More Christian Dating Advice (for teens) That Will Keep Singles Single (book: Dateable by Justin Lookadoo)

More Christian Dating Advice (for teens) That Will Keep Singles Single

A lot of dating advice Christian writers hand out to teens is pretty similar to that given to people in their late twenties and older, and the majority of it is lame, sexist, stupid, and ineffective. Christian dating and relationship advice and gender role views keep singles single.

I usually do not read a lot of secular or Christian dating, marriage, relationship blogs, columns, or books (or it may be more accurate to say that while on occasion I read them, I never follow their advice), because the advice is useless and laughable.

According to some of the web pages I’ve seen about this guy and his book and advice (Dateable by Justin Lookadoo), he offers an online quiz on his site to help you assess how “dateable” you are.

Lookadoo is one of those people who delights in telling singles “and that’s why you’re still single,” which is a phenomenon that sometimes annoys me, as people who do this assume if you are single, it’s because you are flawed.

Are some singles single because they are weird, smell bad, are overweight, socially awkward, bitter, or possess some other negative trait? Yes. I’ve met them or have seen them before.

But there are a lot of normal, attractive, bright, engaging singles who are single either because they choose to be, or they simply are having a difficult time meeting quality singles their age.

There is no need to make a blanket assumption that every single single is unattached due to being weird, fat, ugly, or undesirable for some other reason.

According to one reviewer on Amazon who left comments about the guy’s “Dateable” book, the author dabbles in some of the standard Christian gender stereotyping, which serves to keep singles single; here is part of what she wrote about his book:

    (1 star out of 5)
    By Jessica R. Bauch on June 1, 2013

    They [Christian relationship books such as Dateable] teach girls that all men are out for is sex and that they should just say no to the “bait” that gets tossed to them, meaning now they’ll assume any kind of nice gesture towards them is a play for sex and never learn the very important skill of differentiating between the two. Tells boys to “be powerful,” whatever that means.

Another reviewer:

    Most terrible read ever
    By Kirsten Peterson on June 20, 2013
    (1 star out of 5)

    Unless you want your children to inadvertently learn misogynistic principles and promote rape culture do not buy this book or even look at it!
    It uses fear tactics and gross generalizations to give kids an inaccurate view of dating.
    Instead of empowering them to make smart decisions this book belittles all teens by saying that all boys are heartless sex driven monsters and all girls are fragile over-emotional princesses.
    Terrible, terrible,terrible book!
    If I believed in banning books this would be at the top of my list.

Here are more links about this guy’s book, and how when he was invited to speak at a high school, it ticked off a lot of people:

(Link): The 6 Creepiest Things About R U Dateable’s Justin Lookadoo


    By Brittanie Shey
    Thu., Nov. 14 2013 at 1:00

    Among his (Lookadoo’s) nuggets of wisdom: Dateable girls “know when to shut up,” and datable guys are “real men” who are “stronger and more dangerous” than girls.

    … Lookadoo’s website shows his philosophy is firmly rooted in Conservative Christian doctrine, with references to God scattered throughout. Nevermind that his Dateable rules seem like a dumbed-down, teen-friendly version of the controversial 1995 sexist self-help guide also called The Rules.

    … But the most troubling aspects of Justin Lookadoo’s philosophy don’t stop at his message to teens. Let’s have a look at just who Justin Lookadoo is.

    .. 2. He’s A Creeper, Part 1.

    On his website,, Justin Lookadoo lists his age as “legal in every state.”

    Ohhh, I get it. A statutory rape joke. Funny!

    (Here’s a link to (Link): the PDF of his FAQ’s, presumably given to people who want to hire him, which says the same.)

    … And in (Link): this interview, Lookadoo describes his spouse as his “loud-mouthed, skydiving, WEIGHT-LIFTING” wife. For what it’s worth, he also says he met her at a restaurant and refers to her as his “wife-to-go.”

    6. He Perpetuates Rape Culture.

    Saying that “men of God are wild, not domesticated” is tantamount to saying that men are animals who can’t control their urges. Saying that girls who are datable “know how to shut up” is tantamount to saying that women should have no voice, shouldn’t protest, and shouldn’t complain afterwards. This is the very definition of rape culture.

(Link): Texas High School Holds Assembly Featuring Misogynistic Christian [and Dating Advice] Speaker [Justin Lookadoo], So Students Complain on Twitter (from “The Friendly Atheist” blog)

(Link): Smart Texas High Schoolers Lambast Dickhead Lecturer on Twitter


    Yesterday, Richardson High School — which is a non-denominational public school outside of Dallas — brought in a raving misogynistic Christian dating coach to give a lecture to its students. His basic thesis: God says that women should shut up if they want boyfriends.

