The Never Ending Love Affair by The Barna Group With The Millennials

The Never Ending Love Affair by The Barna Group With The Millennials

Evangelicals and other conservative Christians have a nasty habit of ignoring certain groups of people – such as the elderly, widows, widowers, the divorced, and never married adults who are over the page of 30.

At the same time these groups get nary a mention – or tweet – other groups, such as The Millennials, are focused upon obsessively. (That, or married couples who have children. Married couples who have kids get lots of coverage in evangelicalism as well.)

I began following the Barna Group Twitter account about two or three months ago (or it feels that way; it may have been longer or shorter than that).

During that time, I have noticed that they tweet about the Millennials frequently, or on a consistent basis.

Every so often, the Barna Group will tweet about general topics that are not necessarily pertaining to Millennials, such as…

(Barna Group tweet: “Real data confirms how drastically the moral,social, and spiritual lives of Americans have changed and are changing. https://www.barna.org/churchless“)

Which is fine.

However, I have yet to see a Tweet, or a regular series of tweets, addressing studies or articles about Gen X, Gen Y, adult singles, the divorced, or widowers, and, in particular, why these slices of the demographic pie have stopped attending the church, or why they are feeling neglected, and how churches can win these groups back.

If you’ve read blogs and books by people in those demographics, or the work “Quitting Church” by Julia Duin, you will see that many other people, who are not millennials, are dropping out of church also.

But all the publicity and hand-wringing by Christians (including the Barna folks) concerns the Millennials.

Is this a money making thing? Do churches or Christian groups or polling groups get more money by focusing on the current crop of 20-somethings?

Because I’m at a loss to understand what the extreme concern is over whether or not a 21 year old frat boy decides to stop going to church – and little to no attention is being shown for, example, the 38 year old, never married, childless woman who has had it with church and has quit.

I find it ironic that Barna Group seems to be concerned over Millennialls quitting church, but one factor of several I have personally quit church (and possibly the entire Christian faith) has to do with evangelical Christianity’s fixation upon youth. Christians never shut up about  married couples, marriage, or “the millennials” and “how to reach children.”

Meanwhile, next to no effort is made by Christians to minister to anyone over the age of 29. If you are over 30, never have married, and never have had children, churches are not welcoming.

I have tweeted to The Barna Group several times in the last few months pointing this glaring omission out – that they rarely tweet about other groups.

A couple of times, one Barna Group lady, and some Barna Group guy told me they do sometimes do research on other groups. The guy who has tweeted me back two or three times seems annoyed by me.

I’m not purposefully trying to annoy him or anyone at his group, but I am merely pointing out the on-going tendency by their group, and Christians in general, to completely ignore non-Millennials, and I find this tendency, well, highly annoying.

Today, under yet another Millennial themed tweet by the Barna Group, I replied, “Another tweet about the Millennials,” and this exchange happened:

October 23, 2014 Barna Group Tweets

October 23, 2014 Barna Group Tweets

I don’t recall ever asking or demanding that the Barna group cease tweeting or writing about the Millennials (though I do think it an enormous waste of time and concern to expend this much effort on 20 somethings).

My point is, if you are going to yak about the Millennials, research them, tweet about them, coddle them, and try to reach out to them to win them back to church, you really ought to be spending an equal amount of time on other groups.

For every tweet, survey, or article about The Millennials, how about one about widows of any age, or divorced people or adult singles?

Over half the American adult population is now single - adult singles now out-number married couples in our nation. You’d think this would merit more attention (and in the form of Tweets and surveys) from Barna, but they seem overly preoccupied with the Millennials who are already a very self-absorbed bunch; they don’t need any more attention.

If you’re in a group that insists on tweeting about the Millennials five or more times a day, how about an equal amount of tweets about other demographics?

Here are some more tweets from the Barna Group about Millennials, observe the date and time stamps on each (farther below).

In-between these tweets, Barna Group does sometime tweet about issues that pertain to everyone, not just Millennials, such as this one, which mentions “adults,” and not millennials in particular.

(I tried to copy only different tweets from their Twitter page, but there may be one or more duplicates below that I pasted accidentally. Barna Group sometimes re-tweets the same material several times over, so some of what you see may appear to be a duplicate, but is not.)

But look at how often they focus on Millennials – and this is just from the month of October:

Another Millennial themed tweet by Barna Group:

This was a Millennial themed tweet that was Re-tweeted by Barna Group:

(And you see that “Continue Reading” link below (if you are viewing this on the blog’s main page?) Click that to continue the post and see more Millennials obsession by Barna Group, there are even more tweets)

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A Critique of the Post: How Same-Sex Marriage Will Affect Friendships – from STR

A Critique of: How Same-Sex Marriage Will Affect Friendships – from STR (Stand To Reason apologetics)

I think this editorial from STR misses the mark, or it comes too late, or, it overlooks the damage typical Christian stereotypes about HETERO relationships and sexual proclivities has had upon friendship.

That is, paranoid Christian teaching that is intended to keep hetero singles from committing fornication ALSO sexualizes all relationships, even friendship.

However, this paper from STR, this post by a woman named Amy Hall, is claiming the normalization of homosexuality and acceptance of homosexual marriage is doing that, that it is sexualizing same gender friendships – which maybe it is, to a degree, but I am not going to let the Christian hypocrisy go on this one.

Christians do not believe it is possible for a man and woman to be friends.

Evangelicals, Baptists, and a lot of Reformed material I’ve seen, wrongly assume there is always sexual attraction between a man and a woman, or that any sexual attraction (if it does exist) will always end in sex, no exceptions, and it is further assumed that people lack sexual self control.

According to mainstream Christian thinking, you cannot expect a man and woman left alone NOT to end up getting naked and doing the sex. It’s a rather immature, junior highish, juvenile view of sex and genders, if you ask me. If you are an adult, you can damn well control yourself.

These Christian assumptions that men and women cannot be friends is so deeply ingrained, it’s to the point that even one of the women who posted this STR blog page – who is named Amy  (at least I think this is the same Amy as the one who posted the blog page, it may be a different Amy) – said this in a comment she left so a reader on the page:

  • Sam, I don’t think it’s so much about a fear that people will think you’re gay. I think it’s more that when the theoretical possibility of a sexual relationship is always culturally there, you keep a certain distance.
  • Think about friendships between men and women. I hold friendships with men at a certain distance, not wanting to signal that the friendship is heading towards a sexual relationship (doubly true for married men), so I have closer friendships with good women friends where emotional intimacy is safe.

The only reason you feel a need, or feel shamed to “hold friendships with men at a certain distance, especially married ones” is because Christians have sexualized all people and all relationships.

I see no reason why hetero Amy cannot have a close relationship with a married man. She has simply been conditioned by secular and Christian culture to think such is impossible, because her getting close to a married dude will either end in sex, or busy-bodies in her church will assume the two are boinking (even if they are not).

There is no biblical reason why a single woman cannot be friends with a married guy.

And the “don’t even fall for the appearance of evil” Bible verse is not applicable here, folks. Nope.

Verses and teachings like that get abused and stretched to a point by Christians they were never intended to, and they nullify other teachings of God in the Bible, like this:

  •  [Jesus Christ speaking],
  • “For Moses said, ‘HONOR YOUR FATHER AND YOUR MOTHER'; and, ‘HE WHO SPEAKS EVIL OF FATHER OR MOTHER, IS TO BE PUT TO DEATH'; 11 but you say, ‘If a man says to his father or his mother, whatever I have that would help you is Corban (that is to say, given to God),’ 12 you no longer permit him to do anything for his father or his mother; 13 Thus you nullify the word of God by your tradition that you have handed down. And you do many things like that.”… (source)

One factor I’ve raised on this blog time and again (with links to prove it, you can start here) is that often times, married men seek out affairs with married women (and vice versa). See also this link. And this link.

