Smalley (Focus on the Family Talking Head) Gives Interview about Talking to Children About Sex on Mefferd Show
The interview (given by G. Smalley from Christian group “Focus on the Family”) is rather dull, and Smalley gives rather vague, intellectual-sounding responses, none of which I perceive as being sufficient enough to convince most people to abstain from sex prior to marriage.
One of the first falsehoods I spotted is that both Mefferd and her guest, Smalley, assume these teens they are talking about will get married one day. You know, I had hoped to be married. I assumed as young as age ten, eleven, that I’d be married by 30. I’m still not married and in my forties.
Christian parents need to stop assuming that their kids will get married – because they might be 40, 45, 50, and still be single. So it’s not enough to think in terms of, “Oh golly, how do I convince Joe Jr. to wait until marriage for sex.” -What if Joe Jr. never meets the right woman, what if Joe Jr. grows up and never marries?
Here’s the link to the interview:
(Link): Greg Smalley from ‘Focus on the Family’ on How to Talk to Kids About Sex
The part of the interview (around 12.49 – 13.00) where the guy says to the host (Mefferd) that he tells his kids about how hot his wife is (their mother) was strange.
Smalley was saying he was using this method to model to his children how it’s important to wait ’til marriage to have sex. I’m not sure how emphasizing to your kids, if you are a married parent, how “hot” their mother is can convince them to remain celibate.
I also believe that Smalley’s view on this matter is unwittingly upholding the Christian falsehood that marriage will always entail regular, hot, satisfying sex (see all the posts on this blog of numerous stories of people who were virgins until marriage, but the sex was either lousy or infrequent, or both lousy AND infrequent).
At some point in the interview, Mefferd asks Smalley about how to discuss with kids that sex is for marriage only.
Smalley just basically says don’t give a flat out, straight forward answer, but he advises that the parent asks the kid what the kid thinks, as in, “What do you think the Bible says about this subject?,” and so forth.
Mefferd asks Smalley, “How do you explain to your kid when they ask about unmarried Celebrity X having a baby and explain the biblical view of sex?”
Mefferd says she just tells her kids that baby making (having kids and sex) is for marriage only, so she just tells her kids “we don’t do that.”
That might work up to a point, but when you’ve arrived at your 40s, still a virgin, and wanting to have sex, and marriage has not happened for you… these biblical teachings about sex being a big no-no outside of marriage goes bye-bye.
Christians need to work on coming up with positive reasons as to why a virgin past age 35 should still stay a virgin. They don’t have any answers, really.
I’m over 40. Please. Telling me that sex is for “God’s glory,” as Smalley does at one stage, falls flat (and which is the same lame-o reasoning that Christian blogger Tim Challies actually uses on his blog).
“Because the Bible says so” does not cut it. Scare tactics of “OMG, you will totally get genital crabs and herpes” doesn’t work. These might be arguments that work on 14 year olds, but 35 and older? Nope.
Part of the interview is spent with Mefferd asking the Focus on the Family guy how one can protect a kid from being sexually abused. Dude has no real answers.
Smalley just says, in essence, to make your kids feel safe enough to approach you, so they can ask you questions.
Smalley gives no tips on teaching your children to have boundaries – tip from Christian Pundit: here’s what you do if you’d like to prevent your kid from being sexually assaulted by an adult predator: tell your kids about BOUNDARIES.
Tell children it’s okay to tell adults to screw off, that children don’t always have to respect anything and everything an adult does or says, children do NOT have to cave in and do whatever an adult says or does, so if ‘Adult Creeper’ tries to stick his hand down your pants – you tell them NO. And you don’t have to be nice to the adult, you don’t have to stand there, scream “HELL NO” and run away!
That was a useless part of the interview, since they guy only gave tips on what to do AFTER your kid has been fondled.
Smalley, also and regrettably, says in this interview that parents should talk to their daughters about ‘clothing and modesty.’
Um, no. Not that I am on board with ten year old girls dressing like 27 year old hookers, but – often in Islam and Christianity, women are made responsible for the sexual failings of men, or are made responsible for the male sexual drive.
Christians often misinterpret Paul’s comments about being modest – that passage is not referring to a woman’s clothing.
Nor does the “cause not a brother to stumble” bit teach that a woman’s dress causes a man to rape her.
When a man rapes a woman, or has an affair with a woman, it matters not at all what the woman was wearing: full responsibility falls on the male for the male’s behavior. Not the woman. The man.
Again, boring interview, IMO, and I don’t believe anything the guy said will impact anyone enough to remain celibate, other than maybe hyper- sensitive, easily impressionable 14 year old Christians – yet how many of them are going to be listening to the Mefferd show? Not many, I’d wager.
Related this blog.