Never Married Christians Giving Marital Advice – The Double Standard
I am about to make a post about Christian speaker Bill Gothard in a moment.
Gothard is a famous Christian dude. He’s the founder or head of something called Institute in Basic Life Principles. Here is (Link): his Wiki page.
I guess Gothard must be over 80 years old now, if his bio on Wiki is correct (or not, if my math sucks or their page’s birth year for him is wrong). He has never married.
One of the things Gothard is famous for is being a Christian speaker and writing lots of books and manuals about how to live the Christian life, including commentary on marriage.
Now, there is some never-married Christian woman who is a mouth piece for gender complementarian group CBWM. She is a speaker at CBMW conferences, she writes books about relationships and marriage. This woman has never married. I cannot remember her name.
Here’s what bugs me. Any time Gothard or this CBMW woman are mentioned on blogs or sites, Christians snort in derision: “How can he/she give family, sex, and marriage advice when he/she has never married and probably never had sex? That’s pretty rich.”
I sometimes find myself annoyed by that objection because many times, married Christians – ones who have been married since they were 20 years of age, who are now 50 or 60 – teach and lead adults singles classes.
Many churches will not permit an adult single who is 30 lead a class of adult singles who are 30, or will not permit an adult single who is 40 to lead and teach a group of 40 year old singles, etc.
Churches insist on married people filling those duties, which is not biblical. The Bible nowhere forbids single adults from leading and teaching.
Yet other than a few older singles such as myself, nobody questions or disputes the stupidity of having a 50 year old man who has been married for 20 – 30 years leading a class of 35 or 45 year old never married singles.
Why do so many Christians think it fine or normal for a 47 year old married man to lead a Sunday School class or seminar for never-married 37 year olds, but these same Christians laugh, ridicule, or balk at the idea of a 45 year old virgin teaching about sex or marriage?
If you have read my blog here, you can see that although I’ve never had sex, I’m not ignorant about sex or sexual acts. I was in a long term, serious, committed relationship, so I do know what that entails.
The double standard and hypocrisy from Christians can be infuriating at times: they are peachy keen with married adults teaching single adults about relationships, but not the other way around.
Considering that divorce rates are 40% – 50% (even for Christian couples), married people are not more qualified to lecture about marriage than a never married adult.
If people think that never married adults over 30 should not teach, discuss, or opine about sex or marriage, than neither should married people over 30 be permitted to opine or teach about singleness and celibacy.