, and that all men are supposedly incapable of controlling their sexual behavior.

If you are a single woman, you will not be invited over by married couples, if you so much say “Hello, nice weather” to a married man, his paranoid Christian wife will march right up and protectively drape her arm over his to send you the signal “back off hussy, he’s taken.”

The stereotypes about single women being overly sexed harlots (and ones who are particularly anxious to boink married men) exclude them.

(Link): The Hope Of The Pharisees by Ty Grigg (Re: Platonic Male Female Relationships)

Excerpt:

    In the conversation about how men and women relate to one another in the church, our imagination for sin and disaster is much stronger than our imagination for God’s reconciling love and holiness. We are still taking our cues from the old age, not the new. The moral failure story triumphs over the transformation now available in the death and resurrection of Christ.

    If our vision for life in Christ is focused on protecting ourselves from external temptations to sin and our internal evil impulses, then by all means we should adopt the posture of the Pharisees, and defend against all threats – including relationships with the opposite gender.

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Married Father and Baptist Preacher J D Hall – Another Example of How Marriage and Parenthood Does Not Make a Person More Godly or Mature

Married Father and Baptist Preacher J D Hall – Another Example of How Marriage and Parenthood Does Not Make a Person More Godly or Mature

(There is an update at the bottom of this post).

This involves a lot of back story I don’t want to get into because this blog post would be ten pages long.

I am blogging this primarily for adult singles who have felt marginalized or hurt by Christian denominations or churches that treat adult singles as though they have cooties.

I have a somewhat different motivation for blogging about this than other blogs do. There were a few other blogs who addressed the child abuse aspect of the story, that we have an adult (Hall) badgering a teen kid (Braxton Caner) on the internet.

J D Hall is a Calvinist preacher with a blog called “Pulpit and Pen,” a Twitter account, and a group of fan boys who follow him around online who actually refer to themselves as “Pulpiteers.”

At one time, Hall’s groupies were using the #pulpiteer (or “pulpiteers”) hash to follow each other around Twitter. I’m not sure if they still use the “Pulpiteer” label or not. I will continue to refer to them as such.

This group, and a few other people, have a long standing hatred of another guy named Ergun Caner.

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Women in Sao Paulo Must Provide Proof of Virginity to Be Hired as Teachers

Women in Sao Paulo Must Provide Proof of Virginity to Be Hired as Teachers

I’m over 40, still a virgin, because I wanted to wait ’til marriage to have sex but find myself still single. And yet even I, who would pass their stupid virginity tests should I take one, find this bizarre… (And how come the men applying for jobs don’t have to provide proof of virginity?)

Note that one woman, who is 27, said she felt “ashamed” to admit she was still a virgin at age 27 (she did not want to admit to a doctor she was still a virgin).

Lady, you should not feel ashamed for being a virgin at age 27, or 37, or 47, or 57, or 67 or until your death. You express your sexuality any damn way you please, and if that means choosing never to have sex, then that is your right.

And what about women who are not technical virgins because they were raped when younger? I wonder if this nation’s weird, sexist ruling didn’t take that into account? You’re not going to give a woman a job because some pervert raped her previously? Because that sounds like that would be the implication of this rule.

I’m also not clear why people in this country thought this was an appropriate rule? Is it a religious-based thing (is this a predominantly Roman Catholic influenced nation?), or are they just naturally sexist types, or what?

(Link): Anger in Brazil at obstetrics tests for jobseekers

    Aug 2014
    SAO PAULO — Women seeking education jobs in Brazil’s most populous state should not be required to submit to gynecological exams or prove their virginity in order to work, according to women’s rights advocates who denounced the practice on Friday.

    The education department of Sao Paulo state requires female prospective teachers to undergo a pap smear in order to prove they are free of a variety of cancers, or to present a doctor’s statement verifying they have not been sexually active. Until recently, it also required women to have a colposcopy, a type of visual examination used to detect disease.

    The department since at least 2012 has required the exams to show that candidates for long-term teaching positions are in good health and would not take extended or frequent absences to attend to health matters. Critics, however, decried it as an invasion of privacy.

    “It violates women’s rights. It’s very intimate information that she has the right to keep. It’s absurd to continue with these demands,” said Ana Paula de Oliveira Castro, a public defender of women’s issues in Sao Paulo.

    …The public management department for Sao Paulo said that all tests ordered follow the standards and recommendation of the country’s Health Ministry for public servants as well as state law.

    ….While the department requires other health exams, such as a mammography for women and a prostate test for men older than 40, the gynecological exams were criticized as especially invasive.

    The issue came to light this week after a news site interviewed a 27-year-old woman who said she was ashamed to ask a doctor for a note declaring she was still a virgin to escape the other tests.

    Last year, a similar incident sparked anger in the state of Bahia, in northeastern Brazil, when female candidates for police jobs were asked to take the tests or prove their hymens were not torn. The government subsequently asked that such tests be eliminated.

BTW – sometimes a woman can be a virgin and STILL have a torn hymen. Sex is not the only physical action that can cause a hymen to break, DERP. Idiots.

This goes along with ignorance about BCPs – birth control pills – many conservatives (and I am one myself, but regardless, a lot of conservatives) and many Christians, wrongly assume the ONLY reason women take BCPs is because they are having sex and trying to avoid getting pregnant. WRONG.

There are other, non-sex related, health reasons, why a woman might need to take BCP – sex has nothing to do with it. Men can be so stupid about women, women’s bodies and women’s sexuality sometimes.
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Related:

(Link): Islamic Group ISIS Stones Women To Death For Not Being Virgins

(Link): No Christians and Churches Do Not Idolize Virginity and Sexual Purity – Christians Attack and Criticize Virginity Sexual Purity Celibacy / Virginity Sexual Purity Not An Idol

(Link): Christian School Fires Single Woman For Having PreMarital Sex But Offers Her Job to Her Single Boyfriend Who They Know Had PreMarital Sex Too (and similar news stories – Re Christian Employers and Sex)

(Link): I Shouldn’t Need An Excuse To Be A Virgin – (Secular Editorial Defends Virginity – More Rare Than a Unicorn Sighting)

(Link): An Open Letter to Male Virgins by Anna Broadway

Married Couple Pays Surrogate to Have Baby, They Keep The Healthy Daughter But Refuse the Down Syndrome One – Also: Cops: the Dad is a Convicted Pedo

Married Couple Pays Surrogate to Have Baby, They Keep The Healthy Daughter But Refuse the Down Syndrome One – Also: Cops: the Dad is a Convicted Pedo

And many conservative Christians routinely say or assume that marriage makes a person godly, mature, more loving, and immune from sexual sin, and that you have to be perfect and godly to even merit a spouse to start with (God doesn’t send imperfect people spouses, they say).

