More Awful and Crap-tastic Marriage and Sex Advice from Christians
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(Link): WARNING and NOTICE On Vulgar Language on This Blog – you can expect to see more of it
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HOKEY NAIVE CRAPPY RELATIONSHIP AND SEX ADVICE BY CHRISTIANS
More crappy, sub-standard, ineffective Christian advice about sex and how to get a husband from Christian publications:
(Link): How to Find the Right Husband by Olabode Ososami
(Link): Does Your Sex Life Hinder Holy Desires? By Dan Delzell, Special to CP
This first excerpt contains the usual bullshit about if you serve in the church, are so busy serving others, that is where you will bump into your Mr. Right (or, it’s somewhat implied, if you are seeking and meeting God’s kingdom’s needs first, God shall supply unto you a husband). This is a strategy that has not worked for 99% of Christian women.
It is a simple fact of demographics that there are more Christian single women in churches and the faith than there are single Christian men, so telling the single females not to be idle but to be busy “doing the Lord’s work” will not nab them a spouse.
If there are ten unmarried Christian women, and only, say, seven unmarried Christian men, but all ten single ladies are praying for a spouse, even if all ten are praying and God wants to say “Yes” to all ten of their requests, it remains a fact that three of the ten unmarried Christian women will NOT be able to get married – not if they are trying to stay true to “be not yoked to an unbeliever”.
There are simply not ten single men for the ten single ladies, there are only seven for the ten, which means three must do without.
Unmarried Christian women will have to chuck out the notion of marrying another Christian only and start trying to meet Non Christian men at bars and on dating sites to increase their chances of getting married.
This editorial also refers to a “man of destiny,” (yes, it uses the odd flowery, weird phrase “man of destiny”), as if to suggest that God has a “soul mate” for every unmarried female ((Link): Soul Mates: What Does the Bible Say About ‘The One’ You’re ‘Destined’ to Marry?), and if you just wait on God’s timing, God will send this person your way – that is also horse shit, as I can tell you after waiting over 30 years for God to send Mr. Right my way.
Many other Christian women are my age and still single because they believed in this Christian crap about marriage and dating.
The person who wrote this also makes too much out of the view that marriage represents the relationship between Christ and Christians.
The truth is that the Bible also uses singleness as an illustration of Christ being married to believers, too – because you know what, if you are married now, Christ says you will not be married to your earthly spouse in the afterlife – every one becomes single in death, you will be “married” to Christ only.
The person who wrote this also has an incorrect view of divorce; the Bible does not say that divorce is a sin, nor does the Bible teach divorce is limited only to adultery, and that re-marriage by a divorced person is a sin. See: (Link): What God Has Joined What does the Bible really teach about divorce?
I don’t know why authors think that God’s reputation can be tarnished by what Christians do or not do, not in areas of life such as this
The author, Ososami, feels that believers getting a divorce besmirches God’s reputation among Non Christians, because it supposedly sullies the God as groom and church as bride metaphor. That is a lame, stupid, idiotic, incredibly moronic reason to tell Christians they should not divorce.
If God is that weak, that his reputation can be ruined by what Christians do or not, or by their mistakes in life, He is not worthy of being worshipped or followed.
This is very similar to preacher Charles Stanley’s bullshit view (click here to read it) that a Christian suffering clinical depression and suicidal ideation should not commit suicide, lest it cause a Non Christian to doubt in Christ, for Stanley said, the atheist might think to himself, “Why should I believe in Jesus, when Jesus could not help the Christian who killed himself?”
And that right there is a shitty, insensitive rationale to hand a hurting Christian who is thinking of putting a gun in his mouth and pulling the trigger.
This Ososami guy is also presenting marriage as a reward handed out by God only to those who pass the test; if you want marriage, you have to be excellent at A, B, C, and D, or else God says “No, no marriage for you.” We all know this is false, thanks to all married Christians we see who get a spouse in spite of the fact they are fat, stupid, lazy, ugly, abusive, mean, selfish, or have some other flaw.
I have posted numerous examples at this blog of married Christian preacher men who have been arrested for owning child porn, raping little girls, or abusing their wives, and one married preacher man was a SERIAL KILLER.
If God truly demanded absolute holiness from a human in this life before He allows marriage to take place, how in the hell do you explain to me a serial killer who worked as a preacher who got married and had kids?
