Creepy, Wrong, Immature and Pathetic: Older Men Chasing After Much Younger Women
I’ve always been grossed out and repulsed by men who try to pick up, date, or marry women who are more than five years younger than themselves – my absolute limit is ten years. (And no, I do not support older women trying to get together with younger men, either.)
Recently in the news there was a story of a 40 year old man who was infatuated with a 16 year old neighbor, Hannah. He killed Hannah’s mother and eight year old brother.
I really doubt the sanity, ethics, and morality of any person who feels it’s appropriate, in the areas of dating, marriage, and romance to fixate on younger people.
I saw the oddest thing on a Child Free forum (which is populated by atheists, agnostics, liberals, Democrats, and only a smattering of Christians and conservatives). A few people in the thread said they personally know of 40-something men who join web sites and hit on 20- year old women.
These same men, these posters said, are obese, unemployed, and weird. One of them is 47 or 48, still a virgin, and feels he is entitled to a woman age 18 to 25 because he is a virgin. He will die a virgin if he does not alter his expectations and start considering women his own age.
When I was in my early twenties and flirted with by men over the age of 25, I was creeped out. If the man in question appeared to be in his 30s, 40s, or older, I was creeped out triple-fold. Most women are.
Now that I’m on a dating site, I get approached by guys not only my own age on occasion, but guys who are clearly in their 60s and 70s, but they claim on their profiles to be 35 – 45 years old.
Here are some links about this:
This is from a Child Free forum about bitter, sexist single men, some of whom post on “Men’s Rights” forums:
(Link): Child Free forum
Post by Nodadsforme:
- I had (I stress had) a guy friend like that.
- He was obese, smelly (I had to tell him to bathe before we would get together because he stunk), wore smelly clothes, 40 [years old] and still lived at home because he was unemployed (because he refused to take a low paying job though he was unskilled) and worst of all he was nasty.
- When I first met him I told him upfront I wasn’t interested in him because I require more from boyfriends than he could be (like daily showers and working).
- He thought if he was “nice” to me I would bend then he got mean when he saw I wouldn’t.
- Years ago when we were friends he would complain about the women he was meeting because none met his requirements and when I told him they were way unrealistic he said something to the effect that all women want men and he’s nice so he should get anyway [sic – anyone] he wants.
- He stopped being my friend because he was nasty and creepy.
- Anyway this charmer had an online profile that I saw years ago and he was now close to 50, and still obese (and likely still unemployed) yet he was looking for blonde women who were busty between 18-25. I’m sure he’s still single.
- I know several men like them and many of them are that way because of their extreme requirements. I met one who was
- mid 40’s overweight and balding and thought because he was a virgin it meant he could date very young women in their late teens to early 20’s.
- These PUA-type folks are a different thing. They think that women owe them sex. No matter what. As if we [women] are only here to please men and do whatever they say. Not all 40 and balding guys are assholes, not at all. But the ones that think they deserve a perfect ten woman and can’t get her because his attitude sucks? Those are the ones making it rough for the middle-aged nice guys out there.
- by HUGO SCHWYZEZ
- If there’s one tangible thing that men can do to help end sexism—and create a healthier culture in which young people come of age—it’s to stop chasing after women young enough to be their biological daughters. As hyperbolic as it may sound, there are few more powerful actions that men can take to transform the culture than to date, mate, and stay with their approximate chronological peers. If aging guys would commit to doing this, everyone would benefit: older men and younger men, older women and younger women.
- … Ours, as Buchanan documented, is a culture which represents men’s sexual desirability as being as enduring as women’s is fleeting.
- It’s certainly not just graying celebrities like Depp who rob the cradle.
- Research on the preferences of users of OK Cupid, one of America’s most popular dating sites, indicates that “men show a decided preference for younger women, especially as the men get older… so, even though men and women are more-or-less proportionately represented on the site, men’s decided preference for younger women makes for many fewer potential dates for women.”
- …By contrast, the contemporary hype about cougars and pumas revolves around smaller age-disparities. (A recent CNN story focused on the supposedly outrageous novelty of women in their 20s and 30s dating men an average of three years younger than themselves.) When it comes to inter-generational romances with age gaps sufficiently large that one partner could be the biological parent of the other, the course of true love remains maddeningly unidirectional.
- What seems harmless and natural, however, is neither. A culture in which older men value younger women more than their own female peers does damage to everyone.
- I’m not talking about the harm inflicted by pedophiles on pre-teen girls, which is both monstrous and a given. I’m not talking about the vile street harassment of adolescents by older men, which is also as toxic as it is infuriatingly ubiquitous. This is about the way in which young women come of age surrounded by reminders that they are at their most desirable when they are still at their most uncertain and insecure. Some young women are attracted to older men (for a host of possible reasons), but even these find too many men who are, in the end, deeply unsafe.
- … Many people who concede that older men’s obsession with younger women is disillusioning and destabilizing insist that the sexual choices of men like Johnny Depp are driven by natural imperatives.
