Gender Role Reversal: Author Says Men Need to Wife Hunt When They Are Young

Gender Role Reversal: Author Says Men Need to Wife Hunt When They Are Young

Interesting gender reversal. Women are always lectured and tut-tutted about “putting off marriage.” This does the opposite.

By the way, I had wanted to marry by my late 20s or mid 30s at the latest, but you cannot marry if you have no men in your life.

I hate how people act like getting married is just a matter of you wanting to- that if you want marriage, than, POOF, Mr. Right magically appears before you on bended knee with a diamond ring in hand. Life doesn’t work that way. You have to join millions of dating sites, ask friends to fix you up, etc.

By the way: it’s not true that married people are happier, have better health, etc, than singles, see (Link): this web page.

(Link): ‘Straight Talk’ the Princeton Mom Should Give to Young Men

    Check the stats: young men — not young women — are the ones who need to start spouse hunting… now

    By Eliana Dockterman
    Feb. 18, 2014

    Susan Patton, a Princeton mom who lit up the internet last year with her unsolicited dating advice for college women, is back with a Wall Street Journal column that sounds an awful lot like what she said last year. In the op-ed, she tells young women to “smarten up and start husband hunting” instead of focusing on their careers.

    But before doling out more of her rules for female happiness, Ms. Patton should probably have taken a look at the research on gender, marriage, and success.

    If she had, she would have realized she was addressing her letter to the wrong audience.

    It’s men who benefit most from locking down a smart woman early.

    I’ve taken the liberty of drafting an alternative letter for her:

    A Little Straight Talk For Young Men

    Another Valentine’s Day weekend, another Friday night spent bro-ing out with your friends and picking up chicks in bars… or watching porn. You don’t have to hide it.

    You’re a 20-something man, so the only thing you could possibly want is sex.

    Settling down with a steady girlfriend you meet on campus now is inconceivable.

    Once you’re in your 30s and have made some money all the hot 20-year-olds will be clamoring after you, right?

    Actually, it’s time for a reality check. Forget your biological clock — your financial clock is ticking. If you have any hopes of leading a successful life, you need to lock down a woman now.

    This is the only time in your life where you’re going to be surrounded by so many smart, eligible women.

    That won’t be the case for long if you’re planning on moving to New York or San Francisco after graduation — as I’m sure many of you ambitious future lawyers, doctors and entrepreneurs are. Those places are kind of a sausage fest.

    And the sooner you get married the better. Men who marry in their 20s make more than those who marry after the age of 30, according to a the University of Virginia’s National Marriage Project.

    Sadly for you, the opposite is true for women: college-educated women bring in 56 percent more income if they settle down in their mid-30s rather than their mid-20s. So you’ve got your work cut out for you if you want to wrangle one into marrying you ASAP.

    And the longer you wait, the worse your prospects are.

    If current trends continue, any woman you’re currently attending college with will be making more than you in 10 years.

    If you wait too long, she’ll be financially independent and and looking for a young, hot guy willing to be a stay-at-home dad while she conquers her field of choice.

    Or at least someone who makes more than she does. The last thing she’ll want is some mid-30s guy who’s her own age. And your sperm is degrading by the year. (You might think about freezing some while you’re young.)

    Could you marry someone dumber than you, who doesn’t have the ambitions the girls you go to college with do — someone who’s still willing to actually get married young?

    Sure, but how long could you really stick with someone who doesn’t want to talk about Ibsen?

    And you’re not actually considering having children with someone who doesn’t know Ibsen, are you?!?

    So what’s a smart guy to do?

    Go find a girl in college now. I mean right now. Go outside your dorm and grab one. They have apps for this now, too, right? Use one of those.

    And remember, you have to offer those beautiful, smart, success-oriented women something they can’t get on their own. That is definitely going be tough.

    What could you give a woman that she can’t get on her own?

    Well… there is that one thing you guys have to offer. But these days you’ll have to convince her that you’re at least as good as any intimate appliance she can order online.

    Who needs that hassle, you say? You have your bros to bro out with and a career to pursue, after all. Well, guess what. All your bros are going to start getting hitched quick.

    According to a 2013 survey, men are more likely than women to equate marriage with success. And for you and your bros, nothing matters more than winning. Just wait a couple years.

