Why So Much Fornication Among Christians and Secular Society – Because Christians and Secularists Have No Expectation of Sexual Purity
Take a look at this quote I placed in bold-face, in an article I pasted into my previous post (see comments by me below this excerpt):
(Link): Advice Needed: My Pastor’s Sex Talk is Too Much
I recently read a blog entry from a user that was concerned about the teachings of her pastor and if she and her husband should leave the church. My situation is very similar…only to the nth degree. Here are a few excerpts of things my pastor has said (and continues to say) in many of his sermons…and at any given time. (Note: sexual descriptions have been toned down by editors)
2. In the middle of sermons, he felt compelled to find out who in the church was fornicating. He proceeded to ask each and every unmarried member: “Are you screwing?”
At the very least, this gross, vulgar pastor at least phrased the question “Are you screwing” and not “WHO are you screwing,” but that he found it necessary to ask singles about this shows he, like many Christians, expect that most singles past the age of 25 are engaging in fornication.
Also, the pastor needs to ask his married members: “Who are you having sex with?,” because married people have affairs, hire sex workers, and look at dirty web sites. His question presumes only singles have sex outside of marriage, which is incorrect.
One reason singles are fornicating (having sex outside of marriage) is because they are expected to. Nobody in the church or in secular society expects that anyone can control his or her sexual behavior for more than two seconds.
There are Christians who are virgins into their 40s and older, ones who hoped to marry and who have NORMAL sexual drives, so quite obviously, it is a lie and distortion for pastors, Churches, and for Hollywood to keep insisting it’s abnormal, weird, strange, or too unrealistic to expect anyone past a certain age to refrain from sex.
Churches need to raise the bar higher. Stop assuming all your singles are fooling around.
Start talking as though you know they are not having sex outside of marriage, and watch as at least some segments of singledom… stop screwing around.
Singles are told constantly by preachers, churches, lay person Christians, Christian dating material, books, TV shows -and by secular society- that it’s inhumane, unfair, or impossible for them to refrain from sex longer than two seconds, so do not be surprised when singles shrug their shoulders and say, “Well okay then, even the preacher says I can’t be expected to abstain, so I’ll dive right into sex!”
One myth that feeds into the erroneous Christian view that singles (or marrieds) cannot live without sex for longer than two seconds is the misunderstanding about celibacy: it is not a “gift.” (Link): No where does the Scripture say that singleness or celibacy are “gifts.”
Not all singles choose to be single. Not all singles have been “called to singleness” or “gifted with singlehood” or “called to celibacy.”
Some singles like me had hoped to marry and have sex. I did not deliberately choose to be un-married this long.
God did not grant me any kind of special super power that removes all libido, sexual desire, nor was I granted with some supernatural disinterest in hot, hunky, muscular blue eyed dream-boats.
I’m an ordinary HETERO with normal desires for sex and married companionship. I don’t have some special gift, power, ability or “super power” or “calling” that empowers me to abstain. I don’t feel Christ giving me special grace to refrain from sex.
Celibacy is a matter of choice, self-control, and good old-fashioned self-discipline. If I, a normal mortal with a normal sex drive, can forgo sex this long, so can you.
If churches began showcasing virginity and celibacy as reasonable expectations, not as something only a few with Magical Super Powers can achieve, we might see more Christian singles avoiding sex outside of marriage.
That, and preachers need to shut up about sex from the pulpit, as in “Married sex is great!”
Singles don’t need to be exposed to the constant “married sex is awesome” sermons every other Sunday.
Preacher, would you go on and on every week about how great and yummy potato chips and chocolate cake are in front of your chubby friend who is dieting? No, you would not, because that would be rude.
So stop dangling sex in front of a room full of congregants who are single and trying not to have sex.
Some preachers are clueless idiots – they’re not “upholding” marriage with all the marriage sermons, they are un-necessarily torturing their single audience members.
Related posts this blog:
(Link): No, Christians and Churches Do Not Idolize Virginity and Sexual Purity (it’s actually quite the opposite: sexual purity is under attack by Christians these days)
(Link): A Father Tries to Deny His Daughters Birth Control Coverage – I take this as another indication that conservatives do not truly believe in celibacy or sexual purity
(Link): Editorialist at WaPo Argues That Single Christian Adults Can Have Sex So Long As They are Chaste About It – Also Speculates that Jesus Was “Probably” Celibate
(Link): Let’s Kiss Dating Hello – Ring By Spring Culture at Christian Campuses, by N. Sheets
(Link): Christians Speaking Out of Both Sides of Their Mouths About Sexual Sin – Choices and Actions and How You Teach This Stuff Has Consequences
(Link): Christians Who Attack Virginity Celibacy and Sexual Purity – and specifically Southern Baptist Russell D. Moore and James M. Kushiner
(Link): Ever Notice That Christians Don’t Care About or Value Singleness, Unless Jesus Christ’s Singleness and Celibacy is Doubted or Called Into Question by Scholars?