It’s not that single women are more prone to sleep with a married guy than a married woman is. Plenty of time, married people have affairs with other married people. Sometimes, married men hit on single women – the single women are not initiating (see this link for example).

There is nothing about marriage that makes a person immune from sexual sin, or that being married gives married persons stronger character – it’s not that single women prey on married men, or that they are more apt to stalk married guys, or that single women have weaker constitutions that make them more likely to engage in sexual sin.

I will also add here that the basis for these stereotypes – that men and women cannot be friends, etc – usually comes from a traditional gender role view, which is actually sexist in nature against women – Christian gender complementarians are often the ones guilty of pushing these views.

Gender complementarians are notorious for making all manner of unfounded, unbiblical assumptions about men and women, and erecting tight, small boxes for men and women, and in related matters, such as how to date. I have touched on those issues (Link): here and here. See also this post.

(Link): How Same-Sex Marriage Will Affect Friendships

Here are some excerpts:

  • In a review of Anthony Esolen’s new book, Defending Marriage: Twelve Arguments for Sanity, Matthew Franck explains the unintended effect same-sex marriage will have on friendships in our society:

The fallout from the destruction and redefinition of marriage spreads still more widely, even beyond the immediate territory of the family. Deep friendship between members of the same sex is now in grave danger.

To show us why, Esolen asks us to imagine a world in which the incest taboo is erased (and that is a world that may not be far off). In such a place, “You see a father hugging his teenage daughter as she leaves the car to go to school. The possibility flashes before your mind. The language has changed, and the individual can do nothing about it.”

So too, in the world that is rapidly embracing and recognizing homosexual relationships as normal and normative, the space for deep and meaningful male-male or female-female friendships among the young is rapidly shrinking to the vanishing point.

[// end quote]

…. I’ve already seen a change happening in interpretations of friendships, most recently in the discussion over Dietrich Bonhoeffer’s friendship with Eberhard Bethge, and it’s upsetting to me that people might shy away from close friendships for this reason. -

[//end blog excerpt by Amy Hall]

Here is a comment I left on their page (I see now it contains a few typing errors):

  • Actually, Christians have been doing this for ages now. I blog about it often.
  • I have a blog on Word Press called “Christian Pundit” (not to be confused with another Word Press blog of a very similar name, “THE Christian Pundit”) where I explain how mainstream evangelical and other conservative Christian teaching about the genders, dating, and sex carry the same exact attitudes you are discussing in your post.
  • In a lot of Christian material on the genders, marriage, sex, dating, etc, Christians make the same (incorrect) assumptions as secular society does about these topics, with the result that everything is sexualized.
  • A few examples of what I mean:

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Praying for a Child – The Catholic Church makes life impossible for infertile women.

Praying for a Child – The Catholic Church makes life impossible for infertile women.

(Link):  Praying for a Child – The Catholic Church makes life impossible for infertile women.

My thoughts on this editorial:

I am not Roman Catholic, and I disagree with much of their theology, but – there are similarities between what is expressed in this editorial and views I see from Baptists and Protestants in how they treat women who are childless, infertile, or childfree.

Too many religions place way too much emphasis on natalism and “the family.”

You will notice that Jesus Christ, and Paul the apostle, sought to move the Christian faith AWAY from such a strong emphasis on those issues, but American Christians (and many other world religions) keep putting “the family” and pro-creation at the forefront of their beliefs.

Both Christ and Paul taught that it is acceptable to God for a person to remain childless or single, regardless of most of the reasons.

Unfortunately, Christians today, whether going under the banner of Catholicism or Protestantism, have totally undermined what Christ taught and was trying to do, which was to teach that the spiritual bonds of people should out-weight blood relations, and the kingdom of God should grow by conversion, not by physical procreation.

Women should not be made to feel they are failures or “second class” if they never marry or never have children, but this is too often exactly what happens in many churches and denominations – and this is NOT what Christ intended.

Jesus Christ did not die on the cross for “the family,” he died for the sins of the world – for each individual and humanity as a whole, not for things like traditional marriage, natalism, and traditional values, and I say this as someone who is conservative and not “anti family.”

You will see many Christians insisting, wrongly, that motherhood (and/or marriage) is a woman’s highest calling in life, or only acceptable Godly role, yet, they will also chastize and shame women who are infertile who seek to have children via IVF, surrogate motherhood, or what have you. It’s a very insulting double standard.

(Christians also do this in regards to marriage: tell you that you are second class and incomplete without a spouse, but if you dare to get a mate via a dating site or what have you, you will then be scolded for supposedly “making marriage into an idol.” The double standards are beyond hypocritical.)

(Link):  Praying for a Child – The Catholic Church makes life impossible for infertile women.

Excerpts:

“Marriage is the closest you can come to being like Christ.” ~ says an obnoxious married Christian man to an unmarried woman

“Marriage is the closest you can come to being like Christ.” ~ says an obnoxious married Christian man to an unmarried woman

This month, Christian site CBE has been publishing a series of articles about adult singleness. I’ve blogged about that before, with links to several of their pages. Here’s another one.

(Link): A Celebration of Singleness

Excerpts.

  • …. When I told him [her married friend who kept trying to fix her up on dates that] my relationship status was my business [she was single] and that I was happy where I was, he said something that irks me to this day: “Marriage is the closest you can come to being like Christ.”
  • His mentality reflects a skewed perspective that makes traditional marriage roles the Christian ideal, especially for women. It defines people through the lens of romantic relationships, not through the lens of Christ and community. To say that to be married is the closest we can come to being like Christ—a single man who died alone on a cross—is near heretical.

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Ageism Vs. Age Preferences and Creepy Older Men (critique of post at another blog)

Ageism Vs. Age Preferences and Creepy Older Men

Here is a critique of a blog page by a self identifying, 50- something year old, celibate, Christian by the name of John Morgan (who I had to ban from my blog months before. See other, older posts on this blog for details about that).

Here’s his (J. Morgan’s) blog page about ageism, as it pertains to celibacy and singleness.

(I find it strange that while this guy doesn’t understand women, seems to harbor hostility against them, yet thinks he understands them, so he writes material such as this):

(Link):  Ageism’s Effect on Virtuous Women

Excerpt:

  • Isn’t it odd that virginity is not supposed to exist today after 30, especially for guys? The result is a lot of lonely girls looking for Mr. Right and the typical “I’m too good for you” man-hating language infiltrating the internet dating profiles. How does the virtuous guy interpret that?
  • Not too good. Here’s a sample from a 23 year old girl:
  • ““I’m a virgin and plan on staying that way till I get married. You shouldn’t message me if you’re older then 28. I’m not gonna date you. I’m really not even comfortable being your friend at that point. You better be ready for a conversation. None of this 20 question crap. It’s uncomfortable. I won’t play. You best be ready for a friendship first. That’s right, I only date from my friend zone pile. That’s how I know your character.
  • /end quote by 23 year old woman
  • I guess in her world those of us over 28 and waiting don’t exist. This is what happens when even the eyes of decent girls get fogged over with the ways of the world, when they spend so much time in front of TVs watching the rape and murder stories on the local news that they can’t discern reality.
  • Fornication becomes a self-fulfilling prophesy. If you expect no better than that, you will see no better than that. If you expect all Mr. Wrongs, you will see only Mr. Wrongs.