I’m not serial killer. I’ve been an extreme “goody goody” my whole life, yet I am still single at my age. Obviously being holy, good, nice, and biblical does not get one a spouse.
Conversely, being an abusive, raping, child molesting, lying, ugly, weird, fat and/or serial killing asshole does not prevent a person from getting a spouse.
From How to Find the Right Husband by Olabode Ososami
- Any seeking direction on the key decision of marriage can learn from the world view only to join the alarming divorce and abuse statistics … but in Bible times, there were “fairy-tale” marriages …that were blessed, fruitful and divinely destined. Ruth’s marriage to Boaz was an example. Boaz was rich, classy, respectful, royal and a good husband even though Ruth was a poor widower from the wrong clan. We can learn from Ruth.
- There are three principles worth using to check if you are on the right path.
- 1. Receive corrections from spirit filled mentors and put away the flesh. Ruth was advised by Boaz to glean by the maidens, but she told Naomi something different.
- She told Naomi what her flesh advised i.e. to glean in the field where the young men were. Naomi corrected her to stay with the maidens.
- The flesh is the natural instinct that corrupts our interpretations and drives our passions. It is always the first hunch and can be an overriding push into error.
- The flesh is a magnet that draws us to the wrong person. Spirit filled mentors are rare servants of God who can bring divine instruction that is contrary to natural instinct …after all, it made sense for Ruth to hang out with the young men, if she was to make the kind of progress she needed.
- The flesh can be like Laban hindering Rebekah or it could be your uncontrolled passions causing your heart to beat faster.
- Like Ishmael, Adam, Saul all came first, our first thoughts on marriage tend to be always wrong and must be quickly put away or they will always eventually attack any future spiritual insight.
- Gal_4:29 But as then he that was born after the flesh persecuted him that was born after the Spirit, even so it is now.
- 2. Be busy, be a worker … a diligent person . Boaz found Ruth not at the evening soiree or lazing in the park. She was gleaning.
- No matter how demeaning you perceive the work you can find … be industrious, do not be afraid to use your hands or find a trade or learn a skill.
- A young girl should not be at home idling – brushing her hair before the mirror – with nothing to do, for soon she will attract a poacher and not a husband. In the royal household, Ruth had more than enough time to rest.
- Pro 31:10 Who can find a virtuous woman? for her price is far above rubies. 11 The heart of her husband doth safely trust in her, so that he shall have no need of spoil. 12 She will do him good and not evil all the days of her life. She seeketh wool, and flax, and worketh willingly with her hands.
- 3. Practice sacrificial obedience. A faithful and loyal wife is not an accident … she has already been taught, practiced and tested in many difficult scenarios demanding courage.
- Ruth cleaved to Naomi although it made no sense, she would have done better for herself in Moab.
- Orpah her sister-in-law did what made sense but Ruth understood differently. Ruth was practiced in sacrificial obedience.
- No wonder she soon attracted the man of destiny despite all the misgivings. A wife practiced in faithfulness is more to be cherished than she who spoils a man with lingering kisses.
- Pro_27:6 Faithful are the wounds of a friend; but the kisses of an enemy are deceitful.
- The man of destiny is not any man that hastily walks in to ask for your hand in marriage. The man of destiny comes at the ordained time, never a moment late and never early. You cannot accelerate his arrival or seduce him to propose quickly nor will he be driven off by your apparent disqualifications.
- Marriage is a covenant event ordained by God for His divine purpose and not to fulfill romantic notions.
- Remember in the Garden of Eden, man and woman were created for eternity.
- God hates divorce not just because divorce has its severe costs and it does, but because it mirrors the devil’s lie that the Church (the bride of Christ) will not be forever joined with her first bridegroom. Divorce disputes the forever settled truth “what God has put together let no man put asunder”
- Same-sex marriage and neutralizing gender corrupts the revelation of how Christ (the bride groom) unconditionally loves the Church (his bride) and the lessons of submission of all things to Christ.
- There are challenges in the relationship between Christ and His Church, but in the end the Church is without spot or wrinkle … spotless.
- Marriage, as God ordained it, is a fundamental institution unfolding rich mysteries to guide our Christian walk and eternal destiny.
- Are you single? Do not trifle with a marriage decision, or marry because you are getting old or out of a nagging frustration arising from external pressures or a whim to just get over with it.
