“Who is my mother and who are my brothers?” – one of the most excellent Christian rebuttals I have seen against the Christian idolatry of marriage and natalism, and in support of adult singleness and celibacy – from CBE’s site

“Who is my mother and who are my brothers?” – one of the most excellent Christian rebuttals I have seen against the Christian idolatry of marriage and natalism, and in support of adult singleness and celibacy – from CBE’s site

(Link): “Who is my mother and who are my brothers?” – from CBE site, by Carrie A. Miles

As I wrote in a much older posts, Christian single men need to strongly reconsider supporting gender complementarianism, if they do so already, because GC (gender complementarianism, as espoused by Christian groups such as “Council for Biblical Womanhood and Manhood” and by people such as preacher Mark Driscoll and many other male pastors, as well as entire denominations, such as Southern Bapists), discriminate against single, childless men.

These groups not only promote sexism against women, and limit women, but they do so against MEN as well, especially un-married, childless men.

Under patriarchy beliefs, or even standard GC (gender complementarian) teachings, Christian men are told that they are demanded or expected to marry, marry young, and to have lots of children, and it’s argued that the Bible itself supports those propositions (though it does not).

If men do not marry, do not marry young, and do not have children, they are told, they are in disobedience to God, breaking biblical rules, defrauding women, and are displeasing God.

Depending on the particular GC preacher or organization, men will further be told that they are not “real” men if they don’t have a career with a paycheck that enables their wife to stay at home and raise children.

If you are a man who has a wife, and she must work to help pay bills, you are considered a “man fail” by these groups.

Also depending on the particular GC preacher or church, men who are artistic, creative, sensitive (I don’t mean homosexual, all I mean are men who are not as into “manly men” stereotypes as others), men who are not into MMA or NFL, men who do not fit stereotypical he-man American pursuits and interests, are derided for being wimps and “pussified” (their word) by male, GC preachers (see this link for some examples).

If you are a conservative, Christian man and want to read opposing views to GC by other conservative Christians who interpret the Bible literally, you need to start researching Christian gender egalitarianism books and sites.

One such site is CBE, Christians for Biblical Equality.

CBE is not a group of man-hating, liberal feminists who allegorize the Bible. They are conservative Christians, and sometimes have male authors write their articles and blog posts, in addition to female authors.

The following editorial supporting adult celibates and refuting the Christian obsession with family, marriage, and procreation is from CBE. Even if you are a gender complementarian, you shouldn’t see anything, or not too much, in this that you disagree with in this article on an egalitarian site.

(Link): “Who is my mother and who are my brothers?”

Here are some excerpts.

  • by Carrie A. Miles
  • On issues of the family and scripture, Christians are in a bit of a pickle. It is not always clear how our convictions about “family values” mesh with what the Bible teaches, especially the Gospels.
  • Jesus, for example, did not assign the great spiritual and sentimental significance to family life that many Christians do today. How then do we reconcile the expectation that all good Christians should marry with his example of lifelong celibacy?
  • Or our championship of family with Jesus’ warning that following him will set sibling against sibling and parent against child?
  • Endorsing family values poses particularly interesting issues for biblical egalitarians, since many of our fellow Bible-believers hold that these values should include a hierarchical model of marriage.
  • In order to understand Jesus’ attitude toward the family, we must understand that family practices in the first century were not based on emotion as they are today, but rather on material, economic interests.
  • In my book, The Redemption of Love,1 I show that the family values prevalent in Jesus’ day were the economic consequences of the Fall. These family practices, now known as patriarchy, were corrupted by the human decision to have our own way and live outside of God’s abundance.
  • I join New Testament historian S. Scott Bartchy in arguing that rather than support patriarchy, Jesus and other New Testament writers (especially Paul) intended to over- throw it. Thus, Jesus’ teachings, which seem anti-family today, reflect his intent to dissolve the materialistic motives for family and replace them with relationships based on doing the will of God.2
  • Singleness
  • In this passage Jesus challenged another ancient family value—the expectation that every respectable person should marry. He noted several reasons why people might choose not to marry, including the decision to devote themselves entirely to the kingdom of heaven (v. 12). Between this teaching and his own example of celibacy, Jesus made it clear that it was acceptable for godly people to remain single.

    This was a radical claim, since singleness had rarely been an option before. Historically, most marriages were arranged by families to further their own interests, often with little consideration for the preferences of the bride and groom.

Continue reading

Christianity Should Be Able To Work Regardless of Culture, Childed or Marital Status / Article: Unlike in the 1950s, there is no ‘typical’ U.S. family today by B. Shulte

Christianity Should Be Able To Work Regardless of Culture, Childed or Marital Status / Article: Unlike in the 1950s, there is no ‘typical’ U.S. family today by B. Shulte

Christianity Is Designed to Be True and to Work, Regardless of One’s Culture or Marital Status or Family Structure

Before I address the article about the changing nature of the American family, I’d like to point out that God designed the Christian faith so that it could work in any era, any time period, in any culture, and regardless of a person’s childed or marital status.

American Christians, however, continue to behave as though the Christian faith itself will become moot or bogus unless the predominant culture consists of 1950s era like nuclear families, where every one is married with a baby.

If Christianity can only work if people are married with kids, then Christianity is false.

If the only measure of success you have that Christianity is “working,” I don’t think I’d use marriage and baby making as the only, or primary, yard sticks, as the Bible does not hold up either one as a barometer.

I’d also like to remind any Christian readers that Jesus Christ died for your sins, not to save or defend marriage, parenthood, or the “nuclear family.”

The Changing American Family

 I first saw this headline tweeted by Janet Mefferd, Christian radio host. I listen to her program regularly, and I think I have a fairly good handle of her views. I think she probably thinks that the following information is sad or unfortunate. I have a different perspective. Here’s the link: 

(Link): Unlike in the 1950s, there is no ‘typical’ U.S. family today by B. Shulte

As much as I like Mrs. Mefferd on a personal level, I disagree with her on one or two topics, or emphasis placed upon them.

Continue reading

Male Entitlement and Adult Virginity: Who has it worse, Male Vs. Female? (critique of post at other blog)

Male Entitlement and Adult Virginity: Who has it worse, Male Vs. Female?

The guy, John H. Morgan, behind this blog post I am discussing was eventually blocked from this blog about a year ago (read more about that (Link): here), but I think he still visits this blog regardless (which wouldn’t bother me too much if he’d (Link): give credit to this blog once in a while when and if he uses it to generate ideas for his own blog, because he apparently still visits this blog and uses it as a resource).

