Why I Post Anonymously (Part 2 – the John Hugh Morgan Fiasco)
The Year Long Soap Opera of Being Pressured and Harassed Into Giving My Real Name
I wold advise you to read this whole post to get the full picture, but there is a kind of TL;DR thing at the bottom.
Here is part 1:
(Link): Why I Post Anonymously (Part 1)
Aug 2014 update:
There is also an October 2014 Update much farther below.
I originally had much of the following content in ‘Part 1,’ but it was getting out of hand, making that post too long, and going off on a tangent, so here is that material in its own post.
What I will do is give some history and background first.
About a year or two ago, I got a new blog visitor, a guy who posts under the name John Hugh Morgan (aka johnhughmorgan3 ~ Twitter handle = @JohnMor13413450. He has a blog on Word Press, (Link): Christian Virtue in the 21st Century).
—January 4, 2014 update:—
Morgan has now set his “Christian Virtue in the 21st Century Blog” to private.
One must have his permission to view his blog.
However, you can still view and read the blog via Google Cache. For example:
A copy of this “Maidens” post that I make a reference to in this post can be viewed
(Link): here – cached version of “Maiden” post
I don’t know if Morgan did this today or yesterday, but one thing is certain: he continues to visit this blog and reads it. 😆
The dude scolds me about not posting under my real name, in that he apparently feels people should post under their real names to be considered “credible” (and transparent and the like), but then goes and sets his whole blog to private.
What is it this guy is trying to hide? I thought the whole purpose of blogging under one’s real name (according to him) was to be open and viewed as trustworthy?
I may be blogging under a “pen name” here, but my blog is open and visible to anyone who drops by.
It’s quite the double standard to lecture someone for not blogging under their real name, implying they are untrustworthy, deceptive or shady, but then pretty much acts shady and dishonest, or suspicious and odd, while blogging under their real name. 😆
—-Update Jan. 21, 2014.—-
Morgan has since set his blog back to public:
(Link): Christian Virtue in the 21st Century
Morgan seems to mirror the stuff I discuss on my blog, after I blog about it first.
I do believe I was blogging about feminist “slut shaming” rhetoric and its effect on views of virginity and celibacy, and how such views have seeped into Christian culture, before he was, but he feels fine borrowing that topic to use at his own blog, with no hat tip to this blog.
How someone can criticize me for not blogging under my real name but feel just spiffy fine about using ideas I blog on first is beyond me.
I have no idea how long his blog will remain publicly visible. Probably until he sees I can see it again, in which case it might go back to hidden mode for a few days again. 😆
–end of Jan 21 update—
In his “Maidens” post (view post), Morgan states:
- In order to affirm something, you must be willing to defend it.
- At one time in history, knights defended maidens at all costs. It was known as chivalry.
- So every chance we get, let’s show the world what it is missing.
- Show men with dignity and self control that they are worth more than a distrustful glance, an anonymous email, or adolescent games.
- There really is no gray area here. You either build a guy up to what he can be or you tear him down to what he used to be. It’s your choice.
1. Vis a vis the “chivalry” type comments, of knights defending women.
Women should defend themselves. Women expecting or hoping for other people to defend them, especially men, is a form of codependency.
When I was cyber stalked previously, I had no man to defend me. I had to defend myself.
Brow-beating or shaming a woman for caring about her personal safety as expressed by her using a pen name when writing sensitive, personal information, as I do on this blog, is bullying.
It is not ‘chivalry.’ It is quite the opposite of “chivalry.”
2. Regarding the “anonymous e mail” comment.
I’m not sure if that is a veiled reference to me or not; if it is:
Morgan contacted me here. He sent me e-mails. I did not contact him first. I did not e-mail him. He initiated contact with me.
3. Re: ‘adolescent games’ phrase.
That would be him, there again, who is being adolescent.
A mature man stops at a woman’s first or second “no” when asking her for something and does not try to shame her or harass her out of her “no.”
