Testosterone-Deficient Gamma Male Whines About the ‘Friend Zone’ (post from The Other McCain)
I have blogged on this before: Men who complain they cannot get girlfriends and yet, they say, they are so darn “nice.”
I’ve also noticed, like the author of The Other McCain blog, that quite often, many men are unrealistic about women, or the kind of women they can hope to attract:
A fat, ugly, stupid, impoverished man, who is a “one” or “two” on a scale of desirability of 1 to 10 (with one being loser and ten being a winner), will keep seeking out women to date who are above a “5.”
Such men will go after 9’s and 10’s, even.
Such entitled ugly, stupid, and poor men do not seem to realize they are doomed to live life alone unless they lower their expectations.
If you are a 46 year old, 500 pound, bald, toothless man, guess what? A woman who is 24 years old, with big boobs, a tiny waist, and of super model good looks, is NOT going to sleep with you, date you, or marry you.
Accept the reality and start seeking out women on YOUR LEVEL: other 46 year olds who are chunky and missing teeth. Then and only then you might start hitting it off with the ladies.
Here’s the post:
(Link): Testosterone-Deficient Gamma Male Whines About the ‘Friend Zone’ (post from The Other McCain)
- Chris Tognotti offers a lesson in Darwinian selection by the obverse example of
How to Fail:
Why Don’t Women Like Me Back?
Excerpts -McCain starts off quoting Tognotti:
- Hello. My name is Christopher Tognotti, and I’m no good with women.
This is a slight generalization, perhaps, but that’s how it feels.
Whether I’ve been bright-eyed or gloomy, fat or slender, young(er) or old(er), the ladies have never seemed to love me quite as much as I love them. My days as a fit gym employee involved no more fulfilled loves than my days now as a portly writer.
Let me lay it on the line: At nearly 28 years old, I’ve never been in a proper relationship. Even further — I’ve never actually been on a date with anyone I felt a real flare of passion for.
- OK, here’s your first big clue: Tognotti’s complaint is not that he gets zero action, but rather that he can’t get any action from girls he actually finds attractive.
His problem, therefore, is that he imagines himself entitled to be with good-looking women, rather than being forced to make do with the ordinary-looking women who are actually interested in him.
Continuing, quoting Tognotti:
- “Local heterosexual white man dissatisfied with love life.” I know, some headlines aren’t as grabbing as others.
There is at least one way in which I’m not dissatisfied however: my own ability to weather life and love’s disappointments, and to never blame the women who reject me in the process.
Perhaps you’ve heard this story before, of a self-proclaimed “nice guy” who feels miffed by the romantic inattention of a close female friend.
But assumptions that the alleged “nice guy” may be making — feeling aggrieved, maybe even angry, that she couldn’t be more open-minded, or see how great a couple they’d be — fall perilously short of anything describable as “nice.”
- At least you acknowledge this problem. Too many “nice guy” types fail to acknowledge the element of envious selfishness in their resentments of romantically successful men.
Where I do disagree with McCain is where he chides Tognotti for feeling grateful for having female platonic friendships.
After copying that Tognotti says he is grateful to be platonic friends with women, McCain gets rather harsh and says,
- This need you feel to be “true to your heart,” much like your pathetic gratitude for mere friendship from females, is almost certainly symptomatic of a testosterone deficiency.
I don’t think it’s “pathetic” for an unmarried man to feel gratitude for having friends, whether they are male or female.
Christians are told to remain celibate if they are single, and in a culture that sexualizes every relationship, one can get very lonely if one is a Christian, single, celibate adult.
Single, celibate adults can get very lonely, especially as they age and their blood relations start dying off, and churches SUCK at incorporating singles… married Christian couples as a general rule, ignore adult singles.
Married couples, including ones from churches, do not befriend adult singles or invite them over for dinners or out to movies; they often go without compansionship. So McCain can take a long walk off a short pier on that criticism.
I won’t belabor further, here only to point you to these former posts of mine:
- (Link): How the Sexual Revolution Ruined Friendship – Also: If Christians Truly Believed in Celibacy and Virginity, they would stop adhering to certain sexual and gender stereotypes that work against both
The following post addresses in part that Christians teach that males and females cannot be platonic friends, which stigmatizes celibate, unmarried adults:
(Link): Christian Stereotypes About Female Sexuality : All Unmarried Women Are Supposedly Hyper Sexed Harlots – But All Married Ones are Supposedly Frigid or Totally Uninterested in Sex
McCain then goes on to tell the guy -and this is something I do in fact agree with-
- Let me cut to the heart of your problem, Chris: You’re overestimating your range.
Suppose a guy’s overall attractiveness — including all possible factors, including income, personality, etc. — is 5 on a scale of 10.
As a general rule, a 5 male’s romantic prospects are seldom going to include women who would rank as high as an 8.
The best such a guy can realistically hope for is to catch a 7 in a vulnerable moment and if he doesn’t want to be hopelessly lonely while waiting for that lucky shot to come along, Mr. 5 would be wise to seek companionship among females ranking 5 or below.
The very nature of Chris Tognotti’s “nice guy” complaint tells you that he’s not playing that way.
When Tognotti says he will “always be a romantic,” what he means is that he will keep hanging around good-looking women who are entirely out of his range, hoping someday to fulfill his unrealistic fantasy that they will reciprocate his interest.
The problem is not their superficiality, but his.
He’s basically a stalker, a romantic voyeur, dishonestly using the “friend zone” as an excuse to get close to women in a non-sexual context, secretly hoping that he can then exploit this proximity to convert a girl friend into a girlfriend. …
I encourage you to read his entire post.
(Link): Nice Guys Aren’t So Nice After All: Men in the “Friend Zone” Often Have A Hidden Agenda, Say Psychologists (Daily Mail article)