Mark Driscoll on Single Christian Women Who Desire Marriage – the positives and negatives of his piece

Mark Driscoll on Single Christian Women Who Desire Marriage – the positives and negatives of his piece

Driscoll is typically quite sexist. He paints Esther of the Old Testament as a whore, and there are so many more examples of his sexist attitudes towards women, which I shall not get into here.

If you want to find the examples, do a google for his name and include terms such as “women,” “sexism,” “peverted,” or “sex”.

(You can also start your Driscoll educational journey by reading the materials at Mars Hill Refuge blog, which has one post with many, many links to other sites that discuss Driscoll.)

Before I get to the Driscoll link proper (credit to Stuff Christian Culture Likes Facebook group, where I first saw this link posted), I wanted to say a few words to set this up.

As I have blogged about numerous times, conservative Christians present a false picture to singles:

Christians first hold marriage and having children up as the norm, and if you do not marry, you are regarded as a freak and a loser by churches, or else, in some churches, the never married and childless are simply ignored; their needs are never addressed.

To obtain marriage, most conservative Christians offer up advice that does not work.

That advice usually includes but is not limited to, things such as:
Trust in God, attend church, join dating sites, pray and ask God for a spouse, be the person you hope to marry instead of looking for a partner, refrain from sexual sin.

In spite of the fact of doing all those things, I remain never married in my early 40s. There are many other Christian women aged 30 and up who are in the same boat as myself.

I was a Christian for many years but lean partly agnostic now, and I am now open and willing to dating and marrying Non Christian males and having pre-marital sex.

I am done and through with fairy tale Christian false promises about waiting, praying, and marriage. I also no longer personally believe in the view that a Christian must only marry another Christian.

Even if a man claims to be a Christian, he might be a false convert. Mark Driscoll is a perfect example of this.

The guy claims to be a Christian and works as a preacher, but holds so many disturbing views about sex, men, and women, one wonders if he is truly a Christian or not – even if he is one, there is no way in hell I’d date a man such as him, let alone marry one like him.

Driscoll’s attitudes on various issues, and that he generally does not admit to wrong doing nor apologize are repulsive and are all red flags.

It’s not enough for a Christian to marry another self-professing Christian; a person has to make sure that the other person is compatible with him or herself, even if that other person claims to believe in Jesus (I discuss this issue further in the post (Link): The Right One – Do Unmarried Christians Only Need Jesus in Common to Marry ?).

Driscoll recently wrote a web page for Christian women who desire to marry (linked to farther below, after my introduction).

A few parts of Driscoll’s page about Christian single women who want marriage seems okay to me, nothing terribly objectionable, but some aspects of it are a little off, in my view.

I notice that Driscoll is so universally hated by some factions of Christians that they have a knee-jerk tendency to automatically dismiss anything and everything the guy writes or says.

Despite the fact I do not agree with Driscoll on several topics; consider the frat boy persona he cultivated for years to be completely juvenile and annoying; and find him to usually be rude, immature, coarse, mean- spirited, sexist; and have found him to be abnormally preoccupied with sex in a salacious manner, he does occasionally make a good point about some things.

At one point in his piece about Christian female singles, Driscoll says he regards himself as being a spiritual father to the ones in his church where he works as a preacher. Maybe he means well, but it sounds a little grating and condescending to a grown single woman.

The Bible does not teach the concept of a single woman (or even a married one – sorry, no, gender complementarians, “head” in the NT means “source,” not “authority”) needing a “covering,” or “male headship,” so I cringe when Driscoll writes in terms of feeling like a “spiritual father” to grown women in his church. To think of women in terms such as these infantilizes them, though perhaps that was not his intention.

Here is the link proper to the Driscoll page which I am discussing:

(Link): 6 OPTIONS FOR GODLY SINGLE WOMEN WANTING TO MARRY, by Mark Driscoll

(The above link no longer works, as Mars Hill removes its web site. View an archived copy of that post here, on (Link): Internet Archive)

One of the few brownie buttons I can give the guy is that, in that page, Driscoll at least recognizes that yakking about marriage and children can make singles feel excluded, and he opens his piece by saying he does not wish to do that in his on going sermon series about marriage or having children or whatever.

