Stigmas and Stereotypes of Single Unmarried Men Over 25 or 30 Years of Age – They’re Supposedly All Homosexual or Pedophiles
The reason I put “unmarried” next to the word “single” in my blog headline: I know it’s redundant, but Google seems to index my blog via the subject headings, so in case someone is looking for “unmarried” as opposed to “single,” they will still find this post.
Now, I’m not going to address the “mature single men = homosexual” stereotype in depth here. I bring it up in passing simply to say it exists, even among Christians (oh… so Jesus Christ, who never married by age 33, must have been homosexual, gotcha!), and to say I’ve seen some single older Christian men say on singles Christian forums say they find it a very offensive or painful stereotype. Obviously, not all single men past 25 / 30 are homosexual.
Many unmarried men over the age of 30 are hetero (some are perhaps asexual), and for whatever reason (they don’t want marriage; or cannot find a good single woman to marry; or who knows what their reasons are), but they are not homosexual.
The other stereotype I wanted to mention is the one brought up on occasion that older, single guys are child molesters or pedophiles.
I found a really great article about a month ago that quoted studies that said there are more married men who are pedophiles than singles. Unfortunately, I cannot find that article. I have found one or two other sources that carry the same information, and I will link to those below.
Some of this, of course, also feeds into conservative Christian, Baptist, and evangelical beliefs that married people are more holy, sexually pure, and mature, and above suspicion than older singles, which is a bunch of crap (see (Link): these posts for examples of married men who rape women, beat them up, have pornography addictions, etc, or (Link): these posts for examples.)
The BTK serial killer, Dennis Rader, who mutilated and killed many women, was a faithful attender at his church for years (I think he was also a deacon or elder at his church?) and was a married man. You can (Link): read more about Rader on Wiki.
Older married man Jerry Sandusky, college football coach, was arrested for fondling and raping many male children – and Sandusky was married during all this. ((Link): View Sandusky’s Wiki page)
Here is a series of links to pages that mention studies have shown that most pedophiles, among hetero offenders, are MARRIED MEN, men who are married to women (and some have children by their wives):
Excerpts from that page:
Most Pedophiles are mild mannered and average-looking men. They are frequently described as “just the nicest man you ever met.”
Active Pedophiles are generally single men between the ages of 16 and 35. Child molesters are generally married men, of any age, who are primarily drawn to their own children and step-children.
(Link): Meet pedophiles who mean well
Nick Devin is a happily married man in his mid-60s with four grown children. “I have advanced degrees from prestigious universities, a very good job, a lot of friends and am well-respected in my community,” he writes on his Web site. “In short, I have a very good life.”
But he’s also a pedophile. While he experiences some attraction to adult women, he only fantasizes about pubescent boys — and none of his family or friends know. He says he’s never acted on his desires, though.
…Ethan Edwards, the 57-year-old co-founder of Virtuous Pedophiles, is attracted to girls as young as four and has sexual fantasies about them, but says he’s never abused a child. …Edwards, who raised three daughters of his own but never experienced any attraction to them, says he would never cross that line…
Child molesters come from all walks of life and from all socioeconomic groups. They can be male or female, rich or poor, employed or unemployed, religious or non-religious, highly educated or non-educated, or from any race.
Through numerous case studies, the Department of Justice has developed characteristics and behavioral indicators of a pedophile. They are as follows:
-Is most often an adult male.
–Is usually married.
-The incestuous or inter-familial molester is usually an adult male (father, stepfather, grandfather or live-in boyfriend of the mother) who molests the child or children.
Recently, court action has been taken against staff of SGM churches. Many of their teachers and other staff spent over ten years raping and fondling children.
According to the amended lawsuit, some of these rapists and perverts who preyed on little boys and girls are MARRIED MEN.
You can read about it on these pages:
(Link): Second Amended Lawsuits Filed
More about the sexual assualts of children by SGM members(Warning: content highly graphic in detail):
(Link):PDF of child abuse lawsuit (Warning: contains highly graphic content)
The following is a link to a book review of a book by a woman whose IFB (Independent Fundamentalist Baptist) father molested and abused her when she was a child – and he was married to her mother when all this abuse was going on:
One could find many more such reviews and articles online.
The point is that sometimes MARRIED MEN, even ones who attend church weekly, or who work as preachers or Sunday School teachers, rape, abuse, and fondle children and adult women.
The stereotypes that men who don’t marry by 25 or 35 years of age are perverts, weirdos, or pedophiles, need to stop.
Christians above all should be among the last to attach any sort of stigma to any man (or woman) who never marries, or who doesn’t marry by 25, 35, or 45.
The Apostle Paul wrote:
Now to the unmarried and the widows I say: It is good for them to stay unmarried, as I do. ( 1 Corinthians 7:8)
Oh, and by the way, before you quote 1 Corinthians 7:9? Marrying does not stop some men from “burning with lust.” See (Link): these posts for examples of married Christian men who rape little girls, fondle boys, or who have extra-marital affairs. See also (Link): this link for similar or other examples.
Edit. Another example of some Christians who think Singleness and/or Celibacy are to blame for Pedophilia:
Related posts this blog:
(Link): Why Is It So Difficult To Believe Single Men Can Have Paternal Instincts Too? by A. Mahdawi