This is a rebuttal to a few of the points in this blog post:

(Link): How Does God Define Sex (posted Sept 4, 2014)

Here is excerpt 1:

  •  Women who are waiting until marriage are virgins as pure as the driven snow. Men who wait until marriage become crippled with sexual confusion and permanent awkwardness . . . or worse. This double standard has existed for as long as men have walked the earth. 

Maybe 50 or 60 years ago that double standard was in place, but no more.

The only places that double standard may still be alive today are certain extremist Christian cults, such as Quivering, Reconstructions, and patriocentric kook Christian groups, but not so much in run of the mill Baptist or evangelical circles.

Male adult virgins do not have life more difficult than adult women virgins.

The stereotypes male virgins endure (which I’ve written about a time or two previously) are not necessarily worse than the ones women adult virgins are subject to.

I would actually argue that adult women virgins, especially in the realm of Christianity, have to deal with harsher, or more prevalent stereotypes, more often than men virgins do. 

While there may be a minority of Baptist or evangelicals who shame men for not marrying and reproducing young, such as disgraced pastor Mark Driscoll and Southern Baptist Al Mohler, who tend to depict single males past 25 as being stuck in adolescence, the vast majority of mainstream evangelicalism shames women far, far more for being virgins past a certain age than it does men.

Why is this so?

Because even in secular culture – this is true for Christians too – men who do not have children are not questioned as much about their childless status. It is assumed that there is something wrong with a woman who does not have children, that she is unloving or horrible for not being “maternal.”

All of this revolves around the topic of sex, since, to become pregnant in a conventional sense, one must have sex, obviously.

Christians often teach that a woman’s greatest, or only godly calling in life, or only acceptable role, is to be a mother (see (Link): this page and (Link): this page)

I have never once heard a mainstream Christian group insist that fatherhood is a man’s most godly calling in life.

Continue reading

Patriarchy tends to sexualize all male / female relationships (article via Junia Project blog)

Patriarchy tends to sexualize all male/female relationships

This is certainly a topic I have discussed on this blog before.

(Link): Three Ways Patriarchy is Bad for Men


  • ….Patriarchy tends to sexualize all male/female relationships
  • Married men in complementarian Christian circles are often encouraged to avoid interactions with women other than their wives. Single men are sometimes discouraged from having friendships with women unless they want to pursue a dating relationship. Women are envisioned as “temptresses,” and anything beyond superficial contact is rigorously avoided.
  • Within appropriate boundaries, friendships between men and women (both married or single) can be spiritually enriching and encourage discipleship. Dan Brennan’s book Sacred Unions, Sacred Passions is a great guide to forming these kinds of relationships.

Related posts:

(Link):  Topics: Friendship is Possible / Sexualization By Culture Of All Relationships

(Link):  Relationships Of Welcome, Not Fear (Re: How Sexist Christian Views Marginalize and Isolate Adult, Single Women and Maintain Other Stereotypes About Adult Singles)

(Link):   How the Sexual Revolution Ruined Friendship – Also: If Christians Truly Believed in Celibacy and Virginity, they would stop adhering to certain sexual and gender stereotypes that work against both

(Link):  Why So Much Fornication – Because Christians Have No Expectation of Sexual Purity

(Link):  Christian Stereotypes About Female Sexuality : All Unmarried Women Are Supposedly Hyper Sexed Harlots – But All Married Ones are Supposedly Frigid or Totally Uninterested in Sex

(Link):  Hey Ed Stetzer: Opposite Gender Friendships Are Not Sinful – Ed Stetzer’s Advice: “Avoid Any Hint” – More Like: Re Enforce UnBiblical Stereotypes About Men, Women, Sex, and Singles

(Link): The Sexualization of God and Jesus 

(Link): Jesus Christ was not afraid to meet alone with known Prostitutes / Steven Furtick and Elevation Church Perpetuating Anti Singles Bias – ie, Single Women are Supposedly Sexual Temptresses, All Males Can’t Control Their Sex Drives – (but this view conflicts with evangelical propaganda that married sex is great and frequent)

 (Link):  Pervy Preacher from Seattle who teaches men “to objectify women, by his over emphasis of sexualization of women and subservience” (Re Driscoll)

(Link):  Apparent Inconsistency at SCCL Group – They’re Repulsed by Sexualization of Some Relationships But Not All

(Link):  Researchers measure increasing sexualization of images in magazines

(Link):  Brotherly Love: Christians and Male-Female Friendships


Several Articles about Adult Singleness From Sept 2014 CBE Site

Several Articles about Adult Singleness From Sept 2014 CBE Site

You may have to register and be logged in to view one or two of these.

CBE = Christians for Biblical Equality

As to the first link re: young marriage. I am opposed to Christians who push young marriage, I am not entirely against early marriage itself.

I do not think early marriage is a good idea for most people, but if someone chooses – walks into one of one’s free will, as opposed to marrying young due to church pressure or Christian propaganda – I can respect that.

Christians should stop pressuring people to marry at all, or to marry by a certain age, as the Bible does neither, and, by the same token, Christians need to stop shaming singles for being single, which they do on a frequent basis.

(Link): Wrestling with Young Marriage by Naomi Krueger

(Link): In Which We Have a Frank Chat About My Marital Status (Why Are You Single?) by Amy Young

(Link): God’s View of Singleness by Jessi Colund


  • Misunderstanding singleness is a particularly prevalent problem when our churches are influenced by patriarchy. Patriarchal cultures tend to define a woman based on her function or role rather than her personhood. If she does not fit easily into the role of wife or mother, she must be defined by another role. And since a positive portrait of a woman who does not “belong to a man” would be incomprehensible—and even challenging—to a patriarchal society, single women are often stereotyped negatively as “crazy old aunts” or “emotionally-stunted career women.”
  • ….this does not mean that marriage is wrong; it simply means that singleness is not a second-rate lifestyle inflicted on a few poor souls on the fringe of our Christian circles.

This next page discusses, among other things, how despite the fact that adult singles comprise over 40% of the American population, most churches continue to neglect them and focus on marriage and married couples:

(Link): Ideal Relationships and Metaphor: Siblings vs. Spouses?


