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I’ve visited a few blogs and discussion boards for people who are “childfree.”
Most childfree people bristle at being referred to as “childless,” since most of them never wanted to have kids and intentionally took steps to avoid having any, such as undergoing sterilization procedures.
The term “childless” signifies to them that they wanted kids but could not have them, as well as other unwanted connotations, so they dislike the term.
Before I discuss my views on these childfree sites, here is my background and views as they pertain to kids and other topics I see regularly brought up on childfree forums and blogs:
I do not have any children. I have never had children. I have never married. I wanted to be married and would still like to be married.
I’ve never felt totally comfortable with the idea of becoming pregnant and having a baby, but I was never totally opposed to having one of my own.
I do not hate children, but I don’t like most of them. Most children are irritating and too loud. Most teens are obnoxious and idiotic. I don’t think 99% of infants are cute.
I am pro-life; I do not support abortion, nor do I support homosexuality or the legalization of homosexual marriage.
I am a social conservative and a Republican.
Here are my experiences of visiting childfree blogs and forums…
While I can relate to many of the problems and situations described at some of these sites, such as The Childfree Life discussion board or Bratfree Forum, I am dismayed or put off by some of the comments and attitudes I see by some members.
There is quite a bit of profanity on those particular boards and on others like them; there are jokes about killing or maiming kids/babies (implied); rude or cruel comments about people who did nothing to deserve it; many generalizations or gross misrepresentations or misunderstandings of conservative Christians.
Some of the atheist/ agnostic members at secular childfree boards routinely smear conservative Christians by calling them “homophobes,” and saying that they are stupid and incapable of rational thought or debate.
I realize that many times society and people we know can make insulting or insensitive comments to us Childfree people, but I don’t know if that warrants derogatory nicknames for parents.
For example, childfree people who habitually post to these CF blogs and forums frequently refer to parents with the derogatory term “breeders,” and mothers are called “moos.” The kids are called “sprogs” and other names.
They CF (Child Free) people who use these terms try to soften this by giving more respectful terms to people who they feel are half way competent parents, the PNBs (Parents Not Breeders).
Most members of these childfree forums and blogs that I have visited are self professing atheists, agnostics, or pagans; and then there are the ones who identify as “progressive Christians,” such as the ones in this thread at the Childfree Life forum.
Some of the “progressives” are quite smug in how they view themselves as enlightened, but those of us who are conservative Christians (even childfree conservative Christians) are viewed as being knuckle-dragging, intolerant, hill billies.
Progressive Christians typically reject biblical Christianity and so are not actually Christian at all.
Progressive Christians tend to believe God is a God of love and mercy only and do not want to accept that the Bible also teaches that God is also a God of judgment who abhors sin.
Based upon my reading of these posts, many progressive Christians seek out Progressive Churches who teach them what they want to hear and not what the Bible actually teaches, particularly in areas such as sexuality and sex.
The Progressive Christians also embrace issues and concepts that the Bible clearly condemns (or does not support), such as homosexuality, fornication, or moral relativity.
A common misconception by liberal – a.k.a. “progressive” Christians – and non Christians too – is that Christ taught that we Christians are not to judge at all, which is not what Christ taught.
See these pages for an explanation:
“What does the Bible mean that we are not to judge others?”
Why are Christians So Judgmental? Doesn’t the Bible Say, “Do Not Judge”
Many members of these sites are also supportive of homosexuality and abortion, including some of the ones who claim to be Christian, sadly.
Some members at these sites are moderate in their views, do seem genuinely balanced and compassionate, and some seem to tolerate kids and babies okay, but there is a fairly large percentage of Child Free people who seem very, very, hostile and bitter – I’m talking scary bitter.
We all get bitter from time to time, but these type of people seem stuck in it or revel in it.
I found it strange to find compassion in one thread on one forum, but then cruelty on another.
Some CFs will scream injustice if one of our own gets subjected to insensitive comments or assumptions by a parent over not having kids, but some of these same CFs will say something equally cruel and unkind about other types of people in other threads.
For example, in one thread at a childfree forum, a woman posted a story about how her friend had a hard time conceiving, finally did, but had a miscarriage.
