The Chump Lady Blog – covers some of the same ground this blog does
I’ve so far only skimmed about two posts at the “Chump Lady” blog, but from what I did see, it sort of reminds me of mine.
As I’ve not read the entire blog, I cannot say if I agree with all the views expressed at the blog.
The woman who owns the blog says her father was a Methodist minister, but like my blog as of late, you will find the occasional “F” word on her blog and other profanities, so be aware of that if you are a delicate flower Christian who blushes easily at naughty words – but don’t let that deter you from her blog.
The blog mostly doles out advice to married people who have been cheated on by their spouses.
Even if you are a never married Christian, I think you can learn from some of this blog, especially if you are dating.
As far as the “Jesus Cheaters” (Christians who have extra marital affairs) page below, you’ll note the number of Christian husbands (and one or two wives mentioned) who cheated on their spouse, which betrays the Christian propaganda that “married sex is so mind blowing, it will keep you faithful to your spouse.”
Please note also comments by one woman whose husband cheated on her, shows no remorse, continues to play the part of pious Christian, and she says,
- A true Christian would feel consumed with guilt, would be working on repentance, and would be trying to make amends. Hypocrisy is his middle name….
Yeah, see, that is one of my points: I am alarmed to see the number of Christians arguing against fidelity, virginity, and chastity, because, they argue, to keep harping on those topics makes the self-professing Christian fornicators and adulterers feel guilty, ashamed, and bad about themselves.
Well, good! If you sleep around outside of marriage (I am including pre-marital sex in this), and you do not feel any shame or remorse, there is something wrong with you. I wrote a little about this topic previously, here:
- (Link): Sometimes Shame Guilt and Hurt Feelings Over Sexual Sins Is a Good Thing – but – Emergents, Liberals Who Are Into Virgin and Celibate Shaming
Here’s the home page:
(Link): Chump Lady Blog
Posts of particular interest at that blog:
If you are in a relationship and being cheated on, I recommend this page:
(Link): The Unified Theory of Cake
Note (sadly), especially in the comments on this page, the sheer, staggering number of Christians who say they were cheated on by their Christian spouse – some also say after they dumped their cheating spouse their churches shunned them:
(Link): Jesus Cheaters in the News
- Now I know folks are going to bring up the failings of cheaters on the left, odious narcissists as well, undoubtably. But there is something unique about the Jesus cheaters, who not only use religion and “family values” as short-hand for “I’m an honorable person, elect me!”, but then use their religiosity to beat up on anyone would disagree with them. What’s more narcissistic than assuming you’re the word of God and he speaks directly to you?
Still more disgusting is the way these men (sorry, I’ve yet to see a woman cheater publicly outed this way) assume that their wives are sticking with them. Give us time while “we” work through this! Suddenly it’s a “we” problem. Of course it is. Chumpy wives, pastor or political, are still of use to their narcissists.
A reader left a comment on that page which reads,
- by Lisah April 9, 2014 at 5:16 am
I am new here. My stbx [soon to be ex] is a classic “Jesus cheater”.
After supporting him through 7 years of education to become a minister he dumped me 6 weeks into his new career.
He left me homeless and terribly emotionally crippled in a strange city with no rights to the house we lived in at the time.
Oh yes, his “justafriend” is a Minister too! And her family was torn apart for their tru luv as well. Did the church Do anything??? No…
More reader comments from that page:
- by Carol April 9, 2014 at 8:30 am
One of the worst cheating stories I’ve ever heard was about an Episcopal priest. Cheated with a parishioner who he was counseling, lied to everyone about it, divorced his wife after the mistress divorced also, and married her.
She wore a white bridal gown and they were married by the Bishop. Meanwhile, his wife lost their home to foreclosure. This low life was allowed to remain a priest.
by Kara April 8, 2014 at 8:26 am
Where’s God and His lightning bolts when you need them?
I’ve asked that question many, many times. I spoke to my priest about my husband cheating. Any of you folks would like to wager a guess of what he told me ?
I’m responsible ! If I was there for him he wouldn’t have to cheat. What the f*ck???
I really don’t know where my faith went … out the window!
Then I discovered :- my priest has a mistress!!!
Heard the rumors, never believed it until I SAW him.
Where are the honest people???
by Carol April 8, 2014 at 8:44 am
My ex-husband was a Zen Cheater. He was so into Zen Buddism. He was always reading a book about lovingkindness. He had a huge reputation for being “centered.”