    Soon those smug marriage announcements will be popping up on your Facebook Newsfeed. They’re winning at life, and you’re still playing Madden after work every day.

    What’s worse: Those committed guys are probably better off than you in almost every way. Studies show married men live longer than their bachelor counterparts, make more money, and have more sex. And men who marry educated women live longer than those who marry less educated women.

    Sure, there are men who don’t want longevity, financial stability, and regular sex. But if you do, you need to start listening to your gut and ignoring the anti-feminist line that one Ivy League mom has been shoving down your throat for the last year. There is nothing wrong with an educated man who actually wants a family.

    And if you fail to identify “the one” while you’re in college, don’t worry. There’s always graduate school. Those places are chock full of chicks. Just tell your parents to think of it as an investment: They foot the bill now, the wife you find takes care of you financially for the rest of your life. They’ll probably be cool with that.

———-
Related posts:

(Link): Secular Media Also Pushing Early Marriage

6 thoughts on “Gender Role Reversal: Author Says Men Need to Wife Hunt When They Are Young”

  1. You are contradicting yourself, first you agree with the author telling men to pick a mate while in college but you tell women to wait until 40 to get married in the next post. Who are these young men supposed to pick then?You are enforcing the same secular view to get married much later in life until maybe you have no one left or no energy to go through any of it all . You say maturity is not relevant but it’s relevant in your next post about women reaching maturity before marrying.

    This whole thing is disorganized and im not upset but seeing the strangeness of it all. It’s against nature and a women biology to marry at 40, sure she can do it and it has been done. However,men will always go for younger women, yes there are exceptions here and there but overall you cannot argue with a man’s biological makeup to choose fertile women that also look good. A women that’s 40 or beyond has very little men to choose from, and if she wants children well good luck with that, there’s a higher chance of that child being born with problems

    This precious maturity cannot be reached just by yourself. I’m sorry but at the time the person in question does find a worthy man to marry she has no idea how to live together, treat a man properly, and share beyond herself, why? Because this selfish society always told her to look out for herself first and everyone else is optional, she never went through what a marriage brings to the table at an emotional ,psychological level and it’s just a bad idea to start so late to gain those and all she has left are 50-60 years old or become a cougar. I am sometimes speechless by the things you write here.

    1. @ Jane Zen

      I’m not contradicting anything.

      I said in these posts – not my replies to you, but the main posts above the commenting area here and/or on another thread – that I’m not legalistic about which age a person should marry.

      I conveyed the notion in one or more posts about this topic that if a woman (or man) chooses to marry at 20, fine for her. If she chooses to marry at age 30, great. If she chooses to marry at 65, great too.

      I’m not sitting here insisting everyone should marry by age X, and if they do not, they are wrong, or are in sin.

      I do, however, think it may be wiser for most people, especially women who grew up in conservative and/or religious families, to wait until they are 35 or older to marry for the first time. And I explain my rationale for that in other posts.

      That it may be better for certain types of women to wait until age 40 to marry for the first time is a suggestion of mine, not a command.

      I am sick and tired of the evangelical Christians who are insisting that everyone should marry by age 21 and then blaming you if you are currently age 30 (or older) and still single.

      Some Christians act as though merely being single in one’s 30s or older is a sin – but it is not.

      Why not turn the tables on these people and point out marrying later may be the wiser move? Why not insist everyone wait until age 40 to marry?

      Several Bible characters did not marry until age 40 or older, see the examples in this link: (Link): The Scandal of Singleness

      See also: (Link): Study: Got Married Sooner Than You Hoped? That’s Depressing

      (Link): The advantages to getting engaged at age 37, by Patricia Beauchamp

      And the fact is, people are indeed marrying later in life than they used to in the United States. I have blogged about that on several occasions.

      Instead of helping people where they are (single into middle or old age), all most Christians do is gripe and complain about delayed marriage and yell at 20 year old kids to get married before they turn 21. How does that help me, who is 40 years old and single? It does not help me.

      It is the woman who wrote the editorial, Eliana Dockterman, who said “men should pick a mate while in college.” I did not say that.

      I explain in my “about” page, or other blog pages about the blog, that I am not always necessarily in agreement with every view on every page I feature or link to here on this blog.

      As I already told you in a reply from the other day, whether author Eliana Dockterman is right or wrong about men needing to pick a partner in college is beside the point.

