Another Blog on Churches Making Family Into an Idol and Christian Dating Advice
– from the blog “More Than Don’t Have Sex – Thoughts on Christ Centered Singleness and the Church”
I left a few comments on this guy’s blog under another post of his (not the one I am highlighting here).
I disagree a little with some of his opinions expressed on another blog page, e.g., on why most women wear make-up (we don’t always, or primarily, wear make-up to entice or capture men, and certainly not to deceive them, which seems to be his take(?)).
We also disagree on should Christian males approach getting dates as though it’s a “game” (with rules and strategies needed), and by over- thinking it (he says yes, I say heck no, that is part of the one reason some singles stay single).
Anyhow, here is his post about how churches turn marriage and family into false gods they worship:
The guy at the blog- kudos to him to at least discussing singleness, and especially how churches have turned marriage and parenting into idols, by the way- but he also seems to feel that it’s unfair or wrong that men are expected to initiate dates with ladies.
I don’t mean to put words in his mouth, but if I understood him correctly, he wants to live in a world where women approach men for dates (which I have done myself by the way, and I’m a female. I have initiated flirting and date-asking on occasion. It’s rare for me because for years I was extremely shy, and I am still introverted.)
What I explained to the blog guy at his blog is that it’s no use getting upset at the “men being expected to initiate” situation or blaming women for it (which he seemed to do) – because women did not make this rule in the first place; it’s been foisted upon us.
The vast majority of dating advice I have ever seen, both Christian and Non Christian, favors the man approaching the woman.
Most dating advice and lay-persons on forums for un-married Christians discourages women from asking a man out because females are repeatedly told, “Men like to initiate! Men like to pursue!” and/or women are told, “It’s so improper, un-seemly or forward for a woman to pursue a man!”
Some Christian groups are so legalistic and judgmental, they make women who ask men out for dates to be whores or “un- lady- like.”
If you are an un-married man who wants a girlfriend, you have to put forth some effort, which means…. (tuh duh!) facing rejection. That is just the reality of it. You won’t know if a woman wants to date you unless you ASK HER.
As I reminded this guy, most females, in particular Christian women, have been heavily conditioned to be passive doormats, especially with men, and females are taught it is unacceptable for women to show anger or hostility, so your chances of a woman slapping you across the face with displeasure if you approach her for a date are… zero to itty bitty.
So there should not be all this male angst about,
“OMG, HOW DO I APPROACH A WOMAN, AND WHAT IF SHE SAYS NO??!??!?!?,”
“OMG, what is the Holy Grail of Dating Steps Guaranteed to Get Me A Date, what lines will work on a woman, what is the magical formula for getting a chick???”
-all of this is totally misplaced and unnecessary, and a bit sexist to boot.
You might enjoy this guy’s blog, though, so take a look.