Helping Christian Singles Meet Christian Singles (to date)

Helping Christian Singles Meet Christian Singles (to date)

There is a category of postings at another blog for Christian Singles (links below).

Beware though, for its writers are Biblical Gender Complementarians.

(In a nutshell: Biblical Gender Complementarians believe the only or proper, biblical role for women is to be married with a baby, staying at home, making casseroles; they frown on women working outside the home, some of them are against women attending college, etc.

Some gender complementarians would deny my description of complementarianism and say it’s a strawman – only to turn around two minutes later and blame uppity feminist women who get college educations and use The Pill who do not want to stay at home with a kid, who do not want to stay home organizing a husband’s sock drawer, and who do not want to stay home cooking casseroles for the downfall of American society).

(Link): True Woman: Singleness Topic – several posts about singleness – Beware – this blog is by ‘Biblical Gender Complementarians’

About the only worthwhile material I found on their site so far was this (from (Link): Did I Kiss Marriage Goodbye? (An Interview with Carolyn McCulley, Part 2):

    What role can the church play in the lives of single adults who have a desire for marriage and family?

    I believe most Christian singles would value their pastors and married couples in their churches introducing them to godly prospective mates, rather than feeling the need to resort to such options as going online and wading through a pool of strangers.

    I know many marriages that started with a simple observation made from a married person to a single man:
    “Have you ever considered [insert name here]? I’ve observed your friendship with her and see many qualities in her that could make her an excellent wife for you.”
    I call that the Foot-In-The-Small-Of-The-Back Ministry and I commend it to married people everywhere! I can assure them their efforts would be received with much gratitude. // end quotes from other blog

WORD OF ADVICE, CAUTION FOR MARRIED CHRISTIANS WHO ARE CONSIDERING PLAYING MATCH MAKER FOR THEIR UN-MARRIED CHRISTIAN FRIENDS

May I add a warning and a caveat to what she said? While I mostly agree with her views on singles appreciating help from other Christians in being set up on dates etc, I am aware that (Link): some singles – particularly the Holy Roller, super spiritual types who are so damn irritating – would be deeply offended by church members trying to fix them up with men.

Then there is the problem of married Christian people thinking any old single with a pulse is a great match for any other single with a pulse! – WRONG. Contrary to “Christian marriage experts” (Link): it takes more than Christ in common for two singles to hit it off.

I have read testimonies by 27 year old divorced church- attending women, with kids from their previous marriages, whose married church lady acquaintances tried fixing them up with the never-married, 45 year old, 800 pound, overall- wearing hillbilly, church- going- guy named Bubba, who has bad breath, lives in his Mom’s basement, collects Star Trek dolls extensively, and is socially awkward and plain old unattractive.

While I do feel many singles (men especially) are way too damn picky about physical appearance in mate selection, nobody can be blamed for wanting to date or marry someone they find at least somewhat easy on the eyes.

A reasonably attractive woman of any age cannot be expected to totally overlook a man’s financial status, physical appearance, and/or personality.

If you are a married person who wants to play matchmaker, at least ask the single if he or she minds first. Because some singles don’t want to be set up or they may want to give you some ideas of what they are looking for in a spouse.

Secondly, for the love of Wilma – if you would not be attracted to an 800 pound, socially awkward, balding, toothless man named Bubba, do not think your single Christian friend Betty would want to date the guy either.

If you are a man and you had a daughter, would you seriously want your intelligent, reasonably attractive, thin, witty, charming daughter dating some 800 pound, slobby, ugly, double chinned, socially backwards guy? No? Then don’t fix him up with your single friend or sister either.

And to be clear, I’m not even against Star- Trek- doll- collecting, for example. If that’s the guy’s only eccentric habit, I would not cross him off my list of considerations. But I can’t speak for other women on that point. For me personally, obesity all alone, even if the guy met all my other criteria is a big NO WAY.

But taken all together: obesity AND Star Trek collection AND Mom’s basement AND bad breath AND missing teeth AND socially backwards – no I say, a thousand times no.

It’s so typical, naive, stupid, and dangerous in some cases, though, that a lot of married Christians expect Christian single females to be super flexible about a guy, to basically lower standards to the point they essentially have none at all.

Single Christian women are supposed to just love that an un-married guy is a Christian, has a pulse, and is single.

Single Christian women are supposed to just ignore that the guy is also an idiot, uneducated, violent, egotistical, selfish, impoverished, weird, smelly, fat, or ugly, or any combination of those things. If we find him repulsive, well, we’re just being “too picky.” Would you want to marry the guy, or your sister or your daughter, if you had one? No? But you expect me to, hypocrite.

But, all in all, telling Christians to help single Christians who want to get married to help in the match-making department is solid advice. The church should be encouraging this more.
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Related posts this blog:

(Link): How churches can play role in dating, marriage

(Link): 2008 Audio Interview with Julia Duin About Christian Singles (you can listen to it online)

(Link): Being Single in the Church (article)

(Link): Christian Teachings on Relationships: One Reason Singles Are Remaining Single (even if they want to get married)

(Link): Women Are Visually Oriented Too – Reminder 1

(Link): Superman, Man Candy -and- Christian Women Are Visual And Enjoy Looking At Built, Hot, Sexy Men

(Link): Link Roundup 1 – Abusive Mothers, Christians Shaming Singles For Desiring Marriage, Family Fixation

(Link): Atlantic: “The case for abandoning the myth that ‘women aren’t visual.’”

(Link): Women Are Visual And Like Hot Looking Men (Part 1) Joseph in Genesis Was A Stud Muffin

(Link): The Annoying, Weird, Sexist Preoccupation by Christian Males with Female Looks and Sexuality