Hypocrisy in Christian Culture – Those who idolize parenting chide infertiles for trying to have kids
Christians are certainly masters at hypocrisy and punishing people for seeking what Christians deem important in the first place.
In many posts on this blog, for example, I have pointed out how the Christian culture makes much of marriage.
Married Christians are of the habit of going on and on about how great marriage is, but pity the poor single who
1. admits to wanting marriage or
2. is actively seeking it out, because the same married idiots (and occasionally (Link): annoying pious Christian singles) who extol the godliness and wonder of marriage will tell that single,
- “You are making an idol of marriage. Stop using dating sites this instant, you should be using all your free time to “serve the Lord”! You should be content in your singleness, and if God has a spouse for you, he will send the man to you.”
So, your average conservative Christian will tell you, who are single, that you should want to get married, and when you agree with them on that, they then scold you, saying you are idolizing marriage and you should only be busy “serving the Lord” and not seeking after a spouse.
We see a similar example at work with parenting / having children issue.
Conservative Christians lament that the birth rate is going down, according to some sources (others say it’s making a come back), so Christians write myriad editorials on Christian news sites saying they hope young people have babies. They are really pressuring people to marry and squirt out rug rats.
Well, if you are a married lady who cannot conceive, and you admit to wanting a kid, some of these same Christians will tell you that you are idolizing parenting (or babies), and if you mention you are using IVF, some of them are going into attack mode, as in this following editorial – the author of this editorial is apparently against Christians using IVF or surrogate mothers:
(Link): The Overlooked Ethics of Reproduction, Christianity Today:
- Why don’t Christians see IVF and surrogacy as moral issues?
- by Jennifer Lahl, guest writer
Christians treat singles and childless people like second class citizens but are constantly building up marriage and parenting at the same time.
There is a mixed message at work here.
You cannot in all fairness go on about how great marriage and having babies are, but then get pissed off at Christians who try hard to get married, or who try to crank out a baby, even if it means using a surrogate mother or IVF.
It is very, very f-cking cruel and and incredibly hypocritical for Christians to give the message to adult Christians, (and they do indeed do this and they do it often and quite forcefully), that adults only have worth if they are married with a kid, but then criticize those adults for wanting marriage and a kid, and for seeking a way to get married and have a kid (by dating, using dating sites, using IVF, whatever).
Here are excerpts from the Christianity Today page, The Overlooked Ethics of Reproduction:
- by Jennifer Lahl
- … Since the time of the Old Testament, infertility has been part of the human experience. Many of us know someone who has struggled desperately to have a child or have experienced that difficulty ourselves.
- In the 21st century, though, infertility is met with “options,” “solutions,” and countless technologies offering hope to those in our midst struggling with fertility issues. Rather than rushing to embrace any procedure that might bring us a child—IVF, sperm or egg donors, surrogacy—we should consider the appropriate use and limits of technology.
- The fact that so many people fail to consider the moral implications of IVF suggests that in the age of fertility treatments, surrogates, and modern family-building via parenting partnerships, a woman’s womb has come to be seen as a somewhat arbitrary location. NBC’s The New Normal quips that women are “Easy-Bake Ovens” and children are “cupcakes.”
- … In Scripture, God affirms that what happens in utero matters and cannot be casually or disrespectfully dismissed. The womb, where God first knits us together (Ps. 139:13-14), is not an arbitrary place for a child to grow and develop.
- In fact, modern science has proven just how important those 9 months are—for both mother and child.
- Renowned marriage and family therapist Nancy Verrier, in her book The Primal Wound, writes about how mothers are biologically, hormonally, and emotionally programmed to bond with their babies in utero as well as at birth.
Yes, dangle having a baby up as a woman’s only reason to live life or have value to husband, church, and God, but then fault her if she is infertile and undergoes IVF to get pregnant. Christians can be such insensitive assholes at times.
The mind boggles. Stop holding mother hood up as a woman’s primary goal in life, Christians, and maybe these women would feel a bit better about not being able to have a kid. Lay off the Mother’s Day oriented church services. Preachers should stop going on and on from the pulpit about how God’s greatest calling in life for any woman is to be a mommy.
I swear to goodness, Christians are so idiotic on some topics. They create many of the very problems in people that they are complaining about.
I also do not see the author’s anti- IVF point. She seems to say that because infertility goes back to Old Testament times and because it occurs naturally, that people should not avail themselves of modern medicine which can now get around this situation.
No way, lady.
If my head hurts, I will be taking an ibuprofen. If my tummy hurts, you damn skippy I will take Pepto Bismol or use a heating pad.
Back when I was near-sighted, I sure as Hell did wear glasses, then later went all LASIK. I was not going to fumble around in near sighted land to stay true to some kind of weirdo religious idea that it’s more noble or godly to suffer than it is to use modern science and medical assistance to get relief.
If you think I am for-going pain relief, or perfect eye sight, because they didn’t have L.A.S.I.K., Tylenol, or Icy Hot back when Jesus Christ was in Israel, you can bite me.
It’s stunning to me that the very people who set marriage and having kids up as IDOLS to be WORSHIPPED then turn around and fault and scold singles for… drum roll, please… seeking after marriage and parenting.
They tell us we should want to marry and crank out a kid, so if we actually try, if we join dating sites, try IVF, we get scolded for it and told we are being selfish, ungodly, unbiblical, or something.
It is amazing to me how some Christians can speak out of both sides of their mouth on the marriage and parenting subjects. The double standards and hypocrisy is truly something to behold.
Also, they can cram it. I will live my life any way I please.
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Related posts this blog:
(Link): Praying for a Child – The Catholic Church makes life impossible for infertile women.
(Link): With Menopause Reversal, Women Could Be Forever Fertile
(Link): Pro-Life Groups Pit Abortion Against Animal Cruelty – How Much People Care Outrage
(Link): Should We Be Sympathetic to a 42-Year-Old’s Fertility Struggles? (editorial)
(Link): Fertility crisis myth? Rates unchanged, even though more waiting to have kids (articles)
(Link): If the Family Is Central, Christ Isn’t
(Link): The Decline in Male Fertility (article)
(Link): Infertility/ Kids/ The Male Biological Clock
(Link): Are Fundamentalists Aiming to Out-Breed Secular America?
(Link): Un Happy Mother’s Day – universal church continues to worship parenthood, family
(Link): Un-Happy Father’s Day!
(Link): Mormons and Christians Make Family, Marriage, Having Children Into Idols
(Link) Have we made an idol of families? by A. Stirrup (copy)
(Link): Get Married This Year! and other lies (from L. Turner’s blog)
(Link): Article: Smart Women Are Stupid for Choosing Not To Have Children
(Link): The Deification of Family and Marriage (re: Kyle Idleman book)
(Link): Jesus’ Family Values by Deirdre Good challenges conservative Christan emphasis on “family” (copy)
(Link): Childfree Christians / Childfree childless
(Link): Do You Rate Your Family Too High? (Christians Who Idolize the Family) (article)
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