Driscoll also at least acknowledges that some Christian women who desire marriage never find a Christian man to marry and so they may remain single.

Driscoll writes:

There are some single [Christian] women who remain single for no good reason. I know plenty of them. Some have never married.

Some married only to have their husband die.

Others have been divorced by a guy who did not appreciate what he had and did not want to invest the energy it takes to make a great marriage.

—(end Driscoll quotes)—

That admission, though brief, is already ten times more than what the average preacher does. Most preachers do not even acknowledge that there are Christian women who want marriage but who remain single.

Most preachers, if they do touch the topic at all, annoyingly assume all women who want marriage will get a spouse.

So good for Driscoll for at least mentioning something that most preachers never even consider. I will tip my hat to him on that one.

I found the rest of Driscoll’s page to be dreary and depressing.

Basically, at the end of it all, Driscoll says if you are a Christian woman desiring marriage and never find a Christian guy, you are hosed – just find contentment in Jesus.

I’m sorry, but the “finding all your meaning and joy in Jesus alone” stuff doesn’t cut the mustard for women past 30 who desire marriage but who can’t find a guy.

I know that (telling singles ‘to find joy in Jesus’ and so on) is perhaps the Christianese, proper-sounding answer to give to singles who pine for marriage but who remain single, but it’s so hollow and trite, I feel giving such platitudes does more damage. It’s better to leave such concepts unsaid, in my opinion.

I’m in my early 40s and still single, and I’ve heard these Christian cliches and pat answers time and time again. They sound more and more empty and meaningless as time marches on.

Driscoll says he only sees six options for single Christian women. Driscoll writes:

OPTION #1: SIN

You can decide that God has not come through for you, so you take matters into your own hands.

You decide to be a gal who parties a lot, casually dates a bunch of guys you’d never marry, sleeps around, moves in with a guy, or does other things that will really hurt the one relationship you have with a great man: Jesus Christ.

If you take this path, you will eventually come to feel horrible for what you have done and miserable in the world you live.

—(end Driscoll quotes)—

You’ll notice Driscoll couches this option in terms of a woman who seems to be highly promiscuous, or “easy” or “loose”.

I personally plan on having pre-marital sex myself, but I’m not going to be a whore about it. I do not intend on having sex with men on a first date, or with 500 men per week.

I have never been a “party gal,” as he puts it. I’m a home body and introvert. I do not drink alcohol. I do not intend on hitting night clubs every Friday and Saturday night and going home with a different man each week.

My personal game plan (this might be an ‘Option 1.2’ if you will):
What I do plan on, after major changes in my life over the next year or two, is to start dating different men (Non Christians are fine), and if I find one I like, will pursue a steady relationship, and if so inclined, will have pre-marital sex, but again, with a steady boyfriend.

Driscoll seems to present only this one option, or caricature, of a single woman who is a raging crack head, a wild child, out of control, hippy dippy chick, who screws everything with a pulse in a 1,000 mile radius.

I mean, really? There’s no room in Driscoll’s estimation, or world view, for two committed adults to have sex and companionship with one another after they have dated several weeks, it’s either the
1. sexually pure Madonna or the
2. sleazy one night stands Whore
dichotomy?

In Driscoll’s view, it appears the only way an unmarried woman can have sex and a romantic relationship is one where she has to constantly have one night stands with a million different men per week in darkly-lit bar bathrooms. There are no in-between situations with him?

I find Driscoll’s OPTION #3: SETTLE intriguing.

Here, Driscoll discusses single women who are so tired of waiting, or who are so desperate for a husband, that they will marry the first guy who pops the question, no matter how idiotic, incompatible, or scummy he is.

