Christian Author Writes About Female Masturbation And Fails But Makes One Valid Point
I would ask you to not just read this page hosted on Christianity Today, but to scroll to the bottom and read all the comments on the Christianity Today page:
(Link): The Real Problem With Female Masturbation by Jordan Monge, on “Christianity Today”
Monge is correct that women experience lust and sexual desire, and kudos to him (or her?) for mentioning this, since most Christians are in several denial that women want sex.
But, Monge spends the rest of the editorial making any and all masturbation out to be due to lust and makes it sound like a sin.
Masturbation is not defined as sin, or as pre-martial sex in the Bible, not even in the Old Testament account of Onan.
The sub-heading is:
- Call it [masturbation] what it is: Ladies who lust.
No, masturbation is not always “lust” or motivated by “lust.”
Lust, to me, signifies something more, stronger, or other than normal sexual urges.
Here are a few excerpts from the page:
- … Unfortunately, too often the conversation doesn’t overcome the unhelpful stereotypes about the female sex drive… or lack thereof.
Time and time again, Christian leaders explain that women masturbate because they want to “fill a void” or have “attachment issues.” These emotional generalizations fail to get at the real problem.
… Many conversations about female masturbation—including some here on Her.meneutics—are missing that realization. Women are sometimes actually drawn to masturbation and pornography because they desire sexual pleasure.
Rather than escaping emotional issues, they simply struggle with lust.
In sermons and blog posts, pastors give examples of men committing idolatry by looking at pornography, and women committing idolatry by desiring romance, flagrantly ignoring the number of women who suffer from porn addictions.
Christians remain uncomfortable with the idea of women possessing sexual desire. Even as they talk about the ideal Christian woman being a steamy hot wife willing to fulfill her husband’s every desire by not depriving him once married, we don’t want to imagine the wife’s own libido.
The doublespeak here—that women are supposed to be simultaneously sexually adventurous, available, and willing yet without possessing lust themselves—is an impossible contradiction to embody. It treats sex as a man’s playing field, reinforcing the notion that women should cater to men’s desires without possessing similar desires of their own.
To fully address female masturbation, we don’t need more psychoanalysis about sex that implicitly negates female sexuality.
We need a biblical approach that recognizes both the immense pleasure of the female orgasm and the inherent goodness of sexual desire while reserving its proper place for within marriage.
We need a strategy that recognizes the sin of lust and calls it by its name, rather than pretending that women have no agency beyond reacting to environmental stressors or psychological difficulties. …
….The problem is that there is no good moral outlet for these natural desires before marriage, and our sex-laden society has done a wonderful job of causing most folks, men and women, to stir up and awaken love before it pleases.
Fortunately, men seem to grasp simultaneously that their desires are natural (and in some sense good) while requiring taming and discipline to master. Thus their resources on involve not simply addressing relational issues, but rather on becoming a more Christ-centered, self-controlled person. Take John Piper’s suggested mnemonic ANTHEM:
… Piper is missing (at least in this post) one step that Marlena Graves gets right in her post Getting to the Root of Female Masturbation: In the end, being involved in a Christian community where it’s safe to be struggling is essential. Every man I know who has achieved success in this struggle has been part of a strong accountability group where friends wrestle and pray over this together.
Where the author says,
- The problem is that there is no good moral outlet for these natural desires before marriage
I would argue that masturbation is itself the very “moral outlet” to express those “natural desires before marriage.” Pity that some Christians try to shame other people out of it.
As someone in the comments pointed out,
1. telling singles who have sexual desire to buddy up in Christian community does not derail or entirely remove sexual desire,
2. most churches consist of married couples who ordinarily want nothing to do with adult singles (so that singles remain friendless in many churches), and lastly,
3. what woman would want to sit around talking about masturbating or not masturbating to other women? I don’t even know why Christian males find this a good idea for males.
A gold medal to this author of recognizing that women want sex and enjoy sex, but, geeze, Monge misses the mark by classifying any and all masturbation as being lust and sinful.