Being Unequally Yoked
Since I was a kid, I believed very strongly in following the Bible, and that meant following the Bible’s imperative about not being “unequally yoked” (ie, don’t get married to a Non Christian). I kept waiting, waiting, waiting for God to direct a Christian guy across my path, but it never happened. (I was engaged years ago to a guy who claimed to be a Christian, but I’m still single.)
Anyway, in light of the fact it’s unrealistic for an unmarried Christian woman to hold out for a Christian person as a spouse, and in light of the fact every other week I’m seeing news stories about Christian men who rape people, murder their wives, or fondle children, I’m not seeing an advantage in dating or marrying a Christian over a Non-Christian.
I recently found this:
- …Genuine interfaith marriage is a challenge I don’t recommend. But as marriage has shifted in purpose over time, many Christians have added layers of meaning onto Paul’s wise command. “Unequally yoked” has evolved into a graded criterion for an optimal mate rather than a simple test for an acceptable one. This is a problem.
Why? Spiritual maturity is not equally distributed among men and women in the peak marrying years. Quality survey data reveal only two serious, churchgoing evangelical men for every three comparable women. Thus, one out of every three evangelical women is not in a position to marry a man who’s her “spiritual equal,” let alone “head.”
This elevated standard now translates—for women, at least—to something like this: “Find that uncommon man who is your spiritual equal or leader, not to mention kind, virtuous, industrious, employed, and, if possible, handsome, and then figure out how to make him want to marry you.” A tall order it is. As a result of the increasing “failure to launch,” evangelicals find themselves saying lots of nice things about the benefits of singleness (which certainly do exist), but seem unwilling to move their boundary stones for marriage. Except that they have moved them, away from acceptability and toward ideals. It’s not a surprising move, since marriage is far more voluntary and economically unnecessary for women (and men) today than it was as recently as 50 years ago.
The pressure we put on marriage to be fabulously great is at an all-time high. Marriage is slowly becoming something that only an elite will attain on a natural timetable connected to their height of fertility. Thus, this is not the time to further restrict supply by adding layers of spiritual qualifications. Marriage is a good thing— a school for sinners and a source of grace—and I don’t wish for Christians to miss out on it except by their own active choice or vocational call.
Although the author does say at one point (and I disagree with him on this score):
- What I don’t recommend is a marriage to an unbelieving spouse, to one who professes an altogether different religion, or to an obstructionist who systematically places barriers in the way of your Christian development.
If you search this blog, you will find numerous copies of news stories about “Christian” men who cheated on their wives, use prostitutes, or who were arrested for murder, rape, or child molestation. It really doesn’t matter if a Christian woman marries a Non-Christian or not, as there is no difference between Christian males and Non Christian ones.
Related post(s) this blog:
(Link): Obnoxious and Sexist Preacher Mark Driscoll Wants Christian Singles to Stay Single Indefinitely – And Even Though Unwanted, Prolonged Singleness has Been a Huge Issue For Christian Singles for A Couple Decades Now – Driscoll: ‘Christians should not marry pro choicers’