Pope Francis Perpetuates Christian Falsehood that One Man, One Woman Married Equals Image of God – (which in effect leading to: ) Teaches Single / Unmarried Do Not Reflect God That Singles Are Sub Human or Only One Half A Person / This Is An Anti Singles View and Is Unbiblical

Pope Francis Perpetuates Christian Falsehood that One Man, One Woman Married Equals Image of God

If you are a Christian who is opposed to homosexual marriage, I understand trying to come up with apologetics to defend traditional (hetero) marriage, but it should not be done at the expense of un-married, celibate adulthood, which is what some Christians do.

Here is another example of that situation (though, and I’m sorry if I offend any Roman Catholic readers, I don’t usually view Popes as being actual Christians, unless it is known that they believe in sola fide and accepted Christ on those grounds (see my previous post, under “Mistake 3″)).

Considering that Paul said it is better to stay single than to marry (see this link), and that, if I remember rightly, nowhere does the Bible state that it takes a man married to a woman to reflect God’s image, I contend that Pope Francis is incorrect.

(Link): POPE FRANCIS: ‘THE IMAGE OF GOD IS THE MARRIED COUPLE: THE MAN AND THE WOMAN’

    By Michael W. Chapman

    CNSNews.com – Although the national gay magazine The Advocate named Pope Francis its “Person of the Year” in December 2013, the Pope repeated on Apr. 2 the Catholic Church’s teaching that marriage is reserved for one man and one woman, adding that this is part of “God’s design” and that “the image of God is the married couple: the man and the woman ….”

    During his General Audience speech at St. Peter’s Square on Apr. 2, before a crowd estimated at 45,000, Pope Francis first cited Genesis, saying, “God created man in his own image, in the image of God He created him; male and female he created them. … Therefore a man leaves his father and his mother and cleaves to his wife, and they become one flesh.”

    “The image of God is the married couple: the man and the woman; not only the man, not only the woman, but both of them together,” said the Pope. “God’s covenant with us is represented in that covenant between man and woman. And this is very beautiful.”

    “When a man and a woman celebrate the Sacrament of Matrimony, God as it were ‘is mirrored’ in them; He impresses in them his own features and the indelible character of his love,” said Pope Francis. “Marriage is the icon of God’s love for us.”

    He continued, “Indeed, God is communion too: the three Persons of the Father, the Son and the Holy Spirit live eternally in perfect unity. And this is precisely the mystery of matrimony: God makes of the two spouses one single life. The Bible uses a powerful expression and says ‘one flesh,’ so intimate is the union between man and woman in marriage. And this is precisely the mystery of marriage: the love of God which is reflected in the couple that decides to live together.”

Pope Francis is wrong, wrong, wrong, wrong, wrong.

(Link): Pope Francis calls traditional marriage an icon of God’s love

(Link): Pope Francis Says Marriage Between Man And Woman As Icon Of God’s Love
——————–
Related posts:

(Link): Why Unmarried – Single Christians Should Be Concerned about the Gender Role Controversy – evangelicals, Southern Baptists and other Christians are teaching that an unmarried woman or unmarried man is not fully human, does not fully reflect God

(Link): ‘God’s Purpose for Women,’ by Matthew Hagee – Hagee Teaches that Single Unmarried Women Do Not Have a Purpose in Life God has no purpose for singles

(Link): Study: Conservative Protestants’ divorce rates spread to their red state neighbors

(Link): Divorced From My Husband, and My Faith by Tova Mirvis – Also: Why It May Be Wiser For Women to Enter First Marriage At Age 40+

(Link): Divorce Rates in America Decreasing But Divorce Rates on Increase Among Southern Baptists

(Link): Christian TV Personality ( Jimmy Evans ) Says You Cannot Meet God’s Destiny For Your Life Without A Spouse = Anti Singleness Singlehood Singles Bias Prejudice Making Idol out of Marriage

(Link): Roman Catholic meetings focus concern on marriage, family – also, remarriage and divorce

(Link): Christian TV Personality ( Jimmy Evans ) Says You Cannot Meet God’s Destiny For Your Life Without A Spouse = Anti Singleness Bias / Prejudice – Making Idol out of Marriage

(Link): Christian Patriarchy Group: God Demands You Marry and Have Babies to Defeat Paganism and Satan. Singles and the Childless Worthless (in this worldview)

(Link): Conservatives and Christians Fretting About U.S. Population Decline – We Must “Out-breed” Opponents Christian Host (Pat Robertson) Says

(Link): Is Singleness A Sin? by Camerin Courtney

(Link): Lies The Church Tells Single Women (by Sue Bohlin)

Sorry, but being a mother is not the most important job in the world by Catherine Deveny

Sorry, but being a mother is not the most important job in the world, by Catherine Deveny

Christians are guilty of, as this writer below says, “The deification of mothers.”

Trust me on that one, as the voice of experience.

Try being over 40, still a virgin – never married, no children – and you feel very excluded in many conservative churches.

The exclusion against childless and older single women is not always deliberate in Christian culture, sometimes it is.

Some churches and preachers intentionally “bash” singlehood and adults who are childless or childfree (such as Southern Baptist (Link) Al Mohler, or (Link): this church in Raleigh).

However, the un-intentional put downs and un-intended insults can be almost as hurtful. Most often, married Christian mothers, the instant they learn you are over 30, never married and have no children, lose all interest in getting to know you further.

Some of these married mothers act instantly uncomfortable and awkward around you once they find out you are still single and childless… you are treated like an alien from Mars, rather than a fellow human being. It’s hurtful, awkward, and is one reason of many I no longer attend church.

Churches constantly host Mother’s Day ceremonies or do things like monthly invite all new mothers foreward to pray for their newborns, but when is the last time you saw a preacher call all never-married women forward to pray for them, or to cheer on their accomplishments, such as buying a house alone, getting a work promotion, getting a college degree? Yeah, never. Only motherhood is viewed as a significant “accomplishment” for women in churches.

(By the way, I do not hate motherhood, and I am not opposed to women being mothers: I am only opposed to how adult single women, the infertile, childless, and child free are excluded, insulted or marginalized by so many Christian churches, denominations, and media.)

Here’s the article:

(Link): Sorry, but being a mother is not the most important job in the world

    18 November 2013

    It’s time to drop the slogan. It encourages mothers to stay socially and financially hobbled, it alienates fathers and discourages other significant relationships between children and adults

    Being a mother is not the most important job in the world. There, I said it. Nor is it the toughest job, despite what the 92% of people polled in Parents Magazine reckon.

    For any woman who uses that line, consider this: if this is meant to exalt motherhood, then why is the line always used to sell toilet cleaner? And if being a mother is that important, why aren’t all the highly paid men with stellar careers not devoting their lives to raising children? After all, I never hear “being a father is the most important job in the world”.

    The deification of mothers not only delegitimises the relationship fathers, neighbours, friends, grandparents, teachers and carers have with children, it also diminishes the immense worth and value of these relationships. How do gay dads feel about this line, I wonder? Or the single dads, stepdads or granddads? No matter how devoted and hard working you are, fellas, you’ll always be second best.

    I’m also confused as to what makes you a mother. Is it the actual birth? Or is a “mother” simply a term to describe an expectation to care for children without payment? Is this empty slogan used to compensate women for gouging holes from potential careers by spending years out of the workplace without recognition?

    Enabling this dogma devalues the unpaid labor of rearing children as much as it strategically devalues women’s worth at work. If being a mother were a job there’d be a selection process, pay, holidays, a superior to report to, performance assessments, Friday drinks, and you could resign from your job and get another one because you didn’t like the people you were working with. It’s not a vocation either – being a mother is a relationship.

    Even if it were a job, there is no way being a professional mother could be the hardest when compared to working 16 hours a day in a clothing factory in Bangladesh, making bricks in an Indian kiln, or being a Chinese miner. Nor could it ever be considered the most important job in comparison with a surgeon who saves lives, anyone running a nation, or a judge deciding on people’s destiny.

~ Read the rest here ~
———————–
Related posts this blog

(Link): Parenthood Does Not Make People More Loving Mature Godly Ethical Caring or Responsible (One Stop Thread)

(Link): Never Married Christians Over Age 35 who are childless Are More Ignored Than Divorced or Infertile People or Single Parents

(Link): Family as “The” Backbone of Society? – It’s Not In The Bible

(Link): The Irrelevancy To Single or Childless or Childfree Christian Women of Biblical Gender Complementarian Roles / Biblical Womanhood Teachings

(Link): Mother’s Day Ain’t A Happy Holiday For Some

(Link): Why all the articles about being Child Free? On Being Childfree or Childless – as a Conservative / Right Wing / Christian

(Link): Widows and Childless and Childfree Have Better Well Being Than Married Couples and Parents says new study

(Link): Bearden: Staying childless right decision for many women

(Link): Christian Patriarchy Group: God Demands You Marry and Have Babies to Defeat Paganism and Satan. Singles and the Childless Worthless (in this worldview).