I find this funny because the vast majority of the time, Christians (and Non Christians as well) chide single women for being too damn picky… we single females are told to lower our standards, that the reason we are still single is because we are too hard to please.
————————–
Brief Tangent:

Single men, both Christian and Non Christian, are seldom told to lower their standards, which tend to be laughably unrealistic

(most single men of all ages want a 21 year old with big boobs and a tiny waist, for example, but you won’t often find singles advice columnists or preachers advising these morons to lower their standards. Only the single women get the “lower your standards, honey” lectures).

—————————
Under his Option 3, Driscoll says:

This may get you a man, but not a long-term, joy-filled, God-honoring marriage.

Hold the phone, bub.

A Christian woman marrying a Christian guy is also NO guarantee for a “long term, God honoring, joy filled, yada yada, blissful” marriage, either.

Here are but a few examples of the one million I have on my blog of Christian men, some who work as preachers, who cheated on their wives, killed their wives, or who turned out to be child rapists, or who had other, severe problems (I have more comments below this long list of links):

(Link): Married Youth Pastor, Father of Four, Caught Raping and Molesting Several Little Boys claims the molesting kept the boys sexually pure and cures them of homosexuality

(Link): Pastor Busted in Prostitution Sting – If Married Sex So Great Why Do So Many Married Christian Men Have Affairs

(Link): Married Preacher Hides Porn Addiction By Faking Terminal Cancer

(Link): Married Preacher Who Had Extra Marital Affair, Divorce Commits Suicide

(Link): Married Preacher Sends Nude Photos to Married Woman, Hits On Her, Tells Her to Divorce Spouse, Has Sex With Woman In Church Building – Married People Are Sexual Deviants, Not Singles

(Link): And Will He Be Giving Sermons on Sexual Purity? Re: Church Restores Pastor Removed for Adultery

(Link): Update: Christian Family Worshiping Cult Leader – Doug Phillips – Admits to Physical Affair

(Link): Ex-mega church IF Baptist pastor (who is married) Jack Schaap gets 12 years in teen sex scandal

(Link): Married Baptist Preacher with Daughter Charged With Murdering Three People in Pawn Shop – Tell Me Again Why Single Christian Women Should Only Consider Marrying Christian Guys? And How Parenting and Marriage Makes a Person More Godly and Mature?

(Link): Preachers Arrested For, or Accused of, Promoting Prostitution, Rape, Spreading HIV, Child Molesting etc – And Christian Single Women Should Only Consider Marrying So Called Christian Men Why?

I have even more examples than that of married Christian men behaving badly, so please, stop with the “your only shot at romantic happiness is to hold out for and to marry a Christian man.”

Christian men have been a source of pain, betrayal, and misery for Christian women for years.

Visit a domestic abuse survivor blog for Christian ex-wives sometime to get even more an idea of the abuse Christian women have taken off Christian husbands.

I find Option 4 of his (which he entitles “Suffer”) to be a little hypocritical.

Under Option 4, Driscoll tells single women who pine for marriage not to let it define them and bring them down. This is not necessarily bad advice, but look at the source.

I don’t think it is quite right coming from a male, married Christian preacher who has a history of being sexist and condescending to females, and one who has a history of pushing the overall, Neo-Reformed, evangelical, and fundamentalist view of biblical gender complementarianism, which encompasses, among other things, that a woman’s only, or greatest, calling in life is to marry and make babies.

My criticism for Driscoll Option 5, OPTION #5: STRIVE (“You can start to obsess over doing literally everything you can to land a husband”), is similar to that of point 4.

It’s rather hypocritical for a gender complementarian such as Driscoll, who pushes for the view that a woman’s only, or most biblical role, in life is to be a wife and mommy, to make marriage out to be the end-all accomplishment of life, then to sit there and criticize and scold women who actively pursue marriage (by joining dating sites, and so on).

Driscoll is not the only one to do this: the entire conservative Christian culture sets marriage and children up as idols all should strive for, but then these same Christians will shame you and blame you for actively pursuing those very things.

