Christians and Churches Discriminate Against Unmarried People / Singles
Single and Evangelical? Good Luck Finding Work as a Pastor … – New York Times
- by Matt
….In late 2005 I was a single man in my early thirties. Having successfully served in youth ministry for eight years I was pretty certain that I would not have much of a problem finding a new church in which to serve.
Over the year that was my job search I was reminded once again how difficult the job hunt was, how many times churches will unintentionally lead you on or try, “keep you on the hook”, or flat out lie about your status with them.
As I searched for a church it was common for me to be asked by an interviewer to “tell me about your family”. Knowing what they were really asking for I would tell them about my family of origin, my parents and my sister. When they finally asked me about my wife I would respond “she’s fabulous! I just haven’t met her yet.” After a bit of a chuckle on both sides the conversation would continue, but would be noticeably shorter than conversations where that did not come up.
I often heard back from my references that they had a conversation about my singleness: “is there a reason that Matt is single?” was a popular question.
Others would ask if I was socially awkward, heterosexual, or any other version of the “why is Matt not married like the rest of us” type question.
Throughout the process I got frustrated. Very frustrated.
Having ended a serious relationship two years earlier I was not ready to be married at this time… though it seemed as if it would have helped me to get a job.
Visit the guy’s blog to read the rest of the post.
- By Alex Murashko , Christian Post Reporter
February 23, 2013|5:18 pm
As a single and divorced man, it took Pastor Duke Taber eight years and more than 185 rejection letters before finding a congregation that would consider him as leader of their church. Even after three years as the lead pastor of a small church in Pine Haven, Wyo., Taber said he still gets his “feathers ruffled” when someone attaches a stigma about singles.
…. However, Taber believes statements such as the one his friends made are “seriously prejudicial.” “There is a misnomer in our society,” Taber wrote in his blog post, “Are Christian Singles The New Second Class Christian?”
- by Duke Taber
Single People Are Complete People
There is a misnomer in our society. It is the thought that we have to find someone else to be our other half or that we have to be married to be complete. This is totally against what the Bible teaches concerning the nature of man. God created man in His image. He created them male and female. It does not teach that He created two half beings that when they come together they are complete, but instead it teaches that both male and female are complete creations formed in His image.
The nature of marriage is not final completion but a miraculous union of two complete people becoming one. So to view a single person as somehow not able to pastor or be a leader is one that is truly non-biblical. You also cannot find any passage in scripture that would support such a position and in fact you find passages in scripture that support the opposite.
….Paul’s recommendation was that single people stay single and that they be allowed to serve the Lord without distraction. Timothy was not only young, but he was single and yet he was put in the position not just as a pastor, but as a pastor to pastors or a bishop over the churches in Ephesus. So to have a prejudicial attitude towards singles is not only non-biblical but in all honesty it is wrong!
Single People Are Not Second Class Citizens In God’s Kingdom
I do not know how many times I have visited a new church as a single person and received a cold shoulder. The leadership looked at me as if I was there to prowl for wife material. The couples looked at me as if I had nothing to offer them since I was single and they only related to married people. There were very few singles around to hang with. With that type of reception I can see why! I was only there to worship my God. To have the word of God expounded to me. I had no ulterior motives but was treated as if I did.
Single people are not second class citizens in the kingdom of God. However with the emphasis that the church places on marriage and family, to the exclusion of the benefits of being a complete single person, most single people are treated as second class citizens and this mentality taints the way single people are viewed when it comes to leadership. The church must come to the place where not only is it color blind in regards to race, but marital status blind as well. That type of prejudice is ungodly.
Why Does The Church Prefer Married Leaders?
When it comes down to it, it is because they are looking for the 2 for 1 deal. A single man only has so many hours to invest as a leader in the church, however the church assumes that a married man will ask his wife to work along his side, thus doubling the amount of hours invested in the church. This reasoning is not only carnal, but it is false. A married man has to balance church ministry with ministry to family. Thus having less time to actually devote to the things of God.
The church assumes that the wife will lead the women, or the children, or play the piano. I find none of these things listed as qualifications for leaders in the scriptures.
Please visit the link above to read the rest.
- While Miller’s confession has scandalized some clergy and probably made a few congregants shift uncomfortably in their pews — she discusses masturbation and oral sex, for example — the truth is that as far as her dating woes go, she is not alone.
Single pastors of all denominations and both genders often find themselves in a bind when it comes to romance. They may disappoint well-intentioned members of the flock who insist on setting them up with their son or daughter, and of course dating anyone in the congregation is an ethical minefield. But where do you find a suitable prospect? And how will a prospective partner react to dating a man or woman of God? And what if, as can happen, you get a little carried away and have actual, well, sex? Or if you date someone outside the denomination? Or — God forbid — outside your religion?
“If you’re dating and they hear you’re a pastor they either want to run in the opposite direction or they want to turn you into a confessional,” Jones said. “They get fascinated by you in ways that aren’t normal. It’s harder to find people for whom it’s not an immediately complicating factor.”
Being a cleric and a single woman is a “double whammy,” says Jones, an ordained minister who is the divorced mother of a 14-year-old daughter. “Add ‘seminary president’ to ‘reverend’ and it’s like a death blow to any dating life!” she notes with a laugh.
But she says that the heart of the problem for single pastors comes down to perceptions and preconceptions among believers about their clergy — questions about sex and sexuality, of course, about a church’s expectations for their pastors, and the proper role of congregational leaders and the role of clergywomen in particular.
….She notes that some conservative Christian guys who she might otherwise find attractive have problems with female pastors; she broke up with her college fiancé because he didn’t think she should go off to Yale Divinity School. And now that she does have a collar some “ultraconservative guys” find it a turn-on “but always ask if I’m willing to marry and stay at home with the kids.” (No, is her short answer.)
Miller also admits that she’s not a virgin, but she has now vowed to abstain from sex until marriage.
Related posts, this blog…
(Link): Preacher Mark Driscoll Basically Says No, Single Christian Males Cannot or Should Not Serve as Preachers / in Leadership Positions – Attempts to Justify Unbiblical, Anti Singleness Christian Bias