Here he goes again, blaming women.

He seems to have some real issues with women, and blaming them.

Who runs churches and much of Christian culture? Men, that’s who – especially married men.

Most churches do not permit women to teach or lead or to make decisions about anything beyond what type of casserole to bring to the church potluck.

So I’d say married men in churches, or who are otherwise very influential figure heads in Christian culture (e.g., male Christian authors), are in large measure to blame for how Christian singles are dysfunctional in how they deal with each other and with dating, as they are the ones dictating to everyone else in society how Christian singles “should” be relating to each other. Stop laying that mess at the feet of unmarried Christian women.

(Some married Christian women are to blame for this situation as well, such as author Debbie Maken. However, the ladies are outnumbered by the men who preach, lecture, and crank out books by ten to one.)

At any rate, let’s examine the content of Morgan’s comments and the woman’s quote again.

Where Morgan writes,

  •  Isn’t it odd that virginity is not supposed to exist today after 30, especially for guys?

No, it’s not considered “especially” odd by some in our culture for men to be virgins past 30. It’s considered equally odd by our culture for women to be so past their mid 20s, see this post for an explanation:

(Link): Male Entitlement and Adult Virginity: Who has it worse, Male Vs. Female? (critique of post at other blog)

Quoting Morgan:

  • Fornication becomes a self-fulfilling prophesy. If you expect no better than that, you will see no better than that. If you expect all Mr. Wrongs, you will see only Mr. Wrongs.

It’s not a question of women seeing Mr. Wrongs, as though Mr. Wrongs exist only in their imaginations. There are in fact a ton of Mr. Wrongs in existence, even among self professing Christian males. I have documented many examples, see this page.

See also these pages (some of these links are off site) for more examples of the sexist bullsh-t women have to deal with routinely on dating sites:

Getting back again to the commentary Morgan says he got from a 23 year old woman’s dating profile (question: he told me in the past he’s over 50. What in the hell is he doing looking at the profiles of 23 year olds? Or is he getting her information elsewhere?)

Anyway, she says she is 23 and has an age cap of 28 on men she is willing to date. If you are a man past 28, she says no gracias to you, get lost.

Do you know why she has an age cap of 28?

It’s not necessarily because she assumes all men over 30 are fornicators, but that she would feel more comfortable dating a man within five years of her age.

And that is a perfectly normal, reasonable preference.

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The Church Needs Men And Women To Be Friends – from The Beginning of Wisdom Blog

The Church Needs Men And Women To Be Friends

Many Christians and Non Christians alike sexualize anything and everything, and frequently assert that men and women cannot be platonic friends.

This in turn leads to Christian authors and preachers advising men, both married and single, to stay away from women, especially single ones, because fornication will always be the result (so they claim).

This phenomenon is incredibly damaging to adult singles, especially women, who may have traditional values who want companionship but who are attempting to remain celibate, because they end up alone.

Parts of this page I link to below are pretty good, but there are a few aspects I don’t know if I completely agree with.

Now that over 50% of the American population is single (link), it’s even more ridiculous now for preachers and other Christians to continue to tell men to avoid unmarried women.

By the way, I find that the ex-Christian, or progressive Christian sites, Facebook groups, forums, blogs, and Twitter accounts, who tend to mock fundamentalists and evangelicals for being too strict about sex, or too “uptight” about it, have the same problem, only in reverse.

These groups – the liberals and ex Christians – sexualize anything and everything, even when it’s out of place or not appropriate, and they see nothing wrong with it, which I find just as bad as the religious groups who sexualize everything and yell about how immoral sex is.

(Link): The Church Needs Men And Women To Be Friends

Excerpts.

  • …. Sexual attraction is a valid red flag to raise when we consider male-female friendships, and it should never be dismissed lightly. But it does not justify declaring all such friendships impossible. All relationships involve risk of hurt, loss or sin, but we still enter into them because we believe what will be gained is greater than what we might risk.
  • …. Like labor and delivery stories, the lust and infidelity stories of men and women who crossed a friendship boundary play and replay in our consciousness.
  • But we seldom hear repeated the stories of male-female friendships that worked. I don’t think that’s because they don’t exist. In the church, even telling someone that you have a friend of the other gender can raise eyebrows.
  • We have grown positively phobic about friendship between men and women, and this is bad for the church. It implies that we can only see each other as potential sex partners rather than as people.
  • But the consequences of this phobic thinking are the most tragic part: When we fear each other we will avoid interacting with one another. Discussions that desperately need the perspectives of both men and women cease to occur. (Hint: most discussions desperately need the perspectives of both men and women, particularly in the church.)
  • Yet almost no one in the church is bold enough to say these friendships matter. We fear the age-old problem of “If I say X, will I unintentionally encourage Y?” So in the church we rarely tell divorced parents that they can still be good parents because we’re afraid we’ll encourage divorce.

(( click here to read the rest ))

———————————–

Related posts:

(Link):  Relationships Of Welcome, Not Fear (Re: How Sexist Christian Views Marginalize and Isolate Adult, Single Women and Maintain Other Stereotypes About Adult Singles)

(Link):  Christian Stereotypes About Female Sexuality : All Unmarried Women Are Supposedly Hyper Sexed Harlots – But All Married Ones are Supposedly Frigid or Totally Uninterested in Sex

(Link):  Patriarchy (and Christian gender complementarian views) tends to sexualize all male/female relationships

(Link): Hey Ed Stetzer: Opposite Gender Friendships Are Not Sinful – Ed Stetzer’s Advice: “Avoid Any Hint” – More Like: Re Enforce UnBiblical Stereotypes About Men, Women, Sex, and Singles

(Link): Jesus Christ was not afraid to meet alone with known Prostitutes / Steven Furtick and Elevation Church Perpetuating Anti Singles Bias – ie, Single Women are Supposedly Sexual Temptresses, All Males Can’t Control Their Sex Drives – (but this view conflicts with evangelical propaganda that married sex is great and frequent)

(Link): How the Sexual Revolution Ruined Friendship – Also: If Christians Truly Believed in Celibacy and Virginity, they would stop adhering to certain sexual and gender stereotypes that work against both

(Link):  Brotherly Love: Christians and Male-Female Friendships

(Link):  Apparent Inconsistency at SCCL Group – They’re Repulsed by Sexualization of Some Relationships But Not All

(Link): Why So Much Fornication – Because Christians Have No Expectation of Sexual Purity

“Who is my mother and who are my brothers?” – one of the most excellent Christian rebuttals I have seen against the Christian idolatry of marriage and natalism, and in support of adult singleness and celibacy – from CBE’s site

“Who is my mother and who are my brothers?” – one of the most excellent Christian rebuttals I have seen against the Christian idolatry of marriage and natalism, and in support of adult singleness and celibacy – from CBE’s site

(Link): “Who is my mother and who are my brothers?” – from CBE site, by Carrie A. Miles

As I wrote in a much older posts, Christian single men need to strongly reconsider supporting gender complementarianism, if they do so already, because GC (gender complementarianism, as espoused by Christian groups such as “Council for Biblical Womanhood and Manhood” and by people such as preacher Mark Driscoll and many other male pastors, as well as entire denominations, such as Southern Bapists), discriminate against single, childless men.

These groups not only promote sexism against women, and limit women, but they do so against MEN as well, especially un-married, childless men.