And you know what? I tried the “pray and wait” thing. And it did not work.

Driscoll, under point 5, criticizes the “actively seek” approach. Driscoll writes,

“You start an account for every Christian dating site that exists. You attend every church with a decent number of single men… the center of your life is no longer Jesus, but some guy you are determined to attract to fill his place.”

Well, hon, dear, you naive thing you, I tried the passive “read the Bible, be spiritual and pray to Jesus” approach, and I made it to my 40s, still single.

Obviously, sitting on my ass thinking warm and fuzzy and spiritual thoughts about Jesus did not land me a spouse.

So excuse me while I sign up again for dating sites and start hitting the bars. (I don’t even like bars, but if going to bars opens up possibilities of me meeting a boyfriend, you bet I’ll try that.)

Also, just because a Christian woman is actively pursuing marriage (by joining dating sites and so forth) does not necessarily mean she is seeking to “fill Jesus’ place” with a husband.

When Driscoll pursued marriage with his wife Grace, was he seeking to replace Jesus with Grace? No? Then why does Driscoll assume that another single pursuing marriage is trying to “replace” Jesus?

Why does he chide singles for doing something he did himself as a single?

It is not wrong, selfish, or seeking to replace Jesus to desire marriage and to take steps to make marriage happen – see my previous post for more on that: (Link): Desiring Marriage is Not Idolatry

By the way, from what I have seen in my personal experiences, there is no such thing as

    ‘You attend every church with a decent number of single men.’

Most churches either have absolutely no unmarried men over age 30, or only a tiny, tiny few, and the ones that do attend are typically total dorky dorks, or obese (in other words, the types of single adult Christian men who do actually attend church weekly do not tend to be “marriage material” – they are not desirable to single females).

Please tell us, Driscoll, where are these churches that are jam-packed with eligible single males over 35? Single ladies want to know, because we sure as heck do not find them at our local churches.

Under point 6, Driscoll claims he does not want to discourage single females who desire marriage but proceeds to do precisely that. Driscoll writes:

I do not want to discourage you in any way. But, the truth is that it is harder to be a single woman than a single man as a Christian.

Every poll I have ever seen says that single women are generally more mature and responsible than single men.

Men are waiting until around 30 years old to marry for the first time, if they ever do.

And, they are going for younger women, according to the statistics.

    Across Christianity, there are far more single women than single men…

—(end Driscoll quotes)—

This is one reason I am done with the Christian faith and wash my hands of it. I have several reasons, but this is one.

I no longer care about the “be not yoked” teaching and will be dating Non Christian men.

I will no longer be confined and limited to archaic, unrealistic, nit-picky Christian rules and regulations about dating and marriage.

I don’t think guys like Driscoll realize that the definition of insanity is ‘trying the same thing over and over again expecting different results.’

For years and years as a Christian, I tried the ‘pray and wait on God for a spouse’ shtick, and it did not work. Time to move on and chase after men on my own terms!

By the way, some stats show that women are going after younger men:
(Link): Online Dating: Women Want Younger Men (article)

Some of the participants at the Stuff Christian Culture Likes group had some interesting things to say about this Driscoll page:

(Link): Stuff Christian Culture Likes Mark Driscoll 6 Options Article Discussion

(URL:

The money winning comment goes to Blessing Bailey Fuller , who wrote,

    OK. I have a bit of a different take on this, I think.

Yes, it’s hilarious Mark Driscoll writes about women’s issues. Yes, his post implies a strong distrust of single women coupled with condescension and obviously overemphasizes the necessity of women finding themselves a man.

However.
I think he actually does a very good job at exposing one of Christian culture’s dirty secrets – namely its glaring demographic problem.

You can’t build an entire subculture/marketing plan around monogamous marriage and then come up seriously short on one of the genders. Something’s got to give.

And this is potentially a HUGE marketing disaster for CC and churches like Mars Hill. On the one hand, having all these desperate, single young women must make places like Mars Hill a veritable goldmine for men.