  • But for other relationships in the church, Christians should treat one another as siblings in Christ—caring for each other’s needs and loving them because they are bound by adoption to a common family. Such a metaphor is less exclusive because there is no prerequisite or exclusion, as there is with marriage.

(Link): ‘With Gladness and Singleness of Heart’ (concerning adult singles; first published 2004)


(Link): Relationships Of Welcome, Not Fear (Re: How Sexist Christian Views Marginalize and Isolate Adult, Single Women and Maintain Other Stereotypes About Adult Singles)

(Link): The Nauseating Push by Evangelicals for Early Marriage

(Link): The Irrelevancy To Single or Childless or Childfree Christian Women of Biblical Gender Complementarian Roles / Biblical Womanhood Teachings

(Link): Singles Shaming at The Vintage church in Raleigh – Singlehood Shaming / Celibate Shaming

(Link): Otherhood – An overlooked demographic – the Childless and Childfree Women and Singles Especially Women Who Had Hoped to Marry and Have Kids But Never Met Mr. Right (links)

(Link): Mark Driscoll on Single Christian Women Who Desire Marriage – the positives and negatives of his piece

(Link): Are Single People the Lepers of Today’s Church? by Gina Dalfonzo

(Link): Are Christian Singles The New Second Class Christian? by Duke Taber

(Link): “Because I was single I felt second class.”-by Chandin, former Mars Hill member & single, on Mars Hill church

(Link):  “Family-ing” Single Adults by D. Franck – How Churches Can Minister to Single Adults

(Link):  If the Family Is Central, Christ Isn’t

(Link):  Lies The Church Tells Single Women (by Sue Bohlin)

(Link): Hey Ed Stetzer: Opposite Gender Friendships Are Not Sinful – Ed Stetzer’s Advice: “Avoid Any Hint” – More Like: Re Enforce UnBiblical Stereotypes About Men, Women, Sex, and Singles

(Link):  How the Sexual Revolution Ruined Friendship – Also: If Christians Truly Believed in Celibacy and Virginity, they would stop adhering to certain sexual and gender stereotypes that work against both

Adult Singles Do Not Need A Marital Partner to Be Whole or Complete

Adult Singles Do Not Need A Marital Partner to Be Whole or Complete

I only wanted to offer a very brief commentary on this editorial at The Christian Post,

(Link): Message to Vicky Beeching: The Logic of Creation, Not ‘Psychoanalysis by a Stranger’

Here is the portion of the editorial I wished to address:

  • It doesn’t require individual knowledge of Ms. Beeching [lesbian singer] to know that she errs when she regards another woman as her “other half,” as her sexual complement or counterpart since obviously she is whole as a woman and is not in need of joining herself to another woman to supplement whatever she may falsely perceive to be lacking in her femaleness.
  • That is a given, so long as her existence as a woman is not questioned (and I, for one, do not question it). It is obvious that, sexually speaking, the appropriate counterpart to a woman (anatomically, physiologically, psychologically) is a man, not another woman.
  • ….And yet the image of marriage in Genesis 2 is that the two halves of the sexual spectrum, man and woman, reunite into a single, integrated sexual whole. She is already intact in relation to her own sex; it’s the other half of the sexual spectrum that she doesn’t have covered.

Depending on how this author is meaning to use this argumentation, it can be damaging to never-married, divorced, or widowed adults.

I am unaware of any Bible passage that teaches that a person, in an un-married state, needs a partner of the opposite gender to “complete” them or “compliment” them.

The Bible seems to teach that adult singles, such as Jesus Christ and the Apostle Paul, are whole and complete on their own.

If you want to argue against lesbianism, that is your right, but I’d be very careful of framing the debate in terms that lay the groundwork for the notion that adult singles – who are complete in Jesus alone – need a husband to be fulfilled, whole, or serving God’s purpose.

Paul wrote,

  • Now to the unmarried and the widows I say: It is good for them to stay unmarried, as I do.
  • But those who marry will face many troubles in this life, and I want to spare you this.
  • (1 Corinthians 7)

The author does go on to say,

  • And yet a homosexual union violates directly the very foundation of “male and female God made them” upon which Jesus bases a limitation of two persons to a sexual union, since it disposes altogether with a male-female requirement.

If the author is arguing along the context of gender roles and sexuality vis a vis the marriage debate, that only a male spouse can “complete” a female partner in some sense, rather than another female, I don’t have much to quibble with there.

But sometimes, I have seen other authors, or preachers, maintain the false idea that a person is not truly whole, complete, or a mature adult until and unless she marries a man – and this is simply not in the Bible at all.

A person does not need to be having sex, or pro-creating, to be sexual or to be whole or complete, either. Celibate adults are not “less than” their married counterparts.

Related posts:

(Link):  According to Pastor – Jimmy Evans – It Takes One Man and Woman Married To Equal A Whole – so where does that leave Christian singles ?

(Link):  Pope Francis Perpetuates Christian Falsehood that One Man, One Woman Married Equals Image of God – (which in effect leading to: ) Teaches Single / Unmarried Do Not Reflect God That Singles Are Sub Human or Only One Half A Person / This Is An Anti Singles View and Is Unbiblical

(Link): Christian TV Personality ( Jimmy Evans ) Says You Cannot Meet God’s Destiny For Your Life Without A Spouse = Anti Singleness Singlehood Singles Bias Prejudice Making Idol out of Marriage

(Link): Why Unmarried – Single Christians Should Be Concerned about the Gender Role Controversy – because some Christians are teaching that unmarried people are not fully human or not “whole” – preachers who teach that single people are not fully in God’s image unless they get married

The Midlife Church Crisis – how churches marginalize anyone who is not married with young children and middle-agers are leaving church

The Midlife Church Crisis – how churches marginalize anyone who is not married with young children and middle-agers are leaving church

I have linked to her material before. I am over 40, never married, never had any kids and noticed by my mid 30s that churches are far too fixated on “family” and children.

This married woman, Van Loon, didn’t notice until she reached her 40s or so and became an “empty nester” (her children grew up and moved out).

I have been saying on this blog for over a year now that many churches, especially Baptist and evangelical ones, tend to exclude every one, except for children and young married couples.

If you are over 30, still not married, or are married with no kids, or are divorced or widowed, you are not even thought to exist by most churches, or your needs are not ministered to.

Everyone is expected to support the 29 year old married couple who has a baby and a toddler.

I see no place in the Bible that permits such favoritism, the negligence, by churches, of entire groups of people (such as adult singles and widowers) to coddle one other group (young nuclear families), but this happens routinely in U.S. churches.