Hmm. Then how would Christians explain this selfish married couple who
1. won’t accept the Down’s Syndrome twin from the surrogate
and
2. the father is a convicted kid-diddler (pedophile)?

How is it that God rewards child molesters with spouses, but not law abiding, non-perverted singles?

(Link): Australian father accused of abandoning baby boy born to Thai surrogate mother because he had Down Syndrome ‘was jailed for sexual assault on a child under 13′

(Link): Australia investigates ‘paedophile’ father in Thai baby scandal

    Aug 6, 2014

    Australian authorities were Wednesday investigating the father at the centre of a Thai surrogate baby scandal who was exposed as a convicted paedophile, to determine whether his young daughter is at risk.

    The man, from Bunbury south of Perth, sparked global controversy for apparently abandoning his Down’s syndrome baby boy, Gammy, in Thailand and taking only his healthy twin sister back home, although he and his wife dispute the circumstances.

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Stop Telling Women Their Most Valuable Asset Is Their Youth (From Time)

Stop Telling Women Their Most Valuable Asset Is Their Youth

This was written in response to G. Rivera’s comments that women should marry young, or not waste their youth married to losers on trial marriages or whatever.

(Link): Stop Telling Women Their Most Valuable Asset Is Their Youth

    by J. Bennett

    Why, in an era when we are succeeding in so many ways, do we buy into sexist tropes about aging?

    …. Appearing on FOX to discuss the piece, Geraldo Rivera noted, to stunned female hosts, that what a woman brings to a marriage “more than anything else” is “her youth.”

    Her youth?

    Yes, “her youth,​” ​Geraldo continued. Because a woman’s youth, he explained, “is a fragile and diminishing resource.”

    Geraldo’s logic went like this: If a woman were to invest two precious years into ​a beta-marriage, and then, God forbid, have her man reject her (his words, not mine), she’ll have wasted her most valuable asset. The thing that is, obviously, going to determine not just whether a woman will have a family, but whether she’ll have a husband, and live happily ever after, at all.

    …But Geraldo’s sin was not simply that what he said was impolitic. It’s that he put bluntly one of the most insidious and persistent smears: that women come with an expiration date.

    ​It’s a concept that is still pounded into us at every turn, from media to pop culture–and not just by septuagenarian TV personalities.

    It is there, almost tauntingly, in a recent article in Esquire, which seemed to bask in its own generosity by proclaiming that a woman could still be hot at 42–as if that were a reason to reconsider their value. It’s there in the endless media blitz by Susan Patton, the “Princeton Mom,” who’s managed to create a “mini empire,“as Salon recently put it, from “one crazy op-ed” about how women need to hurry up and find a man.

    …The thing is, reality no longer conforms to those old tropes. Women now get the majority of college degrees. We have careers. We are living longer than ever. We can freeze our eggs to buy us biological time.

    And yet our conception of what makes a woman desirable and valuable in society hasn’t caught up. From every angle, we continue to hear that we need to “rush.” That we should make it easier and more comfortable for the men around us. That our youth — not necessarily even our fertility — is our most valuable asset.

((click here to read the rest))
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Related posts:

(Link): Obnoxious, Condescending, Sexist, Pervy Esquire Editorial by 50-Something Year Old Man: “In Praise of 42 Year Old Women” – Condescendingly Reassures 40 Something Women He’d Sex Them Up

(Link): College Women, Don’t Listen to Marriage Concern Trolls

(Link): Men Become ‘Invisible’ And Lose Sex Appeal At 39 – Article from Daily Caller

(Link): Follow Up Part 2 – Reactions by Other Writers to Sexist, Condescending 50 Something Men Who Think They Are Final Arbiters of If Women Are Attractive Past Age of 40 (Re: Esquire Editorial by Junod)

(Link): Creepy, wrong, immature and pathetic: older men chasing after much younger women

(Link): The Annoying, Weird, Sexist Preoccupation by Christian Males with Female Looks and Sexuality

(Link): Ryan Gosling and Shirtless, Buff Cowboy Photos on Social Media – Yes, Women Are Visually Stimulated and Visually Oriented (Part 2)

(Link): Online Dating: Women Want Younger Men (article)

(Link):

Mainstream Media Thinks Virginity is a Shameful Status, Not a Sacred Choice by K. Yoder

Mainstream Media Thinks Virginity is a Shameful Status, Not a Sacred Choice

Some of the criticisms the author of this piece levels at secular culture should also be applied to Christian culture – Christians too uphold the stereotypes that one does not become a full fledged adult until one gets married and has sex. Hollywood just ditches the “get married first” aspect and goes right to the sex, but neither view is biblical, true, or right.

(Link) Mainstream Media Thinks Virginity is a Shameful Status, Not a Sacred Choice by K Yoder

    SPECIES: The Virgin (Sexus Nontilnuptials)

    PREDATOR: The Media (Sexus Perpetual Obsessicus)

    METHOD OF ATTACK: Exploitation and Extinction

    Peer through a leafy curtain deep in the Amazon and you might just catch a glimpse of an elusive specimen: “the virgin.”

    Though rare, this foreign species manages to survive in some of the world’s most hostile ecosystems, constantly threatened by its natural enemy, the media. The media preys upon virgins for profit and mere entertainment – to dismiss them as soon as they conform.

    Seen through the field glasses of Hollywood’s “Very Good Girls,” or MTV’s “Virgin Territory,” the virgin differs from “the human.” Humans “come-of-age” and “find themselves.” Virgins resist the examples of oversexed celebrities and an instant gratification culture – enhancing their mysterious allure, and making them just plain weird.

