Example of How Christian Teaching About Sex, Marriage, and Gender Creates Hang Ups and Entitlements Among Christians
Christians often promise in their dating advice books, blogs, and in sermons about marriage, that if you wait until marriage to have sex, you will have “mind blowing,” great sex.
Christians also wrongly teach that females are responsible for male sexual failings and that all women are to be viewed sexually, as sexual objects.
Hence, much pressure is placed on Christian females to “dress modestly” and the males are told to stay away from women, and to glance away any time a woman walks past, or if they see a woman on a television commercial.
Christians also maintain the fairy tale that only males are visually stimulated, so that only females are lectured from the pulpits and Christian dating advice blogs and magazines to diet, exercise regularly, wear make-up, and look attractive. Christian men do not get told by these same publications and preachers to exercise and stay in shape, even though it is a FACT that women care VERY MUCH about male physical appearance.
The outcome of this incorrect teaching about only men caring about appearance and all women being temptresses is that single Christian males grow up expecting and feeling entitled to marry a Christian woman who looks like movie star Megan Fox, who has the morals of an Angel, who will give them Porn-i-riffic, great sex every night.
Christian singles are conditioned by Christian teachings on sex, gender roles, and dating, to begin viewing things and actions that are not sexual as though they should be sexualized. This hinders normal male-female interaction, friendships are not formed, and hence, no marriages.
You can see yet another example of this in the long excerpts farther below.
This guy, who I think is Michael Pearl, who is a Christian – I believe he is a pastor?, or he writes books with Christian advice about marriage and parenting (you can read more about him and his wife in this post at RHE’s blog, Link: The abusive teachings of Michael and Debi Pearl).
He grew up a Christian virgin, obsessed with sexual purity to the point he viewed all women as sexual temptresses and whores (even proper Christian women at his church), and due to the mere fact he was a virgin, he felt entitled to non-stop great sex from his wife once they married even though she was dead tired, sleepy, in pain.
Pearl admits to having been selfish with his wife but does not mention making no attempt at curbing his selfishness, so I assume he did not, and he still sounds selfish as hell years later recounting his past with his wife.
This reminds me of the creepy, loser, obese, ugly, 47 year old virgin guy mentioned on another site that I posted about last week, the guy who feels just because he is a virgin at age 47 that he is entitled to date or marry an attractive, skinny 18 – 25 year old.
I wrote about him (Link): in this older post, “Creepy, wrong, immature and pathetic: older men chasing after much younger women”.
- (To be clear:
Unlike (Link): idiot Moore, I do not fault a Christian adult virgin for wanting and hoping to marry another virgin.
That, to me, is understandable.
Where I take issue is with a fat, ugly, repulsive, socially backwards hill-billy loser idiot who is a virgin at age 45 who thinks his virginity and/or being male entitles him to a suave, financially secure, thin, and sexy 21 year old movie star look-alike.)
Love, Joy, Feminism Blog: CTNAHM:
Anticipation (Michael Talks about Sex) (a post by Libby Anne, A Guest Post by Aletha)
URL:
patheos.com/blogs/lovejoyfeminism/2013/08/ctnahm-anticipation-michael-talks-about-sex.html
Here are some excerpts:
- [by Libby Anne]
In this Chapter, Michael [Pearl] talks about his first love, sex, and his first sex. Get ready.
- [9 year-old Michael walks down the road after Bible school and sees a girl in a pretty dress. He walks on the other side of the road and tries to walk “with her”] I never spoke. She never looked at me, but I studied her profile and her dainty little walk.
It was the most amazing and wonderful thing I had ever seen. I was in love. I WANTED ONE [emphasis mine].
But it was all too scary to this skinny, bug-eyed boy. The thought of even speaking to this splendid apparition made me tremble with a feeling of helplessness.
So we can see, even at 9, to Michael, women are possessions to be claimed. And “things” and “apparitions”, not fellow humans. We are off to a great start.
- Puberty
But then I went through puberty. That was like entering a cool tunnel and coming out the other end in the middle of a fire. I gave my life to Jesus Christ about the same time, and had been well brought-up and taught the Word of God, so I was quite clear on moral boundaries.
