More Snarky Virgin- and Celibate- Shaming, Courtesy the “The anti-purity movement” Facebook Group and the blog page “My Secondary Virginity” – also: A Proud Slut Parody
✸ Notice: this post contains some adult, racy, salty language – and some raunchy, sexual content ✸
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Link to the Facebook group:
(Link): The anti-purity movement
I do see one or two articles on the group I think I would probably agree with (just by going title alone, I have not read the pages), such as:
- (Link): How Rigid Gender Expectations Harm Our Daughters And Sons
(Link): Is Purity Culture Oppressive to a Woman’s Sexuality?
Excerpts:
- But I need to ask, “Is it the purity culture that is to blame? Or is it the purity message?” A culture contains fallen humans and so any “culture” can become oppressive.
I need to know if it is the purity message itself that is causing the harm. I want to address the factors that I think are causing the pain, but also look at the alternative.
If we throw away purity culture, what will take its place and will the alternative be any better?
The person behind that group (the Anti Purity Facebook group) links to something on their Facebook group called:
“No Shame Movement” (noshamemovement), whose tag line is, “No Shame Movement functions as a platform to share stories of unlearning purity culture.”
I counter that with:
(Link): Sometimes Shame Guilt and Hurt Feelings Over Sexual Sins Is a Good Thing – but – Emergents, Liberals Who Are Into Virgin and Celibate Shaming
Here is a page that satirizes the idea of virginity until marriage – the person at the “The anti-purity movement” Facebook group is very fond of this page; the group owner said ((Link): source),
- This is the best, snarkiest, most perfect post about “second virginity”, and the author wins the internet with it. Absolute perfection.
The page starts out ridiculing “secondary” virginity (which I’ve written about a few times on my own blog, such as (Link): this post and (Link): this post and a few others), in which they might have had a legitimate basis for critiquing, but, their opening salvo can also be applied to actual virgins – so I have to give them a big “fail” on the parts that can apply equally to true virginity.
So, here is a link to that page (below this is my Proud Slut Parody):
(Link): My Secondary Virginity by Cliff Pervocracy
Some excerpts:
- My Secondary Virginity.
by Cliff Pervocracy
My name is Holly, and I’m a secondary virgin. I’ve been a virgin for… two weeks now. Or three days depending what you count. I was a secondary virgin before that too, but I lost my virginity for a couple hours, and now, like Aphrodite, I have bathed in the sea and become a virgin again.
Secondary virginity is really the best kind, because it comes without the whole inexperience and physical unreadiness thing. When I give my secondary virginity to my future husband, it’ll be bundled with an impressive skillset.
But the really special thing about secondary virginity is how alone I get to be. Until my future husband comes along, I get to end every night all by myself in a twin-size bed, staring up at the ceiling blankly until sleep comes.
I get to not date any guys who might have, you know, expectations, and that means so much less dating in general. I get to live without the feel and smell of warm skin.
I’ve never had more time for my jewelry projects. I’m making a citrine pendant.
All the cool ladies are virgins. Danielle Staub, whoever that is, is a secondary virgin!
Even though she has two kids! That’s so totally meaningful! She’s not having sex until she gets married, but don’t think she’s some husband-hunter, because get this: she believes the right one will just come to her!
I wish I could be that strong, but unfortunately, I’m attracted to men!
Secondary virginity is not like just deciding not to have sex for a while. Because that would be a personal decision, and you wouldn’t get to judge people who made other personal decisions.
People who don’t have sex are just people, but secondary virgins are better people. They don’t make mistakes. I know it’s very important not to make mistakes, so I don’t do anything with risks.
That’s why I don’t leave my house. But then I heard that most accidents occur in the home, so now I live in the carport.
Did you know that a woman is like a candy bar? Not just because it’s an inanimate object you can buy, but because a candy bar can only be unwrapped once!
After that it’s filthy and no one wants it. But with secondary virginity, you can rewrap the candy bar! A rewrapped candy bar is still kinda gross but at least someone tried.
… In conclusion, secondary virginity is way better than adventure and exploration and multiple screaming sweaty delicious orgasms because [remember to figure out a reason before hitting “publish”]
Oh stop it you! You’re making my sides split from laughter. <– sarcasm
Let me try my hand at this (and Warning: it is raunchy):
Proud Slut Parody – I have Chlamydia and Genital Crabs Hear Me Roar
- My name is Cathy “The Clap” Chlamydia (some of my friends call me “crabs” for a nickname).
I’m not only not a secondary virgin, but I lost my first time virginity when I was 14 years old to my boyfriend Gary Gonorrhea in a mucky bathroom stall at a local Dairy Queen on a Friday night.
And I have been losing my virginity ever since, with a string of men, mostly men whose faces are a blur, because there have been so many, and some while I was sh-t-faced, falling down drunk.
I have bathed and bathed, but nothing stops the “itching” down there, or the scabbing, and the crabs. The doctor did tell me it wouldn’t help, but darn it, I keep trying anyway!
When I give my future husband (or should I say husbandS because I’ll probably be divorced numerous times over my life) my HIV, crabs, and other sexually transmitted infections, I hope that is gift enough.
I hope my future dream boat of a husband doesn’t expect me to get him anything else, or pick up a hobby, like jewelry-making, so I can give him a hand-crafted pendant.
