Married Christian Couples and Sexual Sin, More Examples – and Women and Porn

Married Christian Couples and Sexual Sin, Married Preachers and Sexual Abuse, More Examples – and Women and Porn

Many married Christians like to assume that married Christian couples are not engaging in sexual sin, that sexual sin is something that only impacts un-married Christians. I’ve blogged about these stereotypes before.

It is also assumed by conservative Christians, and this seems even more so of the males, that women (including Christian women), are not “visually oriented,” are not visually stimulated, do not view porn, and have little to no sex drive. These are other topics I’ve blogged about on a recurring basis as well.

Here are some more examples. The first is a link to a page that – and this is virtually unheard of – a Christian author and speaker who acknowledges that married Christian men are addicted to pornography, he holds the men (not their wives) accountable for their porn viewing, and also (but sadly only briefly) mentions that some Christian women view and enjoy pornography.

(Link 1): Southern Baptist Convention 2013: ‘One Million Men Porn Free’ Among Featured Programs at Annual Meeting

(Link 2): SEXUAL ABUSE IN SOCIAL CONTEXT: CLERGY AND OTHER PROFESSIONALS

Excerpts from Link 1,
“So. Baptist Convention 2013: ‘One Million Men Porn Free’ Among Featured Programs at Annual Meeting”

    By Melissa Barnhart , CP Reporter
    June 7, 2013|1:24 pm

    To combat the bondage and destruction of pornography that has seeped into millions of American households Pastor Jay Dennis of First Baptist Church at the Mall in Lakeland, Fla., created his own program, “One Million Men Porn Free.” He is hopeful that more pastors will fearlessly address the issue after they learn more about it at the Southern Baptist Convention’s annual meeting in Houston next week.

    … He’s [Dennis has] also completed two new books to help Christians deal with pornography, one for men and one for women. The women’s book will address 50 things Christian women need to know about pornography, and will teach them how to deal with their own struggles with porn.

    … In an interview with the CP earlier this year, Dennis emphasized that women should never feel at fault or responsible for their spouse or boyfriend’s addiction to pornography because of something they did or didn’t do.

    “They should not accept responsibility for his choice,” he said. “Yes, there are triggers and issues in men’s lives that help to create the atmosphere for them to be tempted; however, it’s still his responsibility to live a holy life. No wife or girlfriend should tolerate continued pornography use in her man’s life. There should be strong boundaries and consequences enforced. She should demand accountability on his part. She should be his strongest prayer warrior, but not become his accountability partner.”

    …Dennis also believes that communication is essential in order for couples to demonstrate their commitment to purity, and noted that women shouldn’t be afraid to monitor their spouse’s email, social media accounts, and computer viewing history.

Excerpts from “SEXUAL ABUSE IN SOCIAL CONTEXT: CLERGY AND OTHER PROFESSIONALS”

    PROTESTANT MINISTERS

    In a 1984 survey, 38.6 percent of ministers reported sexual contact with a church member, and 76 percent knew of another minister who had had sexual intercourse with a parishioner.[xiii] In the same year, a Fuller Seminary survey of 1,200 ministers found that 20 percent of theologically “conservative” pastors admitted to some sexual contact outside of marriage with a church member. The figure jumped to over 40 percent for “moderates”; 50 percent of “liberal” pastors confessed to similar behavior.[xiv]

    In 1990, in a study by the Park Ridge Center for the Study of Health, Faith and Ethics in Chicago, it was learned that 10 percent of ministers said they had had an affair with a parishioner and about 25 percent admitted some sexual contact with a parishioner.[xv]Two years later, a survey by Leadership magazine found that 37 percent of ministers confessed to having been involved in “inappropriate sexual behavior” with a parishioner.[xvi]

    In a 1993 survey by the Journal of Pastoral Care, 14 percent of Southern Baptist ministers said they had engaged in “inappropriate sexual behavior,” and 70 percent said they knew a minister who had had such contact with a parishioner.[xvii] Joe E. Trull is co-author of the 1993 book, Ministerial Ethics, and he found that “from 30 to 35 percent of ministers of all denominations admit to having sexual relationships—from inappropriate touching to sexual intercourse—outside of marriage.”[xviii]

    According to a 2000 report to the Baptist General Convention in Texas, “The incidence of sexual abuse by clergy has reached ‘horrific proportions.’” It noted that in studies done in the 1980s, 12 percent of ministers had “engaged in sexual intercourse with members” and nearly 40 percent had “acknowledged sexually inappropriate behavior.” The report concluded that “The disturbing aspect of all research is that the rate of incidence for clergy exceeds the client-professional rate for physicians and psychologists.”[xix] Regarding pornography and sexual addiction, a national survey disclosed that about 20 percent of all ministers are involved in the behavior.[xx]