    Here are the 10 ways media treat virgins as a foreign species:

    1. Virgins Never Grow-Up

    “Very Good Girls” stars Dakota Fanning and Elizabeth Olsen as best friends who make a pact to lose their virginity before heading off to college. Opening in theaters July 25, the film bills itself (with some help from the media) as a “coming-of-age” story. As the trailer revealed: “When we lose our innocence, we have to find ourselves” – sounds like a story that every adult can relate to (right?).

    “It’s a part of life,” Fanning said in an interview after stripping for her first sex scene. Boyd Holbrook, who played her partner, emphasized, “What this film’s about is going into life, this first sexual experience.”

    The media provided back-up. “It’s this coming-of-age story of two young girls” that’s “dealing with those things that are universal, that we all deal with: friendship, family, death, love, heartbreak,” HuffPost Live Host Alyona Minkovski gushed during an interview with the writer and director, Naomi Foner.

    Similarly, Wall Street Journal Live Anchor Tanya Rivero praised the “beautiful film.” “You explore that time in a young woman’s life, between girlhood and becoming a woman,” she told Foner. “As a woman, I identified so closely with the characters and that period in life.”

    Even Foner described her characters as, “serious, interesting, committed girls who are trying to make some decisions about how they become women.” Women will flock to see the film, she added, because they “don’t often see themselves with any reality on screen.”

    Missing is any acknowledgement that girls may become women without the sex act, or that it just might be a good idea wait until marriage.

    2. Virgins Occupy a Different Habitat

    …But how exactly surprising?

    Fox News’ Dr. Keith Ablow criticized how the show, “turns a personal life event into profit” while Variety’s Brian Lowry warned in his review that, “some networks will pimp kids out — under cover of sex education — to score ratings.”

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Adult Singleness and Virginity Ridiculed by Preacher Mark Driscoll from 2000 – and anti Homosexual and Sexist Rhetoric ( Re Driscoll Rant known as Pussified Nation )

Adult Singleness and Virginity Ridiculed by Preacher Mark Driscoll from 2000 – and anti Homosexual and Sexist Rhetoric

More anti-singlness and anti-virginity commentary from perverted, sexist douche bag and pastor Mark Driscoll has come to light. I have blogged about this creep before (see links at the conclusion of this post for more).

I am not a fan of tip toeing around people’s feelings and the extreme political correctness in today’s culture, (as I wrote of in a (Link): previous blog post here), but, I am not a supporter of this other extreme, the one Driscoll presents in the post I excerpt below.

It’s one thing to speak your mind – in a firm but respectful way, even if the majority of popular culture does not like your beliefs – but Driscoll seems to go out of his way to be unnecessarily rude, condescending, and hateful, or as obnoxious as he can be.

In the year 2000, Neo-Calvinist preacher Mark Driscoll, writing under the name “William Wallace II,” I think, wrote a bunch of inflammatory commentary on his church’s forum “Midrash.” In a book he wrote, Driscoll admitted to posting as “William Wallace II” on that forum (some sites linked to below have screen captures taken from online versions of the book that you can view).

In a series of very long posts, Driscoll ranted against women, feminists, homosexuals, men who are not manly-man enough in his view, and all this has drawn the ire and attention of many netizens after this was blogged about recently.

However, the portion of Driscoll’s post that caught my eye seems to subtly mock or ridicule adult singleness, singles ministries, and adult virginity.

Before I get to that, I wanted to mention this:

According to one source ((Link): source) in a Tweet:

    Driscoll through Wallace says women need a man to help them select a husband (p. 78). Eastern culture > Biblical example incl Ruth, then.

As I replied on Twtter in regards to that view by Driscoll:

    I’m a never married lady over 40, would still like to marry some day – Driscoll can eat my shorts

Yes, Driscoll can take his outdated, sexist views about single women and cram them up his butt.

There was also this (Willam Wallace parody account is quoting Driscoll (Link): Source):

Returning once more to the long rant by Driscoll:

(Link): Mark Driscoll’s Pussified Nation… – Matthew Paul Turner’s blog -
If Turner’s blog becomes unavailable for viewing (which it did earlier today apparently due to a stampede of traffic), you can read the Driscoll penned posts here:
(Link): Posts by Driscoll

Here are excerpts of what Driscoll wrote in 2000, under the name “William Wallace II” - with comments by me below this long excerpt (and additional links by other people about this Driscoll rant):

    We live in a completely pussified nation.

    We could get every man, real man as opposed to pussified James Dobson knock-off crying Promise Keeping homoerotic worship loving mama’s boy sensitive emasculated neutered exact male replica evangellyfish, and have a conference in a phone booth.

    It all began with Adam, the first of the pussified nation, who kept his mouth shut and watched everything fall headlong down the slippery slide of hell/feminism when he shut his the slippery slide of hell/feminism when he shut his mouth and listened to his wife who thought Satan was a good theologian when he should have lead her and exercised his delegated authority as king of the planet.

    As a result, he was cursed for listening to his wife and every man since has been his pussified sit quietly by and watch a nation of men be raised by bitter penis envying burned feministed single mothers who make sure that Johnny grows up to be a very nice woman who sits down to pee.

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Another cruddy Christian “Have We Made an Idol Out of Sexual Purity?” editorial (this time, from Relevant magazine) – And An Analogy For Married Christians Who Don’t Get It

Another cruddy Christian “Have We Made an Idol Out of Sexual Purity?” editorial (this time, from Relevant magazine) – And An Analogy For Married Christians Who Don’t Get It

The analogy is way, way down the page. I might put it in a separate post in the future.

First, a word about terminology. This is a somewhat minor point I make in passing, but it’s recurrent on various Christian blogs I visit, it drives me nuts, so I wanted to point it out.

Other Christians are very confused about the phrase “sexual purity.” They want to argue that “sexual purity” is not the same thing as “virginity,” but in articles like this one I link to below, they go on to equate “sexual purity” to virginity themselves.

The lady who wrote the following insists that sexual purity is not the same thing as virginity, or should not be thought of as such, but then says that you are not damaged goods, or your sexual purity is not lost, over a single act (ie, having sex, ie, which is defined as, or understood as, losing your virginity prior to marriage).