She said another friend left an insensitively- worded post about the loss on the woman’s Facebook page, which anyone and everyone could view. All the childfree people in that discussion chided the insensitivity of the Facebook friend – which was understandable.
However, I went to another thread shortly after where other childfree people at the same forum were saying very mean spirited things about their friends who were parents with kids.
Sometimes, pot shots are taken at people regardless of the parenting/kid issue.
For instance, one woman on a CF forum said she saw this status update on a friend’s Facebook page: “I’m Crafty, I Make People!,” to which someone else replied something like, “That’s too bad, one of my friends, her crafts look like sh*t,” to which several other CF people added “LOLs” to that in response (they approved of her put down and found it humorous).
I found the willingness of this woman to make fun of her craft-making friend on another forum and behind her back sad. Her friend, and the friend’s crafts on Facebook, had nothing to do with the childfree issue, either, which made the whole put down seem even more cheap.
Another woman, a childfree women in another thread, remarked that her husband’s aunt keeps giving her what she called “cheap, tacky jewelry” every time they visit her at the holidays, and she seemed proud to announce to the forum that she immediately throws it in the trash can when she gets home.
I thought that was a heartless, ungrateful thing to do.
Apparently, the amount of the gift, its price or monetary value, means more to this childfree person than the fact the woman cares enough to even think of her and give her a gift at all.
And why was this person slamming an older Auntie on a board for people to discuss kids, lack of kids, and parents? It made her look petty, and by extension, you can maybe say it tarnishes CF people in general.
In a thread where CF (childfree individuals) were complaining about relatives and friends who were constantly forcing them to look at photos of their kids, one person remarked one of his brothers regularly sends him large envelopes filled with lots of photos of his kids (the man’s nieces and nephews).
This same guy proudly declared he never opens these thick photo filled envelopes, does not even open them, but throws them in the trash the moment they arrive, and he has even done this in front of other family when they present him with photos of their kids.
Here are some specific examples from CFLF (Childfree Life Forum) threads of some of the comments one sees on such forums:
Dealing With Kid Pictures (emphasis added):
Case in point, I had a co-worker ask me if I had kids a few months ago. I told him “No” in about the most flat voice I can manage. Then he unsolicitedly told me he had 3. I continued staring off into space not even looking at him trying to get my point across before I had to get ugly. Well, now I see him reach for his wallet and I know what is next.
So I say, “Yeah, I can’t stand kids. I really hate when people try to show me their pictures like I give a f#$%. All I think while looking at them is they should have been aborted.”
If I’m in a bad mood, or if a parent insists, I’ll go from 0 to World’s Biggest Dickhead in about half a second, and then all bets are off. I once told a parent their six month old should be the poster child for fifth-trimester abortions. And I don’t say it with a smile.
by Carryon (another post, same thread):
…They [parents with kdis] know it’s not “don’t like”, they know I thoroughly, completely despise them. Yet, as soon as they get one, they suddenly seem to think I’ll make an exception for their kid. That’s part of the attitude that turns me into an asshole and guarantees I’ll say the meanest, most hurtful thing possible in order to get it through their thick heads that their kid is no less putrid to me just because it’s theirs.
by Arcane Rose:
…At our wedding, my husband put twenty disposable cameras with 36 exposures each on the ten guest tables — and Cuzzin Breederbutt famously used up 3 of the twenty cameras taking pictures of her eldest brat. (We ended up throwing them all away.)
Now every year the selfsame Cuzzin likes to send us framed holiday pictures of her (stringy, spastic, utterly charmless and ordinary, selfish, spoiled, and mannerless) brats, and my response is to always trash the pics of the sprogs and substitute some image I actually enjoy.
As a CF person myself, I appreciate it can get frustrating and tiring having to look at other people’s kid photos all the time, or watch videos they recorded of little Johnny’s softball practice, or listen to their mothers drone on about the latest stupid thing their son or daughter did.
However, some of these CF people’s handling of this, or reaction to it, is very bitter – and they come cross sounding just as rude and insensitive as the parents they claim to be insensitive to their CF lives.