But it goes beyond “adolescent games” to keep harassing a woman online who has made it more than clear on one occasion she does not want you bothering her for her real name.
Again, this guy does not understand or appreciate how scary it is for women on line, or how dangerous it can be, when we get death threats or rape threats from men we do not know, and it’s made ten times more frightening if the man in question knows where we live and what our real name is.
4. Re: ‘Building a guy up’.
Sorry, no. A man’s behavior or emotional state is not a woman’s responsibility.
By the same token, a man’s sexual actions and sexual thought life is not a woman’s responsibility, either, so it is in error (as many Christian men do) to tell women to “dress modestly.”
That view is identical to what some branches of Islam teach, by the way, and which is why some practitioners of Islam force women to dress in head to toe outfits called burkas.
Muslims hold females responsible for male behavior and for male sexual sin.
If you find yourself parroting Islamic views, or agreeing with them, and yet claim to be a Christian, you need to re-examine your “Christian” beliefs.
5. Regarding Morgan’s comment:
- “In order to affirm something, you must be willing to defend it.”
Er, yeah, which is what I was doing on this blog for two or more years, but got beaten up for it merely for not providing all the world with my real name.
A person can defend a belief under a “pen name.” Using one’s real name is not necessary.
And as if I want a bunch of horny, mal-adjusted sexual sickos e-mailing me about sex. No thank you.
And trust me, if you are a woman and you post under your real name (and with a photo) you WILL get sleaze-oids responding to you with sick, perverted comments and requests, especially if you mention anything about your personal sex life or history, as I do on this blog.
Morgan does not have to live with a fear of, or possibility of rape, because he is a man and not a woman (assuming he is in fact telling the truth about himself and posting his true name).
Morgan keeps wanting to portray the situation of posting about sexually related stuff under one’s real name as only slightly risky and no big deal… but again, he is not a female. He doesn’t understand and doesn’t want to.
(PURPOSE OF THIS BLOG)
I shifted views on pre-marital sex since I first began this blog a few years ago.
I no longer defend the concept of staying a virgin until marriage per se, only that I see a lot of Christians who profess to believe in it do not really practice it or believe it, and some of them, like hypocrites, even attack the very teaching.
I’m now more speaking out against the Christian hypocrisy and idiocy of sexual teachings I see, more so than defending celibacy or virginity.
— end Jan 4, 2014 update —
Morgan would occasionally leave comments under some of my posts. Not a problem. He was polite, did not make any trouble at that point.
But at some point early on, Morgan began pressuring me A LOT to give him my real name, to friend him on Facebook, etc.
I politely explained that, no, I did not wish to give him my real name or friend him on social media.
Morgan backed off after a little while, so I thought the matter was dropped.
Boy, was I wrong! Morgan began pressuring me again after some time (days or weeks, I can’t recall) once more for my real name and other personal identification. I again declined.
It seems to me we danced this dance several times within the space of weeks or months, and I had to keep telling him NO.
At one point back then, he apologized. Things calmed down for a while, I considered the matter over and done.
Morgan claimed early on that his pressuring me over me giving him my real name was due to some sort of mental health issue he suffers from, if I remember rightly.
I think at one point Morgan did not drop by my blog for a few weeks, so I figured he was gone for good, but no, he started leaving the occasional post again.
I was on edge thinking, “Oh no, it’s that guy who hounds me over wanting my real name. Geeze, I hope he does not bring THAT up again.”
But, he did not hound me at that time for my name or anything. So I thought it was a done deal.
Wrong again. He began hassling me again to reveal my real name.
It’s quite common on the internet for people to use screen names. I don’t think he understands that or appreciates it.
Anyway, I called Morgan out on it once more, and I think he told me back then he was sorry, that he ‘forgot’ that he had previously asked me for my real name.
A few months went by without incident. He was just a visitor who would drop in, leave a few posts, and go.
Sometime around August, September, or October 2013, I decided to make a Twitter account for this blog.