So… authors like this one argues ( the symbol != is computer coding / scripting language for “is not equal to”),

sexual purity != virginity
But that
sexual purity = virginity

Christian authors who are trying to say that virginity is not all that important in the end scheme of things cannot themselves even stay consistent on the point of whether or not to consider
virginity = sexual purity (or as a sub-set of).

They flip flop on this point a lot. If you don’t believe that sexual purity = virginity, why bother lovingly patting the heads of fornicators to reassure them that losing one’s virginity before marriage is nothing to feel ashamed about?

Why not just write a big old editorial denying that sexual purity is the same thing as staying a virgin until marriage, or why not try to argue that the Bible does not prohibit pre-marital boinking?

The link to the odious editorial by a Christian publication (I have additional comments below the long excerpt):
(Link): Have We Made an Idol Out of Sexual Purity? Why purity is so much more than virginity. BY DEBRA K FILETA

Excerpts:

    If you grew up in church, you’ve likely heard one of these horrific analogies somewhere along the way:

    Your sexual purity, once it’s given away is like…

    “Tape that’s lost it’s stickiness.”

    “Paper that’s been torn.”

    “Gum that’s been chewed.”

    “A gift that’s been unwrapped.”

    While I get the mentality behind these messages, my problem with these analogies, and in fact, this entire discussion, is that it presents “purity” as a one-dimensional physical act.

    First you have it, then you don’t. Vanished. Gone. Over. Done with. In a blink of an eye, the prospect of being “pure” and holy has been wiped away.

    This mentality is so dangerous because it fools us into believing that our entire worth as believers and as “eligible” bachelors/bachelorettes is wrapped up on this one, single part of who we are.

    Please don’t misunderstand, I believe it is important to honor God with our bodies, but since when did our holiness have anything to do with who we are, instead of everything to do with who Christ is?

I left a few comments on that page, including:

    christianpundit commented…

    No, Christians have not made an idol out of sexual purity, not even when using analogies about chewed up gum and so forth. I’m over 40 years of age, still a virgin, because I was waiting until marriage to have sex but am still single.

    In the past several years, Christians (seemingly influenced by secular feminists and “slut shaming” rhetoric) have been criticizing virginity, virgins, and celibacy and mocking these concepts and saying they are unimportant.

    We’ve now arrived at a situation where Christians (and Non Christians) demand and expect everyone to respect all forms of sexual behavior and sexual expression EXCEPT FOR virginity and celibacy.

    Adult singleness is also under attack, from everyone from Al Mohler (who slams singleness in his interviews) to guys like pastor Mark Driscoll who blogs the unbiblical view that single people cannot and should not serve as preachers.

    Driscoll also wrongly teaches in one of his blog posts that older, adult celibate adults lack sex drives because God supposedly, magically removed their sex drive (this is false; single adults over 30 still experience sexual desire).

    Further, Driscoll holds the unbiblical, wacko strange view that if a person is still single over 30, that God has destined them for singleness, and at that, to martyr them off for spreading the Gospel in some deep jungle, in some remote nation. None of this is supported in the Bible.

    Christians are attacking singleness, virginity, and celibacy; they are most certainly NOT making an idol out of any of these things, and I wish Christian bloggers, magazines, and authors would stop arguing otherwise.

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Why Singles Belong in Church Leadership by L. Ferguson

Why Singles Belong in Church Leadership

(Link): Why Singles Belong in Church Leadership

Excerpts

    Unmarried ministers offer a unique understanding of devotion to Christ alone.

    by Lore Ferguson, guest writer

    Each time I read a well-intentioned article on how to make the most of your single years, I scan down to the author’s bio and often discover that, sure enough, he’s married to his college sweetheart, pulling advice from a brief period of singleness years ago.

    Even at 33, I’m a spring chicken to some of the seasoned single men and women before me.

    These Christians have spent their lives burning with passion, unmet desires, or unrequited love, or have committed to a life of celibacy.

    These are the clouds of witnesses I look to for wisdom in issues of singleness—not the well-meaning, but hollow three-points and a poem professor with his winsome wife and four little ones. What do I know of his life?

    The hardships of parenting, husbanding, pastoring, teaching, ministering? But what does he know of mine?

    If the life of a single Christian, as Paul admonished, is to be undistracted by the world, concerned with the things of the Lord, then unmarried ministers have a unique calling indeed. And it is one the church ought not ignore — or usurp.

    Where I live, in the Dallas-Fort Worth metroplex, young marriages are common. Younger than the national average at least. Yet few single men and women are involved in ministry.

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Our sex-obsessed culture is turning men into pigs By Naomi Schaefer Riley

Our sex-obsessed culture is turning men into pigs By Naomi Schaefer Riley

I do not know what Ms. Riley’s religious views are, or if she is a theist or not. But a lot of what she writes here can apply to Christian culture.

A preface: I know that not all men are sex-obsessed pigs (so if you’re wanting to sign up for this blog and leave a post about it, don’t bother), but I do think a huge percentage of men are these days.

I also think a large percentage of American men have been sex obsessed pigs for decades, due to a combination of factors, including, but not limited to, society telling men that the more women they have sex with, the more masculine they are. So, men grow up thinking it’s an expectation, proof of, or demonstration, of manliness if they boink around with the ladies.

Churches and Christian culture also buy into this mentality, with their own spin on it – that only “real” men are married and having lots of sex (and apparently, according to Rev Mark Driscoll, lots of kinky sex, not just vanilla sex).

Maybe if secular culture and Christians stopped upholding sexual experiences / marriages as rites of passage into adulthood, that would take pressure off people from fornication, from marrying too young, or from marrying the wrong person.

By the way, women are extremely visually oriented… one of the pigs mentioned in this article (who is around 51, 52 years old) was judging his 55 year old female lover as having a “wrinkled” body – most 50 something men are not prizes, either, in the physical attractiveness department. I don’t think idiots like him realize women are judging him for his looks, too.

(Link): Our sex-obsessed culture is turning men into pigs By Naomi Schaefer Riley

Excerpt:

    These men and their attitudes about women and sex are not as unusual as we’d like to think. Their actions are the crude but inevitable consequence of the way we have come to view sex now — as something public and ordinary, something to be measured regularly and something that is ultimately only about individuals and their peculiar preferences. If men and women are in relationships just to have a good time, then why shouldn’t they “tell each other how they really feel.”

