List of Christian Singlehood Annoyances, Part 2

Click the “more” link below to read the rest of the post

Things Christian Singles Find Annoying, Part 2

Continuing on with the list…

4. Christians/Churches Who Do Not Acknowledge Singles

(or not often enough, or not in a meaningful way)

Related topic:

Things Christian Pastors Should or Should Not Say When Discussing Singleness

Churches or television pastors who ignore singles, and who frequently preach about family, marriage, and parenthood, can be annoying.

I’ve never been married, I’ve never had any children, so I don’t find these topics pertinent or very interesting.

Sermons about married life or child rearing wouldn’t bother me so much if not for the fact that pastors rarely address the problems, concerns, and needs of singles. If there was more balance, it wouldn’t be as objectionable.

To such pastors, I’d like to remind them:

Married people are not the only people on the planet or in your congregation.

Singles Disregarded

Christian singles are frequently overlooked, forgotten, and ignored by married Christians, and it’s usually the married couples who “run the agenda” at most churches.

A few years ago, I attended a large church.

Quite often, this church would do things like ask the mothers in the audience to step forward, especially the new mothers, so they could receive  recognition; they would receive prayers, praise, and flowers in front of the congregation.

They also did the same, or similar things, for fathers and newly weds.

Not once did they ever honor the singles / never marrieds. Not once was I asked to step forward to receive a flower, a prayer, or what have you. Being left out like that hurts.

Many churches typically mention “family,” as in “we’re a family church!,” or “we’re family friendly,” and so on.

I, as a single person, and as I’ve gotten older, have felt left out when churches mention “family” constantly.

Such churches seem to assume that everyone sitting in their pews are married with children, hence the constant mentions of “family” on church signs, brochures, and so forth.

If these churches mean “family” as in “family of believers; we’re all brothers and sisters in Christ,” they really should consider making that more clear.

5a. Smug or Insensitive Advice from Long-Time Marrieds

Annoying: married people who give smug or insensitive advice to singles about singleness, dating, and marriage… especially ones who got married when they were aged 18 to 30 and are still married to the same person.

If you’ve basically been married your entire adult life and have a wallet filled with tons of photos of the grand kids, kindly keep your relationship advice to yourself, unless directly asked for it; thanks.

5b. Marrieds Who Complain About Marriage

These types of married Christians try to cheer Christian singles up by complaining about how terrible marriage can be. You will get an earful about all their spouse’s short comings and irritating habits.

On other occasions, their motive with the griping isn’t to cheer you up. They’re merely angry and venting about their spouse.

In either case, it’s annoying, at least sometimes. Most Christian singles would like a spouse but cannot get one, so it’s not pleasant to have to listen to a married person complain about his or her own marriage.

Like most singles, I’m already aware, based on past experiences, that being in a relationship feels terrible at times (I was in a long term relationship), so I don’t need a married person to tell me that a romantic partner can be disappointing or frustrating.

Another thing that bothers me about married people who complain to Christian singles about marriage:

These types of Christians will criticize single Christians for not being married, they will go overboard in glorifying marriage, but then, in the next breath, moan and groan about how hard  marriage is, or what a jerk their spouse is.

If they’re trying to sell singles on marriage, wouldn’t it make more sense to paint a more rosy picture of it?

If, as you claim, marriage is such unrewarding, lonely, unfulfilling drudge work, then why should any single person want it?

6. Age Stereotypes and Assumptions

Annoying: Age-related stereotypes and insults ( yes, even Christians participate in these, when they should know better).

The attitude that “all the good ones are snapped up by the time you’re age 35, and only losers are single after age 35” is rude, irritating, and insulting.

Seriously, I’ve had this reasoning used on me, and I’ve seen other Christians mention it to other people on the web.

Such Christians believe that anyone age 35 (or older) who has never been married (or who are single for other reasons, such as by divorce) must be deeply flawed, a nut case, or a loser.

I’ve usually seen this sort of thinking applied to males, but I think the logical outcome of this position would be applicable to females as well.

