Married Father Wants Frequent Breaks From Being Married Father – (If Family is Backbone of Society As Christians Teach….)
So this married guy who has two or three kids writes to advice columnist Ann Landers or Dear Abby or whatever saying he and his wife get into weekly or monthly arguments.
He wants to be able to go on weekly outings overnight with his male buddies with no wife and no kids, for extended poker games or whatever.
He wants to take two wife-less and two kid-less week long trips per year. This has has wife hopping mad.
You have conservative Christians constantly bleating how “family is the backbone of culture,” and how supposedly, marriage and parenthood automatically mature a person or bestow godliness on a person.
Obviously none of this nonsense is true, when you have grown men who are married with a kid or two who want to spend time away from the family, to run off and be with their beer- drinking, football watching, frat buddies. Give me a break.
This man obviously does not consider what he is doing – marriage and fatherhood – as being anything important to culture or society.
He does not care an iota if his family is a so-called “building block” of culture, as evangelicals, Reformed, fundamentalists, and Baptists so often say on their blogs, books, sermons, and television and radio shows.
He cares more about having his weekend, beer drinking, fun times escapades with his male buddies than he does in being a husband or daddy. So Christians can take their “looking down their nose” at childless adults and never-married adults and stick it where the sun don’t shine.
Here’s his letter.
Ask Amy: Dad demands monthly break from family
- By AMY DICKINSON
My wife and I have an ongoing dispute that threatens our family, which includes two young children, ages 2 and 5.
I have a desire to visit my guy friends with overnight visits once a month and occasional longer trips with my brothers or guy friends about once every two years, to go skiing, camping, to the beach, etc.
This seems to be too much for my wife, who makes a big stink. She feels I should only care about family and never leave her alone to take care of the kids.
I’ve offered to have my mom watch the kids while I’m gone, but that’s not good enough. Also, I beg her to take similar trips with her friends or her sister while I watch the kids. She declines or says she can’t work it out.
She has given in to my demands occasionally, but it is only after lengthy arguments.
Do you think I am selfish or unjustified in my request?
— Conflicted in South Carolina
The answer to your question is “yes” and “yes.” A monthly overnight with a biennial trip with the guys for a longer duration (conveniently unspecified) is too much.
It might not be too much for some families, but it is too much for yours.
I know this because you characterize this as a “demand” that threatens your family.
Most mothers and fathers would love to take a fun overnight break from a 2- and 5-year-old 12 (sometimes 13) times a year, but building a family together requires that parents not have one foot out the door.
You don’t mention wanting a monthly poker night after which you roll home in the wee hours.
You need an overnight. When you make your demand, this is what your wife hears: “I don’t enjoy being a husband and father. I must escape our family as often as possible.”
She is trying to control you because she is afraid you will flee for an overnight and simply keep on running.
You and your wife need a night or two together away from the kids to reconnect as a couple and figure out a compromise that sounds less like a demand. You should plan this.
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