Insensitive Valentine Meme
I’ve seen an insensitive Valentine meme go around this year, on several sites.
I didn’t save a copy of it, but it’s some text that says something like, “Single this year? Don’t have a Valentine? Well some people don’t have a Mom. Their Mom is dead. Some don’t have a Dad. Their dad is dead. So shut the fuck up about being alone on Valentine’s.”
Yeah, well, my dear mother has been dead a few years now, and I miss her terribly AND I am still single and would like marriage.
So, to whomever dreamed that meme up, be aware there are people seeing it who experienced both kinds of losses.
I can only guess that whomever dreamed that meme up recently lost a parent (or both), and I know that hurts like hell if you were close to either or both, but it’s not cool to bash people who hurt for being single.
Again, my mother is dead, and it was a painful experience for me to endure, harder than anything I’ve ever dealt with, but if you are reading this and both your parents are still alive, but you hurt because you are alone and would like to be married and Valentine’s Day bummed you out – you wish you had a Valentine but do not – you have my sympathy. And I mean that, that is not sarcasm. I am sorry you are single on Valentine’s Day and found it a difficult day to get through.
I think it’s pretty lousy for someone with a dead parent to chide someone else who has living parents, “you can’t be sad about being single since you still have your parents.”
That was like after my mother died, some Christians I ran into would do the same thing, and it was just as bad; they would say things like, “You actually have it pretty good. Your Mom may be dead, but at least you’re not an orphan in Africa.”
As if that made the pain over my Mom being gone any easier to bear? It didn’t. It was insulting.
I realize if your parent recently died and you hear people complain about being single on Valentine’s it can sound moronic… it does sound trivial, doesn’t it? You are missing your loved one who is never coming back, but some single guy or lady you know is crying or complaining because they don’t have a sweetie to bring them a box of chocolates or out on a dinner date. I get it.
Shortly after my mother died, I had one friend who kept bitching and literally crying over stupid stuff like her cell phone battery died, her Play Station unit broke, and another friend would complain over trivial things, like her cat kept puking up hair balls on her carpet. Yes, those sorts of issues did sound pretty trivial compared to my loss. So I do get it.
On the other hand… Don’t tell people they don’t have a right to their pain or grief just because it’s not identical to yours. Some singles, if they’re about 35 or older, may be experiencing Valentine’s Day a lot like death.
Once you get to your mid or late 30s and you’re still not married, it can be crushing. You had really hoped to marry. Your expectation of not being married yet can feel very similar to loss, like loss of a loved one. You may go through a mourning process that is similar… it may take a few years to come to terms with still being single.
So I would not so easily brush off or dismiss every single’s tears shed on Valentine’s over being single. It’s actually rather cruel to tell singles who are having a struggle over being single to just STFU.
I don’t know. It just seemed kind of shitty, rude, and insensitive to me that someone would make a meme saying, “Hey, one of my parents is dead, so nobody else has a right to cry or be sad about anything else!” type thing.