(Link): Christian TV Show Host Pat Robertson Disrespects Virginity – Says Pre-Marital Sex Is “Not A Bad Thing”
(Link): If the Family Is Central, Christ Isn’t
(Link): Douglas Wilson and Christian Response FAIL to Sexual Sin – No Body Can Resist Sex – supposedly – Re Celibacy
(Link): Pat Robertson Expects Men to Commit Sexual Sin (and it’s not the first time)
(Link): More Anti Singleness Bias From Al Mohler – Despite the Bible Says It Is Better Not To Marry
(Link): Christians and Cheap Grace Concerning Sexual Sin
(Link): Sometimes Shame, Guilt, and Hurt Feelings Over Sexual Sins Is a Good Thing – but – Emergents, Liberals Who Are Into Virgin and Celibate Shaming
(Link): Anti Virginity Editorial by Christian Blogger Tim Challies – Do Hurt / Shame Feelings or Sexual Abuse Mean Christians Should Cease Supporting Virginity or Teaching About Sexual Purity
(Link): (Link): When Adult Virginity and Adult Celibacy Are Viewed by Christians As Inconvenient or As Impediments
(Link): Do You Rate Your Family Too High? (Christians Who Idolize the Family) (article)
(Link): Christian Double Standards on Celibacy – Hetero Singles Must Abstain from Sex but Not Homosexual Singles
(Link): Christians Using Fornicators as Examples or Role Models of Sexual Purity Rather Than Using Christian Celibates and Adult Virgins: Odd
(Link): False Christian Teaching: “Only A Few Are Called to Singleness and Celibacy” or (also false): God’s gifting of singleness is rare – More Accurate: God calls only a few to marriage and God gifts only the rare with the gift of Marriage
4 thoughts on “Why So Much Fornication – Because Christians Have No Expectation of Sexual Purity”
“If churches began showcasing virginity and celibacy as reasonable expectations, not as something only a few with Magical Super Powers can achieve, we might see more Christian singles avoiding sex outside of marriage.”
And then we might also see more marriage. Because I would wager than most celibates are celibates because they can’t find anyone else who has been celibate to marry. The assumption that everyone is screwing is in their heads too. Its in mine. I don’t bother to date because I assume every woman I might think about asking out is screwing, and therefore not worth my time. I’ve waited this long, I’m not settling for someone who hasn’t.
Now, please begin calling me a Pharisee and a legalist. I’ll rather enjoy that.
@ james jordan
Why would I call you a Pharisee?
I do think Christians should walk a fine line between showing grace and mercy to sexual sinners, but on the other hand, if you have seen my other posts on this blog, such as as(*)
(Link): Christians and Cheap Grace Concerning Sexual Sin
you can see that I think a lot of Christian culture these days goes too soft on sexual sin, to the point it’s a joke.
I’m a 40 something virgin myself, never had sex, was holding out ideally for a Christian male virgin.
I’m realistic, though, and realize at my age I will probably have to marry a non-virgin, divorced, atheist guy.
I would much prefer to toss out idealism at this point if it means getting a partner to share my life with.
I also take it you have not read my blog’s “About” page, which is linked to at the top of the blog?
See also (more of my posts at this blog):
(Link): No, Christians Do Not Idolize Virginity or Sexual Purity Nor Are They Prideful About It
(Link): Christian Response FAIL to Sexual Sin – Easy Forgivism
(Link): Christians Who Attack Virginity Celibacy and Sexual Purity – and specifically Russell D. Moore and James M. Kushiner
I’m shocked you don’t want to call me a Pharisee. If I have a heart attack its all your fault, you know. Lol. No, I’ve encountered the kind of stuff at the last link you mention there is why I thought that. And I hadn’t read the about page yet.
Celibacy. I do believe it’s a spiritual gift, but that it’s a gift from me back to God. It’s not something I’ve earned. I haven’t been crowned an angel. I think it falls under the mysterious supernatural realm, something I won’t fully understand in my lifetime. It points to a time when we will stand alone before God’s judgement and to a world where no one will be given in marriage.
“Some preachers are clueless idiots – they’re not “upholding” marriage with all the marriage sermons, they are un-necessarily torturing their single audience members.” Amen. I would even say that they can’t uphold marriage without upholding celibacy. But since the time of Martin Luther, the scales have been way out of balance.
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