Under patriarchy beliefs, or even standard GC (gender complementarian) teachings, Christian men are told that they are demanded or expected to marry, marry young, and to have lots of children, and it’s argued that the Bible itself supports those propositions (though it does not).

If men do not marry, do not marry young, and do not have children, they are told, they are in disobedience to God, breaking biblical rules, defrauding women, and are displeasing God.

Depending on the particular GC preacher or organization, men will further be told that they are not “real” men if they don’t have a career with a paycheck that enables their wife to stay at home and raise children.

If you are a man who has a wife, and she must work to help pay bills, you are considered a “man fail” by these groups.

Also depending on the particular GC preacher or church, men who are artistic, creative, sensitive (I don’t mean homosexual, all I mean are men who are not as into “manly men” stereotypes as others), men who are not into MMA or NFL, men who do not fit stereotypical he-man American pursuits and interests, are derided for being wimps and “pussified” (their word) by male, GC preachers (see this link for some examples).

If you are a conservative, Christian man and want to read opposing views to GC by other conservative Christians who interpret the Bible literally, you need to start researching Christian gender egalitarianism books and sites.

One such site is CBE, Christians for Biblical Equality.

CBE is not a group of man-hating, liberal feminists who allegorize the Bible. They are conservative Christians, and sometimes have male authors write their articles and blog posts, in addition to female authors.

The following editorial supporting adult celibates and refuting the Christian obsession with family, marriage, and procreation is from CBE. Even if you are a gender complementarian, you shouldn’t see anything, or not too much, in this that you disagree with in this article on an egalitarian site.

(Link): “Who is my mother and who are my brothers?”

Here are some excerpts.

  • by Carrie A. Miles
  • On issues of the family and scripture, Christians are in a bit of a pickle. It is not always clear how our convictions about “family values” mesh with what the Bible teaches, especially the Gospels.
  • Jesus, for example, did not assign the great spiritual and sentimental significance to family life that many Christians do today. How then do we reconcile the expectation that all good Christians should marry with his example of lifelong celibacy?
  • Or our championship of family with Jesus’ warning that following him will set sibling against sibling and parent against child?
  • Endorsing family values poses particularly interesting issues for biblical egalitarians, since many of our fellow Bible-believers hold that these values should include a hierarchical model of marriage.
  • In order to understand Jesus’ attitude toward the family, we must understand that family practices in the first century were not based on emotion as they are today, but rather on material, economic interests.
  • In my book, The Redemption of Love,1 I show that the family values prevalent in Jesus’ day were the economic consequences of the Fall. These family practices, now known as patriarchy, were corrupted by the human decision to have our own way and live outside of God’s abundance.
  • I join New Testament historian S. Scott Bartchy in arguing that rather than support patriarchy, Jesus and other New Testament writers (especially Paul) intended to over- throw it. Thus, Jesus’ teachings, which seem anti-family today, reflect his intent to dissolve the materialistic motives for family and replace them with relationships based on doing the will of God.2
  • Singleness
  • In this passage Jesus challenged another ancient family value—the expectation that every respectable person should marry. He noted several reasons why people might choose not to marry, including the decision to devote themselves entirely to the kingdom of heaven (v. 12). Between this teaching and his own example of celibacy, Jesus made it clear that it was acceptable for godly people to remain single.

    This was a radical claim, since singleness had rarely been an option before. Historically, most marriages were arranged by families to further their own interests, often with little consideration for the preferences of the bride and groom.

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Christianity Should Be Able To Work Regardless of Culture, Childed or Marital Status / Article: Unlike in the 1950s, there is no ‘typical’ U.S. family today by B. Shulte

Christianity Should Be Able To Work Regardless of Culture, Childed or Marital Status / Article: Unlike in the 1950s, there is no ‘typical’ U.S. family today by B. Shulte

Christianity Is Designed to Be True and to Work, Regardless of One’s Culture or Marital Status or Family Structure

Before I address the article about the changing nature of the American family, I’d like to point out that God designed the Christian faith so that it could work in any era, any time period, in any culture, and regardless of a person’s childed or marital status.

American Christians, however, continue to behave as though the Christian faith itself will become moot or bogus unless the predominant culture consists of 1950s era like nuclear families, where every one is married with a baby.

If Christianity can only work if people are married with kids, then Christianity is false.

If the only measure of success you have that Christianity is “working,” I don’t think I’d use marriage and baby making as the only, or primary, yard sticks, as the Bible does not hold up either one as a barometer.

I’d also like to remind any Christian readers that Jesus Christ died for your sins, not to save or defend marriage, parenthood, or the “nuclear family.”

The Changing American Family

 I first saw this headline tweeted by Janet Mefferd, Christian radio host. I listen to her program regularly, and I think I have a fairly good handle of her views. I think she probably thinks that the following information is sad or unfortunate. I have a different perspective. Here’s the link: 

(Link): Unlike in the 1950s, there is no ‘typical’ U.S. family today by B. Shulte

As much as I like Mrs. Mefferd on a personal level, I disagree with her on one or two topics, or emphasis placed upon them.

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Male Entitlement and Adult Virginity: Who has it worse, Male Vs. Female? (critique of post at other blog)

Male Entitlement and Adult Virginity: Who has it worse, Male Vs. Female?

The guy, John H. Morgan, behind this blog post I am discussing was eventually blocked from this blog about a year ago (read more about that (Link): here), but I think he still visits this blog regardless (which wouldn’t bother me too much if he’d (Link): give credit to this blog once in a while when and if he uses it to generate ideas for his own blog, because he apparently still visits this blog and uses it as a resource).

This is a rebuttal to a few of the points in this blog post:

(Link): How Does God Define Sex (posted Sept 4, 2014)

Here is excerpt 1:

  •  Women who are waiting until marriage are virgins as pure as the driven snow. Men who wait until marriage become crippled with sexual confusion and permanent awkwardness . . . or worse. This double standard has existed for as long as men have walked the earth. 

Maybe 50 or 60 years ago that double standard was in place, but no more.

The only places that double standard may still be alive today are certain extremist Christian cults, such as Quivering, Reconstructions, and patriocentric kook Christian groups, but not so much in run of the mill Baptist or evangelical circles.

Male adult virgins do not have life more difficult than adult women virgins.

The stereotypes male virgins endure (which I’ve written about a time or two previously) are not necessarily worse than the ones women adult virgins are subject to.

I would actually argue that adult women virgins, especially in the realm of Christianity, have to deal with harsher, or more prevalent stereotypes, more often than men virgins do. 

While there may be a minority of Baptist or evangelicals who shame men for not marrying and reproducing young, such as disgraced pastor Mark Driscoll and Southern Baptist Al Mohler, who tend to depict single males past 25 as being stuck in adolescence, the vast majority of mainstream evangelicalism shames women far, far more for being virgins past a certain age than it does men.

Why is this so?

Because even in secular culture – this is true for Christians too – men who do not have children are not questioned as much about their childless status. It is assumed that there is something wrong with a woman who does not have children, that she is unloving or horrible for not being “maternal.”

All of this revolves around the topic of sex, since, to become pregnant in a conventional sense, one must have sex, obviously.

Christians often teach that a woman’s greatest, or only godly calling in life, or only acceptable role, is to be a mother (see (Link): this page and (Link): this page)

I have never once heard a mainstream Christian group insist that fatherhood is a man’s most godly calling in life.

Continue reading

Patriarchy tends to sexualize all male / female relationships (article via Junia Project blog)

Patriarchy tends to sexualize all male/female relationships

This is certainly a topic I have discussed on this blog before.

