Update: Family Worshiping Cult Leader – Doug Phillips – Admits to Physical Affair / And Christian Skeptics Who Deny that Churches and Christians Harbor Stereotypes Against Unmarried Women (and Men)
This is an update to my previous post,
(Link): Leader of Hyper Family Focused, Fertility Cult (Vision Forum Ministries) Steps Down After Admitting to Having an “Emotional Affair”
Another update (April 2014):
(Link): Married Preacher, Father of Eight Kids (and promoter of “Family Values” and Leader of wacko Quiverfull- and- Patriarchy type groups that promotes idolatry of “the family” and Marriage and of Having Lots of Children), Used Nanny as Sex Object – update on Phillips story
Phillips admits there was a physical aspect to the affair (see link below).
Yes, married people commit sexual sin. That should not be a revelation to most people, but to some Christians, it is.
Sexual sin is not, contrary to most Christian views on these topics (sometimes it goes unspoken), only something that happens to or among singles.
Amazingly, I have come across Christians on other blogs in the last few months who actually deny that there is a stereotype that adult Christian singles are sexually promiscuous, or more apt to sexually sin than married couples, or that single women are perceived as being threats to married women, but yes, these stereotypes very much exist. I do not make this stuff up.
Because these doubters themselves have not experienced this prejudice, or have not seen it happen to other people with their own two eyes, they doubt me.
I’ve run into one or two catty married Christian women on those same blogs (I’ve discussed this before, dig through the archives of this blog to see those posts) who sit there – and they are quite rude to me about it – who justify and rationalize their horrible treatment of, and attitudes toward, unmarried women.
These married women should feel guilty and ashamed by their prejudices against unmarried women, but they tend to justify why they feel just fine acting as though any unmarried women they meet wants to bed their husband.
These Christian married women rationalize and spin why they feel single women should be isolated and kept away from married couples. They are bigoted against single women and are proud of it.
I relish the day their husbands drop dead (men usually die before women), and they find themselves widows who then gets subjected to the very treatment that they give to me and other single women.
Let’s see how these types of prejudiced married women like it if their husband dies next week, and they are then treated like potential man-snatching harlots, so all their married friends start avoiding them, or clutch their husband’s arm even tighter when the now-widowed woman steps forward to greet the couple.
Let’s see how they enjoy being treated suspiciously, like a home wrecking slut, even though they’ve not done anything wrong.
I have documented these very stereotypes here on this site before from various sources, and I have been subjected to it personally, and I have read other singles talk about it on other sites.
I am tiffed that there are Christians running around on other forums or blogs saying, “But I’ve never encountered this attitude or stereotype you speak of!”
Honey, just because it’s not happened directly to you or right before your eyes, does not mean it doesn’t happen. Jeeze.
One indirect piece of evidence that this stereotype exists and that I am not making it up is that Christian singles who write articles and books about common challenges to being single discuss it, and Christian married preachers who minister to singles have to sometimes address these biases in their churches, and in their books or blogs about singles, because they see adult singles being marginalized and ostracized and facing discrimination by married couples in churches due to these stigmas.
Some churches will not hire unmarried men for teaching or preaching positions, one reason being because they assume all unmarried people are randy, sex-starved animals who will mount any other person in the vicinity if given half a chance and begin humping them immediately.
So, you have single preachers writing against this situation, and the ones who were single and now married discuss it in their books and blogs, and they explain that these very attitudes are driving single adults away from churches.
One reason some evangelicals have begun pushing “early marriage” within the last five years (and I’ve blogged about early marriage before, please check the blog archives) is precisely because they assume any and all adults over age 18 or 25 are having sex, or will have sex, because supposedly, no adult can withstand sexual urges or temptations (even though, yes, they very well can; I am proof of that, and I have a normal libido, I am not “anti sex,” “frigid,” did not lack the opportunity for sex, or whatever).
There is most certainly a perception among evangelicals, fundamentalists, Neo Reformed, and Baptists, that no human being can wait for sex longer than three minutes, so these sorts of bloggers and preachers have been telling kids to marry by the time they are 18, 21, or 25 years old, because if they do not marry young, the assumption is these kids will turn into that stereotypical Christian unmarried person who has sex every five minutes with married men and every one else.
Regarding the update about the married, nuclear- family-worshipping cult guy who is also a father (Doug Phillips), who admits to having an affair:
From the way Phillips worded his misdeeds, he may not have had standard penis in the vagina intercourse (which most Christians would consider “the biblical sense of knowing someone,” and which is the phrase he uses to deny the extent of what he did), but the way he words things could refer to anything from heavy petting, to French kissing, to anal sex, to oral sex by one or both people, or who knows what.
I am really disgusted and tired of most of conservative Christianity worshipping marriage and the nuclear family, but offering no support for any unmarried adult past age 25 or older, especially the ones who are still virgins or who are trying to stay celibate.
These same nuclear- family idolizers lecture the teens and college students to stay virgins until marriage, they say they view the “family as the backbone of society,” but they themselves are out having affairs, or visiting prostitutes, or viewing porn on the internet – and in effect, ruining their own families with their sexual sins and betrayals.
So, do they really and truly value marriage and family? Nah, I don’t think so.
But they have the nerve to lecture the rest of us for not being married, or just assume we’re all out being promiscuous, as they are doing.
And, this brings to mind the fact that while conservative Christians tell young people that if they stay a virgin until marriage, the sex they get will be frequent and “mind blowing.” If that were true, we would not be so apt to see all these stories of Christian guys, some preachers, who get caught having affairs, or all the sexless marriages.
Also, a lot of Christian thinking, or an assumption, on the topic of marriage (and this comes across in Christian books about marriage and dating, especially aimed at singles in their teens and twenties, though not limited at them only), is that an un-married person has to become mature, totally responsible, and completely godly before God will grant that person a spouse.
Exactly how godly, responsible, and mature is this married, family idolizer Phillips, if he’s diddling another woman while he’s married?
Yeah, see, examples like this go to show that you do not have to achieve sinless perfection or even moral superiority in life as a requirement by God for marriage.
If God really had a set list of criteria (such as being mature and godly) that he expects all Christians to meet before allowing them a spouse, there would be zero married Christians.
I’ve not yet seen a study on this topic, but I wonder, are Christian men more likely to be adulterous or to be abusive towards their wives than Non Christians, or are the numbers about evenly split?
That is, I decided some months ago to discard the “do not be yoked to a Non Christian” teaching, because Christian men, from what I have seen, are no more likely to treat a wife well than a Non-Christian would be, so I might as well increase my odds of marrying by opening up the pool of candidates to Non-Christians.
- BY MORGAN LEE , CP CONTRIBUTOR
November 15, 2013|12:39 pm
Former Vision Forum Ministries president Doug Phillips reiterated yesterday that his decision to resign from his leadership position was the proper outcome following his acknowledgement that he had “inappropriate relationship” with a woman who was not his wife.
Phillips also elaborated on the details of his relationship which he had previously only disclosed as “inappropriately romantic and affectionate” and asserted that he had not known the woman in a “Biblical sense.”
“Some reading the words of my resignation have questioned if there was an inappropriate physical component with an unmarried woman. There was, and it was intermittent over a period of years,” Phillips wrote.
In light of his admission that there was Physical activity, here is Olivia Newton John’s Let’s Get Physical video.
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