‘Relevant’ Christian Magazine Ultimately Dismissive of Virginity
This is reminiscient of Challies’ dismal editorial on virginity as well as Moore’s (see (Link): Anti Virginity Editorial by Christian Blogger Tim Challies and (Link): Christians Who Attack Virginity Celibacy and Sexual Purity – and specifically Russell D. Moore and James M. Kushiner) .
The author, Fileta, brings up the “pride” issue again, as did Moore in his anti- virginity hit piece.
My good lord, Christians tell you when you’re a teen to be a virgin until marriage, to assume God will send you a virgin, and so, when you arrive in your 30s (or older) and are still a virgin, you then get scolded for being upset that your partner is not a virgin as well.
Notice that someone (“Rachel”) pipes up in the comments to say, ‘what about those who have been sexually abused or raped.’ How I wish people would stop trying to muddy the issue: when talking about virginity and sexual purity, the topic under consideration is always consensual sex, not sexual abuse or rape.
This same online magazine has editorials on related issues; please see those links below this one with the excerpts:
(Link): “But He (or She) Isn’t a Virgin” Sexual history isn’t everything. Here’s how to pursue purity together as a couple.
- By Debra K Fileta
January 11, 2012
…Our sexual past is a symptom of who we were, and is not necessarily a reflection of who we are.
… I have seen countless young people pass up potentially solid relationships because of the fact that they could not get over the idea of marrying a “non-virgin.” On the opposite spectrum, I have seen entire relationships founded on the basis of mutual sexual purity, when there were so many other major dysfunctions in the relationship that were overlooked and simply dimmed in comparison to the spotlight of “purity.” Our tendency to get hung up on the details can be devastating.
Beyond the scope of sexual past, one must consider who a person is in their present. We serve a God of grace and mercy, a God who uproots us from our old selfish life and plants us into the soil of holiness and righteousness. For those who are in a true relationship with Jesus, sexual past can no longer be the defining point of their lives. They are now defined by their relationship with Jesus Christ…
Purity is a condition of the heart, of the mind and of the spirit more than a simple category of one’s physical experiences.
Our inability to forgive our partner’s sexual past (or our own) may be a sign of a heart issue that has nothing to do with sexuality. I once heard it said that someone who cannot forgive themselves for their past is not struggling with the sin of guilt, but with the sin of pride. Pride is the voice that tells us that what has been done is too great of a sin to be covered by God’s grace.
If you find yourself stuck on your partner’s sexual past, you must ask yourself if you have really accepted and understood God’s grace in your own life. Like the story of the unforgiving servant who had an enormous debt wiped out, yet could not manage to forgive the debt of his own servant (Matthew 18). Though your past may look different than the past of your partner, God’s grace has covered you both. If you cannot learn to love your partner by covering them in grace, then purity of body has taken priority over purity of heart. If I remember correctly, Jesus always looks at the heart (John 8:1-11).
Our sexual history will always affect us, though it doesn’t always have to haunt us. I don’t want to make it sound like those who have had a sexual past will be dismissed of all consequences, because that is simply untrue. Ask any Christ-centered married couple in which one or both partners have dabbled sexually outside of marriage and they will be able to point to the consequences of that behavior. We who have purposely and deliberately awakened our sexual desires to any extent before marriage will bring an additional component to matrimony that will undoubtedly be added to the list of “things to work through.” That said, anyone who enters into marriage brings their own list of things to work through, whether it be a sexual past, family problems, past sins, spending habits, communication deficits and on and on and on … Who of us is perfect when it comes to purity of the mind, body and soul?
[click the link at top if you wish to read the entire thing]
Debra K. Fileta is a Licensed Professional Counselor specializing in Relationship and Marital issues. She, her husband and two children live in Hershey, PA. She is the author of the new book True Love Dates (Zondervan, 2013)
–Also From Relevant Magazine–
(Link): Second Chance Virginity
-what have I (Link): said before about Christians employing these feel good euphemisms for fornicators?
(Link): Virginity Is Not The Point
(Link): The Secret Sexual Revolution A recent study reveals most single Christians are having sex. We undress why.
Excerpt that page:
- Abstinence messages have often been geared toward teenagers, but as the average marrying age creeps closer to 30, the time period when Christians are called to be chaste can easily extend a decade beyond their high school graduation—or much longer. So what does abstinence look like as Christians “grow up” and enter the real world but are still single?
“Itʼs absolutely not realistic,” McKnight continues. “But itʼs also not realistic not to do a lot of things, and that doesnʼt mean the Bible doesnʼt tell us the ideal and design of God is to not have premarital sex.”
…McKnight also wonders if part of the problem is a devaluing of marriage. If young Christians no longer deem marriage a worthwhile endeavor…
Notice the false assumption there that if only we get ’em married young, this fornication problem will go away. See (Link): A Case Against Early Marriage by A. Moore (editorial)
By the way, the problem (in churches) is not that marriage is devalued but the complete opposite: it’s turned into an idol, and any unmarried seeking it for himself is, hypocritically, told to stop immediately, for he is “making marriage into an idol, so be content in your singleness.”
(Link): Unmarried and Not A Virgin Now What?
Excerpt that page:
- If you’ve followed RELEVANT articles in the past few months, you’ve noticed that a huge amount of unmarried, born-again, Christian young men and women are having a really hard time saying “no.” In fact, if you’re reading this article … there’s an 80 percent chance you are one of them.
We were never intended to say no to sex, because it is one of God’s most precious and valuable gifts to us as human beings.
What the hell is up with this: ‘we were never intended to say no to sex?’ The Bible says oh yes we are. See: (Link): Why So Much Fornication (sex outside of marriage) – Because Christians Have No Expectation of Sexual Purity
Here is Relevant Magazine’s section on Singles:
(Link): Singles tag category, Relevant Magazine
Just glancing at the headlines under that section, this one made me cringe, as it is a CLICHE’ I hear from married people all the time; as someone who was engaged to be married for several years, I already know that a serious romantic relationship is not a cure-all:
“Marriage Doesn’t Solve Your Problems”
Some of you may find this helpful (but read disclaimer below):
(Link): Five Things About Dating I Wish I Had Known
-its author corrects a few of the more idiotic Christian dating tips most of us have been subjected to in the past..
Except for the bit where she talks about how your friendsships should, must, or will change with your opposite gender friends once you marry – which I think is a crock, because it feeds back into the stereotype that marrieds cannot be friends with a single, lest a raging affair start, because un-marrieds are unprincipled horn dogs who are just dying to have sex with married people.
Related posts, this blog:
(Link): No, Christians and Churches Do Not Idolize Virginity and Sexual Purity
(Link): Christian Response FAIL to Sexual Sin – Easy Forgivism
(Link): Why So Much Fornication (sex outside of marriage) – Because Christians Have No Expectation of Sexual Purity
(Link): Christian Double Standards on Celibacy – Hetero Singles Must Abstain from Sex but Not Homosexual Singles