Some Lady Tells Singles Not To Feel Sad on Valentine’s Day
This is sort of like my last post,
(Link): Insensitive Valentine Meme – you can’t feel sad about being single if your parents are still living
(Link): Instead of Getting Sad on Valentine’s Day, Try Not Giving a Fuck
I’m not sure if the woman who wrote this is single or married.
The odd thing about this woman’s page is that while on the one hand she seems to try to be encouraging singles, it comes across as a form of “singles shaming” to me. Maybe that was not her intent, but that’s how it came across to me.
Here are a few excerpts:
- by M. Davies
- So you’re spending Valentine’s Day alone and feeling sad about it. What do you do? Curl up on the couch and cry? Stare forlornly into the window of a restaurant packed with couples who are sharing the same long spaghetti noodle like the dogs in Lady and the Tramp? Well, knock it off, sister. You’re a grown-ass woman — W-O-M-Y-N — and it’s time that you figured out that Valentine’s Day only matters when you make it matter. SO STOP MAKING IT MATTER.
- There was a time when I used to get really sad about being alone on Valentine’s Day. That time was high school, when I was too young and dumb to know better.
- …But maybe your friends are different than mine and they do make you feel bad about being alone on Valentine’s Day. Well, I hate to break it to you, but you have some shitty friends. That or it’s projection on your part, in which case this probably goes deeper than Valentine’s Day and chances are you’ll be sad on February 15th, 16th and maybe even when you finally get a significant other because, guess what, they won’t solve all your problems either.
That lady’s “buck up, buckeroo about being single on Valentine’s Day” page read more like “shut up you whiny cry baby whiner.” If she was trying to encourage singles who are unhappy about being single, I’m guessing it had the opposite effect on most people who read that page.
But then, I’m not exactly sure what the average age of the typical Jezebel reader is, 25? If it’s 20 or 25, maybe that sort of scolding is a bit more appropriate, but for women in their mid 30s who had hoped to marry but still find themselves single? No, I can’t say as though a scolding is appropriate.
I think I can see what the author is trying to do (getting singles to look on the bright side of being single on Valentine’s Day), but on the other hand, it bothers me a little bit when people tell other people not to feel sad by or about something.
Kind of like insensitive people who tell you “who cares, it was just a cat” when you tell them you are deeply depressed because your pet cat just died last week.
If you feel sad about being single on Valentine’s Day, I think that’s normal and okay.
I do think you would probably not find the day as traumatic if you could accept being single and not focus so much on not having a partner, but I’m not going to wag my index finger in a person’s face about it if they are upset and demand they knock off the crying or sadness.
I will say if you’re one of those women who feel like a total nobody and zero and who thinks year round that she MUST have a man (or a romance or marriage) to give her life meaning, purpose, and identity, that is NOT healthy or safe for you, for several reasons.
One of which is if you have that level of neediness for a partnership, you will tend to attract abusive men, or men who take advantage of you financially, sexually, and/or emotionally. You don’t want or need that – yes, it is far better to be single than in a dating or marriage relationship with a guy who cheats on you, uses you for money, or who emotionally or physically abuses you.
The author does end the piece on this note:
- I’m also not trying to make anyone feel guilty about feeling sad over being single. This is your life, you know what you want from it and who am I to tell you that you should be satisfied by any less? (Just a silly, BEAUTIFUL girl in a stained t-shirt, that’s who!) But how about, for just one day, you give yourself a break? You can go back to listening to Patsy Cline as you lie face down on your bathroom floor and wail against the cold tiles tomorrow, but right now, try to let it go.
– And she goes on like that for a few more sentences. But that comes after 3/4 of a page shaming you for feeling bad over being single on Valentine’s Day.
If you feel sad about being single on Valentines Day (and not that you need my permission, but), go ahead and feel sad. I at least hope people don’t feel guilty or horrible about feeling sad after seeing pages like that one.