A few weeks after I was using that Twitter account to tweet links to some of my blog posts about singleness, Morgan started sending me tweets.
Morgan was again hounding me to give him my real name, but this time, he was doing so on Twitter.
Lord almighty, what is the obsession with getting my real name?
I am no less ‘credible’ for using a pseudonym.
My posts are no less true because I am not posting under my real name of “Mary Smith, located at 123 Elm Street, Any City, USA.”
(Here is where I pick up with the comments that were originally in Part 1 of “Why I Post Anonymously” with a little bit of editing so that it flows better.)
A (now former) regular reader of this blog ( johnhughmorgan3 ~ Twitter handle = @JohnMor13413450 ) suggested recently on Twitter that my not posting under my real name damages my credibility. I don’t see how.
——- Edit. January 2, 2014 update:
This individual, ( johnhughmorgan3 ), has since, as of late Jan. 1, 2014, or early Jan. 2, 2014, deleted all tweets he made to me on my Twitter account from his Twitter account (the ones where he was again bugging me to give him my real name, etc). 😆
Those Tweets are no longer appearing in my Twitter “contact” area, which notifies you of replies or comments you receive.
However, my replies to him remain on Twitter. I was not talking to myself.
I sent him about 4 or 5 tweets, in reply to his tweets to me, where I made it clear AGAIN that I would not be giving him my real name, after he once more bugged me about about stating my real name.
Then I logged out after posting a few links to news stories about singles.
When I logged back in to Twitter a day or so later, I checked my “contact” area on Twitter.
Even after I had logged off, in the time since then, he had sent me several tweets, again harping on me about me remaining anonymous.
In one tweet, Morgan claimed he knew of people who would want to post at my blog here, if only I would state my real name. I ignored that tweet and the others. I did not reply to those.
As far as the first batch of tweets are concerned, the ones I did reply to-
Here is one Tweet I sent him, after he began badgering me to reveal my real name AGAIN:
(Link): My Tweet Reply
That Tweet to him reads:
- Why would my being anon damage my “credibility?” I useMyBlog2 rant so I guess it doesn’tBug me if ppl dn’t find me credible
But some time last night or today (January 2, 2014), the dude has deleted any tweets he sent me.
Why? He claims to be a Christian guy.
What is he trying to hide? I thought Christians were supposed to be honest, upfront, and transparent, etc.
It looks like a person posting under his real name (or what he claims to be his real name) does not necessarily make him any more upstanding, “credible,” and honest than a person who uses a screen name to blog.
I had a hunch last night that he would delete all his Tweets to me. I had him pegged for that kind of person. I find it odd, though.
So there you have it.
– Dude harasses me for my real name for over a year (though he took a break from this behavior mid year for a few months),
– then sends me an e-mail or two late Nov. 2013 saying he’s fine with me staying anonymous, then
-stalks me over on Twitter in December 2013, once again hassling me and pressuring me for my real name, getting upset when I once more decline to reveal my true identity;
– then has a melt down / tantrum (Jan 1 or 2, 2014) and deletes all his tracks (ie, previous Tweets to me) and demanding I make more changes to my blog.
And this is why I blog anonymously, folks.
Goodness only knows what this sort of person would do if he had my real name.
(The last stalker I had DID have my real name, and the weirdo would harass me at my job, in addition to my private life.)
— Edit 2, January 2, 2014 —
I just visited the dude’s blog page recently (hosted on johnhughmorgan3.wordpress.com), and the blog has the post stamped as Dec 31, 2013:
You know WHY he made that post and why he chose that day to post it?
Look at the timing: it is stamped December 31, 2013.
Morgan made that post when he did because of his recent negative interactions with me from November and December 2013, where he was once more hounding me to give him my personal information and was doing so on my blog and on Twitter. He also sent me some e-mails in Nov. 2013.
This guy, Morgan, who pestered me for about over a year (via my blog, e- mail, and Twitter) for me to give my real name goes on and on in that post ((Link): Maidens Waiting For Marriage) about how much he admires women for posting under their real names “publicly.”
