Sex, Love & Celibacy by Dan Navin [written by a homosexual celibate]
I think celibate homosexuals have things a tad more difficult than celibate heterosexuals, because there’s this odd-ball double standard I’ve seen even on “Christian” blogs where the Christians feel so sorry for the homosexuals, that they are willing to overlook homosexual fornication, but these hypocrites still expect heteros to stay sexually pure.
I mean, there is no compassion at all from some segments of Christianity for the hetero Christian who hopes to marry and have sex but who is abstaining while single.
The hetero single is expected to suck it up and carry on and not cave in to pre marital sex – but the homo single? Why, golly, we Christians can’t be big ol’ meanies and expect the homo singles to go without sex, so allow them to indulge. (Yes, I have seen these attitudes by self professing Christians on Christian blogs.)
I have no idea why some Christians expect or demand celibacy of hetero Christian singles but not homo singles.
Not that all do, of course: as I discuss often, many Christians do not expect anyone, hetero or homo, to be able to go without sex for more than three seconds, so it is expected that all singles over age 25 will have sex outside of marriage.
- by Dan Navin
… For no reason that is of me, God chose me out to be one of many upon whom He would lavish His loving mercy and kindness. Prior to the work He began in me, I didn’t feel any particular need for Him; I was doing okay on my own. Not a fantastic life, but surely an adequate one.
A life in which I was free to pursue my own desires and find happiness, pleasure, and satisfaction by whatever means I felt most suited me.
I knew of the Christian God from a distance and I determined there is nothing good about a god who would frown upon homosexuality and yet develop in me an orientation hungry for companionship and love in relationship solely with other men. Prior to encountering God, my life on this earth was just fine.
In the opening days, weeks, and months of this new life in Christ, my head was swirling with labels, rules, and what-if’s. Can I be alone with another Christian man, or woman for that matter?
Can I have a male roommate? Can I have a non-sexual committed relationship with another man? Can or should I still call myself gay? Am I still a homosexual?
Am I ex-gay, post-gay, or pre-straight?
Gay Christian, Christian gay, celibate gay, same-sex attracted, or same-gender attracted? Am I a Christian, or am I a Christian who struggles with same-sex attraction?
Am I a Christian who struggles? No doubt! But is my struggle now, today, really all that much about homosexuality?
I don’t think that it is. My struggle, like every other Christian’s, is in finding complete satisfaction in my relationship with God, through Christ, and in keeping Him #1 in all that I think, all that I do, and all that I don’t do.
Sure, largely as a result of being gay I am unable to marry and satisfy my human need for close companionship in this way, resulting in periods of loneliness.
… Celibacy is many things, including a pathway to loving others independent from the sexual complications that can hinder true, godly love.
In fact, in dying to yourself and your worldly passions; in experiencing God’s comfort in times of loneliness, you may find yourself in very close and loving relationships with others, and to introduce sex into the relationship would only serve to cheapen that love.
For the celibate gay man such as myself, joy is found in the deep love for another, throwing off the old bondage of the necessity of sex in love. The closest of relationships are those that are not dependent upon sex to sustain them…
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