(Link): Three Ways Patriarchy is Bad for Men

Excerpts

  • ….Patriarchy tends to sexualize all male/female relationships
  • Married men in complementarian Christian circles are often encouraged to avoid interactions with women other than their wives. Single men are sometimes discouraged from having friendships with women unless they want to pursue a dating relationship. Women are envisioned as “temptresses,” and anything beyond superficial contact is rigorously avoided.
  • Within appropriate boundaries, friendships between men and women (both married or single) can be spiritually enriching and encourage discipleship. Dan Brennan’s book Sacred Unions, Sacred Passions is a great guide to forming these kinds of relationships.

Related posts:

(Link):  Topics: Friendship is Possible / Sexualization By Culture Of All Relationships

(Link):  Relationships Of Welcome, Not Fear (Re: How Sexist Christian Views Marginalize and Isolate Adult, Single Women and Maintain Other Stereotypes About Adult Singles)

(Link):   How the Sexual Revolution Ruined Friendship – Also: If Christians Truly Believed in Celibacy and Virginity, they would stop adhering to certain sexual and gender stereotypes that work against both

(Link):  Why So Much Fornication – Because Christians Have No Expectation of Sexual Purity

(Link):  Christian Stereotypes About Female Sexuality : All Unmarried Women Are Supposedly Hyper Sexed Harlots – But All Married Ones are Supposedly Frigid or Totally Uninterested in Sex

(Link):  Hey Ed Stetzer: Opposite Gender Friendships Are Not Sinful – Ed Stetzer’s Advice: “Avoid Any Hint” – More Like: Re Enforce UnBiblical Stereotypes About Men, Women, Sex, and Singles

(Link): The Sexualization of God and Jesus 

(Link): Jesus Christ was not afraid to meet alone with known Prostitutes / Steven Furtick and Elevation Church Perpetuating Anti Singles Bias – ie, Single Women are Supposedly Sexual Temptresses, All Males Can’t Control Their Sex Drives – (but this view conflicts with evangelical propaganda that married sex is great and frequent)

 (Link):  Pervy Preacher from Seattle who teaches men “to objectify women, by his over emphasis of sexualization of women and subservience” (Re Driscoll)

(Link):  Apparent Inconsistency at SCCL Group – They’re Repulsed by Sexualization of Some Relationships But Not All

(Link):  Researchers measure increasing sexualization of images in magazines

(Link):  Brotherly Love: Christians and Male-Female Friendships

 

Several Articles about Adult Singleness From Sept 2014 CBE Site

Several Articles about Adult Singleness From Sept 2014 CBE Site

You may have to register and be logged in to view one or two of these.

CBE = Christians for Biblical Equality

As to the first link re: young marriage. I am opposed to Christians who push young marriage, I am not entirely against early marriage itself.

I do not think early marriage is a good idea for most people, but if someone chooses – walks into one of one’s free will, as opposed to marrying young due to church pressure or Christian propaganda – I can respect that.

Christians should stop pressuring people to marry at all, or to marry by a certain age, as the Bible does neither, and, by the same token, Christians need to stop shaming singles for being single, which they do on a frequent basis.

(Link): Wrestling with Young Marriage by Naomi Krueger

(Link): In Which We Have a Frank Chat About My Marital Status (Why Are You Single?) by Amy Young

(Link): God’s View of Singleness by Jessi Colund

Excerpts:

  • Misunderstanding singleness is a particularly prevalent problem when our churches are influenced by patriarchy. Patriarchal cultures tend to define a woman based on her function or role rather than her personhood. If she does not fit easily into the role of wife or mother, she must be defined by another role. And since a positive portrait of a woman who does not “belong to a man” would be incomprehensible—and even challenging—to a patriarchal society, single women are often stereotyped negatively as “crazy old aunts” or “emotionally-stunted career women.”
  • ….this does not mean that marriage is wrong; it simply means that singleness is not a second-rate lifestyle inflicted on a few poor souls on the fringe of our Christian circles.

This next page discusses, among other things, how despite the fact that adult singles comprise over 40% of the American population, most churches continue to neglect them and focus on marriage and married couples:

(Link): Ideal Relationships and Metaphor: Siblings vs. Spouses?

Excerpt:

  • But for other relationships in the church, Christians should treat one another as siblings in Christ—caring for each other’s needs and loving them because they are bound by adoption to a common family. Such a metaphor is less exclusive because there is no prerequisite or exclusion, as there is with marriage.

(Link): ‘With Gladness and Singleness of Heart’ (concerning adult singles; first published 2004)


 Related:

(Link): Relationships Of Welcome, Not Fear (Re: How Sexist Christian Views Marginalize and Isolate Adult, Single Women and Maintain Other Stereotypes About Adult Singles)

(Link): The Nauseating Push by Evangelicals for Early Marriage

(Link): The Irrelevancy To Single or Childless or Childfree Christian Women of Biblical Gender Complementarian Roles / Biblical Womanhood Teachings

(Link): Singles Shaming at The Vintage church in Raleigh – Singlehood Shaming / Celibate Shaming

(Link): Otherhood – An overlooked demographic – the Childless and Childfree Women and Singles Especially Women Who Had Hoped to Marry and Have Kids But Never Met Mr. Right (links)

(Link): Mark Driscoll on Single Christian Women Who Desire Marriage – the positives and negatives of his piece

(Link): Are Single People the Lepers of Today’s Church? by Gina Dalfonzo

(Link): Are Christian Singles The New Second Class Christian? by Duke Taber

(Link): “Because I was single I felt second class.”-by Chandin, former Mars Hill member & single, on Mars Hill church

(Link):  “Family-ing” Single Adults by D. Franck – How Churches Can Minister to Single Adults

(Link):  If the Family Is Central, Christ Isn’t

(Link):  Lies The Church Tells Single Women (by Sue Bohlin)

(Link): Hey Ed Stetzer: Opposite Gender Friendships Are Not Sinful – Ed Stetzer’s Advice: “Avoid Any Hint” – More Like: Re Enforce UnBiblical Stereotypes About Men, Women, Sex, and Singles

(Link):  How the Sexual Revolution Ruined Friendship – Also: If Christians Truly Believed in Celibacy and Virginity, they would stop adhering to certain sexual and gender stereotypes that work against both

Adult Singles Do Not Need A Marital Partner to Be Whole or Complete

Adult Singles Do Not Need A Marital Partner to Be Whole or Complete

I only wanted to offer a very brief commentary on this editorial at The Christian Post,

(Link): Message to Vicky Beeching: The Logic of Creation, Not ‘Psychoanalysis by a Stranger’

Here is the portion of the editorial I wished to address:

  • BY ROBERT A. J. GAGNON
  • It doesn’t require individual knowledge of Ms. Beeching [lesbian singer] to know that she errs when she regards another woman as her “other half,” as her sexual complement or counterpart since obviously she is whole as a woman and is not in need of joining herself to another woman to supplement whatever she may falsely perceive to be lacking in her femaleness.
  • That is a given, so long as her existence as a woman is not questioned (and I, for one, do not question it). It is obvious that, sexually speaking, the appropriate counterpart to a woman (anatomically, physiologically, psychologically) is a man, not another woman.
  • ….And yet the image of marriage in Genesis 2 is that the two halves of the sexual spectrum, man and woman, reunite into a single, integrated sexual whole. She is already intact in relation to her own sex; it’s the other half of the sexual spectrum that she doesn’t have covered.

Depending on how this author is meaning to use this argumentation, it can be damaging to never-married, divorced, or widowed adults.