I have no idea why women writing about their experiences under “pen names” rather than their real names “publicly” magically do not count for anything.
Morgan also goes on and on (in his “Maidens” post) about how he totally understands about female concerns for online safety – NO, NO, HE REALLY DOES NOT; read this entire post for an explanation of why (as well as (Link): Part 1).
Also observe my comments above how this Morgan guy deleted previous tweets he sent me, tweets where-in he was once more shaming me and hounding me for not giving my real name to him.
Why would he do that unless he feels he has something to hide?
Morgan was, I can only assume, deleting those tweets, probably so he can claim I’m making the whole thing up, or how he really is Mr. Trustworthy, or can appear to be so to other ladies online.
Men simply do NOT face the same kind of, and amount of, danger online, or in real life, that women do (see links farther below for more on that).
Ladies, do NOT blog, post, tweet, or whatever else any sensitive information about yourself, especially about your sexual history, sexual preferences, etc., under your REAL name, and do not give out any other identifying information about yourself (phone numbers, mailing address, etc), for YOUR SAFETY online and in real life.
John Morgan wrote in the blog post on his blog,
- If ugly words hurled at you bring you to your knees today, you need to rethink your commitment to wait.
First of all, I’m not sure what Morgan is suggesting here, that what, because I will not publicly cite my name (and yes, he made that post because of me), I should go ahead and have pre-marital sex? Because that’s what that comment sounds like.
As I’ve remarked elsewhere on the blog many a time the past several months, I am now agnostic (not completely Christian), and will more than likely have pre-marital sex, as soon as I get a steady boyfriend – so believe you me, I have already “rethought my commitment to wait.”
-But me not using my real name on the internet has nothing to do with any of that.
Secondly, dude is woefully clueless.
Cyber-stalking can and does have real life, real world repercussions, ones quite serious; it’s not a matter of having “thin skin” and not being able to tolerate “ugly words.”
(It’s also funny Morgan is lecturing or advising me or any woman about being cowardly vs being brave online, when he deleted his own Tweets to me the other night. He’s not brave enough to let those tweets remain for others to see?)
Women have been raped, mugged, beaten, been fired from their jobs, all due to wackos and crazies who tracked them down in real life, from what started as online correspondence.
If other women want to risk that by posting under their real names, fine for them. But I’m not them.
Sometimes, employers will not hire you if they find information about you online connected to your real name, and they do not like your comments or views.
A true “knight in armor” or an actual “gentleman” respects a woman’s wishes and HER BOUNDARIES.
He does not hound her, shame her, badger her, follow her around over a year online and pressure her in e-mails, Tweets, and on blogs, to do something she does not want to do, as this John Hugh Morgan did to me.
Lastly, with me, it’s just a matter of privacy here. It’s nobody’s damn business who I am. It’s my choice to post anonymously.
Part of adulthood and actually being “trustworthy” and “credible” is respecting other people’s choices, accepting their “nos” like a grown-up and not hounding them to cave in on THEIR limits and decisions.
RED FLAGS – bullying, intimidation, lack of sensitivity to the woman’s concerns
That this guy ( johnhughmorgan3 ) kept pressuring me to give him my real name and identity from the start, only to get into that again a year later (!!!), and despite the fact I told him numerous times one reason I don’t give that info out was due to being stalked in the past by a nut case, is a form of bullying and intimidation, is very troubling, and yes, a huge red flag.
(The following part of the post was written a couple of months ago, when Morgan was again attacking me on Twitter):
Okay, I just now saw a ‘response Tweet’ from the regular reader I mentioned above (John Morgan).
Morgan now says he will not follow me (on Twitter) or my blog (here) any further… because I will not release my real name.(*)
What the? That is just strange.
This same person asked me repeatedly when I first began this blog, (or soon after he discovered it, I should say), to give him my real name, despite the fact I stated repeatedly, no, I did not wish to do that, and the repeated requests made me uncomfortable.