(Link): Don’t Judge Me, I’m Childless (from Today’s Christian Woman)

(Link): Southern Baptist’s New Sexist “Biblical Woman” Site – Attitudes in Total Face Palm of a Site One Reason Among Many This Unmarried and Childless Woman Is Saying Toodle-Oo to Christianity

(Link): Is The Church Failing Childless Women? by Diane Paddison

(Link): 26, Unmarried, and Childless – by A. Mast

(Link): Idiot Author Thinks Childless and Childfree Should Pay Higher Taxes to Subsidize Parents

No Man’s Land – Between Agnosticism and Christianity / Also: It’s Emotional Not Intellectual (Part 1)

No Man’s Land – Between Agnosticism and Christianity / Also: It’s Emotional Not Intellectual (PART 1)

This will be a series of posts where my thoughts wander in and out and all over, and it rambles, but there is a point or two behind it.

Since I’ve been in a faith crisis the last couple of years, somewhere between being an agnostic and a Christian, I have noticed I don’t fit in anywhere. I reside in No Man’s Land.

(Even before then, when I was a total, committed Christian, and politically, I was, and am, right wing, I still didn’t fit in at most blogs and forums, including political ones, and including ones for right wingers!

I tend to be one of those personalities who annoys or angers everyone, even those on “my side” of an issue, except a small number of people, who are either on my side of a topic or not, who “get me” or who appreciate where I’m coming from – again, this is true for even the ones who disagree with me on whatever topic we are discussing.)

I am in this really weird place now, where I am critical of some aspects of conservative Christianity, and see where conservative Christians get some doctrines and other things wrong, but, too, I am not fully on board with militant atheism (I find the New Atheists to be arrogant, vile, hateful and rude), and I don’t even care for lukewarm atheism.

Nor am I in the camp of anything and all things liberal Christianity, except where I think they get the occasional point correct (such as their rejection of gender complementarianism).

Since drifting away from the Christian faith more the last few years, I more often began frequenting forums or blogs for and by atheists, ones by liberal Christians, ones by ex Christians, or by Christians who were abused by a former church who remain Christian but who dropped out of Church, or who now are on a crusade to expose abuse by preachers or the absurdity and harm of current evangelical gimmicks.

THE MILITANT ATHEISTS

A clarification: when I say I have been visiting atheist forums and blogs more often, I am very picky about which ones I regularly visit.

I do not like the frothing- at- the- mouth, extremely bitter, biased- against- Christians- type atheistic communities.

The bitter atheist groups sound like a bunch of irrational, hate-filled loons who reject Christianity for emotional reasons, but who lie to others and themselves and say, “Oh no, it’s purely intellectual.”

But their unrelenting, insane amount of hatred at any and all things God and Christian, is just a total turn-off to me, so I try to avoid such sites.

These angry, always-ranting atheists are really nothing more than Fundamentalist Atheists or Taliban Atheists. They are just as dogmatic about their atheism as Muslims are in their Wasabi Islam or Baptists are in their Neo Fundamentalism.

Really, those types of atheists are just as bad as the religious groups they claim they hate, but they don’t seem to spot that they are. It’s ironic – and it’s hard to stomach the day in, day out anger and hatred, so I try to avoid their sites.

HYPOCRITICAL CHRISTIANS VS NON HYPOCRITICAL CHRISTIANS

Also, you have to be honest with yourself, which I do not find militant atheists to be, by and large: not every single Christian is a hypocrite, jerk, idiot, dullard, or complete jackhole.

I say this as someone who is very fed up with Christianity and Christian persons myself these days.

But your average militant atheist will never admit that some Christians are in fact okay and not being hypocrites.

I have known and met a few Christians who were sincerely trying to live the Christian faith out, such as my mother, who is now deceased, and her mother before her (my grandmother).

I’ve met a few honest, sincere Christians online who do help people and show compassion to the wounded.

So it’s not fair to completely dismiss the entirety of Christians and their faith or treat them all like jerks because some are liars, mean, or abusive.

Which is not easy for me personally, because at the same time, I do keep noticing that a lot of self-professing believers do NOT live out what the Bible says.

Many self professing Christians today, for example, do not protect victims, such as young church members who have been sexually molested by preachers.

Nor do many church goers today hold accountable preachers who bilk their church goers out of millions to buy big mansions and jets.

These idiots, these lemmings, actually defend their greedy pastors online, which I’ve written about here: (Link): Your Preacher Sucks – and People Have a Right To Say So And Explain Why.

Then you have a conservative or evangelical culture, which claims to care deeply that people preserve sex until marriage, but if you actually find yourself 40 years of age and still single – and therefore still a virgin, such as myself – these same churches and Christians do not offer you any support.

You either go ignored, or preachers and talking heads of such groups “run down” and insult celibacy as well as older, celibate adults. Churches treat single (and especially celibate) adults as though they are flawed, lepers, weirdos, or losers.

Churches wrongly counsel abused wives to return to their spouses – this is particularly true, again, of churches or Christian groups who buy into “biblical womanhood” (aka “gender complementariansm”) or “patriarchy.”

Churches and average Christians also remain ignorant or callous about matters pertaining to mental health issues, from P.T.S.D. to depression and anxiety attacks.

Some Christians wrongly and insensitively teach that “real Christians” can never get depression or other mental health maladies.

Or, some Christians believe and teach that prayer, faith, service to the poor, or Bible reading alone can cure one of mental illness.

Still other Christians (or the same type) will shame and guilt suffering Christians for using anti-depressant medications, or for seeing secular or Christian psychiatrists and therapists (see this link for more, “Over 50 Percent of Christians Believe Prayer, Bible Reading Alone Can Cure Mental Illness (article) – In Other Words Half of Christians are Ignorant Idiots Regarding Mental Illness”).

Yet other Christians are incompetent at, or unwilling, to provide more ordinary, “every day,” run- of- the- mill comfort to other Christians who are hurting, such as a Christian who is stressed out over a job loss, someone who is in mourning for a deceased loved one, etc.

Christians are dropping the ball in numerous ways.

And this failure, this huge failure, causes life long Christians like me to look long and hard at the faith and wonder if it’s true at all.

It causes even someone such as myself to ask if the faith is true, because

  • it doesn’t appear to be working,
  • it doesn’t make a difference in people’s life who profess it,
  • most who claim to follow Christ don’t actually do what he taught,
  • and some Christians refuse to hold Christians caught in bald faced sin accountable but excuse them for the sin,
  • ~ and it makes you wonder “what is the point, then.”

    I find this discrepancy between confessed belief and actual practice shocking, because I myself sincerely tried living out the faith since childhood.

    Also, my Christian mother was a role model for me, and she genuinely, consistently lived out and by biblical teachings, including getting up off her ass and actually HELPING people (giving them money if they were in a bind, cleaning their homes for them when they were sick, listening to them cry and rant about their problems for hours without judging them or interrupting them, etc).

    I am not seeing most other Christians do any of this. They say they believe in those things but then they do not do them.

    BLOGS AND FORUMS FOR SPIRITUALLY ABUSED OR THOSE HURT BY CHURCHES

    Before I actually get into this topic (which I discuss more in Posts 2 and 3), here is some background leading up to it.

    As far as the sites I have visited by liberal Christians, ex Christians, atheists, as well as sites by Christians for the spiritually abused:

    By and large, these have been wonderful, supportive sites and groups to visit (the ones run by Christians for hurting Christians).

    I have noticed, though, that there are problems even within these types of communities, and I don’t entirely fit in at them, either.

    Continue reading

    Women Hating Sites / Men’s Rights Sites Such as Moronic “Save The Males”

    Women Hating Sites / Men’s Rights Sites Such as Moronic “Save The Males”

    In a previous post, a reader asked me to check out and comment on the site “Save the Males.”

    Here is in part how she described that site and some of the views on the site:

      [Writers on the Save the Males site are] …. always talking down to women about how their position is at home with a husband and baby and specially the last article telling women to snatch a husband while in college.

      This women is pushing the one sided idea that if a women wants to get married all she needs to do is snap her fingers and the guy will instantly agree to tie the knot, when the truth is far from this.

      I will say it again most college guys will laugh at your face say if are thinking about marriage. They are focused on their career and or partying and see women as casual hooks or someone to avoid.

    Here was my response to the reader that I was going to leave as a reply but decided to put into a post of its own:

    Nothing has changed. I was a college student in the 1990s, and it was the same in the 1990s as it is now with the 20 something males.

    By the way, you are not going to be in your 20s forever. You will turn 30, then eventually 40, and you will grow to deeply resent how the culture and churches fawn all over 20 somethings and cater to their every concern while ignoring yours.

    If you are a single woman past age 35, you rarely will get any articles, editorials, or advice about being single.

    Most preachers (and many secular authors) tailor all their singleness sermons, blogs, and books, and articles to a 20 something audience. People are very ageist in this regard.

    If you think being single is bad now, just wait until you reach age 35, 40, and older and are still single – it gets 100 times worse, in several regards. (In some ways, it gets a little better, but that is another topic for another time.)

    Also, it’s not just men in their 20s who are like what you were describing in your comments.

    A lot of older men, men ages 30, 40, and up, are also reluctant to marry.

    Continue reading

    What Churches Should Do for Singles by T. Campolo

    What Churches Should Do for Singles

    (Link): What Churches Should Do for Singles by T. Campolo

    Excerpts:

      Churches should make deliberate efforts to ensure that single Christians feel loved–and not alone.
      BY: Tony Campolo

      … But what about the host of Christians who want to be married, and are single by no choice of their own? Almost every church has members like this. What do we have to say to them? All too often their churches are so structured to serve the needs of couples and families that they have a sense of being left out.

