‘Why Are You Single’ Lists That Do Not Pathologize Singles by Bella DePaulo

‘Why Are You Single’ Lists That Do Not Pathologize Singles

I despise the “why you are still single” articles and books and blogs. They are often predicated upon the false assumption that all people still single past a certain age are un-marriageable, that they are not attractive enough, or have some kind of character flaw preventing them from marrying. Such articles or books are cruel, obnoxious, and stupid.

Many of the articles also buy into idiotic gender stereotypes, such as ‘all men love long hair, so if you want a spouse, ladies, you best grow your hair down to your ass.’

(Link): ‘Why Are You Single’ Lists That Do Not Pathologize Singles


    Don’t let ‘why are you single’ lists get you down

Published on December 13, 2013 by Bella DePaulo, Ph.D. in Living Single

There are a lot of “why are you single” lists popping up these days. I have mostly stopped clicking on the links. Maybe some of them are fine.

Back when I used to look at them, though, far too often they came with an attitude that was insulting to single people— that all single people are single because there is something wrong with them and they need to be fixed.

That’s an example of singlism and like all instances of that prejudice, it is unfair to single people.

Only rarely did the authors ever concede that some people are single because that’s exactly what they want.

Maybe they are even single-at-heart—not only do they like living single, but that’s how they lead their best, most meaningful, and most authentic lives.

My concern about these lists is that some single people might internalize the blame that is inherent in some of them. So as a countermeasure, here are some of my own writings on the topic. Included are some examples of how to critically assess these kinds of claims about single people and how to use the same standards for thinking about married people that are used to judge single people.

(Link): The last ‘why are you single’ list you will ever need

(Link): ‘Why are you single’ meets ‘why are you married’

(Link): “So why have you never been married?” A case study in accidental singlism

(Link): Here’s the answer you are not allowed to give if you are single

(Link): CNN: ‘Still single? What’s the matter with you?’

(Link): Americans just want to be single?

(Link): Why remarry? The best and worst answers and the set-up in the question

Related Posts:

(Link): The Study of Why Men Stay Single: What No One Is Telling You by B. DePaulo

(Link):  The Reason Why Men Marry Some Women And Not Others by D. Brennan

(Link): Unmarried / Single People Are Supposedly Bitter & Have Too Much Baggage – and that’s why you’re still single they say

(Link):  Christian Blogger About Divorce, Pastor Andrew Webb, Thinks All To Most Mid-Life Never – Married or Single – Again Adults Are Mal-Adjusted, Ugly Losers Who Have Too Much Baggage

(Link): Another Obnoxious ‘Why You’re Not Married Yet‘ Article

(Link): A Long Time Single Responds to a ‘Why You’re Not Married’ Article

(Link): Myths About Never Married Adults Over Age 40

(Link): Slut? Selfish? Sad? No, just a single woman (editorial)

(Link): 34 Year Old Single Woman Harassed by Relatives at Wedding Over Why She Is Not Married Yet Asks How To Get Them to STFU About Her Singleness

(Link): I’m Single, But I’m Still a Whole Person (article)

(Link): Never Married Christians Over Age 35 who are childless Are More Ignored Than Divorced or Infertile People or Single Parents

(Link):  Women: Stop Asking Pat Robertson For Romantic Relationship Advice – Whether You Are Divorced or Single  – Pat Robertson Replies to Letter from Four Time Divorced Woman Who Wants to Know If God Will Send Her a Non-Abusive Husband

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