The thing I find sad or frustrating is that while never married, childless adults such as me spot by our mid 30s, or earlier, that churches are too fixated on married with children couples and how this creates all sorts of problems for adult singles and churches, but it takes such couples into their 40s -or older- and it takes their kids growing up and moving out on their own- for these married couples to begin to notice the same thing.

If you’re a 40- or 50- something woman whose kids have grown and gone, and are now just noticing how churches place the “traditional family” on a pedestal and ignore everyone else, welcome to the club. We older, never married, childless singles have known this for years and years and years.

(Link):  The Midlife Church Crisis – In Christ, there is neither empty nester nor new mom. 

  • by Michelle Van Loon
  • ….I’ve had one too many conversations with empty-nester peers about what it’s like to go to church once our kids are grown and gone. Our midlife crisis of faith came from questioning not our beliefs, but our role in the body of Christ.

    When the bulletin is filled with announcements for mothers of preschoolers’ gatherings, family camping weekends, and Vacation Bible School, I know I’m welcome to lend a hand by baking muffins or doing crafts. I’ve gotten the message that, now that my own children have grown, my role is to support the real focus of the church: families.

    Decades ago, baby boomers and older Gen Xers pushed to create churches centered on the young, nuclear family. Sadly, this ministry model now excludes many of us. Having outgrown the local church’s core programs, we’re left to usher, teach fourth-grade Sunday school, or attend committee meetings. At times, I can’t help thinking: Been there, done that. Got the Christian T-shirt to prove it.

  • ….Anecdotally speaking, it seemed that those over age 40 who discovered meaningful service, worship, and connections reported that their church was committed to intergenerational ministry rather than family-centered, child-focused programming. Though there is some overlap between the two ministry philosophies, the congregations that concentrate on families with children under 18 unintentionally marginalize those who don’t fit the profile.
  • … When we church leaders ape our culture’s obsession with all things young and cool—targeting the same desirable demographic groups as do savvy advertisers—we communicate to those who don’t fit those specs that they are less desirable.
  • ((click here to read the rest))


(Link):  Aged Out of Church by M. Van Loon (For Christians over the Age of 35 – 40 – Churches ignoring middle aged adults)

(Link):  Why Even Middle Aged Married with Children Christians Are Leaving Church – Not Just Unmarried Singles | 40 Somethings Gen X Quitting Leaving Church

(Link):  Mature Christians Need to Stop Allowing the Under 30 Crowd to Direct the Entire State of Christian Affairs

(Link):  Youth Fixation in Churches and how it alienates older Christians

(Link):  Never Married Christians Over Age 35 who are childless Are More Ignored Than Divorced or Infertile People or Single Parents

“You’re not a real man until you have children” – childless, childfree women should be able to relate to this too

“You’re not a real man until you have children” by G. Proops – women should be able to relate to this too

The audio in this contains the “F bomb” a lot, but what he says is true.

He starts out focusing his discussion on childless men, but it becomes generic enough, so if you are a CF or childless woman, you should be able to relate.

Among other things, he talks about how parents today whine about having to take care of their own kids. He tells them to shut up, because it was their choice to have kids, and having a kid becomes your job.

He talks about how parents act as though single, childless people are nothing – parents can be very condescending to singles, childless, or childfree people.

(Link): Greg Proops On Having Children – The Smartest Man In The World



Related post:

(Link): Childfree By Choice: How Women are Redefining Tomorrow’s Family

Baby Making Fixation at Christianity Today Magazine Online – Shaming Women For Not Procreating, or For Delaying Motherhood, or For Limiting the Number of Children

Baby Making Fixation at Christianity Today Magazine Online – Shaming Women For Not Procreating, or For Delaying Motherhood, or For Limiting the Number of Children

I am not going to provide links as is my custom, because I find this so obnoxious. (The URL to the excerpted piece is below).

Within about a week long time frame, CT (Christianity Today magazine) published two very “pro motherhood” type articles on their site.

I am not an opponent of motherhood. If a woman chooses to have babies, that is A-OK with me.

What I find appalling is how Christians either rain guilt down upon, or else shame, women for

  1. choosing not to have children at all, or
  2. for choosing to use birth control to delay when to have kids, or
  3. using birth control to limit the number of children they have, or
  4. to assume all childless women are childless by choice

On occasion, some Christian males, such as Al Mohler and Rev. Mark Driscoll, have screamed at young men to run out and get married immediately, but it seems to me that about 98% of the time, Christians and social conservatives are yelling at WOMEN to hurry up, get married, and crank out kids.

I do not think either gender should be pressured to marry at all or soon in life, but I am tired of the sexist double standard.

Women get more shamed and pressured to marry, marry young, and have children, and have children young, more often than men do.

I come across these “marry and make babies young” editorials by Christians and sometimes conservatives, aimed at women far more often than I see them directed at men.

Christians often teach adult singles that if they want a mate, they must achieve perfection, because God will not gift them with a spouse so long as they are flawed.

But then these same Christians, or others, like the lady below, assume if a woman wants a husband, all she has to do is “choose” one. I see. So if I want to get married, I can just “choose” a man, and get married?

But how does that view square with the Christians who tell me the reason I am unmarried is that God is “sanctifying me” and “cleaning me up” before he will send me a spouse?

How is it that I am told on the one hand by some Christians that God is requiring me to fix myself before he’ll send me a spouse, but at the same time, these other Christians are saying I can have a husband if I just “choose” to have one? Which is it?

Here are the editorials I am talking about – these were published under the women’s section of Christianity Today online, and are chock full of sexism, assumptions, and guilt trips:

Have Babies, Just Not Yet – published on Christianity Today, Aug 18 2014, by Courtney Reissig 




“How Natural Family Planning Shaped My View of Sex” - published on Christianity Today, Aug 25 2014 

Note: I have revised this post to remove most of the direct quotes and have instead summarized most of the author’s points; what follows, and under FAIR USE, are excerpts, and NOT the full articles / editorials.

Even before this revision, I did NOT reproduce the entire editorial, contra the claims of the Christianity Today employee who contacted me over this via Twitter.

