You Will Be Ignored After Your Spouse Dies (advice columnist)

You Will Be Ignored After Your Spouse Dies

You will be ignored after your spouse dies: though I have to say this problem seems more frequent for females than males. For some reason, people feel more sorry for a man whose spouse has died than a woman, so men seem to get invited out more.

At any rate, this is another example of how even if you have been married, people in your life will pretty much ignore you once your spouse drops dead or leaves you.

Many married people suffer from something I dub “Married People Privilege.” Married people don’t usually don’t notice how utterly shitty society and churches treat un-married people until they find themselves un-married again later in life, when their spouse divorces them, drops dead, or gets dementia.

Ask Amy Column:

DEAR AMY:

    Mine is not an earth-shaking problem. I am a widower, and like most of us widows/widowers, the phone quit ringing after my spouse died. Since I am not a great cook, I call couples we used to socialize with to go out for dinner.

When the check comes, I pay; then they pay the next time.

It doesn’t seem to dawn on them that I am paying twice as much to treat them as they do when they pick up the check. Some of them are much better off than I am. I do not want to make this a major issue, but I do go out a lot and tip well. I cannot think of a way to address this tactfully. Can you? — Wondering

DEAR WONDERING: This may not seem tactful (enough) to you, but if I were in your group of friends, I’d be absolutely fine hearing the following: “Do you mind if we each pay for our own meal when we go out? I dine out a lot and enjoy it, but it’s getting challenging for me to pick up the tab.”

————
Related post this blog

(Link): Married People Who Find Themselves Single Again – Spouses With Dementia / Married People Who Are Lonely

(Link):  A social psychologist reveals why so many marriages are falling apart and how to fix it (and a history of American marriage)

(Link): Widower to Advice Columnist Talks about Being Stereotyped by Married Couples or Ignored by Other Marrieds Since His Wife has Died

(Link): When You’re Married and Lonely by J. Slattery

(Link):  The Biggest Threat To Middle-Aged Men: Loneliness

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