Sure, they have to give up a lot of freedom to be under Marky’s authoritarianism, but they’ll get a submissive young virgin who is taught to humor their every whim (ahem) to sweeten the deal. (I sometimes describe my years in youth group/Christian college as being “kept in a virgin harem.”)

But the hitch comes when, despite all his manly-manness supposedly drawing bearded Seattle hipsters unto himself, more women end up getting involved at Mars Hill than men (as women outnumber men in most Christian churches).

Initially I think he probably thought this was fabulous, but I feel like this piece might be written in response to young women who now seem not just disappointed or frustrated, but seriously depressed if not outright “rebellious” – i.e., dating men outside Mars Hill/Christianity (Option #1) or just leaving church altogether.

I think this demographic issue could potentially implode in a lot of conservative Christian circles in the next few years, as Millennial women start to get into their 30s and realize that restricting their dating/marriage choices to only “godly Christian men” is going to mean they literally have NO partner choices and won’t be having children.

I believe a lot of these women are eventually going to leave the church so they can find a partner and start a family.

Very, very recently a close friend who is still deeply invested in CC and comes from a conservative homeschooling background announced to me that, despite retaining lots of other conservative beliefs, she was now open to dating a “non-Christian” and did not, in fact, believe Christians needed to only marry other Christians.

Given her background and general take on things I was shocked (but delighted). If she is thinking that way, guarantee more women are as well.

Yes, I think Bailey hit the nail on the head there.

edit. Another good comment:

by X Von Wolfenstein

    Wow. So, I finally read this, and it’s quite depressing. If I were one of the women who looked to this guy as a “spiritual leader”, I would feel even worse after reading/hearing this.

Basically, your only options are:

1) Go live your life and have fun — but Jesus will hate you for it and you will inevitably end up with AIDS or something;

2) Stop trying — but you are reprehensible for not trying;

3.) Settle — but that’s also an affront to Jesus somehow;

4) Be depressed — which is your fault, for allowing Satan a foothold;

5) Be obsessive — which you are reprehensible for doing;

6) “Date Jesus” and just deal with this like every other disappointment and pain in life, i.e., “pray it away” and distract yourself by being even more servile to the church, and castigate yourself as scum of weak faith for letting it ever bother you at all.

Oh, and by the way, statistics are against you, and my own teachings are against you, so…go have some girl talk with other pathetic single ladies and just swallow that sadness like a good Christian Helpmeet (who will never be able to fulfill the purpose God created her for).

Sucks to be you! (But how dare you feel upset, because Jesus magically cures everything!)

Another winning quote:
by John Woodger

      “God gives people free will”

 

      “God is benevolent”

 

      “God determines your path”

 

    “God is more concerned with his control than your happiness”

Notice any contradictions?

More interesting quotes:

by Alex Johnston

      What I don’t get is that, even on its own terms, that’s not remotely helpful.

 

    What the so-called six options amount to is this: options 1-5: you can be, in Mark Driscoll’s estimation, a pathetic loser, or 6: Mark Driscoll doesn’t know what you should do.

by Jonathan Shriver

    Because we know the only way for a woman to have Hope and joy is to marry! (Excuse me while I gag.)

by Margaret Ann Porter

    Pastor Mark forgot Option 7: Or you can avoid, at all costs, the bullshit chauvinism, Christianity-cloaked misogyny, idiotic rantings of pastors like me, and just go and enjoy your life, as you’re more likely to find somebody right for you if you do.

by Sharon Ryan

    As a standalone article (without reference to anything else Driscoll has written or said), this speaks to an issue many of us experience – disappointment.

He is careful and consistent to frame this to “single women who want to marry.” He’s not saying that this is for all single women, nor that all single women should want to marry. Perhaps he has said that elsewhere, but no matter – he does not say it here.

At essence, it’s the same message that could be titled “for infertile couples who want to conceive” or “for people who want their spouses to survive cancer.”