- Do not say it is too late for me.
- Be more aware that a wrong marriage decision is the reward of the wicked – an early accelerated entry to hell….for which there is mercy but no easy exit – for God does not permit divorce even when we have made wrong decisions.
- It is death that mercifully separates the unbelieving spouse from his partner. But a union mentored by the Spirit of God is indeed a great blessing … perhaps second only to the blessing of salvation. Learn from Ruth. She was blessed and a blessing to generations.
- There is mercy for the divorced and grace for the erring and the fallen … but it is always best advised to take heed … to be cautious when still in right standing.
Re this comment:
- “Do not say it is too late for me. “
Christians cannot even stay consistent on this martial advice.
In a book about dating and marriage by Christian authors Cloud and Townsend, they actually say on one page to singles not to obsess over getting a spouse, do not worry or fret about “time running out,” do not invest all time and energy in looking for a man, but then, several pages later, they contradict themselves (and the author above) by saying, “But do hurry up about getting married, because at some point, when you get older it will BE TOO LATE. TIME IS RUNNING OUT SO HURRY HURRY HURRY, it will be too late for you.”
As for the next link, it was written by the same idiot, Dan Delzell, who wants to keep Christian singles single forever, by telling them to only marry another Christian. See this post for more on that:
(Link): Being Equally Yoked: Christian Columnist Dan Delzell Striving to Keep Christian Singles Single Forever
From Does Your Sex Life Hinder Holy Desires? By Dan Delzell, Special to CP – this is the same guy who aims at keeping singles single forever (see (Link): Being Equally Yoked: Christian Columnist Dan Delzell Striving to Keep Christian Singles Single Forever)
- A lot of professing Christians today engage in premarital sex. Many of them feel their behavior is not that big of a deal to God. Is there a way to know for sure?
- Of course the only way to know for sure if it is a big deal to God is to see what He says about it in His love letter to His children, the Bible. In God’s Word, sex outside of marriage between a man and a woman is forbidden.
- And this is the only sin against our own body. (see 1 Cor. 6:18)
- So it’s basically a biblical no-brainer.
- But is there anything else which might help to convince a professing Christian that his or her sex life needs divine intervention and some immediate changes?
- Here is another way to discern God’s will on the matter. Watch what happens to your spiritual desires if your sex life strays from God’s narrow road.
- Just observe. Your spiritual desires will tell you a lot about your current state of affairs.
- Whenever a professing Christian engages in sex beyond God’s boundary line, there is an immediate decrease in spiritual sensitivity and holy desires. For example, a person’s love for the Word of God lessens, as does the passion to tell others about the Savior’s plan of salvation. Also, a person’s desire for prayer goes way down.
- The reason? Whenever we are grieving the Holy Spirit, we are never going to be experiencing a Spirit-filled life in all of its fullness, power, joy, and contentment.
- So if you are engaged in a sex life which is outside of God’s will, ask yourself some hard-hitting questions. Is my sex life increasing my holy desires for the things of God, or decreasing those desires?
- Is my sex life giving me a greater passion to serve others and to gather with Christians around God’s Word, prayer, the Lord’s Supper, and Christian fellowship (Acts 2:42), or less of a desire to do those things which the believers were so excited about doing in the Book of Acts after they were filled with the Holy Spirit?
- Each one of us is more than capable of being deceived in the area of sexuality. This is why Scripture, in addressing God’s people, clearly says, “Do not be deceived.” (Galatians 6:7) Why would God say that unless it is possible for believers (and all professing believers) to be deceived? Some professing believers are truly saved.
- Other professing believers are “Christian” in name only, but not converted on the inside.
- Some believers are walking in God’s will with their sexuality.
- Other believers are dabbling with danger as they engage in sexual immorality for awhile. They feel guilty about it, but they are being torn in two directions. Something has got to give. That is just the way this whole thing plays out.
- Susannah Wesley gave birth to 19 children, including John and Charles. One day John asked her to define “sin.”
- She said, “Son, whatever weakens your reasoning, impairs the tenderness of your conscience, obscures your sense of God, or takes away your relish for spiritual things; in short, if anything increases the authority and power of the flesh over the Spirit, then that to you becomes sin, however good it is in itself.” Pretty sound advice wouldn’t you say?
