Why Christians Need to Uphold Lifelong Celibacy as an Option for All Instead of Merely Pressuring All to Marry – vis a vis Sexless Marriages, Counselors Who Tell Marrieds that Having Affairs Can Help their Marriages
First, my standard foreward:
Christian sex propaganda says: if you wait until marriage to have sex, the sex will be great and frequent. Reality: a lot of married people (who are Christians when married and/or virgins) end up in sexless marriage or one or both partners get hooked on porn or have affairs. You will see further examples below.
Notice in the advice under letter 2 below, the doctor actually advises that the spouse consider an affair, because lifelong celibacy is (supposedly, despite the fact that many people live it out) an impossibility (people are “reluctant to be celibate…” – more like, people are too lazy to even try; it’s easier to indulge a passion than tame it or conquer it).
Yeah, if Christians have ever wondered why they should teach life long virginity (and/or celibacy/ chastity) as a distinct possibility every one is capable of (and not just for a “gifted few who have been called by God”), rather than keep screaming at everyone to “go out and get married now, marriage is better than singleness, and it’s better to marry than burn with lust” -arguments which ignore chicks like me who have tried to get married but can’t find Mr Right, supporting and encouraging adult celibacy not only acts as counter effect against the militant homosexual arguments in favor of homosexual sex, but to knock down the advice of doctors who are telling married guys, “go ahead and cheat on your spouse if you are so horny you can’t stand the sexless marriage anymore.” 🙄
I keep seeing the occasional editorial advocating that married couples should cheat on each other to save the marriage, or to spice it up. This sort of thinking goes back to the 1970s or 1980s, when Ann Landers or Abby would discuss this issue in their columns.
Before I get to the sexless marriage letters, here’s the one from Salon where some counselor recommends that married people cheat on each other:
(Link): The Upside of Infidelity Can an affair save your marriage?
You see, Christians running about screaming repeatedly, as they usually do, “If you burn with lust, you must marry,” is a technique that not only does No Good for randy Christian adults who totally want to marry and have sex but who cannot find a suitable mate (spouse), but it does nothing to counter the secular arguments put forth by relationship counselors that tell married couples, “Bored with your partner? Simple: Have an affair!”
Christians need to put forth positive cases in support of adult virginity and adult celibacy to win against the tide of sexual sin and filth advocated by secular society as being solutions.
Christians merely screaming “No, no, no, wrong! Sex is only for married couples, God designed sex only for a married couple!!” does bupkiss, nothing, zippo to help people who either are unable to marry, or for the already married who are being advised by doctors that a bit of cheating can “save” their marriage.
It’s interesting and rather pathetic how the knee jerk reaction and assumption by most therapists and preachers is to advise people to have sex.
Of course, most Christians would advise people to have sex only with a spouse, but the fact remains that Christians and Non Christians seldom, if ever, present abstaining from sex as a possibility for adults past age 25, whether it pertains to singleness or in marriage
Nobody every considers celibacy an option in any conversations about marital problems (or in other contexts, ones for single people).
Sex is always just assumed as something everyone should have, or is having, and should be striving to have, even by Christian marital counselors and by preachers, and even though the Apostle Paul wrote that a married couple can make a deliberate choice to abstain from sex for an agreed upon amount of time.
(Link): How to Handle a Sexless Married Life
- Posted on 10/23/2013
by Dr. Pepper Schwartz
- Q: As a survivor of childhood incest, I’ve been in therapy for close to 20 years. However — possibly because of the anti-depressants I take — my libido is dead and gone.
My sexual parts are unresponsive.
My doctor has suggested various treatments, including hormones, and my husband never complains; he loves me as I am and doesn’t want me to undergo painful procedures or take hormones. Is there anything you can suggest to help? I feel like my dear husband is missing out on a sex life.
- A: Childhood sexual abuse is a terrible experience; clearly it has affected your sex life as an adult. But if therapy has not worked out for you so far, it may not be the answer. [snip rest of response]
- Q: My wife and I have been married for over 25 years and sometimes go months, even years, without sex.
- We have gone to counseling, to no avail, and there are no medical issues I’m aware of. (My wife once suggested I “just go out and resolve the problem.”)
- Her lack of commitment to our marriage, her lack of compassion for my feelings and her flippant attitude tell me the marriage will eventually die, no matter how much I want to save it.
- Should I get out now, before resentment and hatred replace my current frustration and confusion? It’s sad — I love my wife, and we’ve built a life together.
