Why I Now Reject “Be Equally Yoked” – and on Becoming More Agnostic

Why I Now Reject “Be Equally Yoked” Teaching – and on Becoming More Agnostic

I explained this in previous, older posts, but here it is, in its own post:


After years of being a Christian, I am now going towards agnosticism, though I don’t know if “agnostic” is quite the right word to describe my beliefs.

I still believe Christ died and was raised, but that’s about it. Jesus Christ is a wonderful person, but most who claim His name don’t really follow His teachings.


I no longer care what the Bible teaches about almost anything (this would include teachings about sex outside of marriage).

I do believe the Bible condemns pre-marital sex, but most Christians do not and actually have the audacity to defend pre-marital sex or act dismissive about it, as though it’s a sin that’s no big deal.


The rest of the Bible’s teachings do not work. God does not answer prayers. The promises in the Bible do not work or come true.


I no longer abide by the teaching “do not be unequally yoked.”

Christians like to tell horror stories about what will happen to you if you, a Christian woman, marries a Non-Christian. This is fear-mongering propaganda.


Problem is, plenty of “Christian men” out there are just as bad as abusive as Non Christian men.

Christian men are addicted to porn at the same rates as Non Christian males. They are just as apt to cheat on their wives, divorce their wives for a younger woman, to be emotionally abusive, as Non- Christian men.
(See links at bottom of this post for information with statistics and interviews with abused Christian wives about all this.)


I don’t care about eternity. I care about the here and now. I care about being happy here and now.


Being a conservative Christian all my life and sincerely following the teachings of Christ did not give me peace, joy, or an “abundant life.”

Christian teachings and trying to live them out brought me misery.

I was raised that proper Christian girls never get their own needs met, they never express anger, because other people’s needs and feelings are more important than their own.

Ergo, I was taught to just sit there and smile sweetly when people abused me physically, verbally, or emotionally. And I did. When people were rude, mean, or abusive, I wanted to strike back, but just sat there and took it, which only invited more abuse and made me deeply depressed, to the point I have been suicidal since childhood.

I was taught to permit and allow people to take advantage of me (financially, etc).

And most of such teachings were said to be biblical – “turn the other cheek”, “love your enemy,” etc. (Bible verses where Jesus or Paul struck back were ignored.)

It wasn’t til a F.M. (family member) of mine died a few years ago, that I began reflecting on all this.

I bought books by psychologists, both Christian and Non Chr, who said this passive approach to life, allowing one’s self to be abused, placing other people first all the time, is referred to as “codependency” and that, said the Christian therapists, it is not biblical.

So I went through life suffering and miserable for 30+ years living what I was taught by my F.M., Christian books, and preachers, was “Christian” and “biblical,” but it was all a distortion and a lie.

Even many preachers today, under teachings called “biblical womanhood,” “biblical gender complementarianism,” or “traditional gender roles,” will tell you that to be a true woman of God, you must possess codependent behavior (e.g., be submissive to all men at almost all times, be quiet, never show anger, don’t get your own needs met, always place other people’s needs first, don’t make your own choices in life, don’t confront abusive or rude people directly, etc).

Christianity held me back in life. It made me miserable.

The more of Christianity I left behind in the last couple of years, the more peace and happiness I felt.

Christianity, at least as it was taught to me, held me back in life. It made me miserable.

I now bristle at people telling me I “need to” or “should” live by their rules, or the Bible’s rules on life or behavior. I want to make my own choices about my life for once. I want to decide what is right and good for me.

I have a few other reasons why I am leaving the Christian faith, those are just a few.

At this point, trying to reason or argue with me from the Bible will fall on deaf ears. (I don’t care anymore what the Bible says on 99% of topics.)

Here are some links about how Christian men are just as bad as some Non- Christian men, so it doesn’t matter if you date or marry Non Christians:

(Link): The Silent Epidemic -Countless Christian women are battered every day

(Link): Christians For Biblical Equality: Free Articles About Domestic Abuse

(Link): Woman Submit! Christians & Domestic Violence

(Link): Domestic Violence: The Christian Woman Battered and Abused?

(Link): Pastor Comes Clean About Porn Addiction

(Link): Porn to Purity: Christian Couple Bares All

(Link): It Won’t Happen in My Home And Other Myths About Internet Pornography [Christian women talk about their Christian husbands porn habits]

(Link): Christian men get honest about porn addiction

(Link): Barna survey: Baptists have highest divorce rate

(Link): Study: Christian Divorce Rate Identical to National Average

(Link): Biblical Battered Wife Syndrome: Christian Women and Domestic Violence

Excerpts from ‘The Silent Epidemic’:

It wasn’t until Brenda [a Christian] realized his [her Christian husband’s insulting] comments weren’t true that she approached him. And that’s when he picked up a chair and hit her with it.

Brenda knew she had to do something, so she went to her pastor. Unfortunately he wasn’t equipped to handle domestic abuse; his suggestions about submitting to her husband only made her home life more difficult. “Our church didn’t know what to do with us,” Brenda says. “They just wanted the problem to go away.”

… According to Detective Sgt. Don Stewart, a retired police officer who handled domestic violence cases for 25 years, one out of every four Christian couples experiences at least one episode of physical abuse within their marriage.

In fact, battering is the single largest cause of injury to women—more than auto accidents, muggings, and rapes combined. The American College of Obstetricians and Gynecologists reports that 3 to 4 million women are beaten in their homes every year. According to the U.S. Department of Justice, approximately 2,000 women are murdered every year by an intimate partner.

Excerpt from “Pastor Comes Clean About Porn Addiction”

Pastor Jones knows he is not the only person in church leadership that deals with a porn addiction. The statistics are startling.

Fifty percent of Christian men and 20 percent of Christian women admit that they are addicted to pornography (Christiannet.com June 07).

Fifty-one percent of pastors say cyber porn is a possible temptation; 37 percent say it is a current struggle (Christianity Today Leadership Survey, December 2001).

Of Promise Keepers attendees, one of the largest Christian men’s conferences in the U.S., 53 percent admitted to viewing pornography regularly (Internet Filter Review, 2006).

Forty million adults in the U.S. regularly visit porn sites on the internet (Internet Filter Review). Forty-seven percent of families say pornography is a problem in their home (Focus on the Family Poll, October 2003).

Excerpts from “Study: Christian Divorce Rate Identical to National Average”

By Audrey Barrick , Christian Post Reporter
April 4, 2008

a new study affirmed born again Christians are just as likely as the average American couple to divorce.
The Barna Group found in its latest study that born again Christians who are not evangelical were indistinguishable from the national average on the matter of divorce with 33 percent having married and divorced at least once. Among all born again Christians, which includes evangelicals, the divorce figure is 32 percent, which is statistically identical to the 33 percent figure among non-born again adults, the research group noted.

Related post this blog:

(Link): Gender Complementarian Advice to Single Women Who Desire Marriage Will Keep Them Single Forever / Re: Choosing A Spiritual Leader

(Link): Pro Ball Player Convicted for Kid Diddling Three Kids Claims to be an Outstanding Christian (and he’s married with a kid of his own) – again, why should Christian single gals limit themselves to only marrying Christian men? The Whole “Being Yoked Equally” thing is irrelevant and unduly limiting for singles

(Link): Kook Christian Groups / Individuals and Their Nutty Beliefs on Pro Creation and What Constitutes Being Unequally Yoked

(Link): Forget About Being ‘Equally Yoked’ – Article: ‘My Abusive ‘Christian’ Marriage’

(Link): Being Equally Yoked: Christian Columnist Dan Delzell Striving to Keep Christian Singles Single Forever

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