Are Single People the Lepers of Today’s Church? by Gina Dalfonzo
I was originally alerted to this article by Janet Mefferd on Twitter, so hat tip to her.
Overall a good editorial, though I do not agree with the writer that Heb. 10 is a “command” for people to attend church (see this post).
She raises many of the same points I have raised on this blog the last couple of years, references some of the same books and links I have before.
Edit. I just realized that Ms. Mefferd discussed the following article (linked to below) on her radio program, and you can listen to her discuss it in an archived version of her show here (the same show also discusses the problem of pornography):
(Link): Janet Mefferd Show-4/10/2014
(Link): Are Single People the Lepers of Today’s Church? by by Gina Dalfonzo
A few excerpts:
In an age of rising singlehood, many churches are still focused on being family ministry centers.
There are the well-meaning ladies who ask you about your husband and children and, when you say you don’t have any, suddenly run out of things to say to you.
There are the women’s Bible studies scheduled on weekday mornings, because aren’t all church women (Link): married homemakers?
There are the (Link): sermons and activities directed exclusively at families.
There are the pastors who fault the single men for not getting married, even if they’ve tried, and who (Link): seem to think that singles are marked out for some terrible fate.
There are the Christians who tell you that (Link): life doesn’t start until you’re married. Or that you can’t really understand what love is because you’re single and childless. Never mind that this goes directly against the Christian faith, which teaches that God is the source of all love and that everyone — regardless of marital status! — can know that love.
- Churches are so committed to the idea of a family-centered church that they’re just not sure how to handle rising rates of singleness.
There are the people who talk about singles in the church as a problem. There are the people who say you’re (Link): “too picky” if you have any standards at all.
There are the people who hint that you couldn’t get a spouse because you’re not spiritual enough or because God is trying to punish you for something.
And then there are my favorites: the people who helpfully point out that there’ll be no one to look after you in your old age. (Thanks for reminding me once again of that topic that has so often kept me lying awake into the small hours!)
In a nutshell, there are a lot of nice, well-intentioned Christian married people who say cruel, insensitive, or misguided things to and about single people….
Please read the rest of her post here:
(Link): Are Single People the Lepers of Today’s Church? by by Gina Dalfonzo
Related posts this blog:
(Link): Lies The Church Tells Single Women (by Sue Bohlin)
(Link): Welcoming Singles Into Your Church by E. Metaxas via Gina Dalfonzo
(Link): Fewer Americans Think Marriage is Needed To Create Strong Families, New Poll Suggest
(Link): Why Do Churches Treat Singleness Like a Problem? via Relevant Magazine
(Link): Unmarried and Undaunted by G. Dalfonzo
(Link): Critique of Federalist Editorial “There Is One Pro-Women Camp In American Politics, And It’s The Right by Elle Reynolds” – Do Federalist Magazine Members Realize There Are Single, Childless Conservative Women?
(Link): Marriage Does Not Make People More Loving Mature Godly Ethical Caring or Responsible (One Stop Thread)
(Link): Single Adults – Why They Stay and Why They Stray From Church – Book Excerpts
(Link): Five Things Single Women Hate to Hear
(Link): Married Couple Almost Starve Adopted 8 Year Old To Death – you don’t have to achieve perfection or sinlessness before God will send you a spouse
(Link): The Problem with Platitudes – for Christian single over 35 years old never married
(Link): List of Christian Singlehood Annoyances, Part 1
(Link): Stop telling single women they’re fabulous! by S. Eckel
(Link): Myths About Never Married Adults Over Age 40
(Link): Isn’t It Time the Church Gave Singles a Break? (editorial from another blog)
(Link): Are Christian Singles The New Second Class Christian? by Duke Taber
(Link): “Family-ing” Single Adults by D. Franck – How Churches Can Minister to Single Adults
(Link): Unmarried America: How Single Adults Are Changing the Face of the U.S. and What It Means for the Church by R. Hurst
(Link): The Singles Challenge ( Single Christian over 35 years old never married )
(Link): So There Are More Single People, but It’s Still a Couples’ World (article)
(Link): Study: People today living alone more than ever before
(Link): Christian Early Marriage Position Advocates A Low View of Celibacy and Virginity and Adult Singleness – another example: Justin Deeter Blog about Early Marriage
(Link): Preachers and Christian Media Personalities: Re: Marriage – You’re missing the point stop trying to argue or shame singles into getting married
(Link): How Christians and Churches Can Be of Help to Older Singles (copy)
(Link): Ministering to the Unmarried by Noel Cameron
(Link): Why People Don’t Go To Church (various links and testimonies March 2014)
(Link): The World Does Not Need More Marriage Sermons – They Don’t Stop Divorce or Get People Married
(Link): Churches Ignoring The Olds: Increasing Population of Senior Citizens In America – Yet Churches Keep Obsessing About Kids and 20 Somethings