    Of course, these are the kind of attitudes that breed not gentlemen but something else entirely. Oink Oink.

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Related:

(Link): Pouty Husband Sends Wife Spreadsheet Detailing Sex-Life Dissatisfaction

(Link): Bitter, Frustrated 22 Year Old Male Virgin and Member of Men’s Rights / PUA Groups Kills Several Women Because He Couldn’t Get Dates – what an entitled sexist doof

(Link): When Women Wanted Sex Much More Than Men – and how the stereotype flipped

(Link): Follow Up Part 2 – Reactions by Other Writers to Sexist, Condescending 50 Something Men Who Think They Are Final Arbiters of If Women Are Attractive Past Age of 40 (Re: Esquire Editorial by Junod)

(Link): Women Judging Male Physical Appearance – Body Fat Percentages

(Link): Christian Gender and Sex Stereotypes Act as Obstacles to Christian Singles Who Want to Get Married (Not All Men Are Obsessed with Sex)

(Link): Christian Stereotypes About Female Sexuality : All Unmarried Women Are Supposedly Hyper Sexed Harlots – But All Married Ones are Supposedly Frigid or Totally Uninterested in Sex

(Link): How Christians Have Failed on Teaching Maturity and Morality Vis A Vis Marriage / Parenthood – Used as Markers of Maturity Or Assumed to be Sanctifiers – Also: More Hypocrisy – Christians Teach You Need A Spouse to Be Purified, But Also Teach God Won’t Send You a Spouse Until You Become Purified

(Link): Preacher Mark Driscoll Was Not A Virgin When He Got Married – He Admitted So In Book and Blog

(Link): Hypocrisy of Left Wingers and Atheists and the #NotAll Hash Tag or Rhetoric

Why is the childfree singleton a curiosity? by V. Blackburn

Why is the childfree singleton a curiosity? by V Blackburn

(Link): Why is the childfree singleton a curiosity? by V. Blackburn

Excerpt:

    Asked (I very much suspect not for the first time) why she never married or had children she replied that she never found anyone to wind her biological clock. Amen to that. I too never married and remained childfree and can testify that you do not know what it is to be patronised until you are a single lady of a certain age.

    I have had strangers, and I am not exaggerating here, who within five minutes of meeting me have demanded to know why I never married. Just what, pray tell, does it have to do with them? On another occasion some bloke I barely knew said and I quote directly: “But you’re lovely. I can’t believe you never married,” as if my single status didn’t actually have anything to do with my own choices.

    As it happens there were a couple of near misses but they would have been complete disasters if we’d made it to the altar. Not everyone gets married. Simple as that.

    … Society has always been deeply suspicious of single women – 500 years ago the unlucky ones got burnt as witches – because we seem to be defying what the world thinks is our biological destiny, namely having a husband and child.

    People feel apprehensive about women who don’t conform to that. “Don’t you like children?” is another one I’ve heard more than once. Of course I do. I have two lovely nephews and three delightful godsons, to whom I am devoted but that doesn’t mean I want a child of my own.

(((click here to read the rest)))
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Related posts:

(Link): Southern Baptist’s New Sexist “Biblical Woman” Site – Attitudes in Total Face Palm of a Site One Reason Among Many This Unmarried and Childless Woman Is Saying Toodle-Oo to Christianity

(Link): Parenthood Does Not Make People More Loving Mature Godly Ethical Caring or Responsible (One Stop Thread)

(Link): Why all the articles about being Child Free? On Being Childfree or Childless – as a Conservative / Right Wing / Christian

(Link): Are Marriage and Family A Woman’s Highest Calling? by Marcia Wolf – and other links that address the Christian fallacy that a woman’s most godly or only proper role is as wife and mother

(Link): Never Married Christians Over Age 35 who are childless Are More Ignored Than Divorced or Infertile People or Single Parents

(Link): The Irrelevancy To Single or Childless or Childfree Christian Women of Biblical Gender Complementarian Roles / Biblical Womanhood Teachings

(Link): The Fruitful Callings of the Childless By Choice (editorial)

(Link): Misapplication of Biblical Verses About Fertility (also mentions early marriage) – a paper by J. McKeown

(Link): Christian Patriarchy Group: God Demands You Marry and Have Babies to Defeat Paganism and Satan. Singles and the Childless Worthless (in this worldview).

(Link): My Secret Grief. Over 35, Single and Childless by Melanie Notkin

(Link): Pope Francis Is Wrong About My Child-Free Life by Amanda Marcotte

(Link): Hey, Pope Francis: Some people would rather raise pets than children by C. Hall

(Link): More Criticisms of the Pope’s Anti Childless Anti Childfree Comments

Relationships Of Welcome, Not Fear (Re: How Sexist Christian Views Marginalize and Isolate Adult, Single Women and Maintain Other Stereotypes About Adult Singles)

Relationships Of Welcome, Not Fear (Re: How Sexist Christian Views Marginalize and Isolate Adult, Single Women and Maintain Other Stereotypes About Adult Singles)

(Link): Relationships Of Welcome, Not Fear

Some male commentator left a reply under this post at Missio Alliance that I had to reply to, so I left a reply for him there. He was basically arguing against everything the author was saying in her page.

It’s amazing how weak and sexist some Christians are that they would rather keep upholding nasty stereotypes and views and practices that stigmatize single women than do what Jesus role modeled, which was talk to women and include them.

Not only are these views insulting towards adult single women, but toward males in general, and they are unbiblical.

These views are premised not just on the insulting assumption of un-married women being easy harlots who are just dying and eager to fall into bed with any and every married man they meet (even a middle aged, balding, fatso who is not good looking), but they assume that all or most men lack sexual self control, even though the Bible teaches that people have sexual self control.

This stereotype also assumes only MEN cheat and have affairs, and that only MEN want and enjoy sex. Wrong! I have many blogs posts with examples of married women who had affairs on their husbands.

Christians also teach out of the other side of their face that getting married makes a person immune from sexual sin, because, supposedly, the married person is getting his (or her) sexual needs met. (This is one reason why a lot of evangelical Christians tend to think of single adults as horny horn dogs who sleep around all over the place.)

