Regarding my previous post, (Link:) Online Dating Vs Meeting in Real Life
I want to keep this post brief, if I can.
This is a notice to everyone, but particularly married people: please stop advising your unmarried friends who want a boyfriend (or girlfriend) or a husband (or a wife) to “join a dating site!”
And especially don’t tack on what now seems to be the obligatory explanation:
“Because I have a friend, Bertha, and she tried online dating sites, and it’s how she met her husband Fred, after only two tries (or after only three seconds online)!”
Online dating is not a magical elixir.
Joining a dating site, like being sexy, smokin’ hot, and wealthy, is not a guarantee of meeting the right person (for more on that see my previous post, (Link:) “Following the Usual Advice Won’t Get You Dates or Married – Even [Beautiful and Wealthy] Celebrities Have A Hard Time”).
Please, please, please stop advising and suggesting to your lonely single friends that they sign up for Yahoo Personals, Match, Plenty of Fish, Christian Mingle, eHarmony, etc and so on.
Unmarried people are no more likely of having success at meeting a mate using a dating site than they are in “real life.”
There are just as many losers, wackos, weirdos, and liars on dating sites as there are in the bar around the corner.
And besides that, when your unmarried friend cries on your shoulder that she’d like to be married but can’t meet the right guy, nine times of of ten, she is NOT LOOKING FOR ADVICE OR SUGGESTIONS but merely sympathy and to have her struggles and emotions validated.
How do you give sympathy and validate your friend’s feelings?
By telling her, “I know how hard it must be to be lonely. I am so sorry you can’t seem to meet the right guy.”
– Period. End it there.
And that’s it. Resist the temptation to tell her, “Have you thought of joining eHarmony???”
And, if she is open to being helped by you, why don’t you get off your ass and actually offer PRACTICAL help to your friend, instead of just telling her what to do; as in,
“Hey, I know an unmarried guy named Ralph. I think you two would hit it off. Would you like me to introduce you? Maybe I can invite you both over for dinner with me and my spouse next Friday.”
Unmarried people get the “Join e Harmony dating site!” line from people all. the. time.
Many of us have already tried dating sites, and it has not worked for us.
So please, stop telling unmarried people to try online dating.
Telling unmarried people who want to be in a relationship to try online dating has become another cliche’ and platitude. Nobody wants platitudes when they’re hurting, angry, or discouraged.
Related post on this blog (mentions that a woman met her wanna-be serial killer husband on a dating site, that she didn’t know when they were dating that he was a kook):
(Link): Fatherhood Not Quite the Producer of Manly, Mature, Godly Men Some Conservative Christians Make It Out To Be
Related posts on this blog:
(Link): Why You Will Marry the Wrong Person by A. DeBotton
(Link): Why Online Dating Doesn’t Work