He carried spiders out of the house on newspaper, rather than killing them. He was vegetarian and wouldn’t wear or use leather.
But, he couldn’t manage to show me, the woman who adored him, any consideration that resembled that which he showed animals and strangers. I will never understand it.
by Full-Steam-Ahead April 8, 2014 at 8:50 am
As an evangelical pastor (and chump), I got a front-row seat in the blame-the-chump and you’re-less-than-if-you-don’t-reconcile religious game.
In fact, I had to go through a denominational trial in order to keep my minister’s license because my ex cheated on me and abandoned me (i.e. left and divorced me). It was replete with affidavits and roughly 3 hour long deposition with three other pastors interviewing me. Fun, fun.
Add to all of this my ex’s counselors and parents trying to lecture me on how I should live my life in making a righteous marriage all the while their daughter or “friend” is screwing around with men she met at bars.
Making it even richer: my cheating ex is a marriage and family counselor who literally relaunched her private practice billed as a CHRISTIAN counseling practice (she bolded this on her new website) as she continued to commit adultery and to lie to me about it.
I had to just shake my head at how life can be so much stranger than fiction.
Like the Pharisees and Teachers of the Law in Jesus’ day, the worse offenders and ones Jesus rebuked the harshest are usually found within the “church” walls.
by Louise April 8, 2014 at 9:00 am
The OW [Other Woman] was a big time “Christian”. She left the chuch because it allowed gay priests and didn’t condemn abortion. She wore her religion like cheap perfume.
My partner and I were never religious, for me ,in large part because I was raised by a poor me religious fanatic mother, who to this day uses her religion to show everyone how special she is.
These life experiences have left me so jaded about religion. It just seems to be used as a cover or an excuse for bad behavior.
What pisses me off even more is how these cheaters are so quickly welcomed back into the fold.
Off to rehab you go and all of a sudden-poof-you are magically transformed.
Now, the OW [Other Woman] has launched an anti-choice campaign and has been welcomed into the Catholic Church. I was at a recent function where a lay Catholic minister(whatever in the fuck that means) lit into me about what a great person she is and how I’ve ruined her reputation. Funny, I thought she did that all by herself.
Although I have the gift of time, which has helped me heal, what happened to me and my kids was also very public and we still bear the scars of that awful time.
I know this sounds crazy, but I was almost as pissed off about who he f-cked as I was about the fact he f-cked her-a sanctimonious hypocrite who uses Jesus as her wingman.
by jinx April 8, 2014 at 9:01 am
My stbx came from a family of super uptight religious folk. His dad was a minister and a huge adulterer.
If these folks were my only representation of what and who Christians are, I would be extremely jaded. For those who have no understanding of who Christ is it looks very bad.
Churches in a lot of instances have become the new place to hook up for those people that are too old for the club. Same behavior but different venue.
How bad is it, I know of several instances where the women purposely sit in the front row without underpants, flashing the men in the pulpit.
It’s so embarrassing to hear the pastor or the elders have to address something as basic as proper church attire. Also the church elders, deacons, pastors, you name it, have to surround themselves from being approached alone by desperate women.
There are church leaders who also take advantage of their flock as well and manipulate those that are new, weak, etc in the faith.
All this being said it’s extremely disheartening when any of our leaders cheat regardless of their profession.
Manipulators, cheaters will use whatever they can at their disposal -teachers, lawyers, doctors, presidents, and even pastors.
Evil comes in all shapes and professions, so for me being a so called religious leader is no different. In the end I’m still responsible for my relationship with Christ.
by Nancy April 8, 2014 at 9:47 am
This makes me sick. My dad is a totally narcissist and he uses my mother’s strong religious faith against her. This is the most cruel narcissistic move you can do.
Make your spouse go against their own strong beliefs.
If you make a promise to God (a vow) that you will stay, what does that say about YOU if you leave? Sort of traps the wife in the sense that if she leaves him, she is failing in her beliefs. It’s a head f-ck.
My personal favorite narcissistic politician clergy story is former governer of NJ Jim McGreevey. Cheated on his wife with a man, was found out, and then became a priest.
by kb April 8, 2014 at 10:15 am
In a lot of ways, my STBX is more overtly religious than I am. He is very into Buddhism, and has studied with some of the teachers here in our area. He is also a Mason, and Masons have to profess belief in a deity in order to be a Mason.
Masonry is supposed to help good men become better. A lot of the “degree work” involves moral lessons.