I am unaware of any Bible passage that teaches that a person, in an un-married state, needs a partner of the opposite gender to “complete” them or “compliment” them.

The Bible seems to teach that adult singles, such as Jesus Christ and the Apostle Paul, are whole and complete on their own.

If you want to argue against lesbianism, that is your right, but I’d be very careful of framing the debate in terms that lay the groundwork for the notion that adult singles – who are complete in Jesus alone – need a husband to be fulfilled, whole, or serving God’s purpose.

Paul wrote,

  • Now to the unmarried and the widows I say: It is good for them to stay unmarried, as I do.
  • But those who marry will face many troubles in this life, and I want to spare you this.
  • (1 Corinthians 7)

The author does go on to say,

  • And yet a homosexual union violates directly the very foundation of “male and female God made them” upon which Jesus bases a limitation of two persons to a sexual union, since it disposes altogether with a male-female requirement.

If the author is arguing along the context of gender roles and sexuality vis a vis the marriage debate, that only a male spouse can “complete” a female partner in some sense, rather than another female, I don’t have much to quibble with there.

But sometimes, I have seen other authors, or preachers, maintain the false idea that a person is not truly whole, complete, or a mature adult until and unless she marries a man – and this is simply not in the Bible at all.

A person does not need to be having sex, or pro-creating, to be sexual or to be whole or complete, either. Celibate adults are not “less than” their married counterparts.


Related posts:

(Link):  According to Pastor – Jimmy Evans – It Takes One Man and Woman Married To Equal A Whole – so where does that leave Christian singles ?

(Link):  Pope Francis Perpetuates Christian Falsehood that One Man, One Woman Married Equals Image of God – (which in effect leading to: ) Teaches Single / Unmarried Do Not Reflect God That Singles Are Sub Human or Only One Half A Person / This Is An Anti Singles View and Is Unbiblical

(Link): Christian TV Personality ( Jimmy Evans ) Says You Cannot Meet God’s Destiny For Your Life Without A Spouse = Anti Singleness Singlehood Singles Bias Prejudice Making Idol out of Marriage

(Link): Why Unmarried – Single Christians Should Be Concerned about the Gender Role Controversy – because some Christians are teaching that unmarried people are not fully human or not “whole” – preachers who teach that single people are not fully in God’s image unless they get married

The Midlife Church Crisis – how churches marginalize anyone who is not married with young children and middle-agers are leaving church

The Midlife Church Crisis – how churches marginalize anyone who is not married with young children and middle-agers are leaving church

I have linked to her material before. I am over 40, never married, never had any kids and noticed by my mid 30s that churches are far too fixated on “family” and children.

This married woman, Van Loon, didn’t notice until she reached her 40s or so and became an “empty nester” (her children grew up and moved out).

I have been saying on this blog for over a year now that many churches, especially Baptist and evangelical ones, tend to exclude every one, except for children and young married couples.

If you are over 30, still not married, or are married with no kids, or are divorced or widowed, you are not even thought to exist by most churches, or your needs are not ministered to.

Everyone is expected to support the 29 year old married couple who has a baby and a toddler.

I see no place in the Bible that permits such favoritism, the negligence, by churches, of entire groups of people (such as adult singles and widowers) to coddle one other group (young nuclear families), but this happens routinely in U.S. churches.

The thing I find sad or frustrating is that while never married, childless adults such as me spot by our mid 30s, or earlier, that churches are too fixated on married with children couples and how this creates all sorts of problems for adult singles and churches, but it takes such couples into their 40s -or older- and it takes their kids growing up and moving out on their own- for these married couples to begin to notice the same thing.

If you’re a 40- or 50- something woman whose kids have grown and gone, and are now just noticing how churches place the “traditional family” on a pedestal and ignore everyone else, welcome to the club. We older, never married, childless singles have known this for years and years and years.

(Link):  The Midlife Church Crisis – In Christ, there is neither empty nester nor new mom. 

  • by Michelle Van Loon
  • ….I’ve had one too many conversations with empty-nester peers about what it’s like to go to church once our kids are grown and gone. Our midlife crisis of faith came from questioning not our beliefs, but our role in the body of Christ.

    When the bulletin is filled with announcements for mothers of preschoolers’ gatherings, family camping weekends, and Vacation Bible School, I know I’m welcome to lend a hand by baking muffins or doing crafts. I’ve gotten the message that, now that my own children have grown, my role is to support the real focus of the church: families.

    Decades ago, baby boomers and older Gen Xers pushed to create churches centered on the young, nuclear family. Sadly, this ministry model now excludes many of us. Having outgrown the local church’s core programs, we’re left to usher, teach fourth-grade Sunday school, or attend committee meetings. At times, I can’t help thinking: Been there, done that. Got the Christian T-shirt to prove it.

  • ….Anecdotally speaking, it seemed that those over age 40 who discovered meaningful service, worship, and connections reported that their church was committed to intergenerational ministry rather than family-centered, child-focused programming. Though there is some overlap between the two ministry philosophies, the congregations that concentrate on families with children under 18 unintentionally marginalize those who don’t fit the profile.
  • … When we church leaders ape our culture’s obsession with all things young and cool—targeting the same desirable demographic groups as do savvy advertisers—we communicate to those who don’t fit those specs that they are less desirable.
  • ((click here to read the rest))

Related:

(Link):  Aged Out of Church by M. Van Loon (For Christians over the Age of 35 – 40 – Churches ignoring middle aged adults)

(Link):  Why Even Middle Aged Married with Children Christians Are Leaving Church – Not Just Unmarried Singles | 40 Somethings Gen X Quitting Leaving Church

(Link):  Mature Christians Need to Stop Allowing the Under 30 Crowd to Direct the Entire State of Christian Affairs

(Link):  Youth Fixation in Churches and how it alienates older Christians

(Link):  Never Married Christians Over Age 35 who are childless Are More Ignored Than Divorced or Infertile People or Single Parents

“You’re not a real man until you have children” – childless, childfree women should be able to relate to this too

“You’re not a real man until you have children” by G. Proops – women should be able to relate to this too

The audio in this contains the “F bomb” a lot, but what he says is true.

He starts out focusing his discussion on childless men, but it becomes generic enough, so if you are a CF or childless woman, you should be able to relate.

Among other things, he talks about how parents today whine about having to take care of their own kids. He tells them to shut up, because it was their choice to have kids, and having a kid becomes your job.

He talks about how parents act as though single, childless people are nothing – parents can be very condescending to singles, childless, or childfree people.

(Link): Greg Proops On Having Children – The Smartest Man In The World

Video:

—————-

Related post:

(Link): Childfree By Choice: How Women are Redefining Tomorrow’s Family

Baby Making Fixation at Christianity Today Magazine Online – Shaming Women For Not Procreating, or For Delaying Motherhood, or For Limiting the Number of Children

Baby Making Fixation at Christianity Today Magazine Online – Shaming Women For Not Procreating, or For Delaying Motherhood, or For Limiting the Number of Children

I am not going to provide links as is my custom, because I find this so obnoxious. (The URL to the excerpted piece is below).

Within about a week long time frame, CT (Christianity Today magazine) published two very “pro motherhood” type articles on their site.

I am not an opponent of motherhood. If a woman chooses to have babies, that is A-OK with me.