But the fire burned and the only thing I wanted more than god was to have one of those lovelies they call the opposite sex.
After awhile, I began to wonder if maybe the devil-rather than God-hadn’t created sex. SEX with the big X in it, like “Danger. Don’t touch.” It seemed like such a consuming indulgence.
I was fasting and praying, studying my Bible, and walking down the road with my blinders on. I found all TV programs to be designed to create lust. Every billboard with a woman on it was a doorway to hell. The Sears and Roebuck catalog was pornography. Many of the women at church were seductive whores.
Cleavage was an attempt to damn me. Tight dresses were designed to make me wet my pants. It was enough to make a monk or a whore monger out of a fourteen-year-old. The world was on fire and I was trying to keep from burning.
Holy cow. Where to start? One thing I’ve noticed growing up in a conservative Christian religion is how, ironically, sex obsessed things are. Billboards and catalogs are created to tempt you!
Heaven forbid they show off the merchandise they are trying to sell you.
It’s kind of scary how violently he reacts to women.
They are whores trying to damn him because they showed a bit of cleavage—and he grew up in the Bible belt in the 50-60s, I’m sure there wasn’t that much cleavage on display.
It’s kind of sad to think that he was full of this much self-hatred and desire at 14. I’ve watched enough Law and Order to know that this combination can result in a serial killer.
- Middle Teens
I was a normal youth, with one exception: I resisted my urges and made a commitment to walk in holiness.
Many of my friends and peers succumbed to their bodily passions and I observed the results of their folly.
I studied the Bible and asked God to deliver me from my lust. I can’t tell you I stopped lusting in my middle teens, but it was never voluntary. Lust was my enemy.
In my diligence to walk in holiness, I wrestled with my worldview. Why were we created thus? What is our purpose? Is there an avenue to victory?
The Word of God enlighten me and I came to see that God had a great plan for the human race and that love, sex, and marriage were at the center of it.
By the time I got to be 16, I had learned how to manage my sexual impulses and maintain equilibrium from one hour to the next.
It never ceased to be a battle, but I began to see that I was like the three Hebrew children in the fiery furnace: there was fire all around, trying to consume me, but I could walk in it without getting burnt.
I saw the challenge as part of the training and the victory as preparation for a glorious tomorrow.
By the time I got into my late teens, I knew I could, and always would, have the victory over my flesh!
I awoke every morning to a battle, and sometimes I got slapped around by my own flesh [anyone else see a euphemism for masturbation in that last comment?], but the Devil lost the war.
Thanks to the sanctifying power of the Holy Spirit, when I was married at 25, I was still a virgin and had never viewed pornography.
For about 17 years, since I first viewed the delightful girl I loved, I had anticipated the day when I would finally get one of those beautiful, female creatures for myself. I knew that one day my life would begin.
OK. So Michael, still obsessed, is bragging how he’s holy. He wrestled with the Devil! He was taught by the Word of God! He was a virgin on his wedding night! And still, it’s women that are the tempters, not his sex-crazed mind. Sex and lust don’t have to be a battle. My shrink would call that a feedback loop. You have a thought, attribute some emotion to it (like lust), feel guilt or shame, get angry, and blame the cause of the thought. All this makes the next time you have a similar thought more powerful, because you attribute more emotion to it. So every time he thought of sex or lust as a battle, he just made it that much harder for himself to have a normal view of what he deems “part of God’s great plan”.
Here’s where it gets really… well… Michael.
- Honeymoon
My immediate goal in marriage was to make up for all those sexually frustrated years-the sooner the better.
A friend of mine that married two years before I did had bragged that he was able to “know” his bride five times on their wedding night.
He was a puny fellow, so I had no doubt I would best his brag, but the truth is, three times was all I could muster, and just barely.
What. The. Hell. We get that Michael is sex-obsessed.
But his main goal for marriage (not to have a happy, healthy, productive union for years to come) was to make up for lost time in the sex department? Then he turns it into a competition between him and one of his friends?
And feels the need to brag to us about his prowess??
Does anyone else feel bad for his poor wife? If I remember correctly, the first time hurt, was awkward, and I was sore for a day or so afterward-and my dear husband was trying to be nice! I don’t imagine Michael was big on foreplay, so I’m assuming it was a “wham-bham-thank you, ma’am” kind of experience. But, oh, it gets better. Trust me.
