More Schadenfreude – Glad Not To Be Married Series
((Link): See other posts in this series.)
From the Carolyn Hax advice column:
- Hi, Carolyn: How do I start trusting my wife again? Three years ago, I caught her (52) having an affair with a 29-year-old aide who came to our house to help with our autistic son.
One of my first questions to her was, “What did I fail to give you?” We went the counseling route, and as the months passed I knew she would text or write him, but I dealt with these things as they came up. She was repentant and wanted to make it work — and I love her.
About a year and a half into counseling, I stumbled across another note, this time to a 21-year-old who worked with my son. She was having another affair. I left.
She begged me to come back and go back to counseling. I did. The therapist decided she was co-dependent and stopped couples’ counseling to work on her.
So here we are. We appear normal. She won’t talk about those days, as she wants to move on. Meanwhile, I have absolutely no trust. I find myself pulling away from her and this marriage I so want to save. She says she loves me, but she said that then, too. I’m not sure where to go from here. Is it just a matter of “time heals all wounds”?
From Ask Amy-
- Ask Amy: Couple faces issue over married surname
DEAR AMY: I am engaged to a wonderful man whom I’ve been dating for more than three years. Very early in our relationship, I brought up the fact that I don’t want to change my last name when I get married. He was upset by it and told me he’d want his wife to change her last name, but at that time the conversation ended at that.
He proposed two months ago. Last week I told him that because I knew taking his last name was important to him, I’d be willing to hyphenate my last name, and his and any children would have his name alone. I thought he’d be overjoyed, since this was a big compromise for me.
He wasn’t overjoyed. He said that if I kept my maiden name in any form, it’d be like a demonstration that I’m not “fully committed” to the marriage and that I’m keeping one foot out the door.
I respect his point of view, but my wish to retain my maiden name (at least partially) is just as strong as his wish for me to take his name. I thought that hyphenating would be a perfect solution.
He’s asking me to reconsider. I love him, but I don’t feel that I should have to give in any more on this issue. How do I handle this? I don’t want one of us to enter the marriage feeling resentful about my decision.
— Mrs. Two Last Names
Christian Pundit’s two cents: Keep your last name. Your fiance’ sounds like a selfish, sexist idiot. Break up with him.