- What about a professing believer who feels no guilt over his or her sex life which is outside of God’s will? This lack of guilt is not a good sign of any spiritual life on the inside.
- Those who are spiritually “alive in Christ” feel guilt when they are engaged in the one sin which the Bible says is a sin against our own body, namely, sexual sin.
- Apart from that guilt, it would appear that the person has moved into an extremely dangerous area of spiritual experience, even to the point of spiritual deadness.
- Going against God’s Word is always perilous and paralyzing. One result is that our holy desires come under attack.
- Sin pushes them away. When we grieve the Holy Spirit, He is quenched within us and His fruit begins to disappear from our heart and life.
- The peace decreases. The love for others decreases. And the self-control definitely decreases.
- All in all, the holy desires take quite a hit when a professing believer chooses a forbidden sex life over God’s holy plan for His children.
- Is there any hope for sinners like us? Absolutely. Jesus forgives. Jesus delivers. Jesus helps us in our weakness.
- But it is critical that we get honest to God, and honest with ourselves.
- Many believers find that the unholy desires for sexual immorality never go away completely, but they certainly don’t dominate the mind when a person is living under the control and direction of the Holy Spirit.
- That’s our challenge isn’t it? God will help us, but He also expects us to heed His promptings and follow His leading.
- In our sex-saturated culture, a Christian desperately needs to walk very closely to Christ these days. There are dangers lurking around every corner.
- But whoever said the Christian life was going to be easy?
- In fact, Jesus said just the opposite. (see Matt. 16:24) And His Word is the final Word on all things, including the sex life of one who professes to follow the Savior.
- By Dan Delzell, Special to CP
August 15, 2013
My thoughts on the editorial above. It’s very unconvincing. I’m in my early 40s now and mighty tired of being a virgin and being alone.
For this guy to argue I should hold on to my virginity at this stage of life, because if not, I will not experience “peace,” “joy,” and I will lose the desire to pray as often, are not effective motivators. They are actually ridiculous and naive.
I don’t care if I lose the desire to pray as much.
I do think it’s good that the author at least points out that pre-marital sex is wrong, because God knows that is more than most Christians will even say in today’s climate of easy forgivism regarding sexual sin, and in today’s climate when emergent Christians are saying virginity teachings are mean and cruel.
I’m sure as hell not experiencing non-stop joy and peace at being single this long and not getting my sexual urges satisfied. The author says if you abstain from sex prior to marriage, you will experience inner peace and joy, and he is wrong about that.
As I had a death in the family a few years ago and God remained quiet and Christians treated me like shit (I got no Christian love or support during my time of grief, even when I asked for it and sought it out and in some cases these Christians attacked me by criticizing me or judging me), my desire to pray diminished – sex had next to nothing to do with my lack of desire to pray.
The author also seems to imply if you have pre marital sex, negative consequences will result. I call bullshit on that.
I’ve seen too many Christian testimonies by Christians on Christian television shows and in blogs who said they screwed around like a total whore (some even willingly appeared in dirty movies or worked in strip clubs as strippers, and they knew it was a sin and did it anyway), but they did NOT get sexually transmitted diseases, they did not die single and alone – but they later got great Christian spouses.
So obviously, God does not punish Christians for having sex outside of marriage.
Conversely, God is not rewarding Christians who abstain from sex outside of marriage.
I’ve written about those topics before, such as:
(Link): Magical Christian Thinking: If you have pre-marital sex you won’t get a decent spouse
I can’t believe Christians keep writing these pages instructing other Christians on when, how, and whom to marry. I’ve read or heard these sorts of things for decades, and none of it helped me to get married.
AUGUST 2014. For the rude, condescending woman who left me a reply under this post telling me off and yelling about my views (I trashed your reply and only skimmed part of it first), here is a post for you:
(Link): Response to Various Cranky Critics Who Have Left Nasty Posts At This Blog From June to August 2014
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Related posts this blog
(Link): WARNING and NOTICE On Vulgar Language on This Blog
(Link): The Myth of the Gift – Regarding Christian Teachings on Gift of Singleness and Gift of Celibacy
(Index Topic Link): Married Christian Couples Engage in Sexual Sin (examples, editorials)
(Link): Following the Usual Advice Won’t Get You Dates or Married – Even Celebrities Have A Hard Time
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