Single / Unmarried People Being Friends With Married People

Single / Unmarried People Being Friends With Married People

I have noticed that married friends of mine usually ignore me, until their spouse leaves town on a business trip, or if the spouse get deployed for months at a time in another nation.

I experienced this when younger. My single friends would spend time with me, until they got a boyfriend. Once they got a boyfriend, they’d pretty much stop calling me as often.

Usually, married people won’t even friend an unmarried woman, especially if they are Christian, because they’ve been conditioned by Christian preachers and material to view all Christian single females as suspicious, as man-stealing sex pots.

Some secular married people have the same reservations about be-friending unmarried women, however.

Out of the married people who do attempt to befriend single people, we do sometimes get brushed off. Singles are often expected to bend their schedules to those of their married friends (or of their friends who have kids).

The married friends (or parents) like to complain and whine about how hard, oh- so- hard or exhausting married life or parenting is (and they do this even on threads devoted for singles to discuss how the church or society discriminates against singles). 

I can guarantee you if any married people or parents are reading this post, their fingers are just itching to register, log in, and leave me a “nasty gram” telling me to shut my pie hole, to lecture me that I have no idea how hard married people have life, and to inform me that singles have life so, so easy (no, we do not – we have our own set of problems that are no less than yours).

(As a reminder: I don’t tolerate dissent on this blog. Meaning, if a married person (or parent) leaves me a rude post complaining about unmarried people, or how hard married life (or parenting) is, I won’t read the whole thing or publish it. I explain this in one of the “About” pages up front on this blog, here.)

It extends to any woman in a relationship, though, not just ones already married.

I remember in my high school and college days, the moment an unmarried girlfriend of mine got a man, I would be ignored- until they broke up or the guy dumped them. Women with boyfriends typically ignore all their platonic female buddies once they get a boyfriend (or a husband).

-Except for the token once- a- week or once- a- month, mind- numbing gab- fest, where they expect you to listen to them prattle on excitedly, in hyper, girlie-voiced tones, for an hour, about all the awesome, romantic things they’ve done with their boyfriends.

Geeze, it’s annoying, and it’s so self absorbed. The most annoying groups, in my experience, have been:

1. WOMEN WHO ARE PLANNING ON GETTING MARRIED / PLANNING THEIR WEDDING,

especially if they are in their 20s or 30s, and it’s a first marriage, are the worst with monopolizing conversations and being self absorbed. Women planning their own wedding are just as rudely self absorbed as…

2a. PREGNANT WOMEN 

2b. INFERTILE WOMEN (who keep trying to get pregnant / the ones who can’t accept not being mothers);

2c. MOTHERS

women with newborns, mothers with kids up to the age of 35 are also pretty bad about this. Every single conversation has to be about little “Sally” or “Burt Jr.” These same self-absorbed jerks won’t pause for even a second to say, “hey man, I’m sorry, I’ve been going on about me. What are you up to lately? Let’s talk about you now.”

Geeze it’s annoying, and it’s so self absorbed.

I have, up to now, gritted my teeth and smiled politely when women go on non-stop about their upcoming wedding, new boyfriend, or new baby, but no more.

I speak up and tell people now that they are being rude (I don’t care that Miss Manners would think this rude), I let them know I am not interested in babies or weddings, and I let them know that they are monopolizing the conversation, which I also find rude.

A lot of women (and some men) will misconstrue this behavior and think of you as being a “bitch.” If you are a woman over the age of 40 who is done being passive and codependent, you have learned from experience that it’s far better to be thought a bitch by people then go through life as a doormat and living life passively.

(Of course, some men can be just as self-absorbed as some women. I’ve had male friends and an ex-fiancé who were very, very self absorbed.) It’s sad and rude how unmarried women are shoved aside by female friends once a baby enters their life.

It’s sad and rude how unmarried women are shoved aside by female friends when a boyfriend or husband enters their life (or re-enters it).

This is true of most married women. I read a secular article where someone said they have noticed the same thing: married women who turn to their spouse for ALL their relational needs, they don’t bother to maintain or get new friends. So when Hubby dies, they are all alone.

Married women never stop to think about the fact that their husband will drop dead eventually, leaving them in the same situation a never- married woman like me is in.

So married ladies, enjoy the next 40, 30, 20, or 10 years you have left with Hubby (assuming you don’t divorce along the way).

One of my aunts – her husband died in his 50s due to complications from a car accident, which left her single again. You ignore, neglect, and shove your never-married friends aside at your own peril.

2013 update.

One of my married friends left a rather long complaint on Facebook today about how hard life is when her husband is away (he was shipped off a few weeks ago, once again).

Apparently someone on her Facebook feed said something to her about her situation or attitude that steamed her.

She was basically saying she may have a spouse, but he’s not there, and she gets lonely and is stuck doing chores on her own.

As much as I try to be sympathetic towards this person in other areas of life, I admit to having a hard time with this, much the same way I cannot stomach married infertile women who “boo-hoo” over not having a baby.

If you have a husband at all, even if you can’t have a kid, or your husband has to spend months apart from you, feel grateful.

I don’t have a husband at all.

I spend all my time husband-less-and childless.

I don’t get a spouse to come back and visit me every few months, not ever, not at all. I can never have kids because I don’t have a husband.

I wish women, especially married ones, would try to look harder at what they do have and being appreciative of it, instead of complaining about what they lack, whether it’s a child, or they and their spouse have to spend months apart.

If you have a husband at all, whether childless or not, or if you have to spend weeks or months apart from your husband – you are still 100 steps ahead of me.

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Related post(s) on other blogs:

(Link): Can Married and Single People Be Friends?

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