Asexuality and Asexuals
I want to point out that many Christian virgins who are over the age of 30 are not asexual, do not lack an interest in sex or romance, or lack sexual desire.
There are some people who are asexual, however, and there might be some Christians who fall into this category.
After having read through one of the following pages about discrimination that asexuals face, I am appalled.
While I do experience some sexual desire, I think that a lot of people make too much a big deal out of sex and sexuality to the extent I’m kind of glad at times that I’m not having sex – I can grasp how someone may not experience any desire at all and still be normal.
I’ve never had sex, and I am not an emotionless robot. I’m still capable of getting close to people without sex being involved.
I can see how someone can live without sex or even a desire for it but be capable of having and feeling deep emotional attachments to other people – sex is not necessary to having meaningful relationships with other people.
I’m stunned that so many people treat asexuals as though they are losers, weirdos or freaks.
Maybe I should not be surprised, since I’ve seen how even a lot of Christians misunderstand mature virgins /celibates (they assume we have a “special gift of celibacy” from God, or that we must have health problems that lower our libido, and so on. They hold so many strange and untrue ideas about people who are virgins into their 30s and older).
Some Christians maintain this idea that a never-married person is not quite human, or not 100% in God’s image, that one only becomes totally in God’s image if one marries an opposite gender person. Below, you will see that asexual people face a similar derogatory stereotype, that they are somehow “not human” because they experience no sexual desire.
- Sexual harassment and violence, including so-called “corrective” rape, is disturbingly common in the ace community, says Decker, who has received death threats and has been told by several online commenters that she just needs a “good raping.”
“When people hear that you’re asexual, some take that as a challenge,” said Decker, who is currently working on a book about asexuality. “We are perceived as not being fully human because sexual attraction and sexual relationships are seen as something alive, healthy people do. They think that you really want sex but just don’t know it yet. For people who perform corrective rape, they believe that they’re just waking us up and that we’ll thank them for it later.”
… “Most disturbingly, asexuals are viewed as less human, especially lacking in terms of human nature,” the study authors wrote. “This confirms that sexual desire is considered a key component of human nature and those lacking it are viewed as relatively deficient, less human and disliked.”
… “I was getting a lot of push-back from the LGBT community,” she said, her voice rising. “I was told that asexuals can’t exist, that asexuals should stop trying to pretend that we’re special. Some people in the LGBT community even told me that asexuals are trying to ‘co-opt the movement.'”
- Some of us are in long-term intimate relationships, pursue romance, are interested in deep emotional connections with a romantic element. Others, like me, definitely have intense personal relationships, but without elements of sex or romance.
Experiencing a lack of sexual attraction doesn’t mean I’m not attracted to people — I am, just not sexually. I’m attracted to giant sexy brains filled with amazing ideas. And I have deep, emotionally complex relationships with people whom I fiercely love and adore; just not sexually. Or romantically.
- On its homepage, Asexuality.org defines an asexual as “a person who does not experience sexual attraction.” This is a definition about desire – how you feel, and not about sexual behavior – how you act.
…2. Asexuality is not the same as celibacy.
From asexuality.org: “Unlike celibacy, which is a choice, asexuality is a sexual orientation. Asexual people have the same emotional needs as everybody else and are just as capable of forming intimate relationships.”
- Do you believe a person can be asexual? I am a 40-year-old male who has never dated or had a girlfriend. I just don’t have the desire or feel the need to be sexual. Being this way has ruined my life. I have very little self-esteem/self-confidence. I am so jealous of everyone else. I have accomplished very little in 40 years.
I have tried therapy over the years. and it really doesn’t help. I want to know if you think I would be a good candidate for testosterone therapy. My testosterone has always been on the low end of normal.
The therapist I am currently seeing said it is odd that my testosterone has never fluctuated. Do you have any advice? — Asexual
Your physician is the best person to give you informed advice, medical therapy or refer you to a specialist. Your therapist should offer you support and strategies to deal with your feelings concerning your asexuality.
According to one study published by the National Institutes of Health, approximately 1 percent of the population studied identified as “asexual,” or not experiencing sexual attraction. This is an emerging identification as people become more comfortable describing their sexuality along a broader spectrum. You can peruse the website asexuality.org for information.
(Link): Asexual and Happy – from New York Times