Excerpts from (and I have some remarks below these excerpts, farther down the page):

  • Have Babies, Just Not Yet – published on Christianity Today, Aug 18 2014, by Courtney Reissig
  • There are a number of reasons for the delay of childbearing on the part of women, who increasingly find themselves pursuing higher degrees, working full-time, and taking on leadership positions.
  • [snip many comments by author about how women are, she feels, choosing to pursue a career, or obtain a college education, over having children]
  • [snip further comments where the author cites studies that the average age of a woman having her first child is age 30, and she notes that she thinks that Christians believe that any woman who has a child around age 20 is wasting her choices and opportunities] Continue reading

Want To Grow Your Church? Advertise Sex (Story via A Little Leaven Blog)

Want To Grow Your Church? Advertise Sex. (story via A Little Leaven blog)

A church put up a billboard with the words, “I Love Sex – God” (with a heart symbol where it says “Love”)

You can watch the news report about the billboard here (the blog has an embedded video of a news report about the church’s billboard):

(Link): Want To Grow Your Church? Advertise Sex.

The preacher of the church says since culture is so obsessed with sex, why not the church? He thinks talking about sex from the pulpit will get his church more new members.

Meanwhile, you have Christian adult celibates who might from time to time like to hear that God loves celibacy and/or adult singleness, but churches keep right on ignoring them to chase after the married couples and to tell the married couples how much God supposedly wants them to have sex.

(Link): Church Puts God and Sex on BillBoard

  • Aug 28, 2014, 2:18 PM ET

(Link):  Church Uses Racy Billboard to Attract New Visitors

To even the score, here are some images confirming that God is not a sex crazed, sex obsessed weirdo, and that he values singles and celibacy too:

"I Love Singles - God"

“I Love Singles – God”

"I Love Celibacy - God"

“I Love Celibacy – God”

"I Love Virginity - God"

“I Love Virginity – God”

Related posts:

(Link):  Preacher: ‘They Will Know We Are Christians By Our Hot SEX Lives’ – and once more, never-married celibate adults and their experiences, wisdom, and input are ignored

(Link):  Never Married Christians Over Age 35 who are childless Are More Ignored Than Divorced or Infertile People or Single Parents

(Link):  No Christians and Churches Do Not Idolize Virginity and Sexual Purity – Christians Attack and Criticize Virginity Sexual Purity Celibacy / Virginity Sexual Purity Not An Idol

(Link):  Resident Christian Marriage Advice Writer at Christian Mag Admits Some Christian Marriages are Sexless

(Link):  Strange Anti Masturbation Billboard by Religious Group
(Link):  Southern Baptist Russell Moore Admits That Christians Have Sexless Marriages

(Link):  Pastors avoid ‘controversy’ to keep tithes up, author says – Confirms What I’ve Been Saying All Along, Re: Churches: Contrary to Progressive Christians, Churches / Christians Do Not Support or Idolize Sexual Purity, Virginity, or Celibacy – they attack these concepts when not ignoring them

(Link):  More Married Couples Admit to Sexless Marriages (various articles) / Christians promise you great frequent sex if you wait until marriage, but the propaganda is not true

Ashley Madison, Site For Married Cheaters, Admits to Spying on Users and May Require a Deactivation Fee

Ashley Madison, Site For Married Cheaters, Admits to Spying on Users and May Require a Deactivation Fee

Some Christians, especially some Baptists and conservative evangelicals, fundamentalists, and Reformed, frequently teach that marriage makes people more sexually pure, in that they assume married people do not commit sexual sin.

By contrast, these same types of Christians assume that un-married adults are harlots with insatiable sexual appetites who sleep around with 100 people per week. When in fact, some singles (such as myself) are more chaste than some married people.

Also, Christians often teach that “married sex is mind blowing, so you should wait until marriage to have sex.” If that were the case, why do so many married people have affairs and turn to sites such as Ashley Madison which help them find affair partners?

(Link):  Ashley Madison Draws Complaints Over Profile Deletion Fee
(Link):  Do you really need to pay $20 to delete your Ashley Madison profile?  

  • Cheaters are pushed for money to delete profiles, but don’t have to pay..
  • ..Of course, Ars couldn’t resist the urge to look into a story involving sordid extramarital dealingsand alleged extortion. As it turns out, however, the issue is a bit more nuanced. Ashley Madison doeslet users delete their profiles for free, but directions on how to do so can be confusing to the point where they appear misleading.

(Link): Dating website spied on its cheating users

  • It wasn’t the spouses of cheaters that were doing the spying.  A dating website for people looking to secretly cheat spied on their users.
  • Eric Anderson, the “chief science officer” at Ashley Madison, a dating website for affairs, spied on more than 4,000 conversations from 100 women had with potential flings.
  • …The study claims that women look to cheat before they need more passion. The research suggests that women would rather cheat than divorce because they usually still love their husbands. 

(Link):   Cheaters’ Dating Site Ashley Madison Spied on Its Users

  • A service for people seeking affairs secretly analyzed its members’ conversations

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Response to Various Cranky Critics Who Have Left Nasty Posts At This Blog From June to August 2014

Response to Various Cranky Critics Who Have Left Nasty Posts At This Blog From Around June to August 2014

If you have even bothered to glance at the heading on this blog, it says,

  • this is a blog for me to vent; I seldom permit dissenting views. I don’t debate dissenters.

This disclaimer doesn’t stop cranky people, the occasional troll, or idiot from leaving nasty, vulgar, or negative remarks.

I do not usually read the negative posts that closely. I generally scan the first few lines of a new post, and if I ascertain quickly it’s a troll post, that it contains vitriol, snark, or a rant, I send it to the trash.

In the past two months, I’ve gotten a handful of nasty grams. I sent those posts to the trash can.

Here are summaries of the various nasty grams I have received, and my responses.

In this post, I will be discussing,

  • 1. The Bitter Lady
  • 2. The Grouchy Be Equally Yoked Lady
  • 3. The You’re An Intolerant Homophobe Guy
  • 4. The Immature I Am a 40 Year Old Man Who Likes to Pork 20 Year Old Women Lying Creepster Troll

-among others

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Why Christians Need To Divorce The Topic of Sex From “Family” and “Marriage”

Why Christians Need To Divorce The Topic of Sex From “Family” and “Marriage”

Why Christians Need To Divorce The Topic of Sex From “Family” and “Marriage”

In my estimation, Christians are mistaken in how they address sexual sin in today’s culture.

I am pretty conservative myself. I am not opposed to traditional values, hetero/traditional marriage, or the family.

I am in disagreement with the attitudes and preoccupation by Christians and conservatives with these things, however, and to an extent, with how they choose to address these issues.