    The speaker, who bears the unfortunate name Justin Lookadoo and styles his hair like a sea urchin with frosted tips, has authored several faith-based dating books — including Dateable: Are You? Are They, The Dateable Rules, and Chat Room Chatter: The Buzz on Prom Dates, Superheroes, and the Universe at Large. So, Dating Expert Justin Lookadoo, what makes someone dateable?

    According to (Link): his website [“R. U. Dateable”], dateability is different for men and women. Dateable GIRL RULES include:

      Accept your girly-ness. You’re a girl. Be proud of all that means. You are soft, you are gentle, you are a woman. Don’t try to be a guy. Guys like you because you are different from them. So let your girly-ness soar.

      Be mysterious. Dateable girls know how to shut up. They don’t monopolize the conversation. They don’t tell everyone everything about themselves. They save some for later. They listen more than they gab.

      Need him. Dateable girls know that guys need to be needed. A Dateable girl isn’t Miss Independent. She knows we are made for community. Needing each other is part of faith. She allows him to be needed at times, knowing he was called to serve just as much as she was.

    Dateable BOY RULES are more along the lines of “Dating men are conquerors who wrap their women in modesty shrouds”:

      Being a guy is good. Dateable guys know they aren’t as sensitive as girls and that’s okay. They know they are stronger, more dangerous, and more adventurous and that’s okay. Dateable guys are real men who aren’t afraid to be guys.

      Men of God are wild, not domesticated. Dateable guys aren’t tamed. They don’t live by the rules of the opposite sex. They fight battles, conquer lands, and stand up for the oppressed.

      Keep it covered up. Dateable guys know that porn is bad for the spirit and the mind. They keep women covered up.

    On the (Link): Dateable Quiz (you will fail it.), he makes it clear that women should talk as little as possible. He also implies that letting your date know that you’ve been served something that you’re allergic to is NOT ACCEPTABLE. If you tell your potential boyfriend that your throat is closing up and you’re developing hives all over your body, what mystery will remain for later? None. He will never call you back and God will shed a single crystalline tear into His beard. The boys’ Dateable Quiz, conversely, seems to be pretty much all about never spending time alone with a woman so you don’t give into your carnal desires. Healthy!

    Here’s a page from one of Lookadoo’s books, via (Link): Patheos [“You Are Not Your Own:” Women are objects, or weaker animals]:

    Patheos (Link): reports that throughout the book Lookadoo refers to women as prey to be hunted by men, fish being hooked on bait, meat (three times), uncharted territory for men to conquer, and clothing for men to buy.

    According to an (Link): Amazon review of Dateable, the book contains this terrifying sentence: “If you go too tight, too short, or too low-cut [in your clothing choices], you are no longer a person to get to know but an object to use.”

    According to the (Link): Dallas Observer, several concerned parents contacted the school administration after visiting Lookadoo’s website. In the words of Dr. Jaime Clark-Soles, the mother of an RHS student and a professor at Southern Methodist University: “I am extremely troubled by the fact that Richardson High School would bring in an ‘expert’ speaker who holds the dangerous, misogynistic views that advance a rape culture such as those expressed on his website.” In response, the assembly was postponed; it was then made optional instead of mandatory.

    Brilliantly, the students of RHS fought back in the most teenly way possible: they created a hashtag, #Lookadouche, on which they mocked and eviscerated the school’s decision to have him speak and the contents of his lecture. Some highlights:

      At this rate, our speaker on Friday will be Ritchie Incognito #Lookadouche

      Grant Goldate @ggtheg
      Dont you guys just love listening to sexist comments, irrational comparisons and blunt stereotypes w/o actual proof or evidence?#lookadouche

      sydney stephens @stephens_sydney
      What are we mad about?! I love being called a vindictive, evil, creature! Someone boss me around because I have ovaries! #lookadouche

      MidAbsentia @MidAbsentia
      So he’s compared girls to dogs, cars…. What other demeaning/objectifying comparisons will we see next? #lookadouche

    According to Twitter, several students walked out in protest.

    By the end of the day, the administration sent out a tepid pseudo-apology:

      “RHS and RISD approve of the broad messages shared with students related to self-empowerment and dating violence, but do not support some of the terminology used by the speaker to generalize student behaviors.”

    Uhh. I must have missed the self-empowerment part of his message?

    As horrifying and unbelievable that it is that someone like Lookadoo could make a living as a lecturer at high schools around the country, it’s both hilarious and heartening to see how these students responded. Even if the school won’t fully admit its accountability, the student body isn’t buying any of its bullshit. And that’s great.

