Article: I’m Overweight and My Boyfriend’s Not. Big Freaking Deal
- By Gloria Shuri Nava as told to Lori Majewski
Tue, Jun 18, 2013
My boyfriend Ali is 5’10” with friendly blue eyes, a dimpled smile and a fit, muscular body. He’s someone you’d expect to see with a really hot, thin woman…not an overweight girl like me.
We’ve been dating for 18 months, and wherever we go— whether we’re walking hand in hand through the mall, airport or down the street in his hometown (Glasgow, Scotland) or mine (San Jose, California)— we get confused looks that say, He can do better than her!
I’ve heard that some men have a “fat fetish” and want to date overweight women.
I find this story interesting on another level, because Christian women get hit with a message from secular culture and from churches that “men are visually oriented,” so if you want dates or a spouse, you must diet and lose weight (and look like an ageless, cellulite- and wrinkle-free air-brushed fashion model) at all times.
But occasionally, I will see stories like this about average -looking guys who don’t seem to give a rip about societal standards of female beauty.
My own views on the topic: I am square in the middle.
People are going to care about looks, and I think the fact remains, that the story above is an exception to a rule: most people don’t want to date or marry someone who has a severe weight problem.
I draw the line at fat myself. I can tolerate chubby, but guys who are over, or around 45 pounds or more over weight? No.
I think looks matter to both genders, and most people are going to be turned off by fat and obesity.
That is not to say that overweight people should be treated cruelly, but I think that the “National Assoc. of Fat Acceptance” people are round the bend, out of touch with reality.
— Another Category of Christian Singles Who Annoy Me:
The Obese or Unattractive Ones who Complain About Not Being Able to Get Dates
(Unspoken by them: they usually demand and expect to date thin, attractive people)–
I always cringe when I visit Christian singles forums and some woman on there will admit to being 50, or more, pounds over weight, then she bitches and complains that she can’t get a boyfriend, and that men are too hung up on looks.
Yes, it’s true, a lot of Christian and Non Christian men are too damn picky when it comes to a woman’s looks, I fully agree there – but to the fat Christian single women who cry that men care too much about looks:
I am a lady, and I sure as hell would not want to date a man who is 50+ lbs overweight, and even 30 pounds is pushing it for me. So I would not expect a slim guy to want to date me if I were fat, either.
If you are a woman who feels your extra 50 lbs is keeping you from getting dates, and you want dates, then LOSE. THE. WEIGHT. Stop complaining. Stop expecting the males to change their priorities.
I accepted in my teen years that most males are shallow, lookist, judgmental jerks about female physical appearance, so I went along with it: got twig thin, stayed that way, and mastered the art of make-up. I beat them at their own game.
I hate the ‘health excuses.’ Fat folks will always insist they’re diabetic, or their doc stays if they jog, it will cause their heart to explode, or any number other excuses that they insist keeps them from cutting down calories or exercising. I see them using these excuses all the time in the comment section under articles about obesity.
I once went to a singles class at church where one guy must have been about 150 pounds overweight and sat there bemoaning that he had not had a date in seven years.
Gee, dude, could it be from the weight?
I didn’t have the heart to say anything, but if you are 50+ lbs overweight, and you’ve not dated in seven or more years, a big tip off for you is that your appearance is driving ladies away.
(Not only was this guy very fat, but he had a huge, weird mustache, and big, frizzy hair. He also acted weird.)
A lot of people who are unattractive or fat are very unrealistic (when it comes to dating/ romance/ marriage): they expect people to love them for who they are, look past the fat, and see the “inner beauty,” or, they don’t perceive how their bloated fatty bodies could be a turn off to most regular- sized people, yet they expect to be able to date stick thin Megan Fox movie star clones.
Hypocritically, the fatty men would not be willing to date a woman of a similar weight to them. Fat men, like scrawny or ugly ones, all feel entitled to date and marry a Barbie doll.
I bust my ass to stay in shape. I don’t over-eat. I go jogging, bicycling and do other activities to stay in shape, even when it’s hotter than hell outside (or freezing cold).
I work damn hard to look good. So, not only would I not reward an ugly/fat guy by dating him, but I have a hard time drumming up sympathy for fat folks on Christian singles forums or in classes who get upset they can’t get dates with skinny people.
I got tired of the ridicule for being chubby as a teen, so I dieted, exercised and lost the weight – I did not sit around griping about the status quo, as there was no point in it that I could see.
Looks do matter to a point, when it comes to dating and who one marries, but I do think Christian dating and marriage advice emphasizes it way, way too much, especially towards females. There ought to be a happy middle ground, not these extremes I see in dating advice sites, blogs, and magazines and in sermons.