(Link): The Obligatory, “Oh, but if you’re single you can still benefit from my marriage sermon” line
(Link): Power Point, Boring Churches, It’s all about Jesus, Church Quitters, No Community, Selfish Preachers, Churches As Stalkers / (Re: Why Some Drop Out of Church)
(Link): The Cloying Annoying Nauseating G-Rated Wholesome Saccharin Sweet Tone of Articles by Christians For Christian Singles – Christian Material For Singles is LAME
(Link): If Family Is Central, Christ Is Not
(Link): Never Married Christians Over Age 35 who are childless Are More Ignored Than Divorced or Infertile People or Single Parents
(Link): A Critique Of, More Singles Commentary by Mark Driscoll (“Two Mistakes Singles Make”)
(Link): More married women are not having children, U.S. study finds – this will throw a monkey wrench into conservative Christian plans
(Link): Do You Rate Your Family Too High? (Christians Who Idolize the Family) (article)
(Link): Never Married Adult Woman Says Married Friends Did Not Help Her When She Was Sick
(Link): The Myth of the Gift – Regarding Christian Teachings on Gift of Singleness and Gift of Celibacy
(Link): False Christian Teaching: “Only A Few Are Called to Singleness and Celibacy” or (also false): God’s gifting of singleness is rare – More Accurate: God calls only a few to marriage and God gifts only the rare with the gift of Marriage
(Link): Why all the articles about being Child Free? On Being Childfree or Childless – as a Conservative / Right Wing / Christian
(Link): There is No Such Thing as a Gift of Singleness or Gift of Celibacy or A Calling To Either One
(Link): The Gift of Singleness – A Mistranslation and a Poorly Used Cliche’
(Link): Gift of Singleness Gift of Celibacy Unbiblical – Those Terms and Teachings Contribute to Fornication / Editorial About Sex Surrogates
(Link): Douglas Wilson and Christian Response FAIL to Sexual Sin – No Body Can Resist Sex – supposedly – Re Celibacy
(Link): Cultural, Church, Christian and Secular Discrimination Against Childless and Childfree Women – and link to an editorial by a Childless Woman
(Link): Single Christian Women Have No Protection according to some preachers – only married women have protection
(Link): Preacher Mark Driscoll Basically Says No, Single Christian Males Cannot or Should Not Serve as Preachers / in Leadership Positions – Attempts to Justify Unbiblical, Anti Singleness Christian Bias
(Link): The Netherworld of Singleness for Some Singles – You Want Marriage But Don’t Want to Be Disrespected or Ignored for Being Single While You’re Single
(Link): Are There Any Protestant or Baptist Singles – Friendly Churches or Denominations ? / Singles Single Adult Childfree Childless Age 30 40 50 Christian
(Link): Some strands of patriarchy and Christian gender complementarianism teaching: adult singles are not full human beings, not fully in the image of God – you must marry and/or have children to fully reflect God until then you are sub human (Why Christians and singles should be concerned about the gender role debates)
(Link): Christian Patriarchy Group: God Demands You Marry and Have Babies to Defeat Paganism and Satan. Singles and the Childless Worthless (in this worldview).
(Link): The Irrelevancy To Single or Childless or Childfree Christian Women of Biblical Gender Complementarian Roles / Biblical Womanhood Teachings
(Link): Goodbye to romance: Are rom-coms worse than porn? (How Hollywood Feeds Into People’s Tendency to Idolize Marriage and Turn a Spouse Into a Deity)
(Link): According to Pastor – Jimmy Evans – It Takes One Man and Woman Married To Equal A Whole – so where does that leave Christian singles ? / Too Much Sex Talk | Making Marriage into an Idol Marriage Idolatry Anti Singles Singlehood Singleness Unmarried Bias Prejudice
(Link): ‘God’s Purpose for Women,’ by Matthew Hagee – Hagee Teaches that Single Unmarried Women Do Not Have a Purpose in Life God has no purpose for singles
(Link): Singles Shaming at The Vintage church in Raleigh – Singlehood Shaming / Celibate Shaming
(Link): Christian TV Personality ( Jimmy Evans ) Says You Cannot Meet God’s Destiny For Your Life Without A Spouse = Anti Singleness Singlehood Singles Bias Prejudice Making Idol out of Marriage
(Link): Male Preacher Marries For First Time At Age 44
(Link): The Bible Calls Christians to Make Individual Disciples, Not to “Change Culture” Nor to Save, Redeem Culture Nor to Save or Promote Marriage or Manufacture Christianized Entertainment
(Link): Why Stay-at-Home Moms Are More Depressed Than Working Moms (article) -Intersting- yet Christians hold up Motherhood (especially SAHM – Stay At Home Mommydom) as Being a Woman’s Only Godly, Worthwhile, or Legitimate Calling In Life
(Link): When Mormonism Sounds Like Gender Complementarian Christianity – Also: Man Shortage in Mormonism Just Like Christianity
(Link): The Bible Does Not Teach Christians to “Focus On The Family” – The Idolization of Family by American Christians (article)
(Link): Response to the Hemingway Editorial ‘Fecundophobia’ – conservatives and Christians continue to idolize children, marriage – which is unbiblical
(Link): Christian Gender Complementarian Group Teaching That There Will Be Marriage in Afterlife and That Women Must Submit To Males in Heaven (post at Spiritual Sounding Board)