      The fact is, Dockterman is blaming men, not women, for lack of marriage.

      Do you prefer articles that blame women? I’m sick of women being blamed for lack of marriage.

      Dockterman ‘s editorial turns the table on the protracted singleness issue.

      Instead of blaming women for delayed marriage or lack of marriage, as most articles and editorials do, Dockterman says, look, you can just as easily apply many of these arguments, or similar ones, to men too, and she proceeds to do that very thing, which I think is great.

      I mean really, you prefer hearing the reason you are still single at age X is because of stuff like this:
      you are a secular, man hating feminist,
      you had billions of marriage proposals but ignored them all
      you were so obsessed with your career you intentionally blew off marriage

      -You prefer those sorts of editorials? I find them very insulting.

      There are a lot of Christian women over age 30 who desired marriage, and it simply never happened for them.

      They did not remain single against their wishes because they are feminists, they hate men, or they were too picky, or had millions or marriage proposals but turned them all down, or put career first.

      Yet many Christians assume if you are still single past age 30 it is because you are deliberately doing things to put off or avoid marriage, so you get blamed for being single.

      You said,

      However,men will always go for younger women, yes there are exceptions here and there but overall you cannot argue with a man’s biological makeup to choose fertile women that also look good. A women that’s 40 or beyond has very little men to choose from, and if she wants children well good luck with that, there’s a higher chance of that child being born with problems

      As a single woman over age 40, I find some of those comments insulting.

      I still “look good.” When you hit 40, you don’t instantly morph into a wrinkled looking prune with grey hair.

      I have current photos of myself on dating sites, and I get approached by men from their 20s all the way up to their 70s and all ages in-between.

      Relevant post:
      (Link): Note to people who use stock photography in commercials – 40 something does not look like age 60+

      As to your comments about babies over 40:
      (Link): One in 25 babies born to over-40s / 53 year old woman gives birth to baby

      You said,

      This precious maturity cannot be reached just by yourself.

      That comment makes no sense whatsoever and is not even true.

      Plenty of people who never marry arrive to age 30, 40, and older and mature without a romantic partner.

      Jesus Christ never married, died at age 33, and was plenty mature. Jesus did not require marriage to make him “mature.”

      The Bible nowhere teaches that concept but actually says remaining single is preferable (see 1 Corinthians 7).

      You are upholding various negative stereotypes I fight against regularly here on the blog, such as the idea that marriage makes a person more mature, godly, or ethical – which it does not, examples can be found here:

      (Link): Marriage Does Not Make People More Loving Mature Godly Ethical Caring or Responsible (One Stop Thread)

      You said,

      I’m sorry but at the time the person in question does find a worthy man to marry she has no idea how to live together, treat a man properly, and share beyond herself, why? Because this selfish society always told her to look out for herself first and everyone else is optional, she never went through what a marriage brings to the table at an emotional ,psychological level and it’s just a bad idea to start so late to gain those and all she has left are 50-60 years old or become a cougar.

      Ever hear of “greedy marriages?”

      Studies were done which reveal that married couples are more selfish than adult singles, see this post for more information about that topic:

      (Link): Do Married Couples Slight Their Family Members as Well as Their Friends? / “Greedy Marriages”

      You said,

      I am sometimes speechless by the things you write here.

      Same here with the comments you leave – some of which I find derogatory against older singles and singles in general.

  2. The word “reversal” has a funny connotation here. It’s in a man nature to pursue women and not the other way around so if anything has been reversed it’s women hunting and men and being so damn passive.

    College men are a joke (at least in South Florida) the last thing in their minds is to have a serious relationship when they can’t even respect women in the first place. Living here for 11 years have really opened my eyes about why I myself do not even want a relationship with them.

    I have had university students randomly insult me in hallways, laugh in my face and one even screamed in my ear . All grown up men which I had never spoken to before or had classes with. I have heard their conversations with others telling women they are disposable “bitch” “hoe” and the only man I actually dating my uni years did not even considered me his girlfriend and started acting like a jerk only soon enough.

    What do you expect from these immature guys that have been told over and over again college is all about the booze, drugs and sleeping around? They have their wide selection of different women and that is exactly what confuses them. There’s always someone better than Mary, and july is not cute enough, and Sarah has that weird smile. It’s a network of possible mates which none meet all the requirements and therefore no one is taken seriously.