Excerpts from (Link): “You Are Not Your Own:” Women are objects, or weaker animals by Sarah Moon

    Jul 2013

    This post is part of a series called “You Are Not Your Own,” focusing on rape and sexual assault in Christian relationship/dating books

    Trigger Warning for rape, sexual assault, victim blaming, sexism

    …. While the books dehumanize men in ways that put them in the role of aggressors and hunters, the dehumanization of women puts women in the role of prey, or objects to be won or bought.
    Women are Weaker Animals, or Objects
    The book Dateable is the worst on this front, and is constantly dehumanizing women. The book describes them as:
    Prey to be hunted by men (p. 182)
    Fish being hooked on bait (p. 82)
    Meat (p. 108, 110, 118)
    Uncharted territory for men to conquer (p. 182)
    Clothes for men to buy (p. 129)
    I Kissed Dating Goodbye avoided dehumanizing language toward women, but Real Marriage and When God Writes Your Love Story also treated women as objects. The latter two books, however, reject the hostile, violent-sounding objectification present in Dateable (oh my god, that book talks about us being HUNTED) in favor of a more benevolent approach. For example, in Real Marriage, the Driscolls describe women as pieces of property, not to be conquered, but to be explored:

      Too many men are more like conquerors than explorers. They get married—which is akin to landing on the beach of an unexplored land—yet fail to explore the landscape…Our wives do not want to be conquered; they want to be explored emotionally. (p. 51)

    … While men’s dehumanization partially absolves them of responsibility for their actions [as presented in these Christian dating and marital advice books], women’s dehumanization often puts a greater burden on them, holding them responsible for the way men treat them.

Related posts, this blog:

(Link): How (Married) Christians and Christian Teachings About Dating/Marriage Are Keeping Single Christians Single Part 1

(Link): Christian Gender and Sex Stereotypes Act as Obstacles to Christian Singles Who Want to Get Married (Not All Men Are Obsessed with Sex)

(Link): How Christians Keep Christians Single (part 3) – Restrictive Gender Roles Taught as Biblical

(Link): How Married Christians And Christian Teachings About Dating / Marriage Are Keeping Single Christians Single, Part 2

(Link): Boy Bands, Rock Singers, and Other High School Crushes – Yes, Women Are Visually Stimulated and Visually Oriented

(Link): Groundbreaking News: Women Like Sex (part 1, 2) (articles)

(Link): Ryan Gosling and Shirtless, Buff Cowboy Photos on Social Media – Yes, Women Are Visually Stimulated and Visually Oriented (Part 2)

(Link): Are men LESS into sex than they realize? New study (article)

(Link): Atlantic: “The case for abandoning the myth that ‘women aren’t visual.’”

(Link): Women Reading and Enjoying Erotica (Fifty Shades of Grey) Yes, Females Are Interested In Sex – Contrary to Gender Stereotypes

3 thoughts on “More Christian Dating Advice (for teens) That Will Keep Singles Single (book: Dateable by Justin Lookadoo)”

  1. Pundit, I’m always reading your website and feel you have given up?

    I’m glad that you posted this to expose the real misogynistic views of many fundamentalist christian man. Let me tell you about my recent experience and experimentation in a christian dating website. I do not want children, however in the website I first I stated : Undecided/ Open as my choice for procreation, meaning I would change my mind if I met the right man. I received about 10 emails per day, compliments and invitations to “chat”. Fast forward some weeks and I have changed my status to: I don’t want any children and guess what? No one emails me anymore! and some are not even reading my profile which is only a paragraph of my qualities and personalities because they send the same generalized email to everybody. It is really mind opening to actually see it in action. Christian men see women as submissive baby makers for their white picket fence fantasy which is strange because most men do not want to be tied down, but perhaps they pretend but what for?.

    As soon as she has a mind of her own and her reproduction she’s forgotten, discarded and not a real christian woman but even in the bible it says it’s best not to marry or have children so where are these lunatics getting their info from? How the hell did this American dream wife from the 50’s BS came from? I just deleted my account over there in a fit of anger. This country has two angering extremes that makes me depressed about relationships. First you got the sex crazies that think sex solves all problems, they go at it casual like drinking a glass of water and look down on those that abstain and want to do the right thing and wait for a little love. On the other side the marriage obsessed population that tells you if you are not hitched at 25 you are done.Sex is either too difficult or too easy. So both sides pull and make everyone demented and more socially closed, giving up on everybody. No wonder the U.S has such high mental problems statistics . I wonder what happened to knowing someone, finding reasons why are you attracted to that person, having fun, helping each other out, making a commitment , then having more fun, but nope let’s make it super complicated because we are such complicated people right? I just prefer to be alone now, alone is good, men confused me and make me feel bad about myself at the end of the day…how about you?