- That’s not quite what the science shows. Research on age disparate relationships does find a biological case for older men choosing slightly younger women; a 2007 study of 11,000 Swedes found that the most fecund men were those with partners six years younger than themselves.
- The strategic reproductive benefit of choosing a younger woman diminished as the age gap widened.
- According to the science, Depp was better matched with [former his wife] Paradis (nine years his junior) than with the new girlfriend [who is 27 years old].
- …So if older men aren’t pursuing much younger women because of evolutionary hardwiring, why do they?
- It’s hard not to conclude that much of the appeal is about the hope of finding someone less demanding.
- A man in his 40s who wants to date women in their 20s is making the same calculation as the man who pursues a “mail-order bride” from a country with less egalitarian values. It’s about the mistaken assumption that younger women will be more malleable.
- Men who chase younger women aren’t eroticizing firmer flesh as much as they are a pre-feminist fantasy of a partner who is endlessly starry-eyed and appreciative.
- The dead giveaway comes when you ask middle-aged men why they prefer to date younger; almost invariably, you’ll hear complaints that their female peers are too entitled, too embittered, too feminist.
- One of the basic rules of tennis applies here: If you want to improve your skills, you need to play someone who is (at a minimum) at your own level.
- As sophisticated as a 20-something may be, she will be more so—with a more exquisite bullshit detector—in her 40s.
- When older men date much younger women, they cheat themselves out of an opportunity to be matched with a partner with the maturity to see them as they really are.
- Depression, the research shows, peaks for men in their mid-to-late 40s. In the face of statistics like those, middle-aged men can’t afford to choose partners who lack the life experience to provide the right kind of challenge.
- If the older man/younger woman dynamic is less “natural” and more destructive than we imagined, how then to respond to couples that make that dynamic work? When I’ve written about this subject in the past, I’m invariably challenged by young women with boyfriends their fathers’ age, demanding that I stop judging their love.
- I always reply that it’s possible to wish individuals well while still critiquing the context in which those individuals made their choices. It’s like attending the wedding of a couple that gets together as the result of an affair: One can wish them every happiness without endorsing what led them there.
- I’m not proposing that we shame every age-disparate couple. I am proposing that we challenge heterosexual middle-aged men to direct their sexual and romantic energies to their female peers. Everyone—older men, younger men, older women, younger women—will reap the paradigm-shifting benefits.
Story about the 40 year old immature perv with the crush on the sixteen year old girl:
- by Catherine Donaldson-Evans
- San Diego Sheriff Bill Gore said DiMaggio, 40, is dead after at least 150 police and FBI agents swarmed a dense forest about 70 miles northeast of Boise and a shootout ensued.
- The firefight capped a weeklong hunt for DiMaggio, who was on the run with Anderson after apparently killing her mother Christina Anderson, 44, and 8-year-old brother Ethan Anderson last Sunday at his house. DiMaggio is believed to have burned down his own home in Southern California with the victims’ bodies still inside.
- … Authorities say DiMaggio, a close friend of the Anderson family, was “infatuated” with the blond teenager. But Brett Anderson said he never saw any indication that DiMaggio had inappropriate feelings for his daughter.
— January 2014 update.—
—- “OMG YOU ARE GENERALIZING!!!” —-
Some lady left a couple of posts on this blog, disagreeing with me. I only skimmed them over, did not read them in full, and trashed them.
As I explain at the top of the blog, and on the blog’s policy page, I seldom permit dissenting views on this blog or publish them.
One of the few comments I caught in one of her posts (before deleting them), which appeared below this entry, is that there are creepy men in every age demographic.
Yes, there are – but she missed the point.
I find the ENTIRE CONCEPT of older people dating, boinking, and marrying people five, six, or more years younger than themselves creepy and disgusting.
I don’t care if, say, a 56 year old man is “Mr. Nice Guy” by all other definitions: if he is dating, boinking, or marrying a 20 year old, he’s creepy and gross for that alone.
If a man is 46 years old but dating or boinking, say, a 17 year old, I don’t care if he normally gives 20% of his income to impoverished third world natives and spends his weekends tutoring orphans in Algebra: he’s a creepy creepster. I don’t care how many other good deeds he does.
I thought I was fairly clear on that view, but I guess some folks need to have it spelled out for them.
— Jan 21 2014 update —
If I’ve done my job correctly, Cherry Jameson (firstname.lastname@example.org) has been banned from the blog. She left yet another post on Jan 21. Apparently she has not read the blog’s (Link): “About Page” or (Link): “Policy on Dissent.”
(Link): I Blog For Me, Myself, And I – Not For You. Not to get your approval.
For the idiot who left me a vulgar response on this post: I trashed your reply and only skimmed part of it first, here is a post for you:
–Sept 2014 update–
Gross, gross, gross.
- Lugner called Kim Kardashian ‘annoying’ after taking her and Kris Jenner to the Vienna Opera Ball in February. On Saturday, he married model Cathy Schmitz.
- An aged Austrian billionaire who once called Kim Kardashian “annoying” has married for the fifth time — to a 24-year-old Playboy model.
—January 2016 additions.
- comment by i