- [Talking about the actual honeymoon]
It was midnight before we got to our room, and we were up at six, headed to the Gulf Coast where we would honeymoon for a few days in a cottage on the beach.
It was a long day’s drive. We arrived at the cottage well after dark. We had brought all the gear for fishing and crabbing , as well as the groceries for her to be able to prepare our meals. That way we could save a lot of money and be able to stay longer in the cabin. We dug all the gear out of the station wagon and placed it in the cabin. Deb fixed us a big supper, after which I tried to break my record. One time and I was asleep.
Notice the subtle “groceries for HER to prepare our meals.”
Michael’s got a wife now, no way in hell he’s cooking anymore!
Also, yet again, we get a glimpse into how the thinks about sex. “Breaking his record.”
Something else I noticed. It takes 2 paragraphs in the honeymoon section (and none at all in this chapter until now) to say his wife’s name. It’s always “her” or “she”.
Now we get to learn about what a crab (pun intended) Debi was on her honeymoon. [omit]
- To her [Michael’s wife Deb’s] credit, she did come back and finish cooking. After we ate I was ready for some more sex, but she just wanted to sleep.
I had read in a marriage book how women always have excuses like being sleepy, having a headache, etc.
I felt a sense of satisfaction when I was able to so completely change her mind; it wasn’t that difficult.
She is wired right.
What a good bride he has. Even after she gets emotional, she finishes cooking his dinner. His description is starting to sound a bit rapey. He talked her into sex? It was easy because she was “wired right?” I’m getting the creeps.
I encourage you to read the rest by copying and pasting the URL into your browser location bar and hitting the “enter” key (I am trying to avoid a track back):
patheos.com/blogs/lovejoyfeminism/2013/08/ctnahm-anticipation-michael-talks-about-sex.html
You can also read the whole, original post here:
(From Molly’s Evil Twin blog – I think she’s an ex Mormon?),
CTNAHM-Anticipation (Michael talks about sex)
yllommormon.blogspot.com/2013/08/ctnahm-anticipation-michael-talks-about.html
You’ll notice that the guy is totally fixated on sex from his teens and on-wards.
He objectifies women, including his wife.
He doesn’t give a rat’s ass about his wife’s needs. He feels entitled to sex whenever and how much he wants it, doesn’t care how tired or sick she is feeling, and he feels this way in part because he was a virgin when he married (I also suspect he’s into that gender comp bullshit, where the wife’s feelings don’t matter because she’s a woman).
Christian teaching on gender, sex, and marriage leads to this kind of lunacy, and is one reason I am done with it – done with the Christian faith, with other Christian’s standards about dating/ marriage/ sex.
I think that Non Christians can have very unhealthy views about sex, and some of them are utterly obsessed with it, but some evangelical, Baptist, and fundamentalist Christians have views about sex and marriage that are just as messed up as secular society. Some Christians also fixate on sex as much as Non Christians do.
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Related posts this blog
(Link): WARNING and NOTICE On Vulgar Language on This Blog
(Link): The Myth of the Gift – Regarding Christian Teachings on Gift of Singleness and Gift of Celibacy
(Index Topic Link): Married Christian Couples Engage in Sexual Sin (examples, editorials)
(Link): Following the Usual Advice Won’t Get You Dates or Married – Even Celebrities Have A Hard Time
(Link): Superman, Man Candy -and- Christian Women Are Visual And Enjoy Looking At Built, Hot, Sexy Men
(Link): Atlantic: “The case for abandoning the myth that ‘women aren’t visual.’”
(Link): Women Are Visually Oriented Too – Reminder 1
(Link): Women Are Visual And Like Hot Looking Men (Part 1) Joseph in Genesis Was A Stud Muffin
(Link): The Annoying, Weird, Sexist Preoccupation by Christian Males with Female Looks and Sexuality
(Link): Article: Scientists: Why penis size does matter [to women]
(Link): Married Women Engage in Sexual Sin – and most men in denial particularly Christian conservatives
(Link): More ‘Men Are Visual’ Baloney, Discussed at Another Blog
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