    1. Hello, thank you for leaving comments.

      I’ve not totally given up on the Christian faith, if that was what you are asking. I’m barely holding on to the Christian faith, so I’m a tiny bit Christian and a whole lot agnostic right now.

      I have given up on the idea of being a virgin until marriage as well as limiting myself to Christian men only (the “be yoked to only other Christians” teaching), if that was what you were inquiring about.

      I am not going to become wildly promiscuous, but as soon as I get my personal life in order and start dating, I will date Non-Christian men and if I like the guy well enough, I will have sex with him before marriage. At my age though, I know to be responsible about it. It just may be that I never meet a guy I like well enough, so I may die a virgin. I have no idea.

      As I’ve written elsewhere on the blog, I was in a long term relationship, was engaged, and dumped the guy.

      I’ve tried dating sites, and they sucked. I’ve blogged several times about dating sites (you can use the blog’s search feature or tags to find those posts).

      I still want to get married, but I am usually fine with being single most days. I have ‘up’ days and ‘down’ days about being single.

      While I am usually fine with being single, I do not like it when other people (usually Christians) minimize my desire for a spouse, or make me feel ashamed or guilty for wanting marriage, nor do I like it when people minimize the difficulties that come from being an adult single, though.

      I’ve discussed that a little in other blog posts such as this one:
      (Link): The Types of Christian Singles Who Annoy Me
      (Link): The Netherworld of Singleness for Some Singles – You Want Marriage But Don’t Want to Be Disrespected or Ignored for Being Single While You’re Single
      -among other posts.

      I’ve never felt sure if I wanted kids or not, but when I am on dating sites, I normally leave my “wants kids” check box set to “Not Sure.”

      I’m getting to the age where in several years, I won’t be able physically to have kids, so that may be moot. I am not keen on the idea of marrying a guy who has children from a previous marriage.

      I am sorry you’re having problems lately, especially with the dating sites.

      One turn off for me is that on a lot of profiles for Christian men, they have lewd and vulgar jokes in their profiles or make sexual preferences known very quickly in the dating site process. That is a total turn off to me, especially when I was a gung ho Christian… nothing turns me off more than a guy who talks about sex and his sexual prefs right on his profile, or within the first exchange or two on a site. It tells me he has a one track mind and may not be the Christian gentlemen he is claiming on the profile.

      Also, most men don’t read my profile on dating sites, or that of any woman, which is also very annoying and IMO rather sexist.

      Most men tend to be lookist bastards, even Christian ones – they don’t care about your brains, personality, or hobbies or career, they only judge you based on what you look like in your dating site photos.

      It’s very rude. I’ve had men contact me on dating sites and it was obvious from their message to me that they did not read my profile and were only going by my photo, because they would ask me questions I had already answered on my profile.

      I know how frustrating and depressing and discouraging that can be, and it does not help when well meaning friends and family keep telling you “just try a dating site!” when you glumly tell them you are tired of being alone.

      So many people (usually married ones) act like dating sites are magical answers. I’ve blogged about that before, such as in this post:
      (Link): Stop Telling Your Single Friends to Try Dating Sites – Please.

      Thank you again for visiting the blog and leaving comments. I hope things look up for you soon 🙂

      1. Thanks, all so familiar I wonder why would men not read profiles if they bothered to sign up for them? I mean many dating sites applications can be lengthy so I’m guessing their attention spans should be at least average but not to read the interests of the girl’s picture they already liked? I’m so let down on these spiritual/christian sites because despite the background of spiritual experiences, anti-consumerist, live off the grid mindset of many supposed members they still expect a woman that follows all society ideals of beauty, makes a lot of moeny (now we have to be rich too)bake cookies and is the stereotype of the 50’s wanting to pop out 3 kids. When I revealed my paranormal experiences, beliefs about politics, the world and everything in between I had no response, no more replies because I wasn’t stroking their egos since the first email and I wasn’t looking at the world with rosy sunglasses like many christian women do, that makes me not want to be with a christian man at all. Also these guys are looking for wives outside the U.S have you seen the testimonials section? It’s filled with young Philippines, Chinese, Russian, south American women with older American men and some scattered actually American couples. Men don’t want to bother with us anymore ever since we got independent, translation they still need their slave by their side to feel manly enough. They generalize and put us in the same category, dismiss our beings in 1 minute of knowing you and just act in such pathetic ways, I’m ready to live in the forest by myself , at least the birds can sing! and I’m not even American! After all these years men still don’t know how to respect women, they can’t evolve or reason beyond their desires…

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