Here’s an example of a CF wishing death on a small child (from Bratfree forum thread) – I don’t like it when kids peek at me when I’m in a bathroom stall, either, but to hope they get run over by a car and killed is pretty sick and twisted:
Hell, had one little sh*t girl peek through the crack in the stall I was in in the womens room. F*ckin little sh*t ran when she knew I was in a position to get her. Turns out she was there with the grandmoo [Grandmother] , who I worked with in the store.
Grandmoo tried to handle the f*cker, and the shit ran out of the store. Pity she didn’t run into the path of a car and get splattered. We should have been so lucky. Her ass should have been heated to the point of combustion.
damn f*ckin bitch.
Can you possibly work in the word “f-ck” and “sh-t” any more than you do in a single post while you’re at it? Do BratFree Forums give people ten bucks for each obscenity they type? Is there a contest going on there, ‘how many times can you use an obscenity in a single post’?
There’s even a thread where they do nothing but discuss the joy of tripping children (at least one CF person did leave a message saying she thought the entire thread / tripping kids was in poor taste, at least.)
Here’s some irony, by a CF person (from Brat Free forum):
by KitsNotKids (posted September 18, 2011)
Man, people can be so hateful when they have a screen to hide behind. …
Here’s another example of over- the- line behavior by a CF indvidual (she began her story by discussing how a mother with three small children was blocking the grocery aisle, and a six year old child kept running past her and slapping her on her leg – which is annoying and rude, yes, but I can’t agree with how she reacted):
posted by quills (source)
….So on his [the child’s] fourth run by…..I tripped him. Very discretely. (the fact I wear super long skirts aided in this) The little butterball went splat. Pretty sure his fat little gut took the impact but of course he burst into tears. Vapid Moo-cow finally notices her hellbrat…..well she picks him up and indifferently plonks him in the cart and FINALLY moves on so close enough.
And I so don’t care if tripping the little sh*t was “wrong” because I regret NOTHING.
Honestly – you’re an adult, and you couldn’t find a better way of dealing with a hyper kid than getting physical and violent with him?
I recognize how annoying kids can be and how annoying it is when the parents do not watch them and make them mind, but I think it’s inappropriate and creepy for an adult to trip a kid like that.
I see many Child Free types who are atheist/liberal/homosexual who are judgmental, intolerant and hateful towards conservative Christians, Republicans, and parents and children.
Conservative Christians over 35 years old who have never had children certainly face similar pressures as atheist, agnostic, and pagan ones, and we also face some unique ones, such as churches who are very nuclear-family oriented to the point you are ignored by the church body at large since you don’t have any kids (or a spouse).
Sometimes I like to lurk at CF forums and blogs because I can relate to a lot of what I read, but at other times, with all the cussing and slams against Republicans and Christians, it feels like I’m wading in a sewer or a cess pool, so I have to leave.
It’s a shame that CF boards and blogs are not more welcoming of CF conservative Christians but are instead generally hostile to them.
Someone at another site did mention this blog:
5 thoughts on “Childfree Christians / Childfree childless”
I’m a 25 yr old man who has decided that I am probably not having children due to this economy. My job hunt attempts have been really sucky and I just don’t see myself with children when I finally get the job. But I don’t hate children and I generally stay away from these forums as well b/c the people are so spiteful, hateful, and mean! If anything it goes to show you that most adults are just as immature as the children [and adolescents] that they like to complain about so much. On the other hand, I don’t appreciate the criticism from fundamentalist who demand that everybody have a child. Yes, children are a blessing, but they are not for everybody. Really, some should not be allowed to reproduce. Some parents should have never been parents, while there are some who do not have kids would do a far better job. What’s scarier than the childfree forums are the forums from parents who secretly hate their children. Just google I hate being a mother on “justrage”.
Thank you Joel for your input. I agree with what you wrote. (I’m Christian Pundit, the woman who owns this blog.)
I don’t hate kids (or babies / toddlers), but I do feel awkward around most of them most of the time and find lots of them annoying. It’s worse when you’re a woman, because everyone assumes all women are maternal and adore kids (not true).
I sometimes visit the Childfree forums, but I hardly post because the majority of people are very hostile towards Christians and Christianity and don’t bother to hide it at all.