I repeatedly see conservative Christians make complaints such as:

  • Ever since birth control pills came along and widely available in the 1960s, people divorced sex from procreation.
  • Therefore, Christians feel birth control should be banned or discouraged, or people should return to viewing sex as a baby-making vehicle only, or primarily.

(This is also a faulty argument when one considers some married hetero couples are infertile or may choose not to have children. I see no strong grounds for such couples to stop having sex merely because they are unwilling or unable to procreate. I believe there are other reasons or purposes for having sex other than procreation.)

Christians will go on to make other, similar arguments and complaints such as:

  • Ever since no-fault divorce, people jettisoned the idea of marriage- as- duty, to hold the mindset, “does this marriage please me.”

These Christians feel that the idea that “marriage is a duty and obligation, not a means of fulfilling my personal happiness” should be pushed instead.

Here is an except from an article I was reading today (source):

  • Last year, one of the church’s sermon series was called “Family Under Attack.” It discussed topics that included homosexuality, divorce and couples living together out of wedlock. Moore recalled one churchgoer being disappointed with the series.

In the aspect in which it’s being discussed here by Christians, “family” has nothing to do with sex, homosexuality, couples living together prior to marriage, and so forth, but they sadly think that it does.

You will notice that Christians are more concerned about their pet idol, “the family” being damaged, than they are with sexual purity in and of itself.

Christians are more concerned that their idol, the “nuclear family” still resemble the 1950s sit com show “Leave It To Beaver,” than they are with celibacy, virginity, and sexual purity, for their own sakes.

Christians and social conservatives are not concerned about adult singlehood. Despite the fact the Bible teaches that God respects adult singleness, Christians remain obsessed with “the family” and do not care at all how adult singles over the age of 30 cope with the pressure to remain sexually pure in our sex-saturated culture.

There is nothing to indicate in the Bible that the word or concept of “family” should be used as an all-encompassing code phrase to mean “only heterosexual sex between one man married to one woman, marriage is to be permanent, and marital sex is for baby making only or primarily.”

I am over 40 years of age, have never married and am still a virgin. For Christians to keep using the words “marriage” and “family” or “family values” and all assorted, associated terms and rhetoric (such as, “family under attack,” “the traditional family,” “oh my gosh, what about the children,” etc) does not speak to my specific situation.

It also doesn’t offer a sound rationale for why I should not be having sex as a single woman.

The fact is, some people are single and may never marry – and they do want to get married but have been unable to find a spouse (see (Link): this post).

There are some singles who are not choosing to stay single – they remain single in spite of wanting to be married.

Some people divorce mid life, or their partner dies, or their partner divorces them, or their partner joins the Marines and gets sent to serve in Afghanistan for twelve months.

Why should any of these people in these situations remain chaste? Do Christians have a good answer? Telling them to “wait until marriage to have sex, because sex is meant only for marriage” is not a good answer.

I’m not quite sure how to convey my thoughts on this, but there are situations in life where a person does not have a spouse, cannot get a spouse, and they are left single and alone.

Telling a single celibate who wants to be married that she should marry if she wants sex is a Catch-22. It does nothing to address her situation or why she should be celibate while she remains single and may never marry, because she will never meet a “Mr. Right”.

Yet, Christians keep repeating the refrain at singles, “Wait until you get married to have sex.”

Therefore, constantly framing sexual topics under the rubric of “family,” as Christians and social conservatives are wont to do, offers little to no philosophical underpinnings or justifications or compelling reasons for an adult single, or a married person separated geographically from her spouse, to stay celibate.

I am single. I am not married. I do not have a husband or children. I do not have a ‘nuclear family,’ so why should I not be having sex? By emphasizing “family, family, family” Christians have no reasons to give me. 

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Southern Baptists Pushing Early Marriage, Baby Making – Iranians Pushing Mandatory Motherhood – When Christians Sound Like Muslims

Southern Baptists Pushing Early Marriage, Baby Making – Iranians Pushing Mandatory Motherhood – When Christians Sound Like Muslims

 (Link): Blogger Guy,  John H. Morgan, Who Accused Me Of Being Untrustworthy Apparently Finds My Blog Trustworthy Enough to Use As A Resource

I first saw mention of this via (Link): Defend The Sheep’s Twitter feed (Julie Anne of SSB blog).

From The Christian Post, August 20, 2014:
(Link): Southern Baptist Leaders: Christians Should Make Themselves ‘Marry-able’ Younger

And today, I saw this on my Twitter (via a Childfree account I follow, (Link): Childfree Agent):
(Link): Iran’s Plan for Population Growth: Mandate Motherhood

I have blogged before (see links at bottom under “related posts”) about the conservative Christian concern that Christians are not marrying at all, or not until later in life – but their real fear seems to be that Christians are not reproducing – and at that because they are afraid the Non Christians will “out breed” them.

Some of them may also be adhering to this unbiblical notion that America’s morality can be restored only if Christians adhere to strict gender role views, which includes the very unbiblical idea at woman’s only godly, or most high calling, is to marry and have babies.

I should pause here to mention a few other things.

First of all, most Christians seem oblivious to the fact that most Christians are not marrying, or not until they are age 30 or older. The fact that there are many Christian women who want marriage but who cannot find a mate well into their 40s and thus remaining single against their hopes is eluding most of them.

Secondly, some conservative Christians are honestly unaware that other Christians are advocating early marriage, such as radio host Janet Mefferd – see this previous blog post of mine, (Link): Mefferd Guest Focus on the Family Spokesperson Stanton Incredulous that Preachers Push Kids To Marry Early.

If I remember her reaction correctly, and her male guest’s, I think Mefferd and her guest both thought the idea of pushing kids to marry before college (or during) was a very strange one, or legalistic – but yet, yes, some Christians are in fact guilting or lecturing young Christians to marry prior to their 25th birthday, and they’ve been on this kick for at least the past 3 or 4 years now, maybe a bit longer.

If self-professing Christians are repeating some of the same doctrines or views of Non-Christian groups, this ought to give them strong pause. Here you have a predominantly Muslim nation, Iran, mandating motherhood, and a lot of evangelical Christians and Baptists doing the same thing to American Christian women.

If you think the salvation of America or individual souls or the church relies upon whether or not American Christians marry and have babies, you are following Islam. You are not following Christianity.

The propaganda of “Marry and make babies to save the world, save the church, and to lead people to Christ” is not the Gospel.

