Christian couple maintains abstinence through first two years of marriage (Satire)

Christian couple maintains abstinence through first two years of marriage (Satire / Humor)

(Link-via LARK NEWS – Satire, it’s not an actual news story): Christian couple maintains abstinence through first two years of marriage

    TOPEKA — Jon and Darla Crocker, who dutifully abstained from sex during their 14-month courtship, have remained abstinent after marriage and plan to do so indefinitely.

    “If it was holy before, it must be double-holy afterwards,” Darla says.

    They have now completed 25 months of marriage without any sexual contact, going about their normal lives, jobs and social calendar with no hint of relational strain.

    Sometimes after dinner they will kiss in the kitchen and “start having bedroom thoughts,” Darla says, but they never fail to pull back. Darla breaks away to spray cool, misted water on her face. Jon eats a whole raw potato to take himself out of the mood.

    They don’t know when they’ll finally break the pledge, and they feel no pressure. After abstaining so long before marriage, “a few extra years is nothing,” says Darla.

    “Of course, we don’t lord it over any other couple who decides to have sex after marriage, but for us it’s about staying faithful to the abstinence message and the holiness involved with that,” says Jon who seems unbothered. “For us, true love waits, and waits, and waits.”

While that artice is satire, I can totally see some Christians or denominations teaching that. The current trend by most Christians is to turn sex into an idol and obsess about it, but conservative Christians in general have weird, stupid, or bizarre ideas about sex in general.
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Related posts this blog:
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Humor:

(Link): Ignatius the Ultimate Youth Pastor & Teaching Christian Singles About Sex

(Link): Husband’s celibacy gift disrupts marriage (Satire / Humor)

(Link): Video: Dating Advice for Single Christian Guys (satire)

(Link): Dating Jesus / Oh No I’m Single! (videos) – for single unmarried Christians

(Link): “He’s Got Muscles” – Pat Robertson Weirdness (Discussing Tebow’s Sexiness)

(Link): Unmarried Christian Women Ain’t Got Time Fo’ Dat!

(Link): A Mother / Baby Photo I don’t mind

(Link): Singles Humor

(Link): Weird Ass Farmer’s Dating Site Commercial

(Link): Weird Dating / Marriage Advice by [Christian preacher] Joel Osteen

(Link): Too Many eHarmony Commercials (with eHarmony video parody commercials)

(Link): My Christian Pundit Blog Avatar

(Link): Westboro Mingle.com Dating Site (Satire)

(Link): Rent- A- Husband (Regarding “Wedleases”)

(Link): Weird Marriages: Woman Marries Fairground Ride

(Link): Reaction to Secular Entertainment’s Presentation About Sex (videos)

(Link): Valentine’s Day – this is for all the Unmarried People / Never Married / Singles

(Link): Those Times When You’re Glad to be a Celibate, Single Christian – 2 [Herpes Dating Site]

(Link): Funny Photos for Christian Singles Never Married – Humor / Funny

(Link): Weird Dating Sites, Toilet Dating, Dating Sites and Privacy

(Link): More Weird Ass Highly Specialized Dating Sites
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Serious stuff:

(Link): Blogs by Single Women Who Discuss the Weirdos, Perverts and Losers Who Contact Them on Dating Sites

(Link): Creepizoids Weirdos and Perverts on Dating Sites

(Link): Stop Telling Your Single Friends to Try Dating Sites – Please.

(Link): No, Christians and Churches Do Not Idolize Virginity and Sexual Purity

(Link): Are Most Churches Too Judgemental About Sexual Sin? (of the hetero variety)

(Link): Anti Virginity Editorial by Christian Blogger Tim Challies – Do Hurt / Shame Feelings or Sexual Abuse Mean Christians Should Cease Supporting Virginity or Teaching About Sexual Purity

(Link): Douglas Wilson and Christian Response FAIL to Sexual Sin – No Body Can Resist Sex – supposedly – Re: Celibacy

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