What I find appalling is how Christians either rain guilt down upon, or else shame, women for

  1. choosing not to have children at all, or
  2. for choosing to use birth control to delay when to have kids, or
  3. using birth control to limit the number of children they have, or
  4. to assume all childless women are childless by choice

On occasion, some Christian males, such as Al Mohler and Rev. Mark Driscoll, have screamed at young men to run out and get married immediately, but it seems to me that about 98% of the time, Christians and social conservatives are yelling at WOMEN to hurry up, get married, and crank out kids.

I do not think either gender should be pressured to marry at all or soon in life, but I am tired of the sexist double standard.

Women get more shamed and pressured to marry, marry young, and have children, and have children young, more often than men do.

I come across these “marry and make babies young” editorials by Christians and sometimes conservatives, aimed at women far more often than I see them directed at men.

Christians often teach adult singles that if they want a mate, they must achieve perfection, because God will not gift them with a spouse so long as they are flawed.

But then these same Christians, or others, like the lady below, assume if a woman wants a husband, all she has to do is “choose” one. I see. So if I want to get married, I can just “choose” a man, and get married?

But how does that view square with the Christians who tell me the reason I am unmarried is that God is “sanctifying me” and “cleaning me up” before he will send me a spouse?

How is it that I am told on the one hand by some Christians that God is requiring me to fix myself before he’ll send me a spouse, but at the same time, these other Christians are saying I can have a husband if I just “choose” to have one? Which is it?

Here are the editorials I am talking about – these were published under the women’s section of Christianity Today online, and are chock full of sexism, assumptions, and guilt trips:

Have Babies, Just Not Yet – published on Christianity Today, Aug 18 2014, by Courtney Reissig 

(url: 

christianitytoday.com/women/2014/august/have-babies-just-not-yet.html?paging=off)

And,

“How Natural Family Planning Shaped My View of Sex” - published on Christianity Today, Aug 25 2014 

Note: I have revised this post to remove most of the direct quotes and have instead summarized most of the author’s points; what follows, and under FAIR USE, are excerpts, and NOT the full articles / editorials.

Even before this revision, I did NOT reproduce the entire editorial, contra the claims of the Christianity Today employee who contacted me over this via Twitter.

Excerpts from (and I have some remarks below these excerpts, farther down the page):

  • Have Babies, Just Not Yet – published on Christianity Today, Aug 18 2014, by Courtney Reissig
  • There are a number of reasons for the delay of childbearing on the part of women, who increasingly find themselves pursuing higher degrees, working full-time, and taking on leadership positions.
  • [snip many comments by author about how women are, she feels, choosing to pursue a career, or obtain a college education, over having children]
  • [snip further comments where the author cites studies that the average age of a woman having her first child is age 30, and she notes that she thinks that Christians believe that any woman who has a child around age 20 is wasting her choices and opportunities] Continue reading

Want To Grow Your Church? Advertise Sex (Story via A Little Leaven Blog)

Want To Grow Your Church? Advertise Sex. (story via A Little Leaven blog)


A church put up a billboard with the words, “I Love Sex – God” (with a heart symbol where it says “Love”)

You can watch the news report about the billboard here (the blog has an embedded video of a news report about the church’s billboard):

(Link): Want To Grow Your Church? Advertise Sex.

The preacher of the church says since culture is so obsessed with sex, why not the church? He thinks talking about sex from the pulpit will get his church more new members.

Meanwhile, you have Christian adult celibates who might from time to time like to hear that God loves celibacy and/or adult singleness, but churches keep right on ignoring them to chase after the married couples and to tell the married couples how much God supposedly wants them to have sex.

(Link): Church Puts God and Sex on BillBoard

  • Aug 28, 2014, 2:18 PM ET

(Link):  Church Uses Racy Billboard to Attract New Visitors

To even the score, here are some images confirming that God is not a sex crazed, sex obsessed weirdo, and that he values singles and celibacy too:

"I Love Singles - God"

“I Love Singles – God”

"I Love Celibacy - God"

“I Love Celibacy – God”

"I Love Virginity - God"

“I Love Virginity – God”


Related posts:

(Link):  Preacher: ‘They Will Know We Are Christians By Our Hot SEX Lives’ – and once more, never-married celibate adults and their experiences, wisdom, and input are ignored

(Link):  Never Married Christians Over Age 35 who are childless Are More Ignored Than Divorced or Infertile People or Single Parents

(Link):  No Christians and Churches Do Not Idolize Virginity and Sexual Purity – Christians Attack and Criticize Virginity Sexual Purity Celibacy / Virginity Sexual Purity Not An Idol

(Link):  Resident Christian Marriage Advice Writer at Christian Mag Admits Some Christian Marriages are Sexless

(Link):  Strange Anti Masturbation Billboard by Religious Group
(Link):  Southern Baptist Russell Moore Admits That Christians Have Sexless Marriages

(Link):  Pastors avoid ‘controversy’ to keep tithes up, author says – Confirms What I’ve Been Saying All Along, Re: Churches: Contrary to Progressive Christians, Churches / Christians Do Not Support or Idolize Sexual Purity, Virginity, or Celibacy – they attack these concepts when not ignoring them

(Link):  More Married Couples Admit to Sexless Marriages (various articles) / Christians promise you great frequent sex if you wait until marriage, but the propaganda is not true

Ashley Madison, Site For Married Cheaters, Admits to Spying on Users and May Require a Deactivation Fee

Ashley Madison, Site For Married Cheaters, Admits to Spying on Users and May Require a Deactivation Fee


Some Christians, especially some Baptists and conservative evangelicals, fundamentalists, and Reformed, frequently teach that marriage makes people more sexually pure, in that they assume married people do not commit sexual sin.

By contrast, these same types of Christians assume that un-married adults are harlots with insatiable sexual appetites who sleep around with 100 people per week. When in fact, some singles (such as myself) are more chaste than some married people.

Also, Christians often teach that “married sex is mind blowing, so you should wait until marriage to have sex.” If that were the case, why do so many married people have affairs and turn to sites such as Ashley Madison which help them find affair partners?

(Link):  Ashley Madison Draws Complaints Over Profile Deletion Fee
(Link):  Do you really need to pay $20 to delete your Ashley Madison profile?  

  • Cheaters are pushed for money to delete profiles, but don’t have to pay..
  • ..Of course, Ars couldn’t resist the urge to look into a story involving sordid extramarital dealingsand alleged extortion. As it turns out, however, the issue is a bit more nuanced. Ashley Madison doeslet users delete their profiles for free, but directions on how to do so can be confusing to the point where they appear misleading.

(Link): Dating website spied on its cheating users

  • It wasn’t the spouses of cheaters that were doing the spying.  A dating website for people looking to secretly cheat spied on their users.
  • Eric Anderson, the “chief science officer” at Ashley Madison, a dating website for affairs, spied on more than 4,000 conversations from 100 women had with potential flings.
  • …The study claims that women look to cheat before they need more passion. The research suggests that women would rather cheat than divorce because they usually still love their husbands. 

(Link):   Cheaters’ Dating Site Ashley Madison Spied on Its Users

  • A service for people seeking affairs secretly analyzed its members’ conversations

Continue reading

Response to Various Cranky Critics Who Have Left Nasty Posts At This Blog From June to August 2014

Response to Various Cranky Critics Who Have Left Nasty Posts At This Blog From Around June to August 2014

If you have even bothered to glance at the heading on this blog, it says,

  • this is a blog for me to vent; I seldom permit dissenting views. I don’t debate dissenters.

This disclaimer doesn’t stop cranky people, the occasional troll, or idiot from leaving nasty, vulgar, or negative remarks.

I do not usually read the negative posts that closely. I generally scan the first few lines of a new post, and if I ascertain quickly it’s a troll post, that it contains vitriol, snark, or a rant, I send it to the trash.