Oh yeah, you’re definitely right about some Christians putting a lot of pressures on other Christians to have children.
Not only that, but many conservative churches and denominations put a ton of pressure on Christians to marry (and marry young), and if you do not marry (even if it’s not your fault – you just cannot find someone compatible), they will make you feel terrible about being single.
On my blog here, I mainly post about being a Christian female who’s never been married, and I’m in my early forties now.
I post about the frustrations of that, and how most of the American Christian culture treats singles (especially the ones over age 30) like trash (when they are not ignoring us).
I have also posted about this at the blog before, but there are some Christians who actually teach something called “marriage mandate,” where they say it’s a sin to remain single past a certain age (usually 25 or 30, though they never really pin it down).
They believe the Bible commands all believers to get married, unless one totally lacks a libido.
(The Bible of course teaches none of this.)
Some of them (such as Christian author and marriage mandate advocate Debbie Maken) tie this early marriage belief into having children – she ignorantly believes that God expects to grow His kingdom on earth via Christians having kids, but the Bible says God grows His kingdom here by us Christians witnessing to other people (making converts).
Jesus Christ taught His followers to place Him above family, but “marriage mandaters” tend to forgot all about that Bible passage.
Thank you again for the comments, and I hope you have success in your job hunt.
I hope you visit the blog again.
Hi I am a single Black female childfree Christian. I very much understand where you are coming from. It seems like a lot of the child free sites are very hateful towards Christians and conservatives. I never wanted kids myself and I am almost 50 yrs old. I do not have any female friends outside of family because people think that I am a lesbian or weird. I am trying to live by the Bible by not committing fornication. I am straight, but I do not want to sin against God in my morals. I am happy to come across your blog. I don’t hate kids, I am an aunt to 2 nieces and 2 nephews. I like some babies, especially my niece, but I can’t stand older kids who misbehave a lot. By the way, my name is Sharon and I live in the Midwest.
Thank you so much for dropping by, Sharon!
I’m a lot nicer than what I come across on the blog – I use this blog for venting quite a bit, which probably gives a lop sided view of me as being cranky.
By the time I come here to post, I’m probably already upset or angry (not always, though).
I’ve so far not had any other Christians tell me to my face they think I’m weird or a lesbian, but I’ve picked up those kinds of vibes from some of them. It’s not always said out right, but I can tell they’re thinking there’s something wrong with me.
I stopped going to church awhile ago, for several reasons, but one of them is that the church people kept wanting me to volunteer for baby or kid-oriented missions/ service, and I’m not comfortable around kids.
I had offered to volunteer services related to my profession to the people at the church, but they never took me up on it.
I relate to what you’re going through.
I think it’s even harder to be an older single Christian with no kids than what our secular counterparts endure, since we Christians not only are either ignored by secular culture or treated like weirdos by them, but we get that from a group (the church) that is supposed to support us!
The Bible says that singleness is good and to be commended, but a lot of churches act as though singles have some kind of disease, and they don’t really want anything to do with us.
Single people now comprise, I believe, about 50% of the American population (according to the latest census data), but churches are still behaving as though singles are in the minority! (I’ve done several other blogs posts about that you may want to see, and ones about stereotypes Christians have against single Christians).
None of which is to say I like being single, even though the Bible affirms it as being valid.
I go through periods where I feel okay being single, but I still hope to marry.
In the meantime, though, I abhor the stereotypes and stuff we single Christians have to put up with, not only from other Christians but from secular culture and childfree boards too (by atheists and other Non Christians who hate Christians).
I am just so put off by the secular child free boards in some ways – if you’re a conservative Christian (who does not support abortion, etc), you’re not made to feel the least bit welcome at those sites.
Thanks again for dropping by, Sharon. Feel free to leave more comments here or other under other posts.
(I do have the blog set up to not allow posts to appear until I approve them personally, otherwise I’m afraid trolls and spammers would leave all sorts of irrelevant or rude posts on the blog).
I try to remember to log in to this blog at least once a month – that’s when I check to see if there are any posts awaiting approval to be posted. So please don’t be discouraged if you leave a post and it’s more than a week or two before I drop in to approve it.
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