Also, that some Christians let their guards down at times and admit, via these dopey, insulting pages warning married men to avoid single women because married men are prone to cheating goes to show that

    1. you don’t have to become perfect and godly before God will send you a spouse (which is sometimes a view taught by some Christians)
    and
    2. that being married does not make a person more godly, mature, or ethical than being single

I’ve blogged on this topic before (see links at the bottom of this post).

(Link): Relationships Of Welcome, Not Fear

Excerpts (if you want to read the entire thing, please use the link above; I am only presenting a few excerpts here):

    JULY 16, 2014 | BY: KARINA KREMINSKI

    Sometimes I feel like I live in my own little bubble far far away from certain debates and discussions that plague church circles. When I do read some of those discussions through social media, the effect it often has on me is one of experiencing sheer puzzlement.

    This happened again as I randomly came across and read two articles on social media within a short space of each other. One was called (Link): 5 Things Every Married Man should do around Single Women and the other was called (Link): Avoid any Hint.

    Granted, the articles could apply to both genders but they were written by men and the implication in the content was more around the matter of how men must deal with that pesky, recurring issue of women in their lives.

    According to the articles, in order to avoid potential problems with women, men should for example, ‘keep eye contact simple and short’, ‘Not go to lunch alone with the opposite sex’, and ‘Keep conversation general and professional’. I was utterly bemused.

    Is this how most people view the relationship between men and women?

    Are we as Christian leaders teaching this kind of thing in our churches? Can’t anyone see the problems around thinking in this way?

    And more importantly; is this the direction that the church wants to go regarding our vision for ministry? Is this the kind of attitude which truly embodies the radical values of the kingdom of God for witness to our world?

    A Premise Of Fear

    It Marginalises Women Further

    I am aware that the cautions and rules in the articles mentioned can apply to both genders.

    However, many articles like these are written by men and the rules and cautions such as these mentioned are implemented by men who are mostly the ones in positions of power in churches and other institutions.

    The effect that this has is that it marginalises women further as men exert their power however unintentionally, to isolate women. If men are being told to practice avoiding eye contact or the implication is to be fearful in connecting with women, then women will continually be viewed as the problem to be pushed to the side and will be further isolated from being fully involved in the life and ministry of the church. Less ministry opportunities are given to women in this kind of atmosphere.

    Impedes Building Healthy Male/Female Relationships

    Here Are 4 Things That Ministry Leaders Can Do To Help Build Welcoming Relationships Between Men And Women:

If you want to read the author’s suggestiona, and the rest of the page’s content, please click here
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Related posts:

(Link): Jesus Christ was not afraid to meet alone with known Prostitutes / Steven Furtick and Elevation Church Perpetuating Anti Singles Bias – ie, Single Women are Supposedly Sexual Temptresses, All Males Can’t Control Their Sex Drives – (but this view conflicts with evangelical propaganda that married sex is great and frequent)

(Link): Christian Stereotypes About Female Sexuality : All Unmarried Women Are Supposedly Hyper Sexed Harlots – But All Married Ones are Supposedly Frigid or Totally Uninterested in Sex

(Link): Hey Ed Stetzer: Opposite Gender Friendships Are Not Sinful – Ed Stetzer’s Advice: “Avoid Any Hint” – More Like: Re Enforce UnBiblical Stereotypes About Men, Women, Sex, and Singles

(Link): Brotherly Love: Christians and Male-Female Friendships

(Link): How the Sexual Revolution Ruined Friendship – Also: If Christians Truly Believed in Celibacy and Virginity, they would stop adhering to certain sexual and gender stereotypes that work against both

(Link): Why So Much Fornication – Because Christians Have No Expectation of Sexual Purity

The Not Mom Blog: Childless by Chance Topic and Other Posts

The Not Mom Blog: Childless by Chance Topic

From the (Link): Not Mom Blog,
(Link): Childless by Chance

From their blog:

(Link): 15 DIMENSIONS OF CHILDLESS BY CHOICE OR BY CHANCE

    Remember that niches aren’t walled divisions, just different shades of a shared story. Here’s what you’ve told us so far about our many sub-communities. Don’t see yours? Let us know.

    By Choice and By Chance are like the East and West Sides of our ‘city’. Except, our map includes a Venn diagram where the two sides share land for women who describe themselves as Both. They once wanted kids, very much so in many cases, but at some point they realized the effort to conceive was too taxing, or that the idea of motherhood simply didn’t fit anymore.

    …The big umbrella of Infertility/Age includes women who’ve tried IVF, or experienced miscarriage, or simply waited too long before trying to conceive. A partner’s infertility counts, too. And Age can push a woman to declare herself without children By Chance and By Choice: Both.

    Health-Challenged NotMoms may well be fertile, but conditions such as cardiovascular disorders or kidney and liver disease, make the attempt life-threatening.

    Childless by Marriage is a term I credit to Sue Lick, who wrote a book and more about marrying an older man who was already a father and didn’t want more kids. When he died suddenly, her stepchildren vanished from her life, and her age made childbearing distinctly improbable. That was her ‘by marriage’ story, but there are many more.

    Continue reading

‘When Women Refuse’ Proves Violence Doesn’t Usually Come With a Misogynistic Manifesto

‘When Women Refuse’ Proves Violence Doesn’t Usually Come With a Misogynistic Manifesto

(Link): ‘When Women Refuse’ Proves Violence Doesn’t Usually Come With a Misogynistic Manifesto

    Male violence against women who refuse sexual advances isn’t merely the domain of a college student suffering from mental health issues. It’s an epidemic that’s a troubling part of the fabric of America. That’s the message sent by (Link): When Women Refuse, a Tumblr blog created on Monday in response to Friday night’s horrific mass shooting in Isla Vista, Calif., near the campus of the University of California, Santa Barbara.

    The blog’s creator, feminist activist, author, and Lux Digital cofounder Deanna Zandt, told Think Progress that she was inspired to start the site because “we still don’t view gender based violence as a large cultural issue—we tend to think of these as isolated incidents.”