      The Bible refers to some who have been given the gift of celibacy (1 Cor. 7:7) and have no problem missing out on sexual gratification.

      But what of those who do not have this gift and constantly long for erotic fulfillment? I wish I could say I have a ready answer for them, but I don’t.

      Given that Christianity has rightly confined erotic sexuality to marriage, these good people are left with intense frustrations.

      The church can do several things to alleviate some of this frustration, but it cannot ultimately resolve the problem.

      Continue reading

    Pew for One: How Is the Church Responding to Growing Number of Singles? by S. Hamaker

    Pew for One: How Is the Church Responding to Growing Number of Singles?

    This link below is from 2012 but is as timely as ever. This will still be pertinent and relevant 20 years from now because I predict the whole of American Christianity will still be failing singles into the future.

    (Link): Pew for One: How Is the Church Responding to Growing Number of Singles? by Sarah Hamaker

    How are they responding? Not very well, that’s how.

    Most churches continue to ignore singles, except for the sliver who note we exist but who blame and shame us for being single (as I have blogged about before, with links to examples).

    Though I must disagree with the person quoted in the article who said, “church is for women.” No, it’s not.

    Women are more marginalized at church than males are. Oh yes, they are, more so than males, click here and read this for an explanation.

    Males run all churches. Women are barred from leadership in most churches.

    It is breath-taking when Baptists and other denominations bar women from leading, preaching, and teaching…

    But then these same Christian males (and a handful of the females who support sexism in churches under the names of “biblical womanhood,” and “gender complementarianism”), complain, moan, and gripe in their books and blogs that “Christianity is too feminized, it is feminizing men, and Christianity is not masculine enough.”

    Yeah? If that is so, whose fault it is?

    Why, it’s the men who are at fault.

    You males prohibit women from leading, preaching or having any meaningful input in churches, yet you have the nerve to complain that church is “too feminine”? It is to laugh.

    Preacher John Piper wrote some time ago that he believes that “Christianity is masculine.”

    This Piper has many nutty views about women which I shall not get into here, but anyway, if you google for it, you can find many pages about his belief that “Christianity is masculine.”

    Here is one page of a million on the issue:
    (Link): Piper’s ‘Masculine Christianity’ Actually Emasculates

    And goodness help you if you are a never-married and childless woman in Christian circles, because you are the lowest of the low on the totem pole in churches, even below the single males.

    (Link): Pew for One: How Is the Church Responding to Growing Number of Singles? by Sarah Hamaker

      February 29, 2012

      One can be the loneliest number, especially in the church. Today, there are more singles in the United States than at any other time in history – 43.6 percent of the U.S. adult population are unmarried, according to the 2010 U.S. Census.

      “The number of single adults in the United States has been rapidly approaching the number of married adults, and this is an unprecedented culture shift that is dramatic,” says Barry Danylak, author of Redeeming Singleness. “This is not an American phenomena – it is seen in nearly all of the modernized and industrialized nations.”

      The church, long welcoming to married with children congregants, has been slower to adjust to this demographic shift.
      “At least 80 percent of every denomination do not have a targeted ministry to single adults,” says Dennis Franck, national director for Single Adult/Young Adult Ministries for the Assemblies of God denomination, headquartered in Springfield, Mo.
      “However, the majority of churches are not trying to exclude singles, but they are more marriage and family focused, which means singles are not acknowledged very often.”

      The Rev. Alan Fretto, a single senior in Danbury, Conn., points out, “The church is geared toward children, women and couples. There is very little in most churches for singles, and yet singles dominate the church population. Singles need to be encouraged and included in the process of the church, and should be considered a valuable asset to the church.”

      Continue reading

    Are Single People the Lepers of Today’s Church? by Gina Dalfonzo

    Are Single People the Lepers of Today’s Church? by Gina Dalfonzo

    I was originally alerted to this article by Janet Mefferd on Twitter, so hat tip to her.

    Overall a good editorial, though I do not agree with the writer that Heb. 10 is a “command” for people to attend church (see this post).

    She raises many of the same points I have raised on this blog the last couple of years, references some of the same books and links I have before.

    Edit. I just realized that Ms. Mefferd discussed the following article (linked to below) on her radio program, and you can listen to her discuss it in an archived version of her show here (the same show also discusses the problem of pornography):

    (Link): Are Single People the Lepers of Today’s Church? by by Gina Dalfonzo

    A few excerpts:

      In an age of rising singlehood, many churches are still focused on being family ministry centers.

      There are the well-meaning ladies who ask you about your husband and children and, when you say you don’t have any, suddenly run out of things to say to you.

      There are the women’s Bible studies scheduled on weekday mornings, because aren’t all church women (Link): married homemakers?

      There are the (Link): sermons and activities directed exclusively at families.

      There are the pastors who fault the single men for not getting married, even if they’ve tried, and who (Link): seem to think that singles are marked out for some terrible fate.

      There are the Christians who tell you that (Link): life doesn’t start until you’re married. Or that you can’t really understand what love is because you’re single and childless. Never mind that this goes directly against the Christian faith, which teaches that God is the source of all love and that everyone — regardless of marital status! — can know that love.

        Churches are so committed to the idea of a family-centered church that they’re just not sure how to handle rising rates of singleness.

      There are the people who talk about singles in the church as a problem. There are the people who say you’re (Link): “too picky” if you have any standards at all.

      There are the people who hint that you couldn’t get a spouse because you’re not spiritual enough or because God is trying to punish you for something.

      And then there are my favorites: the people who helpfully point out that there’ll be no one to look after you in your old age. (Thanks for reminding me once again of that topic that has so often kept me lying awake into the small hours!)

      In a nutshell, there are a lot of nice, well-intentioned Christian married people who say cruel, insensitive, or misguided things to and about single people….

    Please read the rest of her post here:
    (Link): Are Single People the Lepers of Today’s Church? by by Gina Dalfonzo
    ——————————–
    Related posts this blog:

    (Link): Lies The Church Tells Single Women (by Sue Bohlin)

    (Link): Marriage Does Not Make People More Loving Mature Godly Ethical Caring or Responsible (One Stop Thread)

    (Link): Single Adults – Why They Stay and Why They Stray From Church – Book Excerpts

    (Link): Five Things Single Women Hate to Hear

    (Link): Married Couple Almost Starve Adopted 8 Year Old To Death – you don’t have to achieve perfection or sinlessness before God will send you a spouse

    (Link): The Problem with Platitudes – for Christian single over 35 years old never married

    (Link): List of Christian Singlehood Annoyances, Part 1

    (Link): Stop telling single women they’re fabulous! by S. Eckel

    (Link): Myths About Never Married Adults Over Age 40

    (Link): Isn’t It Time the Church Gave Singles a Break? (editorial from another blog)

    (Link): Are Christian Singles The New Second Class Christian? by Duke Taber

    (Link): “Family-ing” Single Adults by D. Franck – How Churches Can Minister to Single Adults

    (Link): Unmarried America: How Single Adults Are Changing the Face of the U.S. and What It Means for the Church by R. Hurst

    (Link): The Singles Challenge ( Single Christian over 35 years old never married )

    (Link): So There Are More Single People, but It’s Still a Couples’ World (article)

    (Link): Study: People today living alone more than ever before

    (Link): Christian Early Marriage Position Advocates A Low View of Celibacy and Virginity and Adult Singleness – another example: Justin Deeter Blog about Early Marriage

    (Link): Preachers and Christian Media Personalities: Re: Marriage – You’re missing the point stop trying to argue or shame singles into getting married

    (Link): How Christians and Churches Can Be of Help to Older Singles (copy)

    (Link): Ministering to the Unmarried by Noel Cameron

    (Link): Why People Don’t Go To Church (various links and testimonies March 2014)

    (Link): The World Does Not Need More Marriage Sermons – They Don’t Stop Divorce or Get People Married

    (Link): Churches Ignoring The Olds: Increasing Population of Senior Citizens In America – Yet Churches Keep Obsessing About Kids and 20 Somethings

    (Link): The Obligatory, “Oh, but if you’re single you can still benefit from my marriage sermon” line

    (Link): Power Point, Boring Churches, It’s all about Jesus, Church Quitters, No Community, Selfish Preachers, Churches As Stalkers / (Re: Why Some Drop Out of Church)

    (Link): The Cloying Annoying Nauseating G-Rated Wholesome Saccharin Sweet Tone of Articles by Christians For Christian Singles – Christian Material For Singles is LAME

    (Link): If Family Is Central, Christ Is Not

    (Link): Never Married Christians Over Age 35 who are childless Are More Ignored Than Divorced or Infertile People or Single Parents

    (Link): A Critique Of, More Singles Commentary by Mark Driscoll (“Two Mistakes Singles Make”)

    (Link): More married women are not having children, U.S. study finds – this will throw a monkey wrench into conservative Christian plans

    (Link): Do You Rate Your Family Too High? (Christians Who Idolize the Family) (article)

    (Link): Never Married Adult Woman Says Married Friends Did Not Help Her When She Was Sick

    (Link): The Myth of the Gift – Regarding Christian Teachings on Gift of Singleness and Gift of Celibacy

    (Link): False Christian Teaching: “Only A Few Are Called to Singleness and Celibacy” or (also false): God’s gifting of singleness is rare – More Accurate: God calls only a few to marriage and God gifts only the rare with the gift of Marriage