    In the spring of 2002, when the sexual abuse scandal in the Catholic Church was receiving unprecedented attention, the Christian Science Monitor reported on the results of national surveys by Christian Ministry Resources. The conclusion: “Despite headlines focusing on the priest pedophile problem in the Roman Catholic Church, most American churches being hit with child sexual-abuse allegations are Protestant, and most of the alleged abusers are not clergy or staff, but church volunteers.”[xxi]

Related posts, this blog:

(Index) (Link): Married Christian Couples Commit Sexual Sins

(Link): Married People Aren’t More Virtuous Than Christian Singles

(Index) (Link): Stereotype: Only Men Are Visual and Want or Enjoy Sex

(Link): When The Female Libido and Female Gaze Is Acknowledged in Religion – and the Shirtless Boston Terrorist

(Link): Atlantic editorial: “The case for abandoning the myth that ‘women aren’t visual.’”

(Link): Lists of More Married Preachers Arrested for Being Rapists or Child Molesters

7 thoughts on “Married Christian Couples and Sexual Sin, More Examples – and Women and Porn”

  1. I hadn’t realized that the Church was in for blaming women for their husband’s pornography habits, or at least that’s what I understand your interpretation is given your statement that there’s a Christian author stating women shouldn’t hold themselves accountable or to blame for their husbands. I think it’s fantastic that someone is telling these women it’s not their fault. I think that should go for secular or religious folk–you are only accountable for your own behaviour, you cannot control someone else, just yourself.

    1. @ MischaMarch

      Oh yeah, it’s pretty common for Christian males, whether the mainstream evangelical and Baptist, to more crackpot, far- out there groups, such as patriarchy-based ones, to hold females accountable for male sexual temptation and sin.

      Many conservative Christian preachers and Christian material about dating, marriage, gender roles and modesty / purity teachings, usually either blame women for being too sexy and pretty (which causes men to fornicate, they claim), or they assert that because married women get fat and ugly, that this causes the husbands to seek sex from slender and sexy prostitutes or a mistress.

      Men are not usually held responsible for their sexual failings in a lot of Christian sermons, preaching, and teaching.

      It is sadly common in Christian teaching on dating, even material aimed at adult singles, that un-married women are sexual Jezebel temptresses, and men are told not to befriend single women, don’t spend time with them (or limit the time spent), especially not alone. Even married Christian men get this advice. I have written about this on this blog before. I have been subjected to this behavior from Christian males first hand.

      I have other posts on my blog that discusses these topics. See for example:

      Creepy, Creepy and Sexist Pat Robertson

      Conflicting Message to Christian Women by Christians About Physical Appearance

      Conservative Christian Sexist Immature Imbecilic Pressure on Women to Look Pretty and Skinny and to Put Out Sexually

      From another blog (“Under Much Grace”) – see in particular content under “Misogyny and “Strange Women”:

      Hephzibah House related posts

      ——————–

      1. I’m really enjoying reading your blog and I appreciate all the links and citations you offer (it appeals to the scholar in me). My blog looks at sexuality in all its different shades. I was wondering, would you be interested in doing a brief interview?

  2. I know Moore is a 4-point Calvinist and most everything he has written indicates he is pro same sex marriage, pro premarital sex, pro “sexual complementarity,” and he has said that “true love waits” should be “true love mates” and believes everybody should get married as soon as possible. Yes, do a post on him and try to figure out where he stands on these issues. It seems like he specializes in double-speak. I was also brought up in the SBC.

    1. I just did a post about problems in the SBC. I don’t know anything about this Moore guy. You should maybe consider doing a post about him, and I can re-blog it or link to it from mine. He sounds confused or mixed up about sexual ethics.

  3. A million men porn free in the SBC? Wow. Their standards have dropped, haven’t they? With newly elected Russell Moore in charge of their ERLC (ethics commission), they will probably drop further. You can’t get more ultra liberal than him.

    1. That’s only the half of it. There have been a ton of articles the past two weeks about how membership in Southern Baptist Churches has dropped.

      There is also in-fighting, in that the Neo Calvinists (aka YRRs) are trying to take over the SBC.

      SBC guy Al Mohler continues to stand by SGM leader CJM who allegedly covered up child sexual abuse for over ten years in SGM churches.

      I’m thinking maybe I should do a new post about this. Hmm. I was brought up in the SBC, btw.

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