The Cloying Annoying Nauseating G-Rated Wholesome Saccharin Sweet Tone of Articles by Christians For Christian Singles
(Edit months after the fact: this blog post may contain adult language, as in cuss words. Or not. I don’t remember. But it’s a possibility.)
I don’t know why it didn’t occur to me to post about this before.
If you are looking for a positive, happy-happy blog to cheer you up about being single, this is not the blog for you.
I don’t aim to give people the warm and fuzzies about being single. I’m not trying to make you feel rotten about being single, either, though.
I am trying to Keep It Real.
I just told a blog visitor in a comment (in the blog post about the 34 year old single woman who is tired of being asked when she will marry), who seems to find this blog depressing, or too negative for her tastes, or something, because I am seldom upbeat and happy:
- …I actually had a visitor here about a week ago who says she really likes this blog because it is “raw.”
I know what she means.
Personally, I tired of the saccharin sweet tone of Christian blogs for singles, and there are many of them out there, if you are looking for upbeat and encouraging conversations about being a Christian single when you feel down about it.
I got turned off by those sites after having looked at them over a period of years.
Sites such as “Christianity Today,” “Boundless,” and “Her.meneutics” (and other Christian sites/ blogs) strive to be G-rated and clean at all times. They are usually afraid to be blunt and real about life, about marriage, about singlehood.
Many Christian sites and blogs (even the ones run by lay persons) are deathly afraid of using rough language, being negative, everything always has to be sunny- sunny, sweet, upbeat, and paint a rosy picture of being a Christian single. In my opinion, that is not real. That is not reality, not to me.
I never got anything out of the sweet, G-rated, prim and proper, super nice blogs for Christians that tell singles to “serve Jesus,” “find contentment in Jesus,” and so forth. These little platitudes don’t convey the deep loneliness and pain some singles who desire marriage contend with.
And that is all very true.
I like that I can come to my little blog here and cuss and rant and be negative (you too can start your own blog. These Word Pres blogs are free).
Here on my own blog, I don’t have to be fakey smiley and act like it’s always hunky dory being single (sometimes I’m fine with being single, sometimes not), I like how I don’t have to pretend on my own blog that I’m okay with how churches marginalize singlehood, or that I’m fine with the fact that my heartfelt prayers for various things have been IGNORED by God for YEARS.
I don’t have to worry about being G-rated. (Not that I’m out to be constantly R rated or X rated, but lord almighty, even when I was at the pinnacle of my most Christian-y, I would get annoyed at the fake – or even genuine, yet unrelenting, overwhelming – nicey niceness of Christian blogs, forums, and sites.)
Most Christian blogs and articles for the unmarried are too sweet, they are nauseatingly sweet, filled with platitudes which help nobody, and are typically written for 20 to 25 year old kids.
Seldom do I see anything from or by Christians that seriously grapples with what it’s like to desire marriage but to find yourself unmarried past your mid 30s.
Even the small number of Christian blogs I’ve seen that have made a mild effort to seriously address the situation are too lukewarm, tend to wallpaper over the real pain and anger with sweet-sounding talk and cliches and quotes from Romans 8.28, and how ‘singleness is a gift.’
There don’t seem to be very many voices that honestly – and I mean honestly, not sugar coating things – speaking up on behalf of middle aged, never married adults.
The vast majority of articles I see by Christian lay persons and professionals about singleness sound very naive, too simplistic-sweet.
(The blog pages about singlehood by Christian lay persons almost always have soft pastel-colored backgrounds with GIFs of cutey angels flying around. What the hell is up with the uber cliched femininity of those sites? I’ve never been a total girly girl, so I don’t care for the super duper cutey pie pinkness chubby angels of it all.)
What’s even more sad and creepy is that if you Google around to find blogs and forums about Christian singleness (like I used to do, looking for hope or support), you are more than likely to come across blogs/ sites/ forums backed by GCs – gender comps (“biblical gender complementarians”).
These are the people, these GCs, that will, on one level, sure, leave you feeling warm and fuzzy with their warm and fuzzy chats about being single, and how Jesus loves you just as you are in your singlehood, but gender complementarians ultimately teach that a woman’s greatest, or only calling, or Godly function in life, is to marry and have babies.
I am not going to link to it in this post (though I did once in the past, in a review of it), or to ones like it, but one such blog is run by biblical gender complementarian females, and it’s called “Girl Talk.”
It’s one of those super dupery, nice, sweet, Church-i-anity blogs that tells you in half its content how to be a good wife and mommy, and how noble mommyhood and wifeyhood is, with borders of pink, feminine flowers on the pages, with butterflies and photos of gurgling babies in some blog posts.
Then there are the posts for “singles” on that very same blog (or ones hosted by the same folks of ‘Girl Talk’) that reassure you in the Christian-ese, cloying, sweet talk, that yes, Jesus still loves you, even though you have not achieved Evangelical, Gender Complementarian Earthly Nirvana of Getting Married and Having a Child.
Maybe I’m just kind of weird, but do you know what my idea of encouragement is?
It’s coming across blogs just like mine here, by some lady (or guy) who has been where I am, who tells it like it is and says:
“Sometimes life sucks. Sometimes life is hard. Sometimes you don’t always get what you want.”
And like those people on those other sites, I don’t then go on to paper that bluntness over by quoting Romans 8.28, or telling you “God has a purpose, fret not” or “life here does not matter, think of eternity” or some other Christian bullshit that’s supposed to make it all better.
And I find it comforting to know other people “get it.”
Not those sappy blogs that tell you the little platitudes about how “the LORD is your husband” and “find your meaning in Jesus” type pages.
I mean, I don’t mean to knock it if you personally get through the night reading sappy blog pages with sentimental stuff about “finding your meaning in Jesus,” but at my age, that kind of crud just falls flat and rings hollow. (I am also not opposed to the person of Jesus.)
I’d have to say at this stage in life, I have developed a sense of humor (granted, it is cutting and dark) about this singleness stuff.
So I’m not actually always angry-ranty at this blog but smirking and laughing when I post reviews to the latest lame editorial I find about singleness by Christians. I’m sometimes angry but usually sarcastic. I’m afraid some blog visitors are misreading my sarcasm and droll humor for bitterness or hate or something.
Some of my favorite forums or blogs lately are by Christians that were “burned” by their church, and they’re either in the process of thinking of leaving Christianity, almost left it at one point, or are still in the faith but recognize how SCREWED UP present day Christianity is.
They get it. They understand the anger and frustration and sarcasm. They don’t try to gloss over difficult subjects and pain by tossing out Romans 8.28 at everything or “find your meaning in Jesus” and other cliches. They are, ironically, sweet people but don’t go out of their way to act sweet, put on a G-rated front, and don’t have a “sweet sugar” tone to their writing. I appreciate their down to earth realness.
(Link): Why Do Churches Treat Singleness Like a Problem? via Relevant Magazine