A Long Time Single Responds to a ‘Why You’re Not Married’ Article

Please click the “more” link (which is farther below) to read this entire post. Thank you

You can find this CNN editorial, “Why I’m Not Married, and No, It’s Not Because I’m an Angry Slut,” by Jessica Ravitz, here:

(Link): Why I’m not married (and it’s not because I’m an angry slut)

I found that same editorial linked to at the “askmen.com” forum, and most all the responses to it, by men, were very rude, insensitive, and clueless; they clearly do not understand women.

Out of all the men who left replies in the thread at the “askmen.com” forum, only one (a forum moderator) showed any maturity and sense.

The rest of the men in the thread sounded very bitter, immature, or insensitive. They sound as though they hate women. Maybe they’re angry at women because they cannot get or maintain a steady relationship with a woman.

You will find some quotes farther below from the editorial by Jessica Ravitz, but I first wanted to make a few comments about it.

Ravitz is not a Christian, but she makes many points I relate to.

One reason I have tagged this post with the terms such as “insensitive” and “annoyances” is that Ravitz is replying to insensitive comments by another author, Tracy McMillan.

McMillan wrote an editorial, “”Why You’re Not Married,” and from the way Ravitz describes the editorial, it sounds very insulting, because McMillan apparently blames singles for being single, even though people who remain single sometimes remain so for reasons that are not their fault.

Ravitz basically sums up the “never-married” situation some singles reluctantly find themselves in by saying life happens, and she explains that singles have a variety of reasons for why they were not able to get married, and some of those reasons are beyond their control.

Nobody can guarantee marriage, based on a variety of factors, so it’s insulting, rude, and demeaning for writers such as McMillian (or Christian writers like the ones at “Boundless.org”) to behave like there’s some magic formula that if we all just follow, we are guaranteed to get a spouse.

The link again:

(Link): Why I’m not married (and it’s not because I’m an angry slut)

Here is some of what Ravitz wrote:

  • ——————-
  • Tracy McMillan has gotten under my single-status skin.
  • I’m not sure how it took nearly a week for her Huffington Post column, “Why You’re Not Married,” to land in front of me, but it finally did. And now I’m fired up — not in an angry way but in the sort of way that made me skip to my desk, excited to type.
  • To hear it from the thrice-divorced McMillan, I’m 41 and not married because of one (or more?) of six reasons: I’m a bitch, a slut, a liar, shallow, selfish or not good enough.
  • Wow. Is that all? Maybe I smell, too.
  • I’ll be the first to admit I’ve got issues (c’mon, who doesn’t?), but I’m not owning these. Perhaps she was talking about why her own marriages failed or was simply setting out to get a rise, which she did brilliantly. And while I’ve been guilty of occasional transgressions that might fit in some of those unflattering boxes, McMillan doesn’t touch why I’m not married.
  • Based on the buzz surrounding her conversation-starting piece, I’m laying down and lining up behind reason number seven: Life happens.
  • Before reading on, know that I am not and refuse to be woe-is-me. Like Jennifer Aniston, minus the killer body and bank account, I’m happy. Really, I am. I skipped to my desk, dammit.
  • Of course I’d love to meet and marry that one and only, but in the meantime I’m living my life, and I’m taking everything that’s been given me on the journey.
  • Maybe, like me, that’s where you are, too.
  • Maybe you spent your adolescence clashing with a stepfather who didn’t get you emotionally. And maybe the father who did get you had been relegated by the courts, when you were 2 and your parents divorced, to every-other-weekend access. Maybe your first love cheated on you, just around the time a second divorce rolled through your family. So maybe your faith in men and marriage was a little shaken before you teased your hair for the prom.
  • But that’s nothing some therapy and better hair sense can’t fix, right?
  • Maybe you’re a searcher with a healthy dose of wanderlust, someone who needed time to commit to furniture, let alone a man, because there was so much you needed to see, do and become.
  • Maybe you were and still are a hopeful (I refuse to say hopeless) romantic who for years held a candle for the one you thought was The One. He’d changed your life, after all, when he lured you to Israel (though it could have been Thailand, for all you cared) — allowing you to claim that Jewish side of yourself you’d never embraced before.
  • ….Maybe, even as you licked those wounds in your pathetic little apartment, you began to appreciate your courage. You learned to trust yourself more. You realized your past didn’t define your future; you did. And then, maybe when you were finally prepared to date again, you woke up a single Jew living in Utah.
  • But being a single Jew in Utah wouldn’t matter, because then life tossed you a doozy that put the pain of a called-off engagement to shame.
  • Maybe you suddenly lost your father. Being emotionally available for someone else wasn’t something you could even entertain. Now you had an excuse not to date.
  • But maybe you knew that your dad — not to mention your amazing mom and stepmom, and your now-gentler ex-stepdad — wanted nothing more than for you to love and be loved. So when you were ready, with a fresh start in a new city, you were excited to put yourself out there again.
  • Maybe you were approaching 40 when you arrived in the South. Maybe you were slapped across the face with the reminder that most people your age are married with children. Maybe you went to a singles event and became convinced you were the oldest one there, so you ducked out early.
  • But maybe you held onto hope and optimism. You sucked up your pride and whipped up an online dating profile. You found out that men in Belgium, as well as men with odd fetishes and offensively bad grammar and spelling, have a thing for you. You received horrifying — yet hysterical — notes from suitors that made for great Facebook status updates.
  • Maybe you agreed to go on dates you dreaded because you were determined to have an open mind. Maybe you learned you had good reasons to dread those dates. You wolfed down a nice piece of salmon as one man told you, within the first hour of meeting, that he cheated on his wife, still loves his ex-girlfriend and didn’t go to his own father’s funeral. Maybe you thought you should charge him for therapy.
  • But maybe you still believe there’s someone great out there for you. You’re ready, you know you have so much to give, and you look forward to meeting him — wherever and whenever that might be.
  • And in the meantime, you know you have a lot to be grateful for. Maybe you have a career you love, and through the stories of suffering you hear, you know that if still being single is your biggest problem, you are damn lucky.
  • Sure, you might be a bitch, a slut, a liar, shallow, selfish or not good enough. Maybe, though, you happen to be 41 and single because life, real life with all its complications, has just worked out that way. So far.
  • But, hey, what do I know? Maybe that’s just me.

Related Posts:

(Link): ‘Why Are You Single’ Lists That Do Not Pathologize Singles by Bella DePaulo  

(Link): Unmarried / Single People Are Supposedly Bitter & Have Too Much Baggage – and that’s why you’re still single they say

(Link): Really, It’s Okay To Be Single – In order to protect marriage, we should be careful not to denigrate singleness – by Peter Chin

(Link):  Please Stop Shaming Me for Being Single by J. Vadnal

(Link):  The Single American Woman via NY Magazine

(Link):  Christian Blogger About Divorce, Pastor Andrew Webb, Thinks All To Most Mid-Life Never – Married or Single – Again Adults Are Mal-Adjusted, Ugly Losers Who Have Too Much Baggage

(Link): Another Obnoxious ‘ Why You’re Not Married Yet ‘ Article

(Link): Slut? Selfish? Sad? No, just a single woman (editorial)

(Link):   Typical Conservative Assumption: If you want marriage bad enough (or at all), Mr. Right will magically appear

(Link): Never-Married Men Over 40: Date-able or Debate-able?

(Link): Woman’s First Marriage at Age 40+

(Link): True Love Waits . . . and Waits . . . and Waits – editorial about delayed marriage and related issues

(Link):  Women Are Still Being Told To Lower Their Standards / Stupid Sh*t People Say to Singles by S. H. Weiss

(Link): Stop Telling Women Their Most Valuable Asset Is Their Youth (From Time)

(Link):  “Who is my mother and who are my brothers?” – one of the most excellent Christian rebuttals I have seen against the Christian idolatry of marriage and natalism, and in support of adult singleness and celibacy – from CBE’s site

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