In the past two months, I’ve gotten a handful of nasty grams. I sent those posts to the trash can.

Here are summaries of the various nasty grams I have received, and my responses.

In this post, I will be discussing,

  • 1. The Bitter Lady
  • 2. The Grouchy Be Equally Yoked Lady
  • 3. The You’re An Intolerant Homophobe Guy
  • 4. The Immature I Am a 40 Year Old Man Who Likes to Pork 20 Year Old Women Lying Creepster Troll

-among others

Continue reading

Why Christians Need To Divorce The Topic of Sex From “Family” and “Marriage”

Why Christians Need To Divorce The Topic of Sex From “Family” and “Marriage”

Why Christians Need To Divorce The Topic of Sex From “Family” and “Marriage”

In my estimation, Christians are mistaken in how they address sexual sin in today’s culture.

I am pretty conservative myself. I am not opposed to traditional values, hetero/traditional marriage, or the family.

I am in disagreement with the attitudes and preoccupation by Christians and conservatives with these things, however, and to an extent, with how they choose to address these issues.

I repeatedly see conservative Christians make complaints such as:

  • Ever since birth control pills came along and widely available in the 1960s, people divorced sex from procreation.
  • Therefore, Christians feel birth control should be banned or discouraged, or people should return to viewing sex as a baby-making vehicle only, or primarily.

(This is also a faulty argument when one considers some married hetero couples are infertile or may choose not to have children. I see no strong grounds for such couples to stop having sex merely because they are unwilling or unable to procreate. I believe there are other reasons or purposes for having sex other than procreation.)

Christians will go on to make other, similar arguments and complaints such as:

  • Ever since no-fault divorce, people jettisoned the idea of marriage- as- duty, to hold the mindset, “does this marriage please me.”

These Christians feel that the idea that “marriage is a duty and obligation, not a means of fulfilling my personal happiness” should be pushed instead.

Here is an except from an article I was reading today (source):

  • Last year, one of the church’s sermon series was called “Family Under Attack.” It discussed topics that included homosexuality, divorce and couples living together out of wedlock. Moore recalled one churchgoer being disappointed with the series.

In the aspect in which it’s being discussed here by Christians, “family” has nothing to do with sex, homosexuality, couples living together prior to marriage, and so forth, but they sadly think that it does.

You will notice that Christians are more concerned about their pet idol, “the family” being damaged, than they are with sexual purity in and of itself.

Christians are more concerned that their idol, the “nuclear family” still resemble the 1950s sit com show “Leave It To Beaver,” than they are with celibacy, virginity, and sexual purity, for their own sakes.

Christians and social conservatives are not concerned about adult singlehood. Despite the fact the Bible teaches that God respects adult singleness, Christians remain obsessed with “the family” and do not care at all how adult singles over the age of 30 cope with the pressure to remain sexually pure in our sex-saturated culture.

There is nothing to indicate in the Bible that the word or concept of “family” should be used as an all-encompassing code phrase to mean “only heterosexual sex between one man married to one woman, marriage is to be permanent, and marital sex is for baby making only or primarily.”

I am over 40 years of age, have never married and am still a virgin. For Christians to keep using the words “marriage” and “family” or “family values” and all assorted, associated terms and rhetoric (such as, “family under attack,” “the traditional family,” “oh my gosh, what about the children,” etc) does not speak to my specific situation.

It also doesn’t offer a sound rationale for why I should not be having sex as a single woman.

The fact is, some people are single and may never marry – and they do want to get married but have been unable to find a spouse (see (Link): this post).

There are some singles who are not choosing to stay single – they remain single in spite of wanting to be married.

Some people divorce mid life, or their partner dies, or their partner divorces them, or their partner joins the Marines and gets sent to serve in Afghanistan for twelve months.

Why should any of these people in these situations remain chaste? Do Christians have a good answer? Telling them to “wait until marriage to have sex, because sex is meant only for marriage” is not a good answer.

I’m not quite sure how to convey my thoughts on this, but there are situations in life where a person does not have a spouse, cannot get a spouse, and they are left single and alone.

Telling a single celibate who wants to be married that she should marry if she wants sex is a Catch-22. It does nothing to address her situation or why she should be celibate while she remains single and may never marry, because she will never meet a “Mr. Right”.

Yet, Christians keep repeating the refrain at singles, “Wait until you get married to have sex.”

Therefore, constantly framing sexual topics under the rubric of “family,” as Christians and social conservatives are wont to do, offers little to no philosophical underpinnings or justifications or compelling reasons for an adult single, or a married person separated geographically from her spouse, to stay celibate.

I am single. I am not married. I do not have a husband or children. I do not have a ‘nuclear family,’ so why should I not be having sex? By emphasizing “family, family, family” Christians have no reasons to give me. 

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Southern Baptists Pushing Early Marriage, Baby Making – Iranians Pushing Mandatory Motherhood – When Christians Sound Like Muslims

Southern Baptists Pushing Early Marriage, Baby Making – Iranians Pushing Mandatory Motherhood – When Christians Sound Like Muslims


 (Link): Blogger Guy,  John H. Morgan, Who Accused Me Of Being Untrustworthy Apparently Finds My Blog Trustworthy Enough to Use As A Resource


I first saw mention of this via (Link): Defend The Sheep’s Twitter feed (Julie Anne of SSB blog).

From The Christian Post, August 20, 2014:
(Link): Southern Baptist Leaders: Christians Should Make Themselves ‘Marry-able’ Younger

And today, I saw this on my Twitter (via a Childfree account I follow, (Link): Childfree Agent):
(Link): Iran’s Plan for Population Growth: Mandate Motherhood

I have blogged before (see links at bottom under “related posts”) about the conservative Christian concern that Christians are not marrying at all, or not until later in life – but their real fear seems to be that Christians are not reproducing – and at that because they are afraid the Non Christians will “out breed” them.

Some of them may also be adhering to this unbiblical notion that America’s morality can be restored only if Christians adhere to strict gender role views, which includes the very unbiblical idea at woman’s only godly, or most high calling, is to marry and have babies.

I should pause here to mention a few other things.

First of all, most Christians seem oblivious to the fact that most Christians are not marrying, or not until they are age 30 or older. The fact that there are many Christian women who want marriage but who cannot find a mate well into their 40s and thus remaining single against their hopes is eluding most of them.

Secondly, some conservative Christians are honestly unaware that other Christians are advocating early marriage, such as radio host Janet Mefferd – see this previous blog post of mine, (Link): Mefferd Guest Focus on the Family Spokesperson Stanton Incredulous that Preachers Push Kids To Marry Early.

If I remember her reaction correctly, and her male guest’s, I think Mefferd and her guest both thought the idea of pushing kids to marry before college (or during) was a very strange one, or legalistic – but yet, yes, some Christians are in fact guilting or lecturing young Christians to marry prior to their 25th birthday, and they’ve been on this kick for at least the past 3 or 4 years now, maybe a bit longer.

If self-professing Christians are repeating some of the same doctrines or views of Non-Christian groups, this ought to give them strong pause. Here you have a predominantly Muslim nation, Iran, mandating motherhood, and a lot of evangelical Christians and Baptists doing the same thing to American Christian women.

If you think the salvation of America or individual souls or the church relies upon whether or not American Christians marry and have babies, you are following Islam. You are not following Christianity.

The propaganda of “Marry and make babies to save the world, save the church, and to lead people to Christ” is not the Gospel.

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