    (Link): Why all the articles about being Child Free? On Being Childfree or Childless – as a Conservative / Right Wing / Christian

    (Link): There is No Such Thing as a Gift of Singleness or Gift of Celibacy or A Calling To Either One

    (Link): The Gift of Singleness – A Mistranslation and a Poorly Used Cliche’

    (Link): Gift of Singleness Gift of Celibacy Unbiblical – Those Terms and Teachings Contribute to Fornication / Editorial About Sex Surrogates

    (Link): Douglas Wilson and Christian Response FAIL to Sexual Sin – No Body Can Resist Sex – supposedly – Re Celibacy

    (Link): Cultural, Church, Christian and Secular Discrimination Against Childless and Childfree Women – and link to an editorial by a Childless Woman

    (Link): Single Christian Women Have No Protection according to some preachers – only married women have protection

    (Link): Preacher Mark Driscoll Basically Says No, Single Christian Males Cannot or Should Not Serve as Preachers / in Leadership Positions – Attempts to Justify Unbiblical, Anti Singleness Christian Bias

    (Link): The Netherworld of Singleness for Some Singles – You Want Marriage But Don’t Want to Be Disrespected or Ignored for Being Single While You’re Single

    (Link): Are There Any Protestant or Baptist Singles – Friendly Churches or Denominations ? / Singles Single Adult Childfree Childless Age 30 40 50 Christian

    (Link): Some strands of patriarchy and Christian gender complementarianism teaching: adult singles are not full human beings, not fully in the image of God – you must marry and/or have children to fully reflect God until then you are sub human (Why Christians and singles should be concerned about the gender role debates)

    (Link): Christian Patriarchy Group: God Demands You Marry and Have Babies to Defeat Paganism and Satan. Singles and the Childless Worthless (in this worldview).

    (Link): The Irrelevancy To Single or Childless or Childfree Christian Women of Biblical Gender Complementarian Roles / Biblical Womanhood Teachings

    (Link): Goodbye to romance: Are rom-coms worse than porn? (How Hollywood Feeds Into People’s Tendency to Idolize Marriage and Turn a Spouse Into a Deity)

    (Link): According to Pastor – Jimmy Evans – It Takes One Man and Woman Married To Equal A Whole – so where does that leave Christian singles ? / Too Much Sex Talk | Making Marriage into an Idol Marriage Idolatry Anti Singles Singlehood Singleness Unmarried Bias Prejudice

    (Link): ‘God’s Purpose for Women,’ by Matthew Hagee – Hagee Teaches that Single Unmarried Women Do Not Have a Purpose in Life God has no purpose for singles

    (Link): Singles Shaming at The Vintage church in Raleigh – Singlehood Shaming / Celibate Shaming

    (Link): Christian TV Personality ( Jimmy Evans ) Says You Cannot Meet God’s Destiny For Your Life Without A Spouse = Anti Singleness Singlehood Singles Bias Prejudice Making Idol out of Marriage

    (Link): Male Preacher Marries For First Time At Age 44

    (Link): The Bible Calls Christians to Make Individual Disciples, Not to “Change Culture” Nor to Save, Redeem Culture Nor to Save or Promote Marriage or Manufacture Christianized Entertainment

    (Link): Why Stay-at-Home Moms Are More Depressed Than Working Moms (article) -Intersting- yet Christians hold up Motherhood (especially SAHM – Stay At Home Mommydom) as Being a Woman’s Only Godly, Worthwhile, or Legitimate Calling In Life

    (Link): When Mormonism Sounds Like Gender Complementarian Christianity – Also: Man Shortage in Mormonism Just Like Christianity

    (Link): The Bible Does Not Teach Christians to “Focus On The Family” – The Idolization of Family by American Christians (article)

    (Link): Response to the Hemingway Editorial ‘Fecundophobia’ – conservatives and Christians continue to idolize children, marriage – which is unbiblical

    (Link): Christian Gender Complementarian Group Teaching That There Will Be Marriage in Afterlife and That Women Must Submit To Males in Heaven (post at Spiritual Sounding Board)

    Singleness, Marriage & Story by James Prescott

    Singleness, Marriage & Story by James Prescott

    (Link): Singleness, Marriage & Story by James Prescott

    Here is just an excerpt or two. Please use the link above to read the whole page.

      I don’t generally write on singleness, because I don’t see it as a label and my value isn’t tied into my marital status. I’ve been single the majority of my life. Much of the time I’ve been an unhappy single. Not no much anymore (though I have my moments).

      How and why did this change? When I changed my perspective on marriage and relationships. For years I held the same view as I believe many in our culture – and in church – have of singleness and marriage:

      Simply this:

      Singleness is the waiting room.

      Marriage is where the journey really begins.

      This view says we are only single until we can find someone to marry – and ‘complete’ us. Once this happens then we’re in a position where we can fully complete and fulfill our life calling.

      …In some ways it sounds good. Even logical.

      But it’s total garbage.

      For so long I subscribed to this view. Culture – both in and outside church – fed me this idea of my story only being worthwhile, me only being a ‘real man’, once I was married.

    Please use this link to read the rest:
    (Link): Singleness, Marriage & Story by James Prescott
    ——————————————–
    Related posts this blog:

    (Link): Some strands of patriarchy and Christian gender complementarianism teaching: adult singles are not full human beings, not fully in the image of God – you must marry and/or have children to fully reflect God until then you are sub human (Why Christians and singles should be concerned about the gender role debates)

    (Link): Goodbye to romance: Are rom-coms worse than porn? (How Hollywood Feeds Into People’s Tendency to Idolize Marriage and Turn a Spouse Into a Deity)

    (Link): According to Pastor – Jimmy Evans – It Takes One Man and Woman Married To Equal A Whole – so where does that leave Christian singles ? / Too Much Sex Talk | Making Marriage into an Idol Marriage Idolatry Anti Singles Singlehood Singleness Unmarried Bias Prejudice

    (Link): ‘God’s Purpose for Women,’ by Matthew Hagee – Hagee Teaches that Single Unmarried Women Do Not Have a Purpose in Life God has no purpose for singles

    (Link): Singles Shaming at The Vintage church in Raleigh – Singlehood Shaming / Celibate Shaming

    (Link): Christian TV Personality ( Jimmy Evans ) Says You Cannot Meet God’s Destiny For Your Life Without A Spouse = Anti Singleness Singlehood Singles Bias Prejudice Making Idol out of Marriage

    (Link): Christian Patriarchy Group: God Demands You Marry and Have Babies to Defeat Paganism and Satan. Singles and the Childless Worthless (in this worldview).

    (Link): Christian Males Blaming their Unwanted Protracted Singleness on Feminism – They have the wrong target

    (Link): The Bible Calls Christians to Make Individual Disciples, Not to “Change Culture” Nor to Save, Redeem Culture Nor to Save or Promote Marriage or Manufacture Christianized Entertainment

    (Link): Why Stay-at-Home Moms Are More Depressed Than Working Moms (article) -Intersting- yet Christians hold up Motherhood (especially SAHM – Stay At Home Mommydom) as Being a Woman’s Only Godly, Worthwhile, or Legitimate Calling In Life

    (Link): When Mormonism Sounds Like Gender Complementarian Christianity – Also: Man Shortage in Mormonism Just Like Christianity

    (Link): The Bible Does Not Teach Christians to “Focus On The Family” – The Idolization of Family by American Christians (article)

    (Link): The Irrelevancy To Single or Childless or Childfree Christian Women of Biblical Gender Complementarian Roles / Biblical Womanhood Teachings

    (Link): The Netherworld of Singleness for Some Singles – You Want Marriage [or maybe children] But Don’t Want to Be Disrespected or Ignored for Being Single While You’re Single [or for being childless while you are childless]

    (Link): Response to the Hemingway Editorial ‘Fecundophobia’ – conservatives and Christians continue to idolize children, marriage – which is unbiblical

    (Link): Southern Baptist’s New Sexist “Biblical Womanhood” Site – Attitudes in Total Face Palm of a Site One Reason Among Many This Unmarried and Childless Woman Is Saying Toodle-Oo to Christianity

    (Link): Christian Gender Complementarian Group Teaching That There Will Be Marriage in Afterlife and That Women Must Submit To Males in Heaven (post at Spiritual Sounding Board)

    The Walking Dead television series – Virginity and Family – One of TV’s Most Popular Adult Characters is a Virgin and Single And Most Are Okay With That

    The Walking Dead television series – Virginity and Family

    My last post on this topic:

    —- SHOW FAVORITE IS A VIRGIN AND SINGLE —-

    As the cable series The Walking Dead moved along, character Daryl Dixon had only one living family member left, so far as the show has revealed to this point: his brother Merle Dixon. Merle was killed a couple of seasons ago.

    In interviews, actor Norman Reedus, who plays Daryl on the show, assumes that the character is a virgin – yes, a virgin.

    In real life, Reedus is currently in his mid-40s and was in a long term relationship with a model in his late twenties (they had a son together). It has not been fully verified on the show what Daryl’s age is, but I would assume Daryl is the same age on the show that Reedus is in real life.

    But as far as his Daryl character, Reedus feels that due in part of Dixon’s abusive upbringing, he’s not had much exposure to women and dating. He spent much of his life living in the woods, hunting, and living off the land. Reedus says he plays the Dixon character as though the character has never had sex and is not a smooth Don Juan with the ladies.