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Relationship Virgins by B. DePaulo

Relationship Virgins by B. DePaulo

I have a few internet friends who made it to their early 30s and never had a boyfriend, never been on a date. A few of them found this embarrassing.

We do live in a culture that seems to assume everyone has lots of dates as teenagers, but a lot don’t.

Hollywood and TV shows certainly perpetuates this. Almost every show I ever watched had teens on it who were dating. I didn’t start dating until I got out of college, so I never related to the teenybopper crud I saw on TV.

(Link): Relationship Virgins

    Perceptions of romantic relationship virgins are not all bad.

Published on April 5, 2014 by Bella DePaulo, Ph.D. in Living Single

I just learned that there is a name for people who make it to their 20s or beyond without ever having had a romantic relationship. They are called “relationship virgins.” Relationship is a big, inclusive word. It encompasses friendships, family ties, bonds with neighbors and mentors and more, in addition to romantic links. So by my definition, there are no “relationship virgins.” But okay, let’s talk about “romantic relationship virgins.”

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Should Christian Women Marry Non Christian Men? (discussed at another blog) Be Not Unequally Yoked Dangerous Teaching to Single Christian Women

Should Christian Women Marry Non Christian Men? (discussed at another blog)

All right, here’s a topic that is recurring on my blog here. It’s being discussed at SSB, Spiritual Sounding Board here:

(Link): Learn to Discern: Who would you choose to marry, an abusive Christian or a kind and gentle unbeliever?

Yes, Christian men can be abusive, or negligent, or raging porn addicts – even ones who work as preachers.

I routinely blog such examples, many of which can be found in these two posts (both threads contain examples of Christians who abuse, murder, molest, etc):

(Link): Marriage Does Not Make People More Loving Mature Godly Ethical Caring or Responsible (One Stop Thread)

-contains examples of news stories of Christian men who murder their wives, molest kids, rob stores, etc.

(Link): Parenthood Does Not Make People More Loving Mature Godly Ethical Caring or Responsible (One Stop Thread)

-contains examples of news stories of Christian men arrested for rape, molesting, etc

I have been to blogs for Christian women who divorced their abusive husbands.

I seriously doubt that any of these Christian women intentionally wanted to marry a fraud, a man who claimed to be Christian but really was not.

I doubt these women sought to marry a self-professing Christian who would abuse them, or turn out to be a pedophile or whatever.

I’m sure these women probably prayed before they married, “Lord, show me your will, is this man the one? Should I marry this one or not?” – etc.

They probably prayed about it, felt okay about marrying the guy, the guy appeared to be Mr. Nice Christian, he attended church weekly, carried a Bible under one arm, and gave sandwiches to homeless people and rescued kittens from trees… yet, after marriage, these women saw that the guy was not the same behind closed doors as he was in public.

He was abusive, or hooked on porn, or was a serial adulterer.

No Christian woman knowingly wants to marry a guy who has those issues.

Christian women who believe strongly in “be equally yoked” don’t want to marry a pervert or an abusive man, but devout Christian women end up marrying these jerks all the time. I have seen it time and time again on forums and blogs the last several years.

I’m sure these Christian women have nothing wrong with their discernment skills. I don’t know why, if there is a God, he permits these trusting, faithful women to end up with perverts or abusers for spouses.

I started out a wide-eyed, sincere, devout Christian and remained fully on board with all things conservative Christian until about a year or two ago, where I’ve been working through the faith, thinking do I want to stay in it or not.

Now, growing up, I heard from preachers, or read in Christian books, that Christians should only marry other Christians, and the “be not unequally yoked” verse and the like was repeatedly tossed at me. So I sat around, praying and asking God to send Mr. Christian Right into my life.

I was engaged at one stage to a Christian guy but broke things off with him. I dated a guy who may have been marginally Christian – but that he wasn’t a committed Christian enough (if at all; I was unsure -I had met him years prior to meeting my ex-fiance and was much younger at the time) I did not pursue things with him.

So, I find myself still unmarried and in my early 40s. I had wanted to marry by 35 years of age at the latest.

One factor of several that kept me single this long is precisely this dippy “be not unequally yoked teaching.”

For one thing, it is notoriously difficult for a single Christian woman to find single Christian men in churches, and the ones who claim the faith on dating sites tend to be perverts. The ones who do show up at churches tend to be obese or weird.

As so many Christian men are pornography addicts, turn out to be wife abusers, pedophiles, or to seek out prostitutes or have affairs, I see absolutely no sense in Christian single women maintaining the “be equally yoked” teaching.

If you visit the link to the SSB above, you can see a couple of Christian women say they started out married to Christian men, but their Christian spouses turned out to be abusive or jerks, and they married later to Non-Christian guys who treat them a million times better. Proof is in the pudding: you can be just as happy – if not more so – married to a Non-Christian guy as to a Christian one.

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The Hope Of The Pharisees by Ty Grigg (Re: Platonic Male Female Relationships)

The Hope Of The Pharisees by Ty Grigg (Re: Platonic Male Female Relationships)

If you are an un-married woman, you will be isolated in churches, due to evangelical and conservative Christian paranoia that single women are sexual temptresses, and that all men are supposedly incapable of controlling their sexual behavior.

If you are a single woman, you will not be invited over by married couples, if you so much say “Hello, nice weather” to a married man, his paranoid Christian wife will march right up and protectively drape her arm over his to send you the signal “back off hussy, he’s taken.”

The stereotypes about single women being overly sexed harlots (and ones who are particularly anxious to boink married men) exclude them.

(Link): The Hope Of The Pharisees by Ty Grigg (Re: Platonic Male Female Relationships)


    In the conversation about how men and women relate to one another in the church, our imagination for sin and disaster is much stronger than our imagination for God’s reconciling love and holiness. We are still taking our cues from the old age, not the new. The moral failure story triumphs over the transformation now available in the death and resurrection of Christ.

    If our vision for life in Christ is focused on protecting ourselves from external temptations to sin and our internal evil impulses, then by all means we should adopt the posture of the Pharisees, and defend against all threats – including relationships with the opposite gender.

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Married Father and Baptist Preacher J D Hall – Another Example of How Marriage and Parenthood Does Not Make a Person More Godly or Mature

Married Father and Baptist Preacher J D Hall – Another Example of How Marriage and Parenthood Does Not Make a Person More Godly or Mature

(There is an update at the bottom of this post).