Women do not cease being attractive once they’re past the age of 35.

Consider this: if you’re a married guy age 40 or older (especially a devout Christian man), and your wife recently turned age 36, are you honestly telling me you instantly found her unattractive the very day of her 36th birthday?

Are you telling me that you’re going to dump your 36 year old wife first thing tomorrow because she’s not in the over-hyped age bracket of 20 – 35?

No?

Then why on earth would you dare tell a single Christian woman who is age 35+ that she’ll have a rough time getting a man because “all the good ‘uns are taken,” or that she’s “too old” to get a man (especially a “good” man)?

(Or why would you pull this same demeaning, negative trash on a single Christian man age 35+ who is hoping to get a wife?)

What if you had a 36+ year old Christian daughter who has never been married, would you actually tell her, “Sorry sweetie, it’s too late for you! No man would want you now!”

I would hope you would be more sensitive than that.

If you would be considerate of your daughter’s feelings, you should behave the same way towards other Christian singles, male and female.

Still directing this to Christian married men age 40+:

Let’s suppose your wife divorces you tomorrow, or she dies tomorrow in a car accident. So now you’re single once more and would like to marry again, and you start looking for another wife.

Should I consider you a “loser?” After all, there’s something defective and wrong with an unattached (single) man who’s over the age of 35, isn’t there (that’s what some Christians keep telling me)?

Would you really appreciate being lumped into a “loser” category simply due to your relationship status and age? No? Then why would you perpetuate this in regards to other people?

Sometimes people don’t get married by the time they’re 35 for reasons beyond their control, and their singleness well into their late 30s and beyond is absolutely no reflection on their character or personality.

Age: Derogatory Language

I’ve actually seen people who claim to be Christians use derogatory terms to describe older, single Christian ladies on other blogs and sites, such as “old maid,” or “spinster.”

I don’t know if those terms were considered demeaning in decades past, but to some, they are now, and I would hope that Christians would not use such disrespectful descriptions.

7. Assumptions About The Past

When I first began attending a large church awhile ago (this was before I started going to another church), I was led to the singles adult Sunday School class by a single woman who was over the age of 40.

I later found out that this woman was divorced and had some kids of her own by that previous marriage.

On the way to the class room, she asked me, “How many kids do you have?”

She assumed that because I was over the age of 35 that I had been married at one point and had children.

I can’t explain why, but that bothered me. I have never been married, and it just bothered me that someone would assume that I “obviously” had been at one point and was divorced with kids.

I was shocked by this woman’s assumption, but I managed to tell her, “I have never been married.”

8. Christians Who Don’t Think Christians Should Try Finding A Spouse At Church

These are the kinds of Christians who believe that singles groups at churches are nothing more than “meat markets.”

Either that, or they feel that it’s inappropriate, for some reason I don’t quite understand, for Christians to view church as an area in which to meet a potential significant other.

I certainly don’t think that Christian singles groups or classes should be tawdry,  sleazy, or be a duplicate of a singles bar in atmosphere, but other than that, I don’t understand Christians who object to singles groups or classes.

I do believe that one’s primary aim for church attendance should be to worship the Lord. But even the Bible says there are other reasons to gather together, fellowship being one.

Both of my parents raised me to believe that bars are sleazy and not a good place to find a husband. Both of them instructed me to attend a church if I wanted to get married to a nice, Christian man.

I can’t quite figure out why some Christians criticize the concept of using Sunday School, or a church sponsored group, as a way of meeting a spouse.

If not church, where should I go, a night club or bar?

I would not feel comfortable in such places because they’re populated by a lot of Non Christians, and they tend not to be Christ-honoring environments.

For those who object to single Christians looking for a spouse at church sponsored events, please cite me a list of venues that do meet with your approval.

Where are all the single Christian men (specifically between the ages of 35 – 45) hanging out these days? And for the single Christian guys, they’d like to know, if not church, where can they expect to bump into single Christian ladies?


List of Christian Singlehood Annoyances, Part 1

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