Sometimes we want something really important to us … and it does.not.happen.

And as Driscoll writes, we have choices in how we respond to a hole in our life. We can obsess, we can rebel, we can give up, or we can somehow strive to remain open, hopeful, trusting. If you’re single, whether you regard this as a problem or not is entirely up to you

by Aurora Campton Clark

      I love how this article reveals a glaring flaw — that being female and living within that system of belief really, really sucks.

 

    Why this doesn’t induce women to leave mhc [Mars Hill Church, Driscoll’s church] in droves is a sad mystery to me.

by Zeke Buzby

    I find it interesting that he [Mark Driscoll] mentions how women can settle and marry in ways that are ungodly and that will ruin their relationship with Jesus but he doesn’t seem to hold men to that same measuring stick. “Christian men being more prone to marrying younger women.” It just looked like a duality to me. I’m not sure that was the authors intention.

by Erin McEwen

    Maybe he [Driscoll] should just admit he’s closet LDS. No offense to any Latter Day Saints here, but isn’t the idea that Godly women must get married & have children & obey the current prophet more Joseph Smith than Jesus Christ?

by Marty Gould

      [Driscoll wrote], “I am not the best person to give advice to a single woman”

 

    Indeed.

by Meghan Krogh

    Not surprisingly, this [Driscoll’s page about single Christian women who desire marriage] was bleak.

by Renee DuSoleil

    I always like how he states that he is in no position to speak about something, but goes on and on about the topic like an expert. He presumes too much.

by Matthew Zillhardt

    Ironic, considering that the panic and depression these women deal with is most likely due to the fact that patriarchal jackasses like Driscoll preach that they only derive worth from being a wife and mother.

by Maria Dorsey

    Agreed. It is because of this awful pressure of the church and inbred hysteria over NEEDING to be married that now that I’ve finally dumped that invisible abusive boyfriend, jesus, I can’t think of marriage away from the insidious legacy of the church.

by Renee DuSoleil

    It’s not just being married, but having the kids too. He was afraid singles would feel left out his sermon series. You know, because you have to take everything on the literal level.

by Karen Siuda McCann

      Option #1 is a nice way to tide yourself over. Seriously. Do what you want. What makes you happy.

 

      Respect yourself but own your sexuality and understand that waiting forever to have sex (if you’re not so inclined) because some man hasn’t entered the picture to legitimize the act might be your loss.

 

      Not anyone else’s gain. Make yourself happy. Let your opinions matter.

 

      Don’t wait for some man to tell you they do.

 

      I wish I could tell all young women living in despair because of an unreasonable and unfair societal imperative that it’s ok and there’s always time.

 

    And you are not less. And you may even (gasp) WANT to be single. That’s cool too. Screw this. Seriously.

by Astrid Pomege

    I tried option #1 and ended up married!

by Karen Siuda McCann

    Me too! Funny how it didn’t ruin us like he promised.

by Blessing Bailey Fuller

      @ Karen Siuda McCann

 

      That is an integral part of his [Driscoll’s] message, of course –

 

      premarital sex = a ruined emotional state from whence you may never recover.

 

    It certainly helps keep the harem of single women churches all seem to be accumulated nice and virginal, though.

by Benjamin Lin

      [Driscoll quote]

“Admittedly, I am not the best person to give advice to a single woman about specific ways to navigate the path of holding out hope while being realistic regarding planning for one’s future.”

Yeah, so STFU. So why are you publishing this list? Amazingly, I totally agree with this sentence.

by Jeremiah Warren

    And didn’t Paul recommend (strongly) that one ought not to mary?

by Curt Story

      Driscoll conveniently ignores Jesus and Paul because he wants to sideline women as house-keepers.

 

      He’s a lazy thinker who cannot stand the idea of women defining themselves and possibly defying his ‘authority’.

 

    His ‘theology’ is just dick-headed and selfish.

by Sheena Young

    Option one: Do what you want and make the Baby Jesus cry.