- A: It sounds like sex has become a proxy fight for larger issues in your relationship. In most marriages built on the a promise of monogamy, the partners are morally and historically entitled to enjoy a sexual relationship
- 3) Negotiate a deal to have sex outside your marriage. “What?!” most readers will say. “That’s a terrible choice!” Yet you would hardly be the first person in the world to arrive at this accommodation. Many people “cheat” when they are caught in precisely this bind: reluctant to leave the relationship but unwilling to remain celibate the rest of their lives. If you’ve agreed to have an “open marriage,” of course, technically this would not be cheating. Just be forewarned: Relatively few spouses are willing to remain in a relationship once they become “brides without borders.
Related posts this blog:
(Link): More Married Couples Admit to Sexless Marriages (various articles) / Christians promise you great frequent sex if you wait until marriage, but the propaganda is not true
(Link): Married People Who Use Their Spouse’s Disease or Disability to Excuse Their Adultery – an article by M. Del Russo
(Link): Grieving for My Sex Life After My Husband Died by A. Radosh
(Link): Woman Almost Dies From Allergic Reaction After Sex With Husband by S. Osborne
(Link): Newlyweds Forced to Be Celibate After Bride Diagnosed With Cervical Cancer Just Days After Honeymoon
(Link): Newlywed Husband Divorces His Wife Hours After the Ceremony Because She Was Too Busy Texting Her Friends to Have Sex on Their Wedding Night
(Link): Married Virgin Asexual Woman Allows Her Husband To Have Sex with Other Women – Why Christians Need to Emphasize Sexual Self Control For Everyone, Not Just Teen Girls
(Link): Drunken Married Couple Has Threesome With Drunk Friend (Ask Amy column)
(Link): Grieving for My Sex Life After My Husband Died by A. Radosh
(Link): Christian Swingers: Body-building Christian Couple Advocates and Practices Wife Swapping – and the wife calls this lifestyle “pure”
(Link): False Christian Teaching: “Only A Few Are Called to Singleness and Celibacy” or (also false): God’s gifting of singleness is rare – More Accurate: God calls only a few to marriage and God gifts only the rare with the gift of Marriage
(Link): Long Time Married Lady Wants to Know If She Can Have Affair Because Husband Has Not Been Spending Much Time With Her – Another example of why Christians need to teach that sexual purity is for all not just young singles
(Link): Married Woman Signing off as “Looking Ahead” Admits to Being in Sexless Marriage for TEN YEARS
(Link): There is No Such Thing as a Gift of Singleness or Gift of Celibacy or A Calling To Either One
(Link): When Adult Virginity and Adult Celibacy Are Viewed As Inconvenient or As Impediments
(Link): Sometimes Shame Guilt and Hurt Feelings Over Sexual Sins Is a Good Thing – but – Emergents, Liberals Who Are Into Virgin and Celibate Shaming
(Link): The Gift of Singleness – A Mistranslation and a Poorly Used Cliche’
(Link): Biblical Balance in Teaching About Sexual Sin – don’t white wash and downplay sexual sin, but don’t continually beat people up over it
(Link): Christians and Cheap Grace Concerning Sexual Sin
(Link): Christians Who Attack Virginity Celibacy and Sexual Purity – and specifically Russell D. Moore and James M. Kushiner
(Link): Tim Challies Christian Blogger Who Proclaimed That All Fornicators Are Virgins Is Now Telling People Not to Look In Lust – WTF?
(Link): Douglas Wilson and Christian Response FAIL to Sexual Sin – No Body Can Resist Sex – supposedly – Re Celibacy
(Link): Why So Much Fornication – Because Christians Have No Expectation of Sexual Purity
(Link): Wife Writes to Ask Amy About Her Sexless Marriage October 2013
(Link): Resident Christian Marriage Advice Writer at Christian Mag Admits Some Christian Marriages are Sexless
(Link): Marriage Doesn’t Necessarily Guarantee Great Sex or Any At All
(Link): On Marrying a Survivor of Childhood Sexual Abuse – lady married to man who was abused as kid goes without sex (article)
(Link): Gotta Maintain that Propaganda that Married Christian Sex is “Mind Blowing”
(Link): Getting Married Does Not Necessarily Guarantee Frequent Hot Satisfying Sexy Sex – Husband is Sexless for Eight Years (article)
(Link): Article: ‘Getting to the Root of Female Masturbation’ / Also: Virgin woman gets next to no sex in marriage
(Link): Rebound Guy and No Sex
(Link): Her Marriage is Sexless While She Cares For Sick Elderly Father