One of the scary things about taking such pride in being a total slut is that if I do ever get married I may drive my future “Mr. Crabs” away by comparing him to every dude I ever had …
What if Mr. Crabs can’t bring me to multiple orgasms, such as my last flame, Steve Syphilis did, and I keep throwing this fact in his face at every opportunity?
Or what if I seethe in quiet resentment and fume and fume because Mr. Crabs isn’t as hot between the sheets as Steve Syphilis was??
I guess I will need to screw my future Mr. Crabs before marriage, and take him for a “test drive” to make sure he and I are sexually compatible.
If I am in love with him, and he’s an otherwise great guy, I’m still kicking him to the curb if he does not please me in the sack.
I’ve had many one night stands and tried getting one or two long term relationships going by trying Tinder, Adult Friend Finder, OKCupid!, and gazing long-fully and knowingly at long-haired bass players and drummers I see taking breaks between sets across the smoky rooms in bars, but I’ve not found the right one yet. I keep hoping though!
Maybe I should go to bars where the olds hang out and try my luck with balding, chunky, 54 year old men. Surely one of them would want me? Especially if I give them a blow job in the men’s room? I can’t stand the thought of being alone. All my value comes from sex and being with a man.
I am so totally not uptight and prudish like virgins or secondary virgins, after all!
I am a feminist, I am a risk taker, I love unbridled, guilt- free and vaginal sex with more men than the members of an NFL football team (all at one time or spaced out in a year, either way).
By the way, my friend Heather Herpes? Not only does she do all the players on the college football team at once – I mean “penetration,” but, she also gives them all blow jobs.
Between you and me, I think Heather is a slut for that.
I know, I know, when I screw around, I don’t want people judging me for it, even if I do every member of the football team, but if another woman does my routine plus one, she is a slut! (Also, women who have anal sex are total sluts.)
And hot damn if I do not expect American tax payers to pay for my birth control and medical treatment for my sexually transmitted infections too! I believe in choice – the “choice” of the American tax payer to pay for my sexual choices. If they don’t agree, they are total slut shamers and women haters!!1111!!!!
I am totally against slut shaming but love virgin shaming and celibate shaming and ridiculing asexual people who have no interest in having sex or romantic relationships … holding double standards has never gotten in my way.
I’ve already had several abortions over my life. Two were late-termers by Gosnell. I got to watch as he snipped the spinal cords of my still living, breathing, squirming, third tri-mester babies with scissors (Link).
Yay feminism! My body, my choice, stay out of my vagina Christian Republicans, but Dr. Gosnell, you are welcome in my vagina with your scissors any time you want, snip snip! ha ha!
You know, proud sluts like me are just people.
Choosing to have sex with anyone and everyone with absolutely no sense of shame, regret, or sense of consequences is just a personal choice. Even if it means I give my crabs to Mr. Jones, who passes them along to his wife, Mrs Jones.
And it’s not like I sit around on blogs mocking people who choose not to have sex before marriage. It’s not like proud sluts such as myself are ever judgmental against folks who have different sexual morals than myself, including virgins, asexuals, or celibates.
I’m glad I never sold my old 1970s Chevy, that I bought a few years ago, that sits in the carport. It’s so huge in the back seat, I can have sex with four guys at once, and comfortably, not like in those tiny, compact, economical Japanese cars, no sir.
In conclusion, being a proud slut who revels in her sluttiness and genital warts is just so much better than having orgasms with numerous sweaty, smelly men whose names I can’t even recall – and the ones who I just met, wino guys who I banged in the alley outside a bar – because I get to sit in un-justifiable, snotty, arrogant, pious judgement of, and mock people, who do wait until marriage to have sex.
Plus, the doctor said he thinks the new cream might help stop all the itching “down there.” Isn’t life awesome??
I also think my BFF just bought me a tiny coat hanger pendant (Link) so I can commemorate the new abortion I’m getting next week (have no idea who the baby daddy is because I screwed 143 different men at the time I conceived), and I am so excited about that abortion and getting that pendant!
I am starting to wonder if intelligence comes with proud slut-ivity.
I’m not sure, but I think for every dude I’ve ever boinked (plus the two women in sophomore year I did – experimentation! And if you don’t like it, you are a h8r and a homophobe) takes off, like, another 10 points off my I.Q., for each one.
Let’s see, 874 men + two women in college times 10 equals … a lot. So let’s see, my I.Q. minus a lot equals… well, it can’t be very much left.
I’m surprised I have enough IQ left, and that the STIs inflaming my brain, leave me with enough sense to tie my shoes each morning.
I mean, someone yesterday was talking about a word called “abstinence,” and I’ve heard the words “masturbation,” “self discipline,” “will power” and “delayed self gratification,” but I have no idea what those big words mean!
Now excuse me while I go scratch my inflamed, itchy, scaly vajayjay (Link).
P.S. You can find me, Cathy “The Clap” Chlamydia, on the Herpes Dating site and even on sites such as OKCupid, where I neglect to mention I have Herpes.
When you get Herpes and genital crabs from me, it will be a surprise and a nice reminder of our one night stand together!!111!!!!11! (Link about that Herpes Dating Site).
~ Fin ~
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Related posts this blog:
(Link): Inconsistency on Feminist Site – Choices Have Consequences
Christian Pundit 
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