Why I Post Anonymously
Please see my other post,
(Link): Why I Post Anonymously Part 2 – The John Hugh Morgan Fiasco
My motivation for making this post was all because this rude guy, John Morgan, harassed me, over a YEAR – on this blog, Twitter and in e-mail – to give him my real name, despite the fact I told him repeatedly NO. The link above is to a post that goes into more detail.
I don’t know of any sane, adult woman who would willingly post on a blog, under her real name, that she has never had sex.
I have seen a small number of Christian women admit to this sort of information in published books.
If you feel fine and comfortable publicizing your real name along next to personal revelations about yourself, go right ahead, but that’s YOUR choice, not mine.
I was stalked years ago by a nutcase online for many, many years (and no, it had nothing to do with my sexual choices). It was a creepy and unsettling experience.
The internet being what it is, employers can google people’s names, and they often do, especially when or if you are applying for a new position.
I am not keen on the idea of having my true identity associated with the information I discuss on this blog, given that some of it is very personal, and I also state my honest views on topics people consider sensitive, such as politics.
Employers these days do searches of employee names on the internet. I do not care to have a future boss or H.R. dept see my political opinions or personal information because it might influence them not to hire me.
On point two, the web being what it is: there are trolls, weirdos, and sickos out there.
I can just imagine if some fruit cake with a virgin fetish found out my real name, I’d never be rid of him.
I’d rather not put up with being harassed in real life, and as little as possible online.
I use this blog primarily to talk about and rant against the marriage-obsession in Christianity, and how singles are treated unfairly.
If you choose to read the content at this blog and decide it’s an elaborate ruse, or that I’m a big, fat liar, go right ahead. I don’t blog to convince people about me.
RED FLAGS – bullying, intimidation, lack of sensitivity to the woman’s concerns
One huge red flag (this tip is for the ladies) that a man is possibly off his rocker, potentially violent, possessive, controlling, immature, and/or stalker material, is if he pressures you into doing things you don’t want to do, or that you do not feel safe doing.
If a man shows no understanding for your personal safety, if he brushes your personal safety concerns away as though they are nothing, that is another red flag.
Anyway, that I’ve been blogging here for about the past 2 to 4 years passionately about this topic (and one or two others) should already speak volumes of my sincerity.
John Hugh Morgan, a former regular visitor to this blog, seemed to imply in one of his Tweets to me that because I do not blog here under my real name that I lack ‘credibility,’ that I must be lying about everything. Why in the hell would a non-virgin who did not come from a Christian background, spend months blogging about all this?
I really blog for me. I’m not looking to be head of a crusade.
I figured if anyone out there, if another unmarried person, could relate to my posts, or find the links I post useful, great. That’s about it.
(And I have had visitors periodically leave posts thanking me for the blog, saying they relate to the topics I discuss.)
I don’t beg people to read or follow this blog. If you don’t like it, then don’t read it. You’re an adult and can make your own choices.
I have had people leave posts at this blog, and most of them do not use their true names, which is fine with me.
I understand that most people are not, quite OBVIOUSLY, going to feel comfortable discussing something as private and personal as sexual choices on a blog on the web.
I respect that. I do not demand that people who post here must use their real name.
I don’t automatically assume they are lying liars for posting under a screen name, either.
I never really expected to get much attention on this blog from anyone. I blog for myself, primarily.
Maybe the marriage-obsessed preachers out there will see some of the content on this blog and think twice about how shabbily they treat singles, so there’s that, but I do mostly blog for myself.
EDIT. Being harassed online is far worse for women than it is for men.
I would not be surprised if women are harassed by men more online than men are harassed by women, or men are harassed by other men.
If you are a male who admits to being a virgin on the internet, you might get some incredulous comments, or some teasing from people for it.
But, if you are a woman who discusses her sexuality under her true name (or even if a woman talks about mundane topics under her true name, such as knitting scarves), you will get perverts and kooks who attempt to flirt with you online, or who will leave sexually inappropriate comments on your blog, or where ever you post.
Some men, if they know your real name and can figure out your home address, will park their cars in front of your home, or track you down at your work place to rape you or harass you.
I used to post under my real name and post photos of myself in public forums and blogs (and the photos were NOT sexually suggestive), and it got me unwanted, flirty or inappropriate male attention. It was creepy.
I was also more naive back then.
One guy who saw my photo and talked to me online (on a forum that had nothing to do with singles or dating) asked for my work phone number, personal e-mail address, etc, and he started calling me, sending me photos of himself, etc.
I only gave him my contact information and so on because I thought he merely wanted to be friends, or had questions pertaining to my profession, that he needed professional advice – but the guy (who was like 20 years my senior!) wanted to date me. Oh hell no.
Men do not have to contend with near as much acrimony, unwanted flirtation, or harassment (especially of the sexual variety), online as women do.
And listen to this pod cast:
(Link): Male War on Women – Stalking and Violence Against Women
—— PREVENTING CYBER STALKING ——
(Link): How to Prevent Cyber Stalking
Consider using a name that is not your real name or a nickname as your email name, screen name or user ID.
And try not to use common dates such as your birthday as the digits in your email name or password. Instead, pick a name that is gender- and age-neutral. Treat your email and/or internet account like you would your credit card, ID or passport number – very carefully.
Be careful what personal information you share online including in email, on social networking sites like Facebook and Twitter and chat rooms.
It is very easy to glean information about where you live, the places you love to go to in your area and the people you care about from posts and pictures.
Examples of Stalkers
The first step in protecting yourself involves understanding who cyberstalkers are.
Some common examples of online stalkers are the following:
- Ex-boyfriend or girlfriend
- Unrequited crush
- Workplace colleague
- Family member
- Radical religious follower
Common prevention tips include:
-Using nonsuggestive screen names
-Removing any personal information from your social media profiles
-Never giving out details like your phone number or physical address
- From the US Department of Justice:
Do not share personal information in public spaces anywhere online, nor give it to strangers, including in e-mail or chat rooms.
Do not use your real name or nickname as your screen name or user ID.
Pick a name that is gender- and age-neutral.
And do not post personal information as part of any user profiles.
National figures show victims of cyberstalking tend to be females
- during the college ages 18-29 but women are not the only targets. A survey of 765 students at Rutgers University and the University of Pennsylvania found 45 percent of stalkers to be female and 56 percent to be male. National figures show most stalkers to be male by overwhelming margins (87 percent.) Men represented over 40 percent of stalking victims in the Penn-Rutgers study.