Article: Our Born-Again Virgin Bachelor
I’ve written about this issue before, this easy-forgivism regarding sexual sin, the terms “secondary virgin” etc. (see this link)
I hate to have to add this disclaimer every time I write on this issue, but there are some very sensitive, ardent feminists who dress you down if you do not…
Disclaimer: I am addressing women (and men) who engage in consensual sex in this post. I am not discussing women who are manipulated into sex or who are molested or raped. Yes, I agree that some segments of fringe Christianity put way too much emphasis on a female’s sexuality, virginity, modesty, and apparel. Yes, people who engage in sexual sin can experience God’s grace and be forgiven.
Now that I have that out of the way. And I have nothing new to say about this, really.
This “born again virgin” article I linked to is just another example I’ve seen of Christian culture cheapening true, actual virginity.
Those of us who refrained from sex and remain virgins into our 30s and older get no respect or encouragement, and no props, from Christian culture.
Conversely, and very hypocritically, a man like the one in the article (name: Sean Lowe) who engaged in fornication (sex outside of marriage), but who then declares he is abstaining now and who dubs himself as a “born again virgin,” gets immense kudos from Christian media.
It’s a joke. Why doesn’t the Christian media concentrate on actual, honest, good old fashioned virgins over the age of 35 – discuss them in principle, or find actual ones to interview?
Why should I, who have remained a virgin past the age of 40, applaud some 29 year old guy who had sex in his early or mid 20s, but abstained until he got married again at 29?
Here are some excerpts from the article:
by Enuma Okoro
… The fascination with The Bachelor’s virginity speaks to our cultural tendency to both ridicule and idolize virginity at the same time. Our view of said virginity also relates to a person’s age and appearance.
The 40 Year Old Virgin [movie and the main character of the film] is cast as a nerd with a dead-end job at an electronics store who still plays with toys, and The Bachelor’s born-again virgin is a 29-year-old hunk… who happens to have prior sexual experience, making him already a “real man.”
With [Sean] Lowe at the center of this [Bachelor reality] show, ABC saw viewership for The Bachelor boost this season, as women from soap opera junkies to groups of sorority girls tuned in for the drama.
I wonder if it is just a matter of time before Hollywood comes out with a new reality show where a group of gorgeous contestants live with a single virgin. Bet you can’t guess the premise! It sounds a bit vulgar and crass, but really, today’s programming is not far from it. Competing for someone’s virginity can easily become both the adrenaline of pursuit and the prize to be won… provided they are the right kind of virgin.
We tune in for what our culture has deemed the desirable virgins.
For the ladies, we picture an attractive woman between 18 and 30 (early 30s if she’s especially “hot”), without any emotional baggage, sad back story, or religious zealotry.
For the man, he has to be good-looking, so we know he’s chosen to remain a virgin, unlike the unattractive male virgins who didn’t have a say in the matter.
Oh, and he has to be somewhat sexually experienced. We expect all adult men to have had sex, unless some sort of emotional, physical, or mental problem is keeping them from doing the deed. That “born-again” modifier is perfect. The lucky bride gets to have her cake and eat it too.
Unfortunately, the church can seem just as misguided in its understanding of sex and sexuality as TV viewers and the rest of society. Christians too have a conflicting and confusing relationship with sex. We idolize virginity to a certain extent. Age factors in to whether or not a woman is lauded for her willingness to wait or whether she becomes an open target to ridicule and concern. The bizarre notion of even being a “born again virgin” is actually quite common and accepted in many Christian communities.
–END ARTICLE EXCERPT—
I reject phrases such as “secondary virgin” and “born again virgin” in part because they cheapen the struggles of those who have remained virgins into their 40s and older. I don’t have any special respect for someone who slept around in their teen years and 20s but who then abstained for a few years until they got married at 25 or 29. I do wish Christian culture would stop holding these people up as sexual heroes. They are not.