    In the aftermath of the shooting, media detailed the mental health challenges of the shooter, 22-year-old Elliot Rodger, who targeted women who had spurned his advances. Rodger killed six people before turning a gun on himself. Snippets of Rodger’s 137-page manifesto to friends and relatives have been published, and then there are the chilling videos he posted on YouTube.

    “I don’t know why you girls aren’t attracted to me, but I will punish you all for it,” Rodger declared in one video just hours before he embarked on his shooting spree.

    In an effort to distance themselves from Rodger’s deadly misogyny, men took to social media with the hashtag #NotAllMen to post tweets like, “Dividing men into the ‘good guys’ and the ‘bad guys’ is short-sighted.” Zandt told Think Progress that she noticed that several guys in her social networks also shared the belief that Rodger’s actions were an exception. Then, after seeing writer Kate Harding sharing news stories on her Facebook page of men who’d used violence after being rejected, Zandt decided to launch the Tumblr to show Rodger’s actions weren’t an isolated incident.

    Anyone can submit a story of a woman who’s been the victim of violence because she rejected sexual advances. Scrolling through the When Women Refuse submissions shows that Rodger’s actions aren’t unique. There’s the story of a 16-year-old stabbed to death after refusing to be a guy’s prom date, and the tragic (and all-too-common) tale of a woman whose controlling ex couldn’t get over her and stabbed her, her mother, and her new boyfriend.

((read the rest))
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Related posts:

(Link): Bitter, Frustrated 22 Year Old Male Virgin and Member of Men’s Rights / PUA Groups Kills Several Women Because He Couldn’t Get Dates – what an entitled sexist doof

(Link): Nice Guys: Scourge of the Single Woman

(Link): Testosterone-Deficient Gamma Male Whines About the ‘Friend Zone’ (post from The Other McCain) – AKA, Ugly, Fat, Weird, Awkward, or Poor Nice Guys Who Unrealistically Expect to Attract Rich, Pretty, Thin, Socially Normal Women

(Link): Guy So Depressed Over Being Single He Cut Off His Own Penis (article)

(Link): When Adult Virginity and Adult Celibacy Are Viewed As Inconvenient or As Impediments

The Christian, Liberal, and Feminist Tendency to Intellectualize Away the Meaningfulness of Female Virginity; Also: Are Engagement Rings Sexist? Liberal Vs Conservatives Sound Off

The Christian, Liberal, and Feminist Tendency to Intellectualize Away the Meaningfulness of Female Virginity; Also: Are Engagement Rings Sexist? Liberal Vs Conservatives Sound Off

✮ From the liberal corner:
(Link): Engagement rings are barbaric

✮ The conservative reaction:
(Link): Engagement rings are barbaric because men are awful or something

✮ My reaction:
This is another time the secular, left wing feminists are off their rockers (I sometimes agree with them, usually do not and this is one of those times, no, I don’t agree). I see no harm or inherent sexism in a freaking engagement ring.

Here are excerpts from the Salon page, with commentary about it, by me, below it:

(Link): Engagement rings are barbaric

    Sparkly rocks remind us of an age when women were considered a form of chattel
    by SHANNON RUPP, THE TYEE

    Unsavoury custom

    … The engagement ring is not, as diamond advertisers of the last 80 years or so have insisted, a symbol of love: it’s a sort of down payment on a virgin vagina.

    I’ve always thought giving engagement rings was a slightly unsavoury custom, given that it began in an era when women were chattel, more or less. It’s hardly romantic. The rings remind me of a time when women couldn’t own property because they were property. Well, except for widows. There’s a reason that Merry Widow of opera fame was so merry.

    As Scott Fitzgerald noticed in the 1920s, the rich are different from you and me, and the custom of laying down an engagement ring was something rich people did in an era when marriage was recognized for what it really is: a business contract. It was done to secure property (and political alliances among royalty and the aristocracy) and to ensure there would be an heir and a spare to inherit it all.

    That’s why female virginity was such a big deal. It had financial value because it was connected to property. Pre-DNA testing, no one could be sure who the father was unless the bride was irreproachably chaste. And no one wants to see property going to bastards. Post-delivery of the requisite sons, everyone was free to go about discreet amusements, and the country weekend at the manor house came into vogue.

    … Then, engagement rings functioned as a sort of retainer — a lease-a-womb scheme, if you will. The unspoken part of the deal was that an engagement often allowed for a sampling of the goods.

    … Frances Gerety (who incidentally was a spinster) cleverly connected romantic love to diamond engagement rings, forever. She obscured their creepy origins as down payments on chattel, and diamond purveyors are still profiting from her sharp thinking.

    …That’s not a coincidence, and it’s not just the wedding industry ramping up. Apparently about half of couples were having premarital sex in the 1940s, and researchers believe that women were looking for some sign of commitment from a man before doing the wild thing. In an era of unreliable birth control, a ring was still seen as a down payment and a sort of insurance policy in the event the man bolted and left her holding the baby.

Since when is a woman having a “virgin vagina” or entering into marriage with one, an “unsavory custom?”

Is this another sign that secularists, left wingers, and others, are biased against adult virgins, or biased against the idea of a woman choosing to remain a virgin until marriage? Because it kind of sounds like it.

As to this:

    That’s why female virginity was such a big deal. It had financial value because it was connected to property. (etc)

This is another dismissal of virginity, another tactic I have seen used not just by secularists and left wingers, but one I’ve seen used a time or two on Christian, or ex-Christian sites, especially by women who are red hot infuriated over “modesty” and “purity” teachings.

Women who are opposed to virginity try to argue that the only reason any woman at any time in history has remained a virgin until marriage is due to patriarchal concerns about tracing the family tree, and at that, with monetary inheritance concerns.

Continue reading

Pervy Preacher from Seattle who teaches men “to objectify women, by his over emphasis of sexualization of women and subservience” (Re Driscoll)

Pervy Preacher from Seattle who teaches men “to objectify women, by his over emphasis of sexualization of women and subservience” (Re Driscoll)

I have blogged on this cretin before. Driscoll is sexist, and anti-singles, both anti male singles and anti female singles.

