London Firefighters: Don’t Put Your Penis In A Toaster
You know one of the great things about being a celibate adult? It’s having really great sexual self control and not ending up in embarrassing or stupid situations like this one (note that some of the men mentioned in these stories who are sticking their man parts in toasters and metal rings are MARRIED men- quite often in Christian culture, it is wrongly assumed the married men are sexually upstanding and ethical, while single men and women are sex crazed, kinky harlots):
- Bill Briggs NBC News
- Oct. 12, 2013 at 6:16 AM ET
London firefighters have launched a public shaming campaign to stem the rise of locals summoning urgent help to remove foreign objects stuck on — or inside — their bodies, but the kinky topic is so taboo in America some top U.S. emergency workers won’t discuss the behavior.
Except in Los Angeles.
Do you really want to call the fire department if you get a body part stuck in the wrong place?
L.A. Fire Department medical director Dr. Marc Eckstein acknowledges that 911 operators do receive a small number of sexually bizarre rescue pleas and do dispatch ambulances, including instances in which they must assist men with heavy steel rings lodged around their private parts.
In some of those scattered cases, Eckstein said, the firefighters, paramedics or emergency medical technicians use bolt cutters or, when necessary, the blazing torch of a plasma cutter to burn the rings off of the men’s penises.
“They have to be careful because the plasma cutters cause a lot of heat and sparks,” Eckstein said, adding he could not provide statistics on the number of such calls. He did emphasize, however, that the L.A. Fire Department receives high a number of other types of “inappropriate” 911 calls from local residents that tie up ambulances, fire trucks and personnel — resources that could otherwise be used for people in actual medical trouble.
… But in London, fire officials aren’t holding their tongues about how they must perform tasks like freeing a man’s penis from a vacuum cleaner.
The London Fire Brigade has launched a public campaign dubbed “Fifty Shades of Red,” theorizing that an increase in such randy rescue calls in that city is perhaps propelled by the popularity of the erotic romance novel “Fifty Shades of Grey.”
The campaign simply urges people in London — especially guys — to exercise more common sense before inserting their manhood into gadgets made for cooking or cleaning. The brigade reports that it responded to 416 stuck-body-part calls in 2010-11, another 441 in 2011-12 and 453 in 2012-13. Among those emergency requests for assistance, 79 people were wearing handcuffs they could not remove.
[screen capture of Tweet]
London Fire Brigade (@LondonFire)
A woman rang to get help for her husband, who was locked in a titanium chastity belt. Keep those keys handy! #fiftyshadesofred #nonemergency