STBX [Soon to be Ex] got involved with Masonry at about the same time he started fucking OW [the Other Woman]. This leads me into some thoughts on the Jesus Cheater and its non-Christian equivalents.
As I mentioned, STBX is more overtly religious than I am, yet I am more interested in church than he is.
I stopped going some years ago, as he worked so much I wanted to have some time with him, and Sunday mornings gave me that time!
Anyway, he’s the one who’ll bring out the Bible.
When we do go to church, he has to genuflect and cross himself (my church is very easy going on whether or not you genuflect, cross yourself, etc.). These are big, dramatic gestures.
From my perspective, it looks as if he needs to shout to the world that he is a Good Person. Look at me! See how I worship! See how I have a Bible!
At the same time, underneath it all, he knows he’s not a good person, so he has to go to the Masonic meetings, meet with his Buddhist teacher–all activities that are somehow going to cleanse his soul and give him the aura of righteousness for which he longs.
Oh yeah, and OW [the Other Woman]? She’s a Bible-thumper [a Christian].
by TimeHeals April 8, 2014 at 10:21 am
One of the most infamous serial killers in US history, Gary Leon Ridgeway (The Greenriver killer–killed between 48 and 80 women [(Link): view his information on Wikipedia]) , was married several times and frequenting prostitutes while married, and spent a lot of time at work trying to convert his coworkers to fundamentalist Christianity.
The reason nobody knows if he killed the 80 women he now claims (48 have been proven) is that he now brags that he killed “more than Bundy, and that makes me the best at something”, so they’re not sure if it’s just all about putting on a show now that he’s in prison, and that’s something he is prone to doing.
by Nicole April 8, 2014 at 12:39 pm
This post really hit a nerve with me. My Ex is Mr. Super Christian – sending bible verses to our two teen boys (who he chose to leave behind when he moved into his little bachelor pad) and calling them every few days and reading scripture to them on the phone (since he only actually sees them about 1x a week even though he lives 4 miles away).
He ends all his emails to me with scripture verses (in the signature line) even though I have asked him numerous times to please stop as it is hurtful to me (yes…I know that was a mistake…never expose a weakness or it will be used against you).
It just crawls all over me how he can continue this charade.
A true Christian would feel consumed with guilt, would be working on repentance, and would be trying to make amends. Hypocrisy is his middle name….
I think his ongoing hypocritical behavior disgusts me even more than his lying, devious behavior prior to abandoning his family!
by Chumpalicious April 8, 2014 at 12:46 pm
Trust me Nicole, this is going to drive your boys nuts. It’s being done of course, to try to prove to them what a good guy he is in spite of what he’s done, but it doesn’t work that way. The hypocrisy is too much of an obstacle.
Now that my son is out of high school, the ex is trying to come back into his life using Jesus as an angle. He has gone so far as to set up an intervention with members of his men’s group (son was invited and not told what it was about).
Result? My son, who doesn’t smoke, chew, drink, fornicate, do drugs or get in trouble with the law now wants to move to the middle of nowhere in Montana or Colorado where they don’t get cell service so he can get away from his nuisance of a dad.
by McJJ April 8, 2014 at 3:01 pm
Oh oh! I want to play!
After his last (?) affair with the bat sh-t crazy OW [Other Woman] was revealed, she went into overdrive speaking “truth” to everyone, about everything that had gone on.
One of my favorites that she so graciously shared with me:
He has a Masters degree in religion/theology and when we first married, planned on a career in the ministry (Southern Baptist).
Oh, he got hired as an associate, but was never ordained because he insisted they needed to invite him to be ordained, but at this particular small congregation, they insisted that someone must come to the diaconate and announce that they had been “called” and wanted to be ordained.
He was not going to do it their way, so he was never ordained.
Anyway, after many lean years, he went on to secular employment, but has always been deeply involved in the church, and taught a Sunday School class all these years.
So the story. He likes to go to the early service.
Apparently he would slip out to his car between the service and Sunday School and call Bat Sh-t Crazy [his girlfriend], engage in dirty talk, beat off, and text her penis pics. Then pick up his Bible and head to class and pontificate to the little people.
Well, one Sunday she apparently bemoaned the fact that she couldn’t be there to hear him in person, so he left his phone on in his front pocket.
She sent him a long email waxing poetic about how brilliant he was, and how much she enjoyed hearing him talk.
He admitted that it happened, but it “was an accident, he accidentally hit the dial button and left his phone in his front shirt pocket”.