Driscoll, oddly, out of one side of his mouth, will condemn pornography in some of his sermons or books, but then tell his male church members on other occasions, whether in sermons or in books, that their wives are nothing more than sex blow up dolls, there to do their every sexual bidding, even indulging in sex acts most women do not want or enjoy, such as anal sex, or performing a blow job on their husband.

(That’s right men, most women do not like giving blow jobs, which is one of your seemingly biggest fantasies. Over the span of my entire life, all women I’ve met in person, or have read their musings online, only one or two have said they enjoy performing oral sex on a man. Most women get no pleasure out of it, it grosses them out, and many say it makes them feel like a five dollar crack whore.

I also notice that when writing about marital sex, or sermonizing on it, many conservative male preachers never, ever advise the husbands to perform oral sex on their wives, or perform whatever other sex act… it’s always very selfishly framed in how the woman can meet the man’s sexual needs.)

Mark Driscoll is a married father, and he is a sexual pervert… and yet, Christians insist on portraying or thinking of all older (as in over age 30) never-married, childless men as being homosexuals, over sexed Don Juans, or some other type of sexual deviant.

That Driscoll is on record (in his book on marriage, if I am not mistaken, or was it a sermon?) as saying he and his wife’s marriage was sexless for a few years (or unsatisfactory sexually in some other manner) also does not speak well of the conservative Christian propaganda that married sex is super great, so, if you just wait until you’re married to have sex, there will be fire works in the bedroom all the time.

A long excerpt from
(Link): Inside Mars Hill’s massive meltdown

    by By Stacey Solie
    July 2014

    SEX

    It was also around the mid-2000s that members noticed Driscoll’s growing preoccupation with sex.

    Driscoll also started to preach more about male privilege and sexual entitlement. This had a damaging impact on many marriages, said Rob Thain Smith, who, with Merle, was acting as an informal marriage counselor to many young couples.

    “He created enormous abuse of wives,” Smith said. “He helped young men objectify women, by his over emphasis of sexualization of women and subservience.”

    “The way Driscoll talked, you thought that he was getting it every night. All these men are seeing his hot wife, and are thinking he’s got it made.”

    In Real Marriage, Driscoll bitterly describes a largely sexless marriage, and seems to imply that he’s been acting out all these years because he was sexually frustrated at home.

    Continue reading

Don’t Give Up On Your Dreams

Don’t Give Up On Your Dreams

Don’t Let Someone Who Gave Up On Their Dreams Talk You Out Of Yours

In a couple of posts in the past (such as (Link): this one), I discussed the disheartening trend I see in Christian books, articles, interviews, or blogs by (1.) other never-married adult Christians who are over age of 35 or 40 (or, (2.) on occasion by married Christians who condescendingly lecture adult singles on these issues).

These (I am speaking of group 1 above) are adults who had hoped to marry, but they remain single into their late 30s or beyond.

(There is also another group, Christians who are over 40 years of age, who are thrilled and totally at peace at having never married and never really cared either way if they ever married or not. They are guilty of what I write about in this post, too.

Hell, I sometimes see single Christians below the age of 35 who are guilty of this, but their views stem more from being naive about life.)

The never-married Christians, who are past the age of 35 or 40, who have given up on ever getting married themselves then turn around in their interviews, articles, and books and shame other post-age-35 singles from pursuing marriage.

I kid you not. They will guilt trip you if you still hope to marry some day, and you are past 35 years old.

They have given up hope of ever getting married themselves, so they go about trying to convince other singles to give up, too. They will try to shame you out of pursuing your dream. They will tell you that at 40, you are too old to be on dating sites and still expecting marriage.

They believe you should only think of “eternity,” or, they will argue, you should be consumed in this life only with thoughts about Jesus or with how to serve Jesus in the here and now.

They will shame you by telling you that it’s selfish, immature, un-christian, or self-centered (or a combination of all those things) to go after an earthly pursuit such as marriage, even though Jesus did not preach a “pie in the sky” theology, but said he came so that you may have life more abundantly – that means NOW, not after you’re dead.

Many Christians believe in a theology of CODEPENDENCY and ASCETICISM, both of which are condemned in the Bible (see for example Colossians 2:16-22). It is okay to seek after your own personal happiness in the here and now. People who tell you otherwise are peddling false doctrine.

Don't Give Up On Your Dreams

Don’t Give Up On Your Dreams

If you are over 35, have never been married, and would still like to be, don’t let anyone else dissuade you from pursuing marriage, especially the ones who once held the dream but have given up.
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Related posts:

(Link): Radical Christianity – New Trend That Guilt Trips American Christians For Living Average Lives

(Link): Christian Singles Never Marrieds – it’s okay to get your needs met

(Link): Christian Double Standard – Pray Earnestly For Anything & Everything – Except Marriage?

(Link): Singleness is Not A Gift

(Link): Desire for Marriage is Idolatry?

(Link): Gift of Singleness Gift of Celibacy Unbiblical – Those Terms and Teachings Contribute to Fornication / Editorial About Sex Surrogates

This applies to marriage, too:
(Link): Hypocrisy in Christian Culture – Those who idolize parenting chide infertiles for trying to have kids
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A Sexual Revolution for Young Evangelicals? No. (from NR, by Russell Moore)

A Sexual Revolution for Young Evangelicals? No.

Moore is at it again. And he’s flip flopping in a way.

Moore goes from bashing the concept of virginity until marriage ((Link): see this post) to now sort of arguing in favor of, or thinking it’s great that more Christians are supposedly remaining sexually pure. He also (like the rest of Christendom) seems to assume there are no virgins past the age of 30 (but there are).

(Link): A Sexual Revolution for Young Evangelicals? No.

    Defying the secular culture, churchgoing Christians are sticking to Biblical teaching.

    By Russell D. Moore and Andrew Walker

    In any discussion about the future of religion in America, especially as it relates to stalled growth in churches and denominations, those outside our religious communities find one theory especially compelling.

    This is the idea: that young Evangelicals are frustrated with Christian orthodoxy’s strict standards of sexual morality.

    We’re told that these young Evangelicals will soon revolutionize our churches with liberalized views on same-sex marriage, premarital sex, gender identity, and so on. But a new study by a University of Texas sociologist finds that Evangelical Christians ages 18 to 39 are resisting liberalizing trends in the culture.

    Continue reading