How many different ways can I say, “No, I am not giving out my real name” before people like this get the message?
If I had wanted to blog under my real name, I would have slapped my real name on this blog to start with.
I had quipped to this person on Twitter today that I have started cussing on this blog lately, and I have – I’m no longer the sugary nice Christian, G-rated, gal I was raised to be; good riddance to that persona. It was fake and held me back in life.
I feel more comfortable being the real me now, and that includes the occasional cuss word.
This person also said, in addition to me stating my real name, that me cleaning up my language was a requirement for him to continue following me on Twitter or on this blog… say what?
It is egotistical, rude, and strange, to demand I make changes to my own blog or life to accommodate someone else. I do not jump through hoops for other people.
I checked the e-mail account associated with this blog the other day (it is not an address I check daily, or even weekly), after that weird exchange.
It turns out that this same guy chewing me out for not giving my real name had sent me an e-mail late November telling me that it was fine with him that I post anonymously.
Not that I need his approval either way, but how can a person go from saying, “It’s okay that you post anonymously” in November, to screaming at me online in December, demanding, that I post my real name?
I was cyberstalked before, and it was not pleasant. The idiot took the stalking to my place of work.
As I said in the other post about ‘Why I Post Anonymously’:
Men do not have to contend with near as much acrimony, unwanted flirtation, or harassment (especially of the sexual variety), online as women do.
That Morgan thinks he understands this is laughable, because his actions clearly show that he does not.
And listen to this pod cast:
(Link): Male War on Women – Stalking and Violence Against Women
And all the standard advice to women from LEO tells women NOT to post under the real names, do not give out personal identifying information, etc:
—— PREVENTING CYBER STALKING ——
(Link): How to Prevent Cyber Stalking
Consider using a name that is not your real name or a nickname as your email name, screen name or user ID.
And try not to use common dates such as your birthday as the digits in your email name or password. Instead, pick a name that is gender- and age-neutral. Treat your email and/or internet account like you would your credit card, ID or passport number – very carefully.
Be careful what personal information you share online including in email, on social networking sites like Facebook and Twitter and chat rooms.
It is very easy to glean information about where you live, the places you love to go to in your area and the people you care about from posts and pictures.
Examples of Stalkers
The first step in protecting yourself involves understanding who cyberstalkers are.
Some common examples of online stalkers are the following:
- Ex-boyfriend or girlfriend
- Unrequited crush
- Workplace colleague
- Family member
- Radical religious follower
Common prevention tips include:
-Using nonsuggestive screen names
-Removing any personal information from your social media profiles
-Never giving out details like your phone number or physical address
- From the US Department of Justice:
Do not share personal information in public spaces anywhere online, nor give it to strangers, including in e-mail or chat rooms.
Do not use your real name or nickname as your screen name or user ID.
Pick a name that is gender- and age-neutral.
And do not post personal information as part of any user profiles.
National figures show victims of cyberstalking tend to be females
- during the college ages 18-29 but women are not the only targets. A survey of 765 students at Rutgers University and the University of Pennsylvania found 45 percent of stalkers to be female and 56 percent to be male. National figures show most stalkers to be male by overwhelming margins (87 percent.) Men represented over 40 percent of stalking victims in the Penn-Rutgers study.
——- Edit. October 17, 2014 update:
J. Morgan has once more set his blog to private.
Link to his blog home page: http://johnhughmorgan3.wordpress.com/
One has to be a member and logged in to view his blog.
My guess is he likely saw that I have criticized at least two or three of his posts so far.
You can read those posts here:
Critiques of Posts by John Morgan:
- (Link): Male Entitlement and Adult Virginity: Who has it worse, Male Vs. Female? (critique of J. Morgan post)
- (Link): Four Lies the Church Taught Me About Sex (from Relevant) (critique of J. Morgan’s comments on “Relevant” site)
- (Link): Ageism Vs. Age Preferences and Creepy Older Men (critique of J. Morgan post)
And when Morgan makes his blog public again – and he likely will – I plan on visiting once every so often to keep tabs on, and critique, any further “woman blaming” attitudes I see on display there.
