Confessions of a 25-year-old Christian virgin (article) – and related info

Confessions of a 25-year-old Christian virgin (article)

(Link): Promoting a biblical sexual ethic

This is from 1994 and mentions “True Love Waits” – and if you are early 40s like me, it waits and waits and waits and waits some more
(Link): Staking their lives on it Christian teens take their message of chastity and virtue to a mocking city

(Link): Confessions of a 25-year-old Christian virgin (article)

Excerpts:

    It’s hard being one of the few not ‘doing it’

    … I’m a 25-year-old Christian virgin squirming in a secular world where sex is both ordinary and essential. Even though asking about virginity is considered intrusive, the unspoken understanding is that everybody has already “done it.” Even Christians.

    I’m not the only Christian young woman living in a hypersexualized culture. And it’s not just non-Christians who “hook up” regularly. It’s the Christians too—even those we would deem “strong believers.”

    … Well, for one, Christians typically have to deal with the aftermath of guilt and shame.

    … Yet others, while struggling with initial guilt, eventually learn to desensitize themselves from it. Mary, 23, told me she lost her virginity when she was 18 to her first boyfriend. The first time left her “crying a lot” because of the guilt.

    But that didn’t stop her from continuing to have sex, and “the crying and the guilt has slowly vanished over the years,” she said. She doesn’t “lose sleep over it” anymore.

    In fact, given today’s sexual landscape, she’s pretty sure her future husband will have been even more promiscuous than her––so who is he to judge? He must accept her wholly, hookup record and all.

    Another Christian friend, Kim, told me she doesn’t think premarital sex is any graver than other sins because we are all sinners: “People make it a bigger deal than it really is,” she said. She then leafed through Bible verses, pointing out that the Scriptures never clearly define a stance on premarital sex. Yes, the Apostle Paul urged the faithful to flee “fornication” and “sexual immorality,” but what does that mean, exactly? And what gives Christians the right to condemn other people?

    “To focus so much on the behavior and using that to define somebody’s relationship with God is legalism,” Kim said. “I think the heart is most important. Who of us doesn’t sin? It doesn’t help anybody to dwell in guilt over something that is already lost.”

(Link): Read the Rest
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Related posts this blog:

(Link): No, Christians do not Idolize Virginity or Celibacy

(Link): Why So Much Fornication – Because Christians Have No Expectation of Sexual Purity

(Link): Christians and Cheap Grace Concerning Sexual Sin

(Link): Anti Virginity Editorial by Christian Blogger Tim Challies – Do Hurt / Shame Feelings or Sexual Abuse Mean Christians Should Cease Supporting Virginity or Teaching About Sexual Purity

(Link): Christians Who Attack Virginity Celibacy and Sexual Purity – and specifically Russell D. Moore and James M. Kushiner

2 thoughts on “Confessions of a 25-year-old Christian virgin (article) – and related info”

  1. Hello I am a 25 year old virgin myself who is tired of church. I live in Miami, florida and almost every church in here is so corrupted and pathetic I might be better off visiting the local park and praying/worshiping there. After all we were meant to live in nature and not man made structures. Anyways these churches had pastors cheating with married women, long time members sleeping outside of marriage, doing crime and taking all as a joke, overemphasis on money, mega churches with big and impersonal crowds, ect. I visited 5 churches and all had more or less the same trouble , it must be all that sea breeze? lol Everyone I used to know from college, church, high school, is already either pregnant, married or in a long term relationship, I wonder how they do it though because is truly a wreck of a city and all men just want to get around and the woman can be even worse. I have never been inspired to start of family of my own, I don’t like the idea of being pregnant or looking after someone for 18 years. It takes two to start a loving family but all the men around me inspire nothing but disgust, thus my trust is lost from the beginning when I realize they don’t care about anything. You are right when you say the church does not encourage older celibates to be strong, all they do is talk about sin and never give anyone real tools to get ahead in life in a godly way. If god tells us not to focus not to focus on sin 24/7 why does the church does it ? They tell us he can’t get closer to us because of our constant sinning, but god reveals that our nature is of a sinning one, and people die with problems everyday, no one will reach perfection, isn’t this like a confusing cycle then?damn if you damn if you don’t ?

    1. Thank you for leaving a post.

      I wish I had some answers for you, but if you’ve read other posts on this blog (and my “About” page), I’m trying to work some of these things out myself.

      I’m sorry you feel alone and frustrated.

      BTW, I am not the author of the “25 and a virgin” editorial, just to be clear – I’m in my early 40s. The page about being “25 and a virgin” is by a lady named Sophia Lee, and her editorial is from World Mag.

      I accepted Jesus Christ as my savior before the age of ten and was a very devout Christian up until about a year or two again, when I began having doubts about Christianity. I’m somewhere between being a marginal Christian and an agnostic now.

      Whether you’re a virgin at 25 or 40, some of the issues are the same – most churches will not offer concrete support to older singles who are celibate, or even ones who are not! Almost all the focus is on marriage and children.

      The one thing you have in your favor is that most Christians (and secular culture) don’t seem to stereotype you as much if you’re in you’re in your 20s and still single and a virgin – but it does get worse by the time you are in your mid-30s, and older.

      That is when people start asking you if you are a lesbian or treating you like you are some kind of outcast since you have not married yet.

      I wish I could tell you that it gets better in Christian culture, but it seems to get worse the older you get.

      Some of the only support you will get is from other Christian singles /virgins/celibates who are over the age of 25 who have blogs like this one. There is hardly any professionally printed magazines by Christians for singles, or radio shows, or pod casts, or sermons.

      There are a small number of books for us, but that’s about all. Even some of those can be depressing or disappointing, though.

      Anyway, ((( hugs ))) to you. I hope everything works out okay for you. Thank you for visiting and leaving a comment. 🙂

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