Lone Voice in The Wilderness: Lady Advises Christian Adult Singles to Mate Hunt in Church – and a few critiques of her page
The following comes from a page entitled,
(Link): Dating Comeback: Meeting Singles in Church by Lori Bizzoco
I’m sure this lady means well, and I don’t mean to sound too hard on her, but there were a few parts of her page I did not agree with or thought were a little naive.
Here is one part that had me laughing (see my explanation below for why I find this funny – or naive):
- Dating Comeback: Meeting Singles in Church
Sunday isn’t the only day when you have the opportunity to meet someone.
Religious affiliations all across the country host organized activities for single people during the week. Most host single mixers, parties, and dances and there are usually support groups for widowed or divorced Christians as well.
Branch out by looking beyond Sunday to meet other singles. If you’re unsure what’s being offered in your area, look in the weekly Church bulletins or give your local Parish a call.
She must be joking.
There may be some churches in some part of America that do hold adult singles functions, but there are not many.
Based on my personal experience, the blog pages for and by Christian singles I’ve read, and books about Christian adult singlehood, most churches have absolutely no ministries or classes for adult singles over 30 at all, or the ones they have consist of one or two adult singles.
I remember reading one account in a book or blog post by and for Christian adult singles about a large American city, Washington DC, perhaps it was, that has one of the largest numbers of singles who are over age 30.
Despite the fact this city has a huge number of adult singles, all the churches in the area, save one, have zero adult singles ministries. All the churches in the area advise adult singles to attend the one church that has an adults singles ministry.
The one church in the city that does have an adults singles ministries has, if I recall correctly, about 150 – 200 members in total.
Considering all other churches in America have zero to only a paltry number of adult singles over 30, that may sound like a huge number, but I think as the author pointed out, in a city of 678 trillion, over-age-30 adult, Christian singles, 200, in that context, is still a drop in the bucket. And I agree.
I think the author was wondering aloud, in a city that has so many Christian singles, should that one church that has an adult singles class not be jam packed with 345 million adults, instead of a smattering of 200? I wonder about that too.
Even in churches that may have 5 to 10 over- age- 30 adult singles, the churches rarely to ever host adult singles functions, nor do they budget money for adult singles classes and get-togethers.
Churches today prefer to toss all money to paying staff salaries (say (Link): hello to preachers who live in 16,000 sq ft houses (built using church money, apparently) or who (Link): use church-bought jets for 200 mile trips).
Or, churches prefer to throw all or most money at married couples activities and classes, and child-based activities or classes.
Still many churches harbor a false view that hosting singles ministries or events, especially with the goal of singles getting married, will lead to a “meat market mentality.”
So they opt to do nothing instead – either no class or social events at all, or only Bible studies for singles, as in no actions to actually help singles meet and marry such as dinners and dances and so forth.
She goes on to write:
- Additional Opportunities:
Another way to meet people at Church is by volunteering your time to be a youth group leader, whether it be teaching the bible or just working with the children on projects.
You could meet other singles who are participating in these activities or you may meet a divorced or widowed single parent.
I don’t think so.
I do not “hate” children, but I do not like them and do not enjoy being around them.
I did not even like kids when I was a kid.
She also writes,
- If you are looking to volunteer your time for a longer period, missions are a great way to become involved in the Christian organization.
Many congregations look for volunteers to travel to other countries to help the poor, homeless or sick. Working together closely with other volunteers on the trip could initiate a spark.
Nope. I am an introvert who has no interest in leaving the USA, not even for vacation.
And she says it “may” spark interest. No guarantee.
Why waste so many months of your time, in possibly a region of the world where you can get the creeping crud disease from a mosquito, or kidnapped by mercenaries who kidnap Americans for ransom for only a possibility? No thank you.
By the way, how is an adult single supposed to afford X months off of work to go jet setting to some foreign nation on a missions trip? Who could afford that?
How many employers would generously give you 3 to 6 months off to do a missions trip, or even a month?
She also writes,
- The most important thing you can do is to attend Church for the sake of God.
There’s nothing more attractive to another Christian churchgoer than a person who is committed to their religion.
God works in mysterious ways and when you least expect it, He could bring a new partner into your life.
If that were true, one would think local churches would be filled to the rafters with Christian single adult males from ages 30 – 50, but they are no where in sight.
I sometimes roll my eyes when I’m on a forum or blog and I see an older, adult single male bemoan, “Woe is me, where are the Christian ladies?”
If Christian men were that serious about wanting or finding a “God fearing” wife, they’d be planting their asses in a local church on a Sunday morn, evening, or Wed evening service, but I saw very few at churches I attended, and I’ve heard so many Christian women 30 to 50 say the same thing.
Then there are reports online about how the age 30 and on up single males worm their way into 20 something church classes to hit on 20 year old girls (and get their butts kicked out of those churches as a result because most 20 something women are icked out by older dudes hitting on them).
If you’re a single man, over 30, especially over 40, and you really want marriage, your chances of getting a wife increase if you seek out the women closer to your age.
Seriously, older (as in over age 30, 40, I do not mean “elderly”) dudes are such an endangered species to women over 30 and especially 35, you would get tons of dates in a heartbeat if you are an older male and you’d start seeking out the late 30s and 40 something women on dating sites and churches. You would have your pick of the litter.
Yes, I sometimes get hit on by dudes of all ages on dating sites, including 20 something guys, but mostly dudes in my own age range (mid 30 to mid 40) are no where to be seen.
I would assume most of these male idiots of my age group are chasing after the vapid 21 year olds named Amber, Tiffany, Brittany, Bethany, and Bambi – whom all the other males of all other ages are also chasing after.
Every man on the planet, from ages 15 to 93, is chasing after the 20 year old girl, and the vast majority of 20 year old girls want the hot and hunky 20 to 25 year old guy, not you with your beer gut and receding hair line, I don’t care how sporty your car is, or how big your 401k is.
I find the whole premise of the lady’s article rather strange.
She seems to be advocating that single adults look for a partner in a church, which is how I was raised to believe by my Christian parents, but which 99% of other Christians today think is sinful, wrong, and selfish.
How interesting that she is one of the few voices I’ve seen online encouraging Christian singles to look for a mate within a church, as most other Christians today feel that is “improper” including some “holier than thou, super spiritual” type Christian singles, the ones who like to say “Jesus is my boyfriend, and church should only be about singing praise songs.”
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