After he was busted she wrote the minister of the church, detailing Mr. Cheaterpants many sins, including the shared pocket call, but there were no ramifications, other than a brief moment of embarrassment for the cheater.
He was never asked to stop teaching, and the lovely older women all gush over him and wax poetic about what a wonderful person his is.
And of course he agrees!
by GladIt’sOver April 8, 2014 at 3:45 pm
Lately I’ve been finding it harder to believe as I once did. I see my ex walking around this earth breathing and healthy, while good people like Chump Son are cut down in their prime. I see so many bad people who are living a great life, while so many good people struggle just to make it through each day.
My ex is another one who uses Jesus as a prop. He loves to spout about what a good Christian he is, how he loves God and Jesus, how blessed he is, how he is here on a mission from God, how wonderful every sparkly aspect of his life is thanks to God. He has a lot of people fooled, fans who think he’s just Mr Wonderful. It makes me sick.
by Chump Princess April 8, 2014 at 4:03 pm
Well I believe everyone knows my story – the OW [the Other Woman] IS a minister. She’s also the youth director and apparently gives pre-marital counseling.
There is a current picture of her on the church website where she is strutting down the aisle, singing and praising God.
And the Cheater Turd spent our entire relationship ridiculing and criticizing people who had and practiced Christian beliefs. He now posts religious sayings on his FB page.
I guess when there’s really no there there, you can readily adopt any persona that fits your current starring role.
Luckily for me, I have a friend who is also a minister, who is a Christian woman of faith and regularly reflects the values in her daily life that they say Christians are to exhibit.
I don’t blame Christianity or any belief for the cherry-picking behaviors of the character disordered who choose to latch on to a title as a means of self-aggrandizement or as a cover behind which to hide.
by ANC April 8, 2014 at 4:35 pm
F-cking sh-t heads. OW [the Other Woman] is a ”child of Christ”. It sooooo annoys me that these hypocrites hide under the banner of GOD.
Seriously. WTF! Yea this pisses me off because she can spew her Christian principals while being married to some other guy and f-cking another married man at the same time. What does the 7th Commandment say again?
The most ironic sh-t she did was send Christian scripture and then in the next msg, a PORN link because ”it made her come”.
by ChutesandLadders April 8, 2014 at 4:44 pm
Duplicity is what it is all about. X and his live-in bimbo attend Catholic Mass every Sunday. Bimbo has written me letters about her “Christian values.”
They bring our son with them on the weekends they have him, in the brand new “big boy” clothes they bought for him especially for Mass.
Then he changes back into the hand-me-downs he has to come home because X is unemployed and can’t afford to pay full child support.
Did I mention the new family is going to Disney World in two weeks? Perfect place to perpetuate their fantasy.
Forgiveness? I don’t see it happening.
by Marcie April 8, 2014 at 6:36 pm
Devout friend of mine met her husband via church. They were involved in youth groups, adult groups, everything. Over the course of a5 year marriage, she is aware of 2 APs [affair partners]. She believes he fathered a child with the 2nd (also married and a congregant) when he started showing pictures of another woman’s newborn baby to people in the meet/greet after the service.
She had to leave her church because she was pressured to maintain the marriage at all costs – her divorcing her husband was a greater sin than his apparently. He was ‘forgiven’ and received all sorts of attention as a prodigal son so to speak.
by Jasper April 9, 2014 at 6:00 am
I was married to a born again Christian. I am not one.
Throughout our 30 year marriage he would say things to my kids like, “When mommy dies she is going to hell because she hasn’t accepted Jesus as her Lord and savior.” Nice talk for a kid to hear.
It got on his nerves that I did not go to church with him. I told him from the get go that my relationship with God was exactly that – MY relationship with God and I tried to live it every day.
During the process of my divorce I remember asking him how he rectified his cheating in light of his religion. He very calmly told me he was using his God-given gift of free will.
I guess if you’re devout God gives you a bye on the Commandments.
BTW, prior to being a minister Bob Coy was a stand up comedian in Florida.
by KarenE April 9, 2014 at 9:36 pm
Ooooh, Salon has a great article on how Vance Jesus-Cheater could take this fuck-up as an opportunity to be a REAL Christian and learn to be an actual better person, not only for himself, but for everybody else too!
But no, I bet he’ll just go on figuring he’s entitled to forgiveness.
Related posts, this blog:
This page has a list of links to news stories about married people who had affairs on each other or who killed each other:
(Link): Marriage Does Not Make People More Loving Mature Godly Ethical Caring or Responsible (One Stop Thread)