She married this guy, why, exactly?

She married this guy, why, exactly?

I don’t get it. You obviously weren’t in love but walked into a marriage anyway?

I think one reason of several I am still single at my age despite wanting to be married is that (up until recently) I took marriage damn serious. I never would have done what this lady did.

    Dear Carolyn:

    I have been unhappy in my marriage for a long time. So long, in fact, that it started long before it became a marriage.

    I always had an excuse for putting off ending the relationship. In the beginning it was, “I’ll wait until after the summer”; “Okay, now I’ll wait until after the holidays”. . . etc., etc., etc. Never happened.

    Then it was, “I can’t do it now, the wedding is already being planned; I can’t disappoint family and friends.” Eight years, two children and a major home renovation later, we are still married.

    He is aware that I am not happy, but I’m sure he does not believe I would ever actually leave. Our kids are amazing — I don’t regret anything because I can’t imagine my life without being mom to these two children, who are 2 and 5.

    We recently renovated and now live in our dream home, in which he put a lot of blood, sweat and tears.

    We have done some counseling, however, I feel I am at a point where I am not interested in fixing the marriage and trying to stay together. I know I don’t want to be married to him anymore but, logistically, I don’t know how I would act on this.

    I worry about the effect on our kids — although I can’t imagine the constant tension and almost daily bitter, nasty arguments in front of them are having any positive impact. We all love our house, neighborhood, etc., and I do not want to lose it and have to move into an apartment. We are also in a great school district, where my eldest child just started kindergarten.

    I work part time and don’t make enough money to live on my own.

    These are the things that are keeping me from taking action.

    How do people do this? The logistics of going through a divorce seem like enough to make one stay in a miserable marriage.

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