    Then they realize there’s only 5 women at work and all are compromised. That’s why men visit bars and sleazy places but wife material is not found here. As a last resort men sign up for dating sites trying to pick up “phillipina, russian foreign women because they are tired of American women. generalizing all of us when he wasn’t bothered in his prime years to really get the good ones…

    And let me assure you that this is mainly in anti-social america problem. People meet in many other places than college or work all around the world due to their relaxed atmosphere. I heard from other countries of how married couples met and was surprised to learn that people actually talk to each other at bus stops, trains, randomly walking in the street, at parks, gyms, ect what are the chances that you meet a person this way in America? pretty low I would say so it’s not all the guy’s fault either….

    1. I posted the link to the editorial because about once per year, every year, some right wing woman writes an editorial blaming protracted singleness on women:
      it is said that women are deliberately putting off marriage to finish college and/or start a career (and/or they rattle off other reasons on which they blame single women for being single).

      I happen to be a right winger myself but am sick and tired of other right wingers bashing single women and blaming us for everything, or making all kinds of assumptions about us and why we stay single.

      First of all, there is nothing wrong with a woman wanting to defer marriage to get a degree or start a career, but secondly, a lot of us who remain single into our 30s and 40s and older desired marriage – and some of us were not necessarily putting off marriage in favor of college or career.

      There is no reason why a man cannot ask you out on dates in the early stages of your career and then ask for your hand in marriage when you are late 20s or early 30s.

      (I just wrote a post yesterday (link): here explaining why women should actually wait until they are 40 years old to marry – that would be far wiser than marrying by 25 or 35, if you want to get nit picky about it. I’m kind of glad now I did NOT marry by age 35.)

      The lady who wrote the editorial on this page is turning the tables, which I enjoyed.

      She’s saying protracted singleness is something men need to worry about, not women.

      Whether she’s right or wrong about that is beside the point – she’s dishing it out to men, instead of pinning all blame on women, which I find very refreshing.

      I had wanted to marry by my mid 30s, but I simply never met the right man. I am sick and tired of the editorials telling me I am to blame for being single, and the assumption that I was obsessed and consumed with my career, that I must have received 567 billion marriage proposals but blew them all off.

      I was more than wiling to marry in my late 20s/mid 30s, I was not obsessed with career, and I only got ONE marriage proposal. ONE. Not 456, not three million, but ONE. Had I married that joker, it would have ended in divorce after a few years, so I was being wise by NOT marrying that ONE proposal.

      1. You are assuming that college/uni guys are mature enough to make that happen. They are simply not. They want to get as much fun as they can and see women as objects. If women keep on opening their legs so easily you can say goodbye to male responsibility and seriousness. It’s a team work thing..

      2. @ Jane Zen

        You may want to re- read what I wrote:

        I said in my reply to you (as well as (Link): this post, Why It May Be Wiser For Women to Enter First Marriage At Age 40+ – especially ones from religious or conservative families), that most women are not mature until they get to their mid 30s; they have no idea who they are until their mid 30s or older, so they should probably wait until they reach about 40 to consider marriage anyway.

        Whether college aged males are playas, users, or immature is a bit irrelevant since a lot of women need to grow up and become their own person instead of wanting to get hitched while they are 21 years old.

        Besides all that, I’m in my 40s now. It’s been years since I was in college, so I am not writing this blog from a frame of reference of what it’s like to be a 21 year old girl who wants romance with 21 year old boys.

        You said,
        If women keep on opening their legs so easily you can say goodbye to male responsibility and seriousness. It’s a team work thing..

        There is a of debate about that point on the internet, every time a woman (or man) writes about “the sexual economy,” also known as, “why buy the cow when the milk is free.” I was considering writing a blog post about that eventually.

        It doesn’t even really matter if college aged men are mature or not- I also don’t think women should marry while in college, so it’s rather a moot point.

        You seem upset by my reply above from a few days ago, and I’m not sure why. It also feels like you did not read what I actually wrote but that you are replying to things I did not say, so I am not sure how to reply to you.

        And you seem to have totally overlooked this part of my reply to you from before:

        She’s saying protracted singleness is something men need to worry about, not women.

        Whether she’s right or wrong about that is beside the point – she’s dishing it out to men, instead of pinning all blame on women, which I find very refreshing.

Comments are closed.