This involves a lot of back story I don’t want to get into because this blog post would be ten pages long.

I am blogging this primarily for adult singles who have felt marginalized or hurt by Christian denominations or churches that treat adult singles as though they have cooties.

I have a somewhat different motivation for blogging about this than other blogs do. There were a few other blogs who addressed the child abuse aspect of the story, that we have an adult (Hall) badgering a teen kid (Braxton Caner) on the internet.

J D Hall is a Calvinist preacher with a blog called “Pulpit and Pen,” a Twitter account, and a group of fan boys who follow him around online who actually refer to themselves as “Pulpiteers.”

At one time, Hall’s groupies were using the #pulpiteer (or “pulpiteers”) hash to follow each other around Twitter. I’m not sure if they still use the “Pulpiteer” label or not. I will continue to refer to them as such.

This group, and a few other people, have a long standing hatred of another guy named Ergun Caner.

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Women in Sao Paulo Must Provide Proof of Virginity to Be Hired as Teachers

Women in Sao Paulo Must Provide Proof of Virginity to Be Hired as Teachers

I’m over 40, still a virgin, because I wanted to wait ’til marriage to have sex but find myself still single. And yet even I, who would pass their stupid virginity tests should I take one, find this bizarre… (And how come the men applying for jobs don’t have to provide proof of virginity?)

Note that one woman, who is 27, said she felt “ashamed” to admit she was still a virgin at age 27 (she did not want to admit to a doctor she was still a virgin).

Lady, you should not feel ashamed for being a virgin at age 27, or 37, or 47, or 57, or 67 or until your death. You express your sexuality any damn way you please, and if that means choosing never to have sex, then that is your right.

And what about women who are not technical virgins because they were raped when younger? I wonder if this nation’s weird, sexist ruling didn’t take that into account? You’re not going to give a woman a job because some pervert raped her previously? Because that sounds like that would be the implication of this rule.

I’m also not clear why people in this country thought this was an appropriate rule? Is it a religious-based thing (is this a predominantly Roman Catholic influenced nation?), or are they just naturally sexist types, or what?

(Link): Anger in Brazil at obstetrics tests for jobseekers

    Aug 2014
    SAO PAULO — Women seeking education jobs in Brazil’s most populous state should not be required to submit to gynecological exams or prove their virginity in order to work, according to women’s rights advocates who denounced the practice on Friday.

    The education department of Sao Paulo state requires female prospective teachers to undergo a pap smear in order to prove they are free of a variety of cancers, or to present a doctor’s statement verifying they have not been sexually active. Until recently, it also required women to have a colposcopy, a type of visual examination used to detect disease.

    The department since at least 2012 has required the exams to show that candidates for long-term teaching positions are in good health and would not take extended or frequent absences to attend to health matters. Critics, however, decried it as an invasion of privacy.

    “It violates women’s rights. It’s very intimate information that she has the right to keep. It’s absurd to continue with these demands,” said Ana Paula de Oliveira Castro, a public defender of women’s issues in Sao Paulo.

    …The public management department for Sao Paulo said that all tests ordered follow the standards and recommendation of the country’s Health Ministry for public servants as well as state law.

    ….While the department requires other health exams, such as a mammography for women and a prostate test for men older than 40, the gynecological exams were criticized as especially invasive.

    The issue came to light this week after a news site interviewed a 27-year-old woman who said she was ashamed to ask a doctor for a note declaring she was still a virgin to escape the other tests.

    Last year, a similar incident sparked anger in the state of Bahia, in northeastern Brazil, when female candidates for police jobs were asked to take the tests or prove their hymens were not torn. The government subsequently asked that such tests be eliminated.

BTW – sometimes a woman can be a virgin and STILL have a torn hymen. Sex is not the only physical action that can cause a hymen to break, DERP. Idiots.

This goes along with ignorance about BCPs – birth control pills – many conservatives (and I am one myself, but regardless, a lot of conservatives) and many Christians, wrongly assume the ONLY reason women take BCPs is because they are having sex and trying to avoid getting pregnant. WRONG.

There are other, non-sex related, health reasons, why a woman might need to take BCP – sex has nothing to do with it. Men can be so stupid about women, women’s bodies and women’s sexuality sometimes.

(Link): Islamic Group ISIS Stones Women To Death For Not Being Virgins

(Link): No Christians and Churches Do Not Idolize Virginity and Sexual Purity – Christians Attack and Criticize Virginity Sexual Purity Celibacy / Virginity Sexual Purity Not An Idol

(Link): Christian School Fires Single Woman For Having PreMarital Sex But Offers Her Job to Her Single Boyfriend Who They Know Had PreMarital Sex Too (and similar news stories – Re Christian Employers and Sex)

(Link): I Shouldn’t Need An Excuse To Be A Virgin – (Secular Editorial Defends Virginity – More Rare Than a Unicorn Sighting)

(Link): An Open Letter to Male Virgins by Anna Broadway

Married Couple Pays Surrogate to Have Baby, They Keep The Healthy Daughter But Refuse the Down Syndrome One – Also: Cops: the Dad is a Convicted Pedo

Married Couple Pays Surrogate to Have Baby, They Keep The Healthy Daughter But Refuse the Down Syndrome One – Also: Cops: the Dad is a Convicted Pedo

And many conservative Christians routinely say or assume that marriage makes a person godly, mature, more loving, and immune from sexual sin, and that you have to be perfect and godly to even merit a spouse to start with (God doesn’t send imperfect people spouses, they say).

Hmm. Then how would Christians explain this selfish married couple who
1. won’t accept the Down’s Syndrome twin from the surrogate
2. the father is a convicted kid-diddler (pedophile)?

How is it that God rewards child molesters with spouses, but not law abiding, non-perverted singles?

(Link): Australian father accused of abandoning baby boy born to Thai surrogate mother because he had Down Syndrome ‘was jailed for sexual assault on a child under 13′

(Link): Australia investigates ‘paedophile’ father in Thai baby scandal

    Aug 6, 2014

    Australian authorities were Wednesday investigating the father at the centre of a Thai surrogate baby scandal who was exposed as a convicted paedophile, to determine whether his young daughter is at risk.

    The man, from Bunbury south of Perth, sparked global controversy for apparently abandoning his Down’s syndrome baby boy, Gammy, in Thailand and taking only his healthy twin sister back home, although he and his wife dispute the circumstances.

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