BTW, I happened across his comments at “Relevant” (which is a Christian magazine) above purely on accident. I was there reading their blog page about sexual sin and virginity, reading through the comments, and saw his comments there.
I sometimes visit his blog intentionally to see if he is writing sexist commentary about single, Christian women, once I noticed he has that tendency. I don’t go looking for this guy on other spots on the web.
Sometimes when I search for articles or blogs about Christianity and sexuality or singleness, I stumble across sites he’s been to before – I am not following him around the internet on purpose.
If you are a single, adult, Christian male – stop blaming single, celibate Christian women for your issues and frustrations.
Single Christian men: Stop acting like entitled doofuses and demanding, or expecting, single, celibate, Christian women to be your cheerleaders.
Keeping your cheered up is not the responsibility of single, celibate Christian women.
I don’t see churches, or single, celibate Christian men, cheering on or encouraging single, celibate Christian women.
As a single woman who has been celibate and was a Christian for many years, I never tore Christian men up for not encouraging me in my singlehood.
You don’t see me writing “male bashing” posts on this blog – not unless the males in question truly deserve it. If I see a pattern of nasty, rude, or sexist behavior from groups of Christian men, yes, I will criticize that, but I’m not an irrational harpy who bashes all men and who blames them for how the church treats single women.
I hold churches responsible for how churches mistreat single women, not the entire male gender (except for in so far as most churches are male- led and male- controlled. Many churches do not permit women to lead, teach, or preach, which ultimately means that men are responsible for a lot of errors in church life and culture).
Anyway, this is terribly amusing to me. A guy who stalked me for over a year and chewed me out for not providing my real name online makes his blog private once more when he sees I’ve been issuing critiques of some of his (sexist) work.
I may be writing under a pen name, but I’m not setting my blog to private every other month. Also, unlike him, I tend to credit my sources.
TL;DR – In Summary
This Morgan guy claims to be posting under his real name… but ironically, I don’t trust him. I think he lacks credibility due to his actions.
-Morgan hounds and hounds me over a year for me to give him my name, despite the fact I told him many times no and later told him no BECAUSE I WAS STALKED BY A SICKO PREVIOUSLY;
-he will not respect my boundaries;
-he takes the crusade of hounding me and shaming me and disregarding my boundaries from this blog to e-mail and to Twitter;
-he then deletes the incriminating Tweets when called out for that by me;
-he writes a blog post shortly after all this on his blog claiming to truly, deeply respect a woman’s safety and her concern for her own safety.
That is a lot of squirrely, suspicious behavior. I would not encourage other women to share their real names with Morgan.
I have since blocked this guy on this blog, on Twitter, and e-mail.
I wonder if this dude even bothered to read my posts on this blog this past year, where I explained that I am now rather agnostic, and I am thinking of giving up on the Christian faith, in large measure because I have been mistreated and abused by self professing Christians.
This Morgan guy has just added to that phenomenon… he’s another self professing Christian who harassed me, did not respect my wishes, which gives me another reason to depart the faith.
This situation did nothing to make me think, “Hmm, maybe I’ve been wrong, and I should stick to the Christian faith.”
Quite the contrary, it makes me think, “Christians are weird, insensitive, and I am so glad I am leaving Christianity.”
This situation also creeped me out.
Ironically, one of my concerns when I began blogging about the topics of Christian singleness, celibacy, sex and virginity, was the possibility of being harassed on this blog by weirdo, twisted Non-Christians for these views, but I instead get harassed, stalked, shamed, and harangued by a self professing, male, Christian, adult virgin.
Critiques of Posts by John Morgan:
(Link): Sex is Not the Primary or Only Basis of Marriage – Rape Victims / Asexuals / Bestiality ~ Zoophilia / Sexless Marriages / Park Bans Single Men -AND- Single Women – Rebuttal to Blogger John Morgan