Option two: Wait for your father (or spiritual father) to introduce you to the man you should marry, because only a man knows you well enough to know which man you can properly serve.

Option three: There is no option three.

by Sylvie King

    Parris Geez. He should have stuck with the “I’m not really qualified to give such advice.” And stopped right there. The rest is depressing bull.

by Heidi Bott

    Really? 6 options, most of which are straw(wo)men? Stop teaching girls that they are created to be wives and mothers and instead teach them independence and that they can follow their dreams. There wouldn’t be nearly as much stressing over marriage. Speaking from experience…

by Randall Zimmerman

    I liked the line about Jesus being the man in your life who identifies with your singleness. It made me roll my eyes.

by Ross Clark

    As a single Christian, conservative, man, I found this article really depressing. And when Driscoll goes on about useless Christian single men, which he does, I find it even more depressing.

by Heidi Bott

      @ Ross Clark

 

    My thought was that the plight of many of the single women is due to guys being idiots. Which is why he rants about guys being idiots.

[farther down the discussion thread],
by Karen Siuda McCann

    Driscoll finds any self-respecting, intellectually curious non-mysogynistic man idiotic. So, like many women are cool not being the “right” kind of women as far as he’s concerned, men who don’t fit his neanderthalic man mold should also be heartened.

by Brooke Hull

    How about changing the culture of this country and faith organizations so that there isn’t so much social bias towards marriage / partnership?

by Becki Norris

    MD has discovered a valuable secret: all solid theology (and life advice in general) can be broken down into six concise, alliterative bullet points.

Another favorite comment of mine:
by Trisha Patton Gurley

      Thank Maude I didn’t read this when I was a godly single woman.

 

    #6 is pretty much “Yeah, you’re toast, you hag. Have fun being alone forever! And don’t be a ho.”

by Josiah Kilduff

    This post is disheartening, to say the least. I feel bad for women who submit to this sort of restrictive (oppressive) theo-illogical ideology and straight-up pissed at men who continue to push it forward.

I grew up under the misconception that as a Christian male, I would have to rule over the house and my wife, take the lead in all decisions, and that a Godly wife equalled a subservient wife. I’m so glad I came to realize this wasn’t true.

What a weight lifted off my marriage! My wife is a brilliant, strong-willed, intelligent woman and our relationship requires her effort, opinions and direction every bit as much as my own. To ask her to bottle all her potential and take a backseat in our relationship and the running of our home would be a severe disservice to us both.

I realize I have stepped outside the realm of this particular post a bit. But I feel that what I am saying is pertinent in regards to the Mars Hill doctrine (and sadly, to that of many, many other Christian churches).

by Erika Jahneke

    He has no answers…literally he has something bitchy to say about every possible choice.

by Faith Simar Kimbler

      [Quoting Driscoll]:

 

      “Being single is not easy. But neither is being married. They are just difficult in different ways as God uses everything in our life to make us more like Jesus, who happened to live a perfect life while single.” <–That last phrase!!

 

    I, being ultra-sensitive to CC pushing perfection, read that as “Oh, and while your single I expect perfection because if Jesus did it, so can you.”

by Andrew Littler

    Please, Mark, tell us more about how well you understand women.

by Curt Story

    Driscoll sure thinks highly of godly women if “sin” is option #1.

by Karen Siuda McCann

    And why assume single women who are dating are all sleeping around? Nunyabizness if they are, Mark. But your hatred of women who own their sexuality jumps off the page there.

by Andrea Gilroy

    Man, the whole romantic language with Jesus/God freaks me the hell out. Jesus is not “the Man in your life,” it’s such a reductive vision of love.

(Love can only be sexy or familial. Nothing else. And certainly nothing that transcends human experience!)

by Jocelyn Harper

    Also, the underlying rhetoric of “You’re single so your vagina must be the equivalent of a drive through Starbucks” is tired.

by Holy Moly Coley

    You know what was shocking to me (as a dumb super Christian kid) was growing up and seeing how a good number of those “horrid” loose, evil women settled down to become happy, stable people in loving relationships (minus all the needless shame and self-hate). So, when it doubt, go for option 1

by Blessing Bailey Fuller

      I think that was one of the biggest pieces of my de-conversion – knowing happily married, functional couples who really embodied the values I believed in for marriage (minus the weird submissive woman stuff) despite “not knowing the LORD.”
    I sort of came to the brilliant conclusion at around age 24 that, OMG, open communication and respect and sexual chemistry and honesty and integrity can exist in non-Christian relationships and, furthermore, are in fact the ingredients to a successful one, and they work equally well regardless of what one believes religiously.

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Related material on other sites:

(Link): Driscoll: Single men “cannot fully reflect God”
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Related posts this blog:

(Link):  Preacher Mark Driscoll Disparages Virgins and Virginity (Again) – The Feelings of Fornicators Always Take Precedence With the Anti-Purity Culture, Anti-Slut- Shaming, and Pro- Cheap Grace Crowd

(Link): Preacher Mark Driscoll Bashes Single Christian Males Some More

(Link): Mark Driscoll on Single Christian Women Who Desire Marriage – the positives and negatives of his piece

(Link): Mark Driscoll pastor of Mars Hill – views on singleness

(Link): Obnoxious and Sexist Preacher Mark Driscoll Wants Christian Singles to Stay Single Indefinitely – And Even Though Unwanted, Prolonged Singleness has Been a Huge Issue For Christian Singles for A Couple Decades Now – Driscoll: ‘Christians should not marry pro choicers’

(Link): Being Unequally Yoked

(Link): Obnoxious and Sexist Preacher Mark Driscoll Wants Christian Singles to Stay Single Indefinitely – And Even Though Unwanted, Prolonged Singleness has Been a Huge Issue For Christian Singles for A Couple Decades Now – Driscoll: ‘Christians should not marry pro choicers’

(Link): How the Sexual Revolution Ruined Friendship – Also: If Christians Truly Believed in Celibacy and Virginity, they would stop adhering to certain sexual and gender stereotypes that work against both

(Link): The Netherworld of Singleness for Some Singles – You Want Marriage But Don’t Want to Be Disrespected or Ignored for Being Single While You’re Single

(Link): If the Family Is Central, Christ Isn’t

(Link): Salvation By Marriage Alone – The Over Emphasis Upon Marriage by Conservative Christians Evangelicals Southern Baptists

(Link): Ever Notice That Christians Don’t Care About or Value Singleness, Unless Jesus Christ’s Singleness and Celibacy is Doubted or Called Into Question by Scholars?

(Link): Part 1. The World Does Not Need More Marriage Sermons – They Don’t Stop Divorce or Get People Married

(Link): Single Adults – Why They Stay and Why They Stray From Church – Book Excerpts

(Link): Lies The Church Tells Single Women (by Sue Bohlin)

(Link): Preachers and Christian Media Personalities: Re: Marriage – You’re missing the point stop trying to argue or shame singles into getting married

(Link): The Bible Does Not Teach Christians to “Focus On The Family” – The Idolization of Family by American Christians (article)

(Link): Why I Now Reject “Be Equally Yoked” – and on Becoming More Agnostic

(Link): Being Equally Yoked: Christian Columnist Dan Delzell Striving to Keep Christian Singles Single Forever

(Link): Wife of Preacher Shoots, Kills Him, Recounts Years of Physical and Sexual Abuse – So Much for the Equally Yoked Teaching and the Notion that Christian married sex is Mind Blowing

(Link): Pro Ball Player Convicted for Kid Diddling Three Kids Claims to be an Outstanding Christian (and he’s married with a kid of his own) – again, why should Christian single gals limit themselves to only marrying Christian men? The Whole “Being Yoked Equally” thing is irrelevant and unduly limiting for singles

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