    The show writers so far (thank God!) have not caved in to the immense female fan viewer demand to pair him up with Carol, Beth, or anyone else on the show. I hope they keep it that way.

    You can read more about this subject on these off-site pages (I have additional comments about this below these long excerpts):
    (Link): ‘The Walking Dead’s’ Norman Reedus: Daryl is a ‘total virgin’

    Excerpts:

      By Liz Kelly Nelson
      Oct 10th, 2011

      Daryl Dixon knows how to handle a crossbow and has no problem putting an arrow between the eyes of a zombie, but when it comes to romance, he’s a bit of a late bloomer.

      “I’m trying to play him like he’s a total virgin,” Norman Reedus tells Zap2it. “Like if someone were to try to kiss him he’d be like, ‘Eeeeee.’”

      Reedus (“The Boondock Saints”) plays Daryl on AMC’s smash hit, “The Walking Dead.” Although the character wasn’t in the original Robert Kirkman comic books, he’s become a fan favorite. If we were comparing this show to “Lost,” which would be wrong because they are two totally different beasts, he’s kind of like the Sawyer of the group: hot, dangerous and — deep down — a good guy.

      Continue reading

    The Good Wife never had a leading man

    The Good Wife never had a leading man

    (Link): The Good Wife never had a leading man

    Excerpt:

      Mar 31, 2014
      by Steve Thorngate

      This weekend, I went and saw The Grand Budapest Hotel. It was good. It also failed the Bechdel test spectacularly: I don’t think two female characters ever spoke to each other at all, much less about something other than a man.

      Later, I watched the new episode of The Good Wife. Now there’s a show that aces the Bechdel test, week after week. If someone wanted to develop a test specifically for TV shows with strong female protagonists and supporting characters, they could call it The Alicia Test, With Kalinda and Diane. (If you’re behind on this show, you might want to stop reading now.)

      So it’s been odd to see the reaction to the plot twist at the center of the last two episodes. Will—Alicia’s former boss and former lover—dies suddenly. And viewers just could not believe this was happening. Various reviewers turned in copy that mostly just expressed shock and sadness repeatedly. Twitter fell apart, its servers soaked with tears of rage. Breia Brissey said she “can’t imagine this show without Will Gardner.” TV Guide called him “the show’s leading man.”

      He wasn’t. The Good Wife doesn’t have a leading man; never has. A love triangle, yes. But Alicia Florrick is not just a third of that triangle, and she’s not just the first among equals in an ensemble cast. She’s the whole damn point, the only face in the opening credits. The show’s title refers to her. Not even Walter White could say that.

    Read the rest:
    (Link): The Good Wife never had a leading man
    —————-
    Related posts this blog:

    (Link): People Don’t Care About a Woman’s Accomplishments: They Only Value Her if She is Romantically Linked – After historic tennis win, Eugenie Bouchard answers the most sexist question in postgame interview

    (Link): Over Sexed Don Draper – an interesting take on fornication in secular media

    (Link): What Christians Can Learn from The Walking Dead Re: Family, Singleness, and Marriage

    Nursing Home Hires Male Strippers for 85 Year Old Women

    Nursing Home Hires Male Strippers for 85 Year Old Women

    (Link): Lawsuit: New York nursing home resident subjected to unwanted performance by male stripper

      Fensterman also chided Ray [John Ray, the attorney for Bernice Youngblood and her family] for claiming that Youngblood was suffering from dementia, while at the same time noting the woman signed a power of attorney document claiming she was competent to sign it.

      “Ms. Youngblood suffers from partial dementia,” Ray said. “She has moments of partial lucidity.”

    (Link): Nursing Home Stripper Scandal: “Entertainment Night” Results in Lawsuit

    (Link): Lawsuit: Male stripper did show at NY nursing home

      WEST BABYLON, N.Y. (AP) — An 85-year-old nursing home patient was the victim of “disgraceful sexual perversion” when a male stripper gyrated in front of her against her will at the suburban New York facility, an attorney for the woman’s family said Tuesday.

      John Ray, the attorney for Bernice Youngblood and her family, displayed a picture of a man in white briefs dancing in front of the woman at East Neck Nursing and Rehabilitation Center in September 2012.

    (Link): Man Sues Over Mom’s Nursing Home Stripper

      An 85-year-old woman with dementia had a male stripper gyrate in front of her against her will at her suburban New York nursing home, according to a lawsuit filed by her family but the facility’s lawyer said Tuesday the performance had been requested by its residents.

      John Ray, the attorney for Bernice Youngblood and her family, said the woman’s son found a photograph of a man in white briefs dancing in front of his mother when he visited her in January 2013 at East Neck Nursing and Rehabilitation Center.

      The photo, which Ray distributed to reporters, shows Youngblood putting money into the dancer’s waistband. Ray said Youngblood had been urged to participate and did so against her will.

      Continue reading

    Mother Sentenced for Killing Her Infant With Morphine Laced Breast Milk

    Mother Sentenced for Killing Her Infant With Morphine Laced Breast Milk

    And evangelicals, Reformed, Fundamentalists, and Southern Baptists like to say that parenthood automatically makes a woman more mature, godly, responsible, and self-sacrificing.

    Another story of a selfish, irresponsible, ungodly mother:

    (Link): SC woman gets 20 years in breast feeding overdose

      April 2014
      By Associated Press

      SPARTANBURG, S.C. — A judge sentenced a South Carolina woman to 20 years in prison Friday for killing her 6-week-old daughter with what prosecutors say was an overdose of morphine delivered through her breast milk.

      Continue reading

    Aged Out of Church by M. Van Loon (For Christians over the Age of 35 – 40 – Churches ignoring middle aged adults)

    Aged Out of Church by M Van Loon (For Christians over the Age of 35 – 40)

    If you are, as of 2014 especially, over 35 years old, especially over age 40, you should relate to this (if you are currently 20 years old, come back and read this blog post in another 15 – 20 years, and you will relate):

    (Link): Aged Out of Church (on Virtue Online)

    (Link): Aged Out of Church

      Even in our congregations, midlife has become a joke.
      by Michelle Van Loon

    I have linked to some of her material before, or similar material by other people, such as

    Excerpts

    (Link): Aged Out of Church (on Virtue Online)

    (Link): Aged Out of Church

      Even in our congregations, midlife has become a joke.
      by Michelle Van Loon

      Ask anyone who’s hit midlife, and they’ll tell you: this stage is no joke for us.

      The emotional, spiritual, physical, and relational shifts that occur at midlife can lead to disconnection from old social networks and a profound sense of loneliness, which brings with it serious health risks. At this point, many also feel drained by the increasingly common occurrence of death, disease, divorce, and the changes that redefine old friendships.

      And yet, rather than engage these important but uncomfortable issues that come with aging, our culture—including, at times, the church—would rather laugh it off. We see midlife as a caricature…

      ….Church should be a place of meaningful connection with God and others at every stage of our lives, but nearly half of more than 450 people who participated in an informal and completely unscientific survey I hosted on my blog last year told me that their local church had in some painful ways exacerbated the challenges they faced at midlife. As a result, they’d downshifted their involvement in the local church from what it had been a decade ago.

      Continue reading

    Idiot Author Thinks Childless and Childfree Should Pay Higher Taxes to Subsidize Parents

    Idiot Author Thinks Childless and Childfree Should Pay Higher Taxes to Subsidize Parents

    (Link): Tax the Childless We should slash taxes on parents by jacking them up for nonparents. By Reihan Salam

    Excerpts:

      So now, as a childless professional in my mid-30s, I often reflect on the sacrifices working parents make to better the lives of their children.

      And I have come to the reluctant conclusion that I ought to pay much higher taxes so that working parents can pay much lower taxes. I believe this even though I also believe a not inconsiderable share of my tax dollars are essentially being set on fire by our frighteningly incompetent government. Leviathan is here to stay, whether I like it or not, and someone has to pay for it. That someone should be me, and people like me.

    You might want to read the reader comments under that editorial. Here are a few:

    by LJ

      I thought this was an April Fool, somewhat disgusted to see it was posted 31st March.

      People with children use more resources and, as such, should naturally pay more (for these resources). I could have some sympathy if they were forced to have children, but they choose to have children and it is not right that those who didn’t get a say in them having children should then be forced to help them fund their lifestyle. We all make our decisions in life and we shouldn’t be made to pay for each other’s choices.

      The attitude of the author is especially worrying in a world where we really should be allowing our population to naturally level off and then gradually decrease to a sustainable level. We already (in the UK at least) have benefits systems that encourage people to have children that, if we’re honest, aren’t really all that wanted (rather just accessories, or only wanted while too small to talk back / walk etc.) We should certainly be strongly encouraging a situation where every child is thoroughly planned for an wanted beyond just the baby age!

    hephastia

      @Ben
      I’m a childless professional, and I most decidedly don’t have money coming out my butt. (This is also basic biology.) A good chunk of my monthly income goes to paying the student loans that enabled me to find work in a profession.

      Having children is a choice, and I chose not to. I still pay into things like the educational system even though I don’t have a child to benefit from it. I shouldn’t have to pay more than my share to support those who make different choices.

    by bernacky

      1. I agree with Blair of STFU parents that this article title is click bait.

      2. Children -> tax credits/deductions. So non-parents already pay more than parents do.

      3. The majority of people with children chose to have them. I don’t see why non-parents should be, essentially, punished for the choices other people make.

      I should note that my husband and I are trying to have kids, but I don’t expect extra handouts from others because we will have children.

    ————————–
    Related posts, this blog:

    (Link): Why all the articles about being Child Free? On Being Childfree or Childless – as a Conservative / Right Wing / Christian

    (Link): Cultural Discrimination Against Childless and Childfree Women – and link to an editorial by a Childless Woman

    (Link): Kid-Friendly Policies Don’t Help Singles – Work and Job Discrimination Against Singles Unmarried Childless Childfree

    (Link): Prejudiced Writer Stupidly Blames Slutty Halloween Costumes and Societal Ills on Childless the Childfree, and Unmarried Adults – but Married people and parents are not perfect either

    (Link): Totally Obnoxious Parent: Childless Couple Who Donates to Childrens Charities Lambasted by Snotty Adult Sister for Not Showering Her Kids with Christmas Presents – Parents Who Discriminate Against the Childless or Childfree

    (Link): Widows and Childless and Childfree Have Better Well Being Than Married Couples and Parents says new study (2013)

    (Link): 23 Responses to 23 Awful Statements Made to Childfree People by TAURIQ MOOSA

    Stop Rewarding People For Their Failure – Christians Speaking Out of Both Sides of Their Mouths About Sexual Sin – Choices and Actions and How You Teach This Stuff Has Consequences – Allowing Sinners To Re-Define Biblical Terms and Standards

    Christians Speaking Out of Both Sides of Their Mouths About Sexual Sin – Choices and Actions and How You Teach This Stuff Has Consequences

    The over-riding point I wanted to make in my post from yesterday, but I do not think I was clear enough about it (I was half asleep when I wrote the last blog page) is that Christians speak out of both sides of their mouth on the sexual sins front, but then, ironically, have the nerve to complain about sexual sins.

    On the one hand, a lot of American, socially conservative Christians complain, whine, and cry about the high rates of fornication, adultery, and homosexual sex and homosexual marriage in American culture, but then turn around and downplay, ridicule, or water down the Bible’s teachings about sexual purity, virginity, and celibacy in their blogs, magazines, sermons, television appearances, and pod casts.

    If you want to know one reason homosexuality has taken off or received an embrace among evangelicals to the degree it has, and why there is more fornication now, even among Christians, it’s because the church does not esteem, defend, and respect adult singleness, virginity, and celibacy.

    Good lord knows churches either insult adult singles or refuse to help them, something I’ve written of before in several posts, including this one:

    Ignoring adult singles and their needs, a respectable amount of whom are staying celibate, or insulting adult singles, and treating them like second class citizens, acting as though singleness and celibacy are not as good and worthy as marriage, or acting as though adult singles are failures (and many married Christians do in fact behave in these ways or adhere to these stereotypes), is contributing to the rise of sexual sin in the church.

    Even socially conservative Christians have taken it upon themselves within the last several years to be influenced by emergents, liberal Christians, and post-evangelicals to water-down virginity and celibacy, if not ceasing to preach about the worth of both altogether.

    These groups – no longer the post-evangelicals and liberal Christians only, but also the conservatives now – are attempting to re-define terms and words, as well.

    Some want to do away with the word “fornication,” for example, because they feel it is too old-fashioned or too judgmental.

    Starting around ten years ago, I started hearing Christians on Christian talk shows use phrases such as “born again virgin” or “secondary virginity” which are phrases that are applied to Christians who have committed sexual sin, to make them feel less guilty about having sexual failings.

    I do believe that the terms “sexual purity” and “virginity” are inter-changable, but I am seeing more and more Christians try to divide the two, by explaining that sexual purity is not tantamount to virginity – and I disagree.

    That is not to say that a fornicator cannot cease having pre-marital sex, because a fornicator can make a change and stop fornicating. That is true.

    But, it is also true that virginity is a form of sexual purity. But more and more Christians today are denying that “virginity = sexual purity,” because a lot of self professing Christians have failed to keep their virginity intact until marriage.

    It’s so strange to me, and an abject travesty, that Christians are seeking to change biblical teachings, to move the goal posts on what constitutes acceptable and un-acceptable behavior, all based upon people’s failings, sins, and feelings.

    It seems to me that robbery is on the increase in the last several years.

    Why are we not seeing these same Christians, who are so willing to pardon sexual sin and downplay celibacy – saying things like,

      “Let’s not refer to robbery as “stealing” anymore, let’s call it by a euphemism, so as not to hurt the feelings of bank robbers. Let’s stop sermonizing against theft, because if we keep insisting the God of the Bible is opposed to theft, it might hurt the feelings of all the kleptomaniacs out there. Let’s not positively teach about, or encourage, honesty and holding down an honest day’s labor at a 9- to- 5 job.”

    Why would you re-define standards and rules, all to spare the feelings of people who fail to keep those rules and standards, who do not even attempt to keep the rules?

    If a person keeps failing at something (as in sexual abstinence), rather than encourage that person to buck up and improve, the majority of the Christian culture very oddly has decided a winning strategy is to go the opposite direction, which is quite un-biblical, and say, “hey, we get it – you cannot help but fail in this area, so don’t even try. Just give up, cave in, and later call yourself a ‘born again virgin.’”

    FFS, Christian people. You cannot sit there and say virginity, sexual purity, and celibacy are really not all that important, as is your habit, and tell people you expect them to fail at biblical sexual ethics, then turn around and complain that homosexual and hetero fornication rates are sky rocketing.

    Continue reading

    Married Female Christian Blogger Whose Mate Hunting Criteria is Guaranteed to Keep Marriage Minded Single Christian Men Single Perpetually

    Married Female Christian Blogger Whose Mate Hunting Criteria is Guaranteed to Keep Marriage Minded Single Christian Men Single Perpetually

    An analysis of “13 Women Men Should Never Marry” by Mary Colbert

    There were a few items on Colbert’s list I thought were okay or spot-on, but most of her blog post was a train wreck.

    If you are a single Christian man who wants to marry some day, and you follow this married woman’s advice to a “T” you will be single forever.

    This lady also seems to be arguing for traditional gender roles in marriage (a.k.a. “gender complementarianism.”)

    The only type of man who really and truly wants a “biblical woman” are controlling, abusive men – only they are attracted to doormat females (a.k.a. “gender complementairans,” aka. “biblical women”).

    Colbert seems to define a wife as being nothing but an accessory to a husband, as though the woman will not, does not, or should not have any needs, goals, or dreams of her own.

    A woman who is willing to serve you, a man, every step of the way and be a doormat to you is NOT EMOTIONALLY HEALTHY.

    There is a reason such a woman is putting you first all the time and stuffing her emotions and anger down, and it is not because she is truly happy doing so or truly wants to live that way. Your marriage will end in divorce.

    I know if you are a (non abusive) man (abusive men already know they prefer doormat women who cater to their every whim), it may sound really great to think that the wife you marry will always put you first, always help you meet your goals, and meet your every need, but no, no, no, it will not be the fairy tale and fantasy you think it will.

    Not only will your wife eventually burn out (because she is meeting all your needs, but you are not meeting any of hers), she will eventually be filled with unspoken resentment, and you will grow very un-challenged by your wife and the dynamics of your marriage, and hence you will also grow BORED by your doormat wife, and you will have an affair or divorce her.

    Unfortunately, many Christians pass off the emotional sickness of codependency as being “biblical womanhood,” as the woman of this piece does, which I find very odd, considering one of her other points on the list to men is to tell them not to hook up with a woman who always expects the man to help or rescue her.

    Women who are codependent (remember, “biblical womanhood” and “gender complementarianism” are nothing but codependency under other names) put you, the man, first, because they are very clingy, emotionally needy, and such women expect you to be “Mr Knight In Shining Armor, He Will Fix All My Problems” types.

    They are trading off their independence and such for your protection and you being a provider – and that is NOT a good thing for them, for you, or for your marriage, if you want your marriage to succeed.

    Such women are not catering to your every need out of altruism, dedication to the Bible, or out of pure love – some such women may not even realize this about themselves until years later, or unless and until they’ve gone through therapy for codependency.

    I’m not even saying a man should not marry a codependent female, but know what you are getting into before you marry one.

    If you marry a codependent, you will have to coach her to express her anger to you (codependents are reluctant or afraid to express anger or disagreement, they are scared of conflict) and coach her to tell you what she really wants and needs in the relationship, and make it clear you cannot know what she wants and needs unless she tells you because you cannot read her mind.

    And for God’s sake, buy your codependent girlfriend books about codependency and tell her to read the books – start with Dr. Cloud’s and Dr. Townsend’s book “Boundaries,” or some book like that.

    I feel as though the woman who wrote this piece is very prejudiced against people who have mental health problems. There is no compassion shown to people who struggle with various mental health issues.

    This Colbert lady is basically teaching a form of the false Christian belief that God will not reward you with a spouse unless and until you become perfect – she teaches that marriage is possible only for perfect people who have no flaws, which is a total lie (see this list for examples).

    (Link): 13 Women Men Should Never Marry by Mary Colbert

    Here are some excepts.

    A few of the points I agreed with:

      9. Married Mindy. You would think this would be obvious, but unfortunately it is not. If a married woman is sending you signals or if you’re married and a single woman is sending you signals, beware.

      If she will cheat with you, she will cheat on you.

      “Why bring the hot coals of fire into your chest?” the Bible clearly warns you. Unless a woman has a true heart change in the Lord, and not a heart change because of you, history will repeat itself.

      10. Lying Linda. Listen to this woman. If she has no problem lying to family, friends and co-workers, she will have no problem lying to you. That which you fear, you cannot love. Trust will always be an issue with you. Eventually your love for her will dry up.

    One item that I partially agreed with:

      3. Holy Holly. This woman can be exhausting. She quotes the Bible in everything she does.

      She is the “only one” who hears from God correctly. She has no real joy in living. No sense of humor. If she laughed, her face would crack. Her comfort and joy come from the law of the Lord.

    A few points that I totally disagreed with:

      12. Sad Sally. This woman has no joy.

      She seems sad most of the time and has the attitude of “If it wasn’t for bad luck, I’d have no luck at all.” Attitude will determine altitude—how far you will go.

      Like a helium balloon, you are constantly having to pump this woman up, only to find her deflated in the morning. Look for a woman who knows how to encourage herself, and you will find one who will encourage you and won’t weigh you down.

      13. Nervous Nellie. This woman is afraid of everything—afraid to drive, afraid to fly, afraid to try anything new.

      She will have to see it to believe it. Nervous Nellie can hold a man back from becoming the gift he was meant to be. This doesn’t mean a woman can’t balance a man to keep him from being careless. Often a woman can sense the things that men overlook.

      I am saying that this one can never go beyond her comfort zone. She is obsessed with illness and talks of sickness as if it is something to expect—that it’s normal and a healthy life is unusual.

    The married woman who wrote this travesty signed off with,

      Mary Colbert is married to Dr. Don Colbert, who graduated from ORU Medical School in 1984. He then moved to central Florida where he did his internship and residency at Florida Hospital.

      For over 20 years, Dr. Colbert has practiced medicine in Central Florida. He is currently board certified in Family Practice and Specializing in Anti-Aging Medicine.

      Dr. Don Colbert is also a New York Times best selling author that has written over 40 books.

    Notice how she defined herself totally in terms of HER HUSBAND.

    Warning: I suspect she is enmeshed with hubby and is highly codependent. Other clues I picked up that may be true of her were these comments she made on the page:

      Her pains will become your worst nightmare. Remember you are looking for a helpmate, not a mate to help.

    As I said in some comments below the article:

    post by christianpundit

      Wow, this list was pretty demeaning and so general, encompassing so many different flaws and personality types, everyone will be guilty of them at some time or another.

      The “Sad Sally” (or whatever it was called) category is especially demeaning to women who may be diagnosed with clinical depression – such women are still worthy of a mate and of being loved. There is no such thing as a perfect woman (or man).

      The “Nervous Nelly” one is also insulting for women who struggle with anxiety attacks (which can be biological in origin). Maybe a loving, caring man can help such a woman through her anxiety, and if she takes doctor prescribed medication, she would make a perfectly fine and suitable partner/wife.

      There are, unfortunately, a lot of males, including Christian ones, who are searching for the perfect woman, and there is no such creature – and whom they usually define in un-biblical and/or unrealistic terms, such as the 45 year old fat, indebted, socially awkward man who insists on having a perpetually stick thin, 25 year old, steadily employed girlfriend who has a ton of money, no problems in her life at all, and no needs of her own.

      This list is basically telling men they are going to be single for life, because you are telling them to look for a perfect woman to date or marry (i.e., a woman with no emotional, financial, or health-related issues – there is no such woman, just as there is no such man).

      One or two points in this editorial were valid, such as, “Just make sure that looks aren’t the only thing you see, because although a trophy will lose its shine over time, what’s on the inside never will.” -but a lot of the rest of this editorial was dreck and over-generalizing.

      It was also mentioned in the editorial a few times that a woman should help the man meet his goals – no, it is a two way street. A woman is not a man’s accessory.

      A wife does not exist only to meet the man’s needs, to help the man reach his goals, or to serve the man. The husband should also help the wife meet HER goals in life and help build up HER talents. The “helping the partner reach their potential” is applicable to both partners in a relationship, not just one person.

      I can guarantee you if a relationship is lop sided to where the woman is constantly serving the man and helping him achieve his goals, but he does nothing to help her with hers, resentment will build in her, and she will eventually divorce the guy.

      All women have needs, and many of them have dreams for their own lives, that is a reality.

      If you are telling un-married men to search for a woman who doesn’t have any needs or goals of her own, you are telling single men who want to be married to look for a woman who does not exist. There is no “fantasy” woman who comes with the perfect figure, AND perfect face, AND zero baggage, AND zero problems, AND zero flaws, AND zero financial (or health / emotional) problems.

    My response to some guy who was defending the “Holy Holly” point (he acts like he would be thrilled to marry a “Holy Holly” type of gal):

      To each his or her own, but I have been around “Holy Holly’s” and “Holy Hanks,” (also known as Stepford Christians), and they are not a joy to be around.

      They pepper every single other sentence with a Bible verse quote or theological talk… one cannot have normal, every day pleasant conversation with Stepford Christians, like about the weather, current events, or one’s favorite TV shows; they are very robotic, they find it necessary to mention Jesus every third sentence, or bring theology up in every topic, even ones having nothing to do with theology.

      I find them weird… even when I was a gung ho Christian myself. They were either boring to me or came across as weird or one dimensional.

    If you are a single guy of any age, and you want to be married, I would be very, very careful about following the ‘how to’ lists put out by Christian groups, or the ‘who not to marry’ lists and advice columns. If you follow their advice too closely, you may die single.
    ——————–
    Related posts this blog:

    (Link): On Christians Marrying Non Christians -and- Unrealistic, Too Rigid Spouse Selection Lists by Christians

    (Link): Gender Complementarian Advice to Single Women Who Desire Marriage Will Keep Them Single Forever / Re: Choosing A Spiritual Leader

    (Link): How Christians Have Failed on Teaching Maturity and Morality Vis A Vis Marriage / Parenthood – Used as Markers of Maturity Or Assumed to be Sanctifiers – Also: More Hypocrisy – Christians Teach You Need A Spouse to Be Purified, But Also Teach God Won’t Send You a Spouse Until You Become Purified

    (Link): Wife of Preacher Shoots, Kills Him, Recounts Years of Physical and Sexual Abuse – So Much for the Equally Yoked Teaching and the Notion that Christian married sex is Mind Blowing

    (Link): Decent Secular Relationship Advice: How to Pick Your Life Partner

    (Link): Married Man Forced His Wife To Have Sex With Strangers and He Killed A Teen – So Much For the Christian Teaching That God Doesn’t Send Spouses to Imperfect, Sinful People

    (Link): Prejudiced Writer Stupidly Blames Slutty Halloween Costumes and Societal Ills on Childless the Childfree, and Unmarried Adults – but Married people and parents are not perfect either

    “Family-ing” Single Adults by D. Franck – How Churches Can Minister to Single Adults

    “Family-ing” Single Adults – How Churches Can Minister to Single Adults

    (Link): “Family-ing” Single Adults

    I don’t know about you, but as a single adult who has walked into churches alone, my experience has been more like Bob’s than the lady he mentions under “Sandy’s Experience,” which I won’t repeat on my blog page here.

      Pastors have a unique opportunity to attract and positively influence single adults. Here are specific strategies pastors can employ to build a single-adult friendly church.

      By Dennis Franck

      BOB’S EXPERIENCE — WILL HE RETURN?

      Bob arrived at church 10 minutes before the service began hoping to connect with someone to ease the butterflies in his stomach. It had been 3 years since he stepped into a church, but his recent separation and impending divorce helped him recognize his need to develop some sort of spiritual life. A few people in the lobby laughing together noticed him but seemed preoccupied.

      Bob quietly slipped into the back row hoping someone would speak to him. Others around him looked straight ahead as if they were in a trance … or were they just afraid to speak to someone they did not know?

      The service began: “Welcome to First Church. Let’s stand and sing about the love of God.” After a few songs and prayer, the leader asked people to say hello to each other. Bob turned to someone in front of him, but that person was already talking to someone else.

      After an awkward 10 seconds, a man and woman next to him said, “Are you new here? Did you come alone or is your wife here, too?” The word wife stirred feelings that were difficult for Bob, and several questions ran through his mind. Why assume I’m married? Why ask such a personal question? Do I stand out like a fifth wheel here?

      The men’s retreat promotion didn’t help either. The speaker mentioned the retreat was only a month away and that wives should be happy their husbands will come back better equipped to strengthen their marriages. Feelings of loneliness and emptiness flooded over Bob. He didn’t choose to end his marriage; his wife left him for another man.

      Bob hoped the sermon might offer some encouragement to help deal with his impending divorce. The essence of the sermon — family and marriage are God’s desire for us — caused him consternation and pain. His marriage was over.

      The pastor concluded his message by asking couples and families to stand for prayer. Bob noticed many adults didn’t stand, and he assumed they were either single or without their spouse that day. Nothing was said about those who didn’t have a spouse present. Bob didn’t enjoy the service and wondered if/when he would ever return.

      YOU MAKE THE DIFFERENCE

      Your church can make the difference by showing God’s love to others. Bob’s story portrays an experience far too common in many churches today. As a single adult, Bob needed to feel included and part of a family. Bob needed to be “family–ed.”

      “Family” is more than a noun; it is also a verb. Christians need to family each other, especially those who may not have a family due to death of a spouse, death of a marriage, relatives many miles away, or other reasons.

      Churches want everyone to become part of a church and feel included. Accomplishing this, however, requires more than hope. Single adults need the church to realize not all adults are married, and not everyone has family nearby.

      The church needs to understand that single adults want/need people to accept them, maybe even more than married adults who have each other.

      The church needs to know single adults benefit from meeting other single adults with whom they share common interests and needs.

      The unmarried benefit from church leadership using inclusive language that recognizes and affirms individuals representing the many types of marital status: married, remarried, never-married, formerly married, separated, single parent, etc.

      How can your church — the hands, feet, and voice of Christ — help single or single-again adults feel included? How can your congregation help them come to the knowledge of the truth of the gospel?

      Continue reading

    How Should We Then Marry? Singleness, marriage, and the church by Betsy Carlson

    How Should We Then Marry? Singleness, marriage, and the church by Betsy Carlson

    (Link): How Should We Then Marry? Singleness, marriage, and the church by Betsy Carlson

    Excerpts:

      Jan 2013

      Even though ours is a good-size church (attendance runs about 400), there aren’t too many singles; and, as in many churches, single women outnumber single men—although that doesn’t mean Christian men don’t consider it difficult finding someone to date, let alone marry.

      Meeting someone at work is an option for some singles, but, of course, the majority of those in a secular workplace are probably unbelievers.

      And while sometimes friends and family will set singles up on a date, if friends and family attend their church and generally know the same people they do, they’re back to square one!

      So, if singles who’d like to marry find it difficult to meet someone at church, what can they do? What should they do? Anything? Nothing?

      And is my friend’s experience as a marriage-minded Christian single an isolated one, or could this conversation have taken place between two believers in the nursery—or at the outreach, music practice, or VBS—at your church?

      If singles who’d like to marry find it difficult to meet someone at church, what can they do? What should they do? Anything? Nothing?

      Counselors like Job’s

      Journalist Julia Duin prompts a similar question in her provocative book Quitting Church: Why the Faithful Are Fleeing and What to Do about It.

      In a chapter called “The Loneliest Number: Why Singles over Thirty-five Are Saying Good-bye,” Duin notes that even while churches promote marriage and family in their teaching, preaching, small-group focus, fellowship, etc., often churchgoing singles who express a desire for marriage are met with a lack of compassion, wisdom, and full-orbed Biblical counsel, which can lead to discouragement.

      For example, marriage-minded singles are often given counsel that while true is also flat, one-dimensional, and without mercy: “Be content”; “Don’t make marriage an idol”; “Jesus is all you need.” Sometimes singles receive counsel from those who, like Job’s counselors, mean well, but speak without knowledge regarding what God is doing in a person’s life, saying things like, “If God wants you to have a spouse, He will bring you one,” or “You’re not married because you want it too much.”

      While people mean well, such “help” is not helpful, often leaving singles feeling frustrated and ashamed of their desire, and leading some to quit seeking counsel at church or date unbelievers or quit church altogether.

      Continue reading

    Additional Rebuttals to CBMW Gender Complementarian Heresy and Travesty That Declares All Females Must Submit To All Males In Heaven

    Additional Rebuttals to CBMW Christian Gender Complementarian Heresy and Travesty That Declares All Females Must Submit To All Males In Heaven (Part 3)

    I should note that not only are Christian egalitarians recoiling in horror and disgust over CBMW’s “women shall have to submit to all men in the afterlife” editorial, but a number of gender comps have as well.

    Some of the writers or contributors or moderators of some of the following blogs are gender comps:

    > (Link): Headship in Heaven According to CBMW

    > (Link): Eternal Patriarchy? The Council on Biblical Manhood and Womanhood says, “You Bet!”

    > (Link): The Logical Fallacy of “Equal But Subordinate”

    > (Link): (Forum discussion): Eternal submission of women to Men
    ————————————————–
    Previous posts about this topic at this blog (parts 1 and 2):

    Post 1. (Link): Christian Gender Complementarian Group Teaching That There Will Be Marriage in Afterlife and That Women Must Submit To Males in Heaven

    Post 2. (Link): Gender Complementarian Christians Who Teach Gender Inequality Even in Afterlife – an UPDATE

    Kinda related:
    (Link): Does head mean boss when it is connected to the body?

      This is the first in a series about marriage and the connection between marriage to women’s gifts in the church.

      Some people in an effort to keep women’s ministry gifts away from the benefit of men, teach that the term husband as the “head of the wife” means that men are to have authority over women and this eliminates women as having any kind of teaching authority in the body of Christ.

      So does the term “head” mean “boss over” or “authority over” when it is connected to the term “body”?

    —————————
    Related posts this blog:

    (Link): The Irrelevancy To Single or Childless or Childfree Christian Women of Biblical Gender Complementarian Roles / Biblical Womanhood Teachings

    (Link): Southern Baptist’s New Sexist “Biblical Womanhood” Site – Attitudes in Total Face Palm of a Site One Reason Among Many This Unmarried and Childless Woman Is Saying Toodle-Oo to Christianity

    (Link): Christian Gender Complementarian Group (CBMW) Anti Virginity and Anti Sexual Purity Stance (At Least Watered Down) – and their Anti Homosexual Marriage Position

    Never Married Adult Woman Says Married Friends Did Not Help Her When She Was Sick

    Never Married Adult Woman Says Married Friends Did Not Help Her When She Was Sick

    Letter to advice columnist Hax:

      Dear Carolyn: I’m a middle-aged woman who has never married. The only family I’m in contact with is my 91-year-old mother who lives an hour away. But I believe I am blessed with many friends.

      Recently I was knocked down by a terrible respiratory infection that kept me in bed for more than a week. I’m just now able to be up and around a bit. I know that an upper-respiratory infection does not sound so threatening, but I was really ill.

      Several of my friends knew I was under the weather and I’m very sad to say that not one called to ask if I was feeling better or if they could do anything. I really could have used some food and, yes, a bit of friendship.

      I have lived very independently for a long time and admit that I’m not comfortable asking for help. My friends have very full lives with family, so am I selfish to hope they would notice a friend without family could be in need? Is the onus on me to reach out? If so, what are the words — help, I’m sick, I’m vulnerable, I’m alone? — P.

      [Response]

      Tough words to choke out for anybody.

      They’re also the words we all reckon with when circumstances expose a hole in the net we always trusted to catch us.

      Certainly people with spouses and involved families — or just roommates — are more insulated from them than others; just having someone in the home, even a tenant who doesn’t like you much but has a fundamental sense of decency, can spare you the distress of having no one to warm up a can of soup for you.

      But even those who live with someone and/or feel blessed as you do are subject to the discovery of a gap in their sense of security.

      Maybe a spouse is a lousy caregiver, or just as sick if not sicker; maybe you never noticed till now that certain local family members are better at receiving than giving. Maybe they’d be the first to come over for a sprained ankle but recoil at the thought of a germ. And so on.

      Or maybe they care every bit as much as you expected they would, but need a thok to the forehead before they’re able to recognize the difference between a head cold and a viral knockout punch with a side of existential crisis.

      I spell all this out for a couple of reasons: The first is to assure you that your concern is real and valid but you don’t stick out like a sore thumb for it. Those who live alone aren’t alone in sometimes having to leave their comfort zone to get what they need.

      The second is to sever the implied connection between, “Nobody came to my aid,” and “I’m not as blessed as I thought.” It’s possible, certainly, that your friends are not as invested in you as you believed. But it’s much more likely that they were absent for no deeper reasons than busy lives and a lack of clear instructions.

      As annoying as it is — especially mid-illness or -crisis — we all have to calculate on a fairly regular basis which discomfort we prefer: the discomfort of asking for help, or the discomfort of toughing out something alone.

      I do think it gets easier, though, if you treat it as a choice, a common, conscious and renewable one, and prepare yourself for it in advance: “Hey, [person I find least awkward to approach], I had an epiphany last week that I’m terrible at asking for help. Next time I’m really sick, would you be my go-to person? And I’ll be the same for you?”

      For what it’s worth, anecdotally, far more people write in to ask how to be more helpful to friends than how to take on less.

    —————
    Related posts this blog:

    (Link): Do Married Couples Slight Their Family Members as Well as Their Friends? (The answer: Yes, they do – studies show married people are more selfish than single people) / “Greedy Marriages”

    (Link): Standing Alone – single or never married Christians over 35 years old

    (Link): Never Married Christians Over Age 35 who are childless Are More Ignored Than Divorced or Infertile People or Single Parents

    (Link): To Get Any Attention or Support from a Church These Days you Have To Be A Stripper, Prostitute, or Orphan

    (Link): Part 2, The Parable of the Neglected Unmarried – Single – Christian

    (Link): Study: People today living alone more than ever before

    (Link): Live alone? You’re not alone (from CBS news)

    (Link): Widower to Advice Columnist Talks about Being Stereotyped by Married Couples or Ignored by Other Marrieds Since His Wife has Died

    (Link): Married People Who